Meet Me Series

Changing environments, a term I rarely use, but one I am more than familiar with, has been a focal point for me over the past few weeks. As someone who has navigated through various work environments ranging from small to large companies, corporate to non-corporate spaces, down to transitioning through various roles within, I would say my work environments have played a huge part in where I am today and what’s next for me.

So let’s talk about that - what is next for me? Well before we can move forward we have to understand what was learned from the past.

Taking it back to my first job out of undergrad, I spent that summer interviewing for 6 different teams within one organization which spanned the course of 3 months before I was actually hired. Obviously that was crazy and it really had nothing to do with me. They were going through a few transitions which was challenging for the hiring process, but I was fresh out of college looking for an in so I definitely held out to the best of my ability. Fortunately for me, that was my first lesson in adaptation. Once hired on the team I was honestly meant to be on (you know the whole everything happens for a reason thing) I took that notion of adaptation and kept it on my radar. Throughout my time at that organization we went through various changes from people, divisions, leadership and even industry. A lot took place in a short time and I had to jump on board and make it work for me.

Fast forward, I’ve run the gamut on just about anything you can imagine within a business structure - startups, mergers, new divisions, new roles, freelancing, starting anew within a corporate structure (an intraprenreur) and starting my own thing (an entrepreneur). I’ve had over a decade of experience observing my environments: what works, what doesn’t work, what fuels me and what definitely does not serve me anymore. It’s safe to assume that I am well versed on this and came to this conclusion recently when I was asked to speak on a college alumni summit for New York On Tech. The topic was imposter syndrome, code switching and changing environments. Each of these really deserve their own feature, but due to my current status as a freelancer and entrepreneur, my environments have been a huge decision maker in my next steps.

I realized that my adjustment mechanisms of embracing a new environment, you know, the pros and cons it can provide towards my ultimate goal (ie salary/rate, title) are definitely important, but not my only focus anymore. At this stage in the game, being part of a company/brand that literally fuels me is a priority. Being part of a company culture that encourages creativity, cultivation, collaboration and change provides me with hope. Understanding that I get to decide the type of work culture I interact with everyday and its impact has been a crucial revelation for me.

Has it been easy finding that? Of course not, but it’s not impossible and that is where hope and manifestation comes in. I’ve been working this adaptation angle forever and I’ve acquired a lot of tools to help carry me forward so I need them to carry me towards an environment that I can work with. An environment that will not be perfect (nothing is), but one where there is hope that encourages me to believe and always put my best foot forward within that space or for that particular brand/client.

For those of you that have indulged in the Devil Wears Prada, several times over, do you remember Andy’s (Anne Hathaway character) first few weeks at Vogue?  It was pretty bad and uncomfortable. 

I remember thinking to myself damn being the new girl sucks. Does it always? Absolutely not! I know a few people who’ve had really amazing new hire experiences. However, let’s keep in mind it looks different for everyone depending on the person, organization and even skillset. As some of you may know, I am a full time freelancer/entrepreneur. I left the full time corporate sector (stability, benefits and all) mid last year. I was fortunate to get a pretty steady gig for a few months part time which showed me what it’s like to live the freelance life on a weekly basis. I learned a lot and it was a huge shift industry wise from what I’ve been doing, but the beauty of freelancing is the ability to move onto others projects so I recently parted ways to move onto the next. 

Now I am learning what freelance is like when you have a steady full time gig for a few months which is definitely interesting. I mean high key I’m back in a corporate structure, dealing with major corporate demand and politics. Low key I feel a sense of relief knowing that although the tides could shift me back into that world I still have the choice to move on once my months are up. In theory it’s an interesting gamble of a place to be, but I was open to the opportunity and challenge.

This brings me to what I like to call “new girl blues” a term I think I coined (haven’t heard it before me) to describe the ups and downs of being the new girl (or boy). When I say I am drowning in a luxurious pool believe me. You would think with the amount of jobs and gigs I’ve had I would have perfected the art of being the new girl, but that is sadly not the case. Being the new person just comes with so much emotion and in my opinion it shifts by the hour. I can go from walking in with a positive vibe, sitting in on a meeting with confusion, getting tasked with an assignment and feeling defeated, troubleshooting with different departments and feeling frustrated and the list goes on.  I certainly love a good challenge and I actually get fueled by it, but literally feeling like a fuck up for lack of a better word everyday due to the obvious is not desirable. We know the usual spiel “your new, “it takes time”, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”, “it takes someone 3-6 months shoot even a year to fully grasp a new role and company dynamic” and the list goes on. We know all of this ten times over, but it doesn’t change the feeling.  There is a level of anxiety that comes with being the new girl. There are crazy ass expectations that you set for yourself and there are expectations you think your bosses have set for you that are just not being met while you are in the new girl role which leads us to open Pandora’s box. We start heading into the “am I good enough phase”, “am I crazy or is everyone around me crazy”, “another mistake” or my favorite another early morning and late night just trying to understand it all and where you fit in. Being the newbie can be a hotmess and all the above is my current status. 

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Can we take a moment to talk about imposter syndrome? I know it is a common conversation (or at least it should be). I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks and I know for a fact it partly stems from this “syndrome” for lack of a better word. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are other layers to my emotions the past few weeks, but the feeling of inadequacy is high on the scale. 

I’ve done good in the past with shifting my perspective because at the end of the day it boils down to my belief of myself. However, the past few weeks as things start taking shape and height in my businesses and my personal brand, I am left wondering if I can really handle it all. I am left wondering if I am the right one for the job. I’ve subtly been sabotaging myself again and it is the most frustrating thing in life. I legit just want to cry right now (thats a slight reach, but you get the gist) as I quickly replay scenes of me self-sabotaging myself.  Accolades from others is dope, validation to an extent holds weight...sure, but where is the spot where I give myself accolades and I validate for self? 

Deep down I know where I stand. l know I have whatever life throws at me simply because I’ve always had it. I’ve shown receipts to myself and others that I have it so why is this phase I am going through any different?

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 An evening of word exploration with Hardeep Gill, writer and author of her self-published poetry book, “Him by H”. 

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An intimate conversation with Hardeep Gill, moderated by Ayanna Dutton, founder of Meet Me Series

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A poetry workshop: your turn to add to the notepad

Open forum to share your words to wrap up

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