Sophomoric

(Inspired by Alabaster Dawn)

It's the end of the world. Demons and ghosts run rampant. The heavens have abandoned them. Barely any of humanity is left, whether a regular person or a cultivator. Lan Wangji is forced to turn to the one person who might be able to help them rebuild - The Yiling Patriarch.

The Yiling Patriarch is a man with a fearsome reputation, and he has been reviled for as long as Lan Wangji has been alive. If the legends are to be believed, he resides in the sealed-off burial mounds with his chosen army of powerful cultivators. It's even rumored that all of these cultivators are the final remnants of the wicked Wen Clan that once brought devastation upon the Four Great Sects.

Lan Wangji is almost terrified to seek him out, because what if the legends are all true? What if he puts what remains of his clan in even worse danger?

But he does. It's- he's- their last hope. He can't give up on it yet.

He travels with the group of remaining Lan's he found after disaster struck (including LQR, LXC, and LJY) to the fabled town of Yiling. It's deserted. Everyone who lived there once is gone, and has been for a while- maybe since the curse first landed upon their world. The dead roam the streets. The houses that remain are decayed or damaged enough to nearly cave in on themselves.

They claw their way through the abandoned city, fighting off the dead and their spirits, until they reach the wrought iron gates that separate the Yiling Burial Mounds from the rest of the cultivation world. The many seals that keep the Yiling Patriarch stuck inside still hold firm, despite the years since they were last reinforced. Lan Wangji is surprised to see them there. He'd thought they would have been destroyed or faded long ago.

He steadies himself and pushes the gate open. It swings open at his touch, as if it were waiting for him. He brushes the thought aside.

The moment the remaining Lans step inside, something feels very different.

The air is lighter, free from the constant stench of decay he's gotten used to since the disaster. It's brighter here, too - an artificial sun sparkles in the sky, golden instead of the darkened red thing it had become. It's like stepping into an alternate plane of existence. He'd always expected the home of the vile Yiling Patriarch to be worse than the world outside, even when he started this journey. He stops in place for a moment, breathing it in as the other Lans file in behind him. It feels like… the world before the disaster.

He gathers himself. He starts up the hill. He's taken by surprise yet again when he finds other people living there, precious few of them cultivators. They seem… happy. They have enough food in their bellies. They have clothes on their backs. They have a community. The stories had gotten Lan Wangji believing that if anyone lived on the burial grounds, it would be an army of powerful cultivators preparing for the day they would one day break free from the seals that kept them imprisoned to rule the cultivation world once again.

This, clearly, couldn't be further from the truth.

A man comes down from the town as they approach. His hands are behind his head, and he's wearing a smile that seems like it might never leave his face. His robes are black and dark red, and his long hair is down. He walks with a swagger.

His smile widens when he sees Lan Wangji. He tilts his head- teasing, smiling, but in a way that feels almost dangerous, as if he's ready to fight at a moment's notice. He asks: "Now, what did I do to deserve this honor?"

He is the Yiling Patriarch.

They've found him, at long last.

Lan Wangji doesn't remember passing out. All he knows is that one moment he's on his feet, and the next he's waking up in a warm bed. The exhaustion from the long journey must have gotten to him.

It takes him far too long to realize the (ever-so-pretty) Yiling Patriarch is in the room, draped across a chair as he waits for him to wake up. He smiles at him when he does get up, his eyes crinkling with mirth. He doesn't give Lan Wangji a moment to recover before he speaks.

"So!" He claps his hands together, snapping Lan Wangji's attention to him. "Your family and I talked while you were out. I can help you out." Lan Wangji's heart skips a beat. Hope spreads its wings in his chest. "It'll take time, but I can do it. And I will!"

"On one condition."

His heart sinks like a stone. Of course. When making a deal with the devil, there's always going to be a price. Why wasn't he more prepared for that? Did he really think the Yiling Patriarch was going to help them out of the goodness of his heart?

"Mn?" He responds.

The Yiling Patriarch grins in the sharp way he does when he doesn't actually expect someone to agree. He levels a finger at Lan Wangji's chest. "You have to marry me."

…Now, that's barely a price at all. "Mn. I will do it."

The Yiling Patriarch freezes in place. "What."

"I will marry you," Lan Wangji clarifies.

"Wait- what? No, that's-"

"What is your name?"

The Yiling Patriarch freezes for a beat too long before he says. "Wei Wuxian? I-"

"Wei Wuxian will be my wife."

[ID: tags from @frankly-alien that read, "#when i was a kid i was a tiny dancer and i can tell u the twink has a secondary job of making sure all the babies make it off the stage when #theyre supposed to #i got lost and too scared to get off ehen the next number started and i got airlifted by that man #dude just picked me up spun me around and then gently deposited me off stage and then told me be about ques #which i didnt understand bc i was four #but still #appreciate him" /end ID]

And there are so many articles and videos and discussions. Like, the scientific community is buzzing about this.

So much research will have to be redone because the data was absolutely compromised, off by orders of magnitude, by using standard lab gloves.

The world is probably not horrifically contaminated by microplastics. Sterile laboratories, however, are contaminated by latex and nitrile gloves.

galadriel's been around since the beginning, like, for pretty much all of middle-earth's history you understand, she has Seen it all and despite what you may have been led to believe is at all times this close to snapping. also the reason lothlorien is so chill is she has this magic ring that makes it so the whole place exists slightly outside normal time

i can't emphasize enough how much of a post-apocalyptic horror story thranduil lives in. homeland destroyed and half his people massacred. has fucken sauron in his backyard and the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light puttering about on his lawn. a dragon lives next door. does NOT have a magic ring and is therefore obliged to rule over his murderforest in normal time

just so we're all on the same page here, legolas' day job before joining the fellowship was to hunt the spawn of the primordial beast that eats light and it's not like, a big deal or anything. he just has to do it. he's used to it.

Winter

Spring

Summer

This is my boldest and most prized contribution to this cursed fandom, as well as my dearest tribute to Tobirama, the best political character ive ever read in fiction, and his anija.

warning - this might not be for people with too heavy leaning on anti-konoha, anti-Hashirama sentiments or ships that's not hashimito or tobirama/konoha, or take the timings and numbers of the databook too seriously.

Hashirama is vaguely hinted to canonically have retired as Shodai years earlier, then married Mito, then lived till 10-20 years after VOTE and died in or before the 2nd War.

Tobirama died first in the 1st War. The scene where he sacrificed himself for his squad happened before the VoTE fight, not after. It's his death that signaled the End.

Hashirama losing his power/ability to lead due to possible depression and keeping a low profile (no one could know how and when the Shinobi God died because village situations, and there were sensors and trackers who could find him) is the reason why he didnt know the motive of the Police Force that Tobirama created, and also struggled with Kurama to the point he needed Mito to LEND him power, when earlier he could beat both Kurama and Madara.

Zetsu made up bullshit about Tobirama burying and letting Madara escape with a clone, based that assumption on Tobirama's reputation of creating weird jutsus involving sacrifices, most likely framing him for his surbodinates' doings, because Tobirama totally never knew Tsunade, possibly never even met Mito and dealt with a jinchuuriki, while Hashirama did both, comparing teenage Sakuras power to Tsunade's.

Zetsu also would not have been near there to know what the senju brothers did because they were both sensors that could detect him. Hashirama was the one who buried Madara.

As Onoki said this summit was to end minor conflicts, it happened right after Konoha was founded, not right before the WW. the 2nd kages looked much younger than in the VOTE/WW era. Hashirama likely had other means, more temporary and less effective, to restrain Kurama at this point (his mokuton and necklace) The databook also never said Hashirama died in which war.

Tsunade and Tobirama had no recollection of each other outside Tsunade only calling him distantly 'nidaime' since part 1 and only 'heard' about the ones who killed him.

meanwhile Hashirama was too familiar with tsunade as she with him, and familiar with the village and people, so that he could recall his memories with it despite just having seen it before he died like weve been told.

He talked like he's been through 2 wars with them.

Our second known grandkid of Hashirama was Nawaki, who was 11 years younger than Tsunade. Unless his first son has multiple children in short years which is pure fanfiction, how would he know Tsunade was his 'first' grandkid and how she would turn out 'in the end' if he died when she was this small.

Also the fact that Hashirama didnt wear Konoha headband in the VOTE fight.

But did wear it when he married Mito. Tsunade was not Mito's grand daughter.

As for how he died, its in battle, probably to a nobody mob while protecting his clan or Mitos clan (both conveniently destroyed or disappeared after hes dead). And by the time they killed him and he let them do that, i doubt they even realized or remembered they killed the First Hokage and God of Shinobi. I mean youd think whoever killed him should have been insanely famous, regardless of his power level at the time.

Tobirama said "my role as Second Hokage was to stand between and meditate between brother and Madara while protecting the village" this raised eyebrows because there would have been no one to stand between if he only became Second after Hashirama died and Madara left (forever). Meaning Hashirama was alive when Tobirama became Second, and it had been like that for a long time.

This is what a japanese fan thought of Tobirama's death

Between the two brothers, it makes more sense for the 'normal' one who invented jutsu that defied the law of nature, including

ninja nuclear bombs,

Summoning the dead and giving them infinite chakra

clones only reserved for monster chakra reserves like Naruto with Kurama in him

and a teleportation jutsu that required 5 people in place of an absolute genius like Minato to do- moderately,

rather than a powerful monster with the same annount of chakra as a bijuu AND sage mode that heals himself, to die earlier out of illness.

This is also why Hashirama would ban Tobiramas jutsu and compiled them into HIS scroll seen in the very first chapter - they likely literally shorten ones life. Hashirama wouldnt want random people to drop dead using them...like his brother.

Some more readings on which Japanese samurai characters that have been Kishimoto's references for the founders.

Oda Nobunaga - Hashirama's first concept when he was a scary rugged scarred and big nosed guy, the one who stopped the genenations long wars, unified japan and died right after realizing the dream, but he died partly because of his brutality and crimes in life - he ACTUALLY killed his brother by blood among others of his family who betrayed him. His successor has nickname 'Saru'.

Ashikaga Takauji - Hashirama's later concept, first shogun of his era but softer big brother guy.

Ashikaga Tadayoshi - Takauji's younger brother who stepped up where he couldnt, disagreed with Takauji on politics and died 5 years before his brother did, in defeat but also there are sources that say he suffered some kind of illness before that.

Ko no Moronao - Takauji's close friend who Tadayoshi hated and was later exiled.

More references in Japanese creation mythos involving Izanagi and Izanami, where Izanagi killed his Fire god son Kagutsuchi after Izanamis death, hence his words "my very own child".

1. When Madara looked like hes dead in the war, Tobirama immidiately suggested this:

Edo Tensei was made for the purpose of interrogation among others, as long as you revive people with only a small percentage of their power. Its also a sure way to check if the one you want to summon is alive or dead.

If Tobirama was there for such a long time (1 years minimum) after Madara "died" and was so cautious of Madara all his political life, why didnt and why WOULDNT he check this way to confirm Madaras alive or dead or whatever he was doing? He was a sensor, he would know Madara was alive countries away.

2. Tobiramas death as was depicted in the manga actually made less sense than any theory about hashirama dying young

The squad of youngters was not his middle school students. He calls them all "kisama" and they are his body guards for a mission. And he says "OF COURSE id die lol you all suck" and they all (minus Danzo) just like "ok, whatever you say" ??

Sacrificial or not and whoever killed Tobirama, if Hashirama had died before him, he was still the Hokage and the strongest resource the village had at this time. Surely he would not let a bunch of wayward kids go back to the village just to declare themselves Hokage and associates in a war , when tension were high, and when they FAILED to guard him no less. The villagers and other villages would have thought Hiruzen or Danzo fucking killed the Hokage to take the seat for themselves.

3.In the war, Tobirama seems very mortified when Madara stabbed Sasuke.

Youd think if he had seen Madara bring Kurama to destroy the village and Uchihas living in it, he would have known Madara by then did not give a fuck about Uchiha clanmen anymore.

He did not live to see Madaras decline into craziness.

Madara too was like "ah i remember your tactic is this and that"

"Because you are the one who killed izuna" theres a slight pause there even in Japanese. He said it slowly like he just remembered Tobiramas name as the killer.

Like Tobirama was too long ago for Madara, longer than Hashirama was. Not to lessen his obsession with Hashirama, but you'd think he would keep his sight on Tobirama more if he had watched his brother's killer live longer than Hashirama. He remembered him and his beef with him in the war and young village era only.

And for Madara, Tobirama was not there to know what Hashirama told him, thats why he recited Hashiramas words to him.

4. In the war, we see Dan say this:

Dan wouldnt be the type of character to give such opinions about someone's power even if they are legends. To be able to say this so fiercely about Hashirama and how he compared to Madara, he must have seen they both demonstrate their powers and even them as individuals truely. He was a 7 year old at around the VotE fight but dated Tsunade as a grown up, so it's unlikely he had seen it so early. Implying he met and knew Hashirama, probably years after VotE's time, and knew Madara's power even better.

5. The anime omitted this page's rather dubious middle panel of a happy Uchiha kid :

6. Regarding when Mito fits in Hashirama's family timeline when Tsunade is NOT her grandkid, from my older post.

Tsunade was born only 12-13 years after the founding. Kohona was founded 67 years before SWW4, in which she was 54, as she was 18 years younger than hiruzen, who was 72 [including death years]. One would think her parents had to be older than 13 to have her.

There was no mention of tsunade being a part-Uzumaki, and Nawaki her brother only looked exactly like Kawarama Senju.

in both the og run of the manga and the Minato oneshot, Mito and Kushina said - emphasized that they came to konoha to be and AS jinchuuriki, and kurama was sealed only in and after VOTE, so it's very unlikely Hashirama married her before the founding. He married her after Tobirama had died.

Actually with the way the whole world thirsted over Hashirama cells and Hashirama’s everything , in the scenario that he was younger, weaker and there were no village to be leader yet, and he doesnt seem to have a family pre founding, and never too eager to have one either, i wouldnt even be surprised if his first son, Tsunade’s father, was product of r*pe, or forced marriage, from a random woman, to exploit his genes, and such was unsuccessful. that’s why this first son was just normal, lived under the radar, a civilian even.

Would also help explain why Hashirama would NOT want that and why this first son and Tsunade stop using the surname to avoid being exploited that way :( Plus he was aiming for village aka union of clans, not keeping his bloodline, so i can see that decision to abandon the surname and fade out applied to all Senjus after the founding.

There is consolation in the fact that Nawaki was most likely Tsunades full brother and was 11 years younger than her. meaning their father, Hashirama’s first son, had lived a full, and i would hope, peaceful life. In real life reference, Ashikaga Takauji had an illegitimate child that his brother Tadayoshi adopted and raised - since Tadayoshi and his wife couldnt have children - who lived long after both brothers passed away.

And that hashirama had another child with Mito after 9 tails was sealed mentioned here, just that by that time this child would have had to abandon the surname to hide his/her identity right away.

7. This is what Hashiramas body looks like in his grave when Orochimaru tinkered with it. It had not rot. Sure you can headcanon that his cells keep his body young, but its still curious that orochimaru only did this 20-30 years after he alledgedly died : This is impliedly a very recent burial.

8. The missing shoulder blade seen above:

9. (Bonus) Tobirama died before the VOTE fight, he wouldnt know how things with Madara went down. When they were summoned as Edo Tensei, at first Tobirama was acting very ...normal, telling his own story while straight forward and snarky with Hashirama, like he had just seen him. But after Hashirama told the story how he fought Madara, his reactions to him changed.

Except from this panel which curiously seperated and obscured Tobiramas reaction, Kishimoto wouldnt show him in the next 3 pages, not even reaction to Sasuke potentially messing with the village, he only spoke up about Kagami when Sasuke assumed things about Hashirama.

And then he was like "....?" When Hashirama said the next thing: