why are we still here? just to suffer? every day i get emails

Customers who get angry when I read them their total cost are so compelling to me. Take charge of your narrative, Janice. Be the hero of your own story. You are the one who is purchasing $113.67 worth of adult zen coloring books, Janice. It’s not me you hate, Janice. It’s not me.

don’t know why everyone is always worrying about the economy when I just found a perfectly good hair tie on the ground 

I want to be politically informed and educated but I also wanna have a good day and be in a good mood. Do you see my problem?

reblog if youd say yes

like all rich people suck objectively but theres a special place in hell for the ones who subscribe to that uber expensive minimalist bullshit. literally how joyless and peabrained do you have to be to think that blank white and plain chrome hospital-hallway style interior design slaps harder than marbled stone and mahogany chased with extravagant gold leaf detailing and vaulted cielings covered in paintings of cherubs and dieties? if youre not filling your mansion with all the knick-knacks and and trinkets money can buy, or investing in expensive silk ballgowns that you can throw lavish masquerades or run down candelbra-lit hallways along which suits of armor stand silent guard in the dead of the night in then why the fuck even bother having all that money to be honest. if youre rich and you honestly think that a featureless white room with nothing in it but a tv mounted on the wall and a single neutral colored throw pillow on a gray settee like something out of a black mirror nightmare is a better waste of your money than recreating the interior of mr darcy’s derbyshire estate in pride and prejudice (2005) you are weak and will be first in line for the guillotine when the revolution comes.

“THAT’S RIGHT TWAS I that set the house ablaze!!!”