There’s a Christmas tree in Tommy’s living room. It’s decorated in colorful ornaments, baubles and garlands and a gold star on top. There are multi-colored lights, shimmering gleefully, and it feels almost like they’re mocking him – which is a silly thought, really. But every time he looks at the tree, this symbol of holiday joy, it feels wrong and almost ironic – it feels so out of place in his house.
He’s never had a tree in this house in all the years since he moved in. Hell, he hasn’t had a Christmas tree at all in over three decades . He didn’t even want a tree this year, but somehow he let Evan talk him into it. Or, well, who is he kidding, he saw a tiny hint of disappointment and that smile and enthusiasm dimming when he said he didn’t want a tree, and it almost killed him. So he agreed, and next thing he knew, he was decorating the damn tree in his living room with his boyfriend, and then he had the whole house looking like a set of the most cliche Christmas movie.
And he did it all with a smile on his face, and he desperately wished he wasn’t faking it. But seeing Evan so excited and happy about the holidays when they were decorating the tree, or when they were shopping for gifts – it breaks Tommy’s heart that he couldn’t find it in himself to share it. He didn’t have the heart to tell Evan how the holiday just brings up too many memories, making Tommy feel… mostly empty and numb now. A little sad. And angry. So angry that he can’t find joy in it again.
“Hey, you okay?” Evan’s voice breaks him out of his thoughts, as he looks up at him, his chin resting on Tommy’s pec. It’s a lazy Saturday morning, they’re both off shift, and they decided to have breakfast and coffee in the living room, which, predictably, turned into snuggling on the couch.
“Hm?” Tommy takes his eyes off the tree and looks at his adorable boyfriend. “Yeah, no, I’m fine, sweetheart.”
“You sure? You’ve been kinda distracted lately. And you’re staring at that Christmas tree like it personally offended you, and it’s some of my finest work, so hey,” he teases, digging a finger into Tommy’s side and getting a startled laugh out of him.
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