b u n b u n n y

so i googled why does matcha make me happy?

yesterday was everything. one of the most calming days. mixed with some wine & intimacy. the level of openness and curiosity was everything i needed. not that i couldn't do without it but once you experience such an exchange you realize you did in fact need it. i had my brain picked in so many ways as if he was making a mental diagram and seeing how everything fits. 

i learned my love language is definitely physical touch not just receiving gifts. his is physical touch as well. i could’ve babied him with affection forever. i could baby him with affection forever. that’s how good he feels both mentally and tangibly. 

i want him to stay. everyone is so fleeting. people are so temporary. especially romantically. sexually. but i would like it if he stood. he kept talking about connections and connecting and bonding and i definitely connected with him intellectually. deeply. when i wasn't able to articulate, he guided me. 

he mentioned a couple times that he hasn’t, in a long time, experienced our level of connection. in my mind i did and still do question it. i think he was being genuine but it’s also so hard for me to believe in something so good. 

the ride home was content despite my hangover. i wanted to hold his hand but he needed the gps. i wanted to tell him.. i think i’ll miss you. i wanted to say “think” on purpose because i knew he’d question it. i like that he questions everything. 

as we were driving he was like ‘you have a bangin ass vibe’. and i was like thank you. but really i was thinking me? i have a bangin ass vibe? he’s the one with all the vibes. 

this whiskey wont save me from this aching heart of mine

used to sip to relax now im needing more than wine

i still sleep in your sweatshirt from time to time

i stole a few on purpose know you’ve always wondered why

so i can feel you near

black, blue, grey, white

black, blue my heart

it aches for you, i

took down our polaroids

but i just cant destroy

them

in case you’re coming back