Nirvana

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but when has he ever been?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the thought makes him let out a small chuff — what could have been a chuckle, but falls short. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his heart's beating too strongly for that.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sometimes, it's hard to remember how difficult Nehan used to be when he's this pliant. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍— not that Seox ever found him truly difficult. but he always knew that he was trying to be. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet, at every turn, he was unbothered. he accommodated. he had patience where Nehan otherwise wished he didn't. and he could not help that about himself. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even though he absolutely would have been annoyed were it anyone else. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍suppose love really did change some things.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a small squeeze around his waist is indicative of another ` thank you ` for him allowing Seox to spoil him so, although the avenue had long since opened for Nehan to take the reigns over bills. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox, however, seldom allowed it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not because he believed Nehan couldn't, or shouldn't, but that if he was around, it was his treat instead. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he felt that Nehan deserved the world. and if, in that moment, his world was served to him on a plate, then Seox felt a sense of duty to be the one that finalized that gift. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍perhaps it was ridiculous, but that was truly how he felt. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a lot about him was ridiculous, anyway. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` If it's a matter of paying me back, then just give me that. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his mouth opens again, and he waits, expectant. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍those cookies are pretty good, and there's still a few left. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍for once, he isn't so shy about showing that he'd like them.‍‍

It must be the quietness, how in all the time they've been relaxing at this small, quiet cafe, no one has really even turned their eyes at them beyond the barista when they took their order and later left it for them to finally serve themselves. So it must be that, Nehan determines.

the gentle squeeze is noted, Nehan's ear flicks and he sighs... there were no need for thank you's as far as he knows but knows best than to challenge such a stubborn man like Seox, he still find ways to somehow say that without words in ways even Nehan had no idea they were possible - but isn't that the same on his own side too?

.... He will not comment about that, too.

'' You're awfully bossy. '' He murmurs with a very singular tone he'd usually have whenever he's insulting someone, there's the coyness to it - and yet there's still no edge, no blade that wants to actually cut with his words. Nor does he even lean away from the other's touch at the audacity to demand for something like this after such a bargain about paying their small evening treat - Sigh.... he truly has Seox's foolishness rubbing off him and Nehan doesn't exactly know if it makes him want to bury his face into his hands and go back home to root at the couch or simply let it be.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ah... but, that small nuzzle... that unmistakable returned affection that makes his chest constrict almost painfully... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's getting harder and harder by the minute to fight the want to hoard him all to himself.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Nehan, by all intensive purposes, is not a man one would call sweet. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍there are a myriad of other terms one would label him with, and none nearly so kind. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍asshole. jerk. dick. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍those are some of the colorful ones he's heard from other clients as they walked out of his examination rooms while he waited for Nehan to finish up some nights.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍none would call him sweet. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and Seox held much pride in that he was one of the many few who could.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's that same way that Nehan sweetly abides by his ridiculous silent request, and he feels his poor heart stutter when the edge of the cookie touches the seam of his lips. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍how come he felt unprepared, even when he was the one that asked for it? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍what a fool.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a foolish, foolish fool...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it surprises him, even now, the extent of which he's able to fall in love with another person when he once felt it not necessary in his day to day. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍now, he just keeps falling deeper.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍before he can forget how to breathe, his lips part. he inclines his head forward just the bit he needs to be able to slide the treat between his fangs, and his tongue does the rest of the work by pulling it the rest of the way in. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... Mm. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍while chewing, his free hand reaches for his warm chocolate, of which he uses to wash it down once he swallows. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but all the while, he never turns his gaze away from him. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍utterly mesmerized, despite that fact that he'd done nothing at all.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Thank you. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a pause, seemingly in realization.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Not just for that, but... Everything. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍You've brought a lot of things into my life that I didn't know ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I needed. And... You bringing me down just now... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍That's one of the many. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's still mindful of the drink he holds in his other hand, but that isn't stopping him from pressing a kiss to his cheek. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this place is so comfortable that he's forgotten that there's anyone else around.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I'm paying for this. ``

There is nothing he can say beyond it's an emotion he cannot quite put a name to, or at least - lacks a proper name to it. Seox always was something that brought forth many, many things Nehan had accepted he'd never feel, never experience, and yet proven wrong again and again that there is no falsehood in any of his actions, that his appreciation, his love is... as sincere and clear as it can possibly be. It tests Nehan's mind, it tests just how deep it can go; and he's nothing but curious... how much? (a lot, perhaps without an end?) why?(he has given many answers to this, in many ways and will continue so)

'' It was indeed sudden, sometimes lapses like this can catch others off guard; one never knows. The brain is certainly the trickiest thing to even understand... '' Nehan says idly, while he looks at the other's hand while finally having his own sugary drink, which looked like a bomb of sugars hat would make a dentist be happy for another future patient - but Nehan knew better; this man was a powerhouse for absolutely no apparent reason, and it seemed so rare for Seox to even be able and catch a cold, cavities, an infection.... It picked at this lone part of himself that wanted to just research... But knew best than to do that. '' No need to thank me, Xing. I only do what I do because I want to. '' and because he... cares. Nehan will never mention the genuine concern he had or the surprise that had washed over his face when he had noticed the other unable to even function, that his voice had been lost or the sweat at his forehead and the telltale expression of someone going through a silent anxiety attack.

Sigh...

...

Nehan's ears drop in exasperated fondness when Seox indulges in a kiss to his cheek, and he leans in unconsciously into it it. His own share of tea already empty, but there was no rush for anything. The cafe was slow, comfortable, no one minded anyone's presence beyond just having a little corner for themselves of peace and quiet. His free hand, for now entertains picking another of the small cookies between his fingers while twirling in like if it were a coin, they had all the time of the world - well... until the cafe decided to close, he hadn't checked when it would but there were no signs it'd bey anytime soon.

Ah... there it is - Nehan did want to roll his eyes, like every time the other's words leave saying the thing he's been used to hear. To pay for it all despise it was barely a dent in Nehan's wallet, and yet... Cannot bring himself to protest, whereas in the past he'd sinply order even more expensive things just to make the other finally give it up, and failing specularity thanks to Seox's pay being just as high as the wolf's own. It irrirtated Nehan it does kind of make him want a raise a brow now, but because of... everything transpired so far, and also simply... those eyes on him, Seox's impossibily warm smile...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which goes to say, why would i want oxygen right now? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet another reason to lament not being able to go home so he can bury himself in all that Nehan is, all while he himself is the only reason of which they aren't doing so.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍such a hypocrite.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍at the very least, this is something he can have a preview for later. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this scent... it's earthy, herbal. always sticks to Nehan's sweaters and turtlenecks for hours, and soothes Seox into a quiet, zen state.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍in that same hand, it brings so much peace to his mind that it often puts him to sleep.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he may actually be feeling that effect now... and Nehan resting his head against his own does nothing to help the matter. truly, he could fall asleep like this... his voice right against his ear, the background sounds of nothing in particular, the quiet comfort of everything in the world returning to its rightful place again...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍screw it. he can have this. at least, just this one, small thing.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his head turns just slightly, enough to where it's just his cheek resting against his shoulder, and he gives a small nuzzle there. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` love you. ` ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Guess I wouldn't have the job I do if I liked things easy. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍thus, the cookie offering is accepted, and with it, he heaves himself into sitting up straight again. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍he finally feels... stable, enough to. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and it's thanks to Nehan. as... many things, as of late, are.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I wouldn't call it a chase, but... A dance, more like. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍You moved differently than I've ever seen before. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I wanted to learn that. And... I'm glad that you let me, ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even if it was challenging. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍after a brief, long stretch, all falls back into complete and total equilibrium. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the pleasant aftertaste of the treat actually settles on his palate this time, and he feels more inclined before to indulge now that he can actually taste it.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his free arm wraps around Nehan's waist all the while, though. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and... he doesn't immediately go for it.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍maybe he liked Nehan feeding it to him more than he should. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he never thought he'd have a thing for that, but you learn something new every day.

And more than that… he’d try… in silence. When not seen. To take the scent… which was faint, nothing he could really discern beyond just a hint of something…. He could not give it a name though, it’s been a long time ever since Nehan has been able to sense smells and taste, and with them, the name of what every scent was like — it had its perks; in the field he works having to deal with open surgeries was no dice when he couldn’t feel any scents that other would be squeamish about even when they had two layers of face masks on them. It made working with burn victims another easy job despise the foulness that would waft from them. But it also…. made him frustrated, silently. A boiling, white frustration at something as domestic as this when he truly did want… for once, for the first time in what he feels in his life, to feel at least something.

But Forcing it of course would win nothing, thus he’d just be comfortable with the borrowed shirts, be nonchalant around Seox and call it a day.

“ You certainly don’t stop at something that even I tried to make it impossible - yet fate has a funny way to tell me right on my face… the truth being right there. “ He replies that sligh, selfish nuzzle with his own - he didn’t care about the public, didn’t care what other thought of him. And by now a few of the patrons had silently left the cafe and others have arrived, but none turned their eyes at the two wolves at all, if anything… it’s as if they had their own private bubble where they sit. It was certainly pleasant. “ Even now I fail sometimes to see your logic behind things, but… I want to see where it leads. “ ‘like a guiding star’ he’d voice one day, perhaps when he feels more emotionally vulnerable enough to say it. For now the thought is tucked away and basks in the arm wrapped around his waist from under his large coat. (this, something Seox always did, and certainly helps keeping such innocent, but intimate touch just for them. And Nehan silently enjoy the natural warmth of the other like a moth to a flame.)

And he catches on the other’s… pause. Oh…? Well that's a new one and perhaps so selfish it’s crack a cackle out of Nehan if he had enough fuel for it. Instead his crooked smile rests there still, amused at the realization — So easy to read and with… interesting leanings in fact. So his hand that once had been under his chin, idly moves to pick another, and wordlessly brings it to the other’s lips. A gentle touch, much like an indirect kiss.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he still ended up entertaining him for a reason only god knows, but the way Nehan knew how to give a proper tongue lashing was both scathing and somehow impressive. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍definitely not dull in any sense.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox doesn't want to think about the technicalities of what that made him for liking Nehan's occasional verbal cruelty.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it was no secret that he was nothing but an irritating fly that just kept buzzing around Nehan's orbit at first, though. there were times when he would go out with him and it would seem like Nehan would be trying to give him reasons to give it up already the whole time by purposefully being difficult. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which, naturally, only caused Seox to become more accommodating instead. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the exact opposite of what Nehan had been intending.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and that's what did it, he thinks. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his tone deafness.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he wants to laugh at himself.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yes. truly, a fool... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but this time, he doesn't regard it in such a self-deprecating way. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍no. in an unexpected twist, even to himself, the corner of his lip lifts into a tired smile.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I never thought you were boring. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his hands abandon their act of fidgeting, if only so that one of them could mirror the way that Nehan's had previously rested on his thigh in an act of reassurance.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I like... The way you talk. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Your tone and the way you say things... They interest me. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... You come up with some colorful things when you're in ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a mood. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍an airy chuckle.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Didn't think someone could string so many negative words ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍together in a way that made sense before I first heard you ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ranting. Maybe I'm strange for liking that.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I may even be stranger when I say that I also like ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍when you're dry and sardonic. I like it as much as I like how ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍you are... Right now. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a deep breath fills his lungs, and is released in a great sigh when he turns his head to bury his face fully into his shoulder again.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` It may be true that anyone else would believe you if you ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍told them that you're boring.

“ … better drink up, it will get cold. “ He says instead of everything swimming in his head. Certainly aware the way Seox could feel, with how he leans into his side, how this definitely had some sort of effect, it gave away to Nehan’s naturally icy heart to thumb a single time, just one. And One enough to bring slight color to pale cheeks, which he’s glad at least half of his face is hidden away by the leathery eyepatch resting there over said half of his face. So he takes another sip, salvaging some of the pride he still has. “ You always have the most absurd ways to like something about someone - this is something that I still need to study in you. “ his head tilts to meet Seox’s, this with the lowest, honeyed chuckle from under his breath.

There were all the things he could’ve done and stop him at the time. A restraining order, to tell asha to stop accepting his scheduled hours, to tell security to escort him out but it always seemed everyone wanted Nehan some unnecessary social exposure especially this was the only ever documented case of someone willingly liking and wanting to spend time with the world’s best doctor with the world’s worst mood ever known to man.

“ I think… I simply needed that change of space, I was not going to give it to myself — you came and did, infact take me out to see a truth staring at me in plain sight. You are stubborn like a wall to an irritating degree. Perhaps… I like that, too. “ He says, quieter this time, as he brings once more the last of his tea to his lips and sip it slowly. (and not risk anymore of his image despise none of the small amount of people in this cafe cared about the pair.) “ So you having lapses like this is nothing to me, I was the one that gave you the choice to treat it; every treatment have their up and downs, forgetting instructions does not make you a burden. “ and yet when nehan himself had to… deal with his own lowest point he certainly felt like one, he certainly wanted to be a burden so other would stop caring for him, to leave him root.

The grand difference is that he did not want this to be the same for anyone else. Selfish in his own way.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍after all, if Nehan asked, he'd give him the world. and even if he didn't ask, he'd at least give him the moon and stars. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox didn't need to. had no reason to. outside of his debt he has to Nehan for saving his life — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which Nehan would argue himself that there is no debt in that regard, granted that's his job — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's out of unconditional love that he does any of the favors he goes out of his way to do for Nehan.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so, of course, he'd ought to reason that Nehan would return that favor, granted the love between them is shared.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍how does he put up with me...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox gets no answer to that, and instead focuses his attention on transferring his mate's cookies from one saucer to another, almost feeling selfish for hoarding them all to himself despite being told he could.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... now, i'm being needlessly ridiculous.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sigh. he needs this medicine.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he forces himself to sit up straight out of necessity, finally popping the pill into his mouth. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's a little backwards, how he goes about it... normally, one would blow on their hot drink before focusing on the medication, but he's done it completely turned around.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not to say that the ultimate goal isn't achieved. it is, and with some urgency to it, too.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it just... shows how much he isn't all there.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍which, now begins the waiting game of when he is once it's swallowed. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he'll focus on the cookies later. he does want them, but for now, he'll wait until his brain allows him the luxury of an appetite again. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍in this moment, he instead goes back to leaning on Nehan. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍except, this time... his eyes stay open, shame reflected in them as he stares blankly down into their laps.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Nehan... ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he fidgets with his hands atop his thighs. it's an absent activity. one he doesn't put any focus into, and simply just does.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` How did you... Come to love me? ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he begins scratching at his knuckles. then, just the back of his hand in general.

His other still draped behind Seox’s back feels heavy by now and he slides it back to his side, resting on the other’s thigh without much of a mind to it, seeking the warmth that has been temporarily lost, all while granting Seox the reward of a content sound. Akin to a hum.

Then his words come, and so does that warmth back by his side with the other leaning back but… with these questions.

Nehan gives it a moment to ponder… And He’s right; at some point, the wolf Was a Hindrance to his existence. He was someone that brought another layer of annoyance to work and he just could. not. see. why would someone, anyone would want something much more beyond thanking his service — of course, some children he’s save from near death experiences would bring useless gifts he cannot taste such as chocolates and thank you foods. He never said no despise there being a distant look in his face every time this occurred, and later Nehan let the other nurses have at them — other times, while still futile, gifts came in ways of pens, notebooks, bookmarks, pins…. And now with Seox’s added in equation…

How? When did it start to become endearing? How did he even come to love a man like this?

And it’s certainly unfair to ask when Nehan often has the very same question back to the other - this definitely is something he might bring later, as it leads to Nehan needing to simmer down any hint of irritation at something that to his eyes was… simple? (it is not, it ran much deeper than that. It even had a hand of envy, of displaced anger, of resignation… and then an acceptance he wasn’t even aware he’d reach.)

… Oh right. An answer.

“ How did you come to love a man that absolutely did not want anything to do with the very patient they had to have open at an operating table one moment, and then you kept appearing without a need to when your bills were covered in full for all of it? “ he answers with the question thrown back. “ I have no idea… I found you annoying, irritating - a fool… but your actions were without ulterior motives. No matter how much I saw in what I could. “ his voice is still soft, despise the way he words his.... feelings, per se. It's complicated, something even Nehan hadn't really though beyond what they have now, a man that never really looked at the past unless it's because he holds a grudge or needs the memory for a face to remember - Seox's pursue for at least something, to get to know the tired doctor better?

...

'' I appreciated the change of air though, to bend a little the usual, get out work even when most of your invites were us in silence doing nothing in particular beyond drinks at Le Ciel '' and the memories of those do bring a sideway, coy smile - as Nehan leans in a bit, propping his chin with the back of his non gloved hand as he turns a bit to look over the other. '' I guess the fact you'd do all of that just to spend time with a boring sack of bones was endearing to me enough. '' Jests, despise there's much more in between. The unnecessary gifts, the way Seox hardly could lie even if his life depended on it, the fake 'exams' he'd want just so Nehan would examine him and need to write in his charts nonsense because there was absolutely nothing wrong with the other.

heh...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his ears lift just a bit; no longer are they flattened so far that they'd disappeared into the unruliness of his hair, but now, they... simply droop.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍comfortable. loved. incredibly loved. his heart squeezes from it, and if they weren't in public, he knows he'd nuzzle into him with unrivaled insistence.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he... admittedly, doesn't want to move anymore. this feels too nice. he forgets where they are for a moment — ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the chattering, the noise, the lack of a reason why his lifelong hindrance had even been triggered in the first place. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he had not even taken the medicine yet, but still, he feels as if he had. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍(he'll still take it, though. if he pulls away without it, all of this would start all over again. no thanks.)

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the moment of peace is so easy to get lost in that he doesn't notice. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that their drinks were there, that is. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it only registers to him that it had happened after his nose picks up two conflicting scents.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍one is definitely his own drink. that's for certain. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the other...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... it's tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍an ear flicks.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his eyes crack open.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so sure he was that he'd ordered a black coffee, but no. what lies within the ornate cup presented in front of Nehan is tea.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... he didn't want to overwhelm me.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet another instance where his heart squeezes almost painfully.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Seox, personally, always had brought him coffee. even when his nose protested it, if it was for him, he'd always chosen what he preferred. it was simply out of principle. his way of being the sort of man Nehan deserved.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍here, he's made a compromise. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why do his eyes sting suddenly?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the question does not receive an answer. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍instead... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍what is received is a treat.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he feels it against his lips. smells it, too. cinnamon. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it isn't strong. it's subtle and definitely smells as delicious as it must taste. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍so, of course, he takes that taste.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the pleasantness of it brings enough mind back to Seox to where he brings his free arm around his mate's waist and gives him a small squeeze. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he hates that he's unable to nuzzle him right now. he really, truly hates it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍chew... chew... swallow. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and then, a pause. just to be able to turn into Nehan's shoulder. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍if he couldn't nuzzle him, then he could at least surround his vision with all that Nehan is.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... You didn't have to do that for me. `` ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ it's muffled. mumbled almost pathetically. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You could have gotten your coffee as normal. I'd have ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍been able to handle it. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍yet, somehow... he already knows what Nehan must be about to say. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍something about compromise, if he had to guess. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and that just makes him give him another squeeze.

'' Now try and drink a little, at least for your medication, then you can lean on me all you need - We are staying here as long as you need. '' Nehan adds after another long, comfortable sip of his tea - it invigorates the Doctor in a way not many ever see, no eyes are on them even now; the chatter which is barely perceived is only background noise incapable of disturbing anyone, at times there's the distant shuffle of a page being turned from a book. Or the small tic tac of keycaps in a keyboard. '' And I wont lie... despise my disappointment Le Ciel was closed, this one is a comfortable alternative, too. ''

...

Ah... those words. Even now, in the tim they've made it an official thing to be together, Nehan finds it.... so new to hear those wors. 'I love you'. Even when Seox often said it with actions too, or couldn't hold himself back in the homely privacy of their apartment raining multiple kisses all over the other. And It still has an effect, it makes Nehan's heart.... jump, just a bit - it confuses him still yet having given up a while ago to make sense of the other's way of thinking (the questions, though, remain the same: why would he like someone like me? what does he see in me? I'm the one that needed so many hands to even be where I am right now.) but he simply hums in response.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the typic of keys. small talk between coworkers or lovers. the sound of machines and drink shakers and glasses. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a blender. that is a blender, right? it's loud and rather obnoxious. it sounds like a blender. the ice cubes being grinded against the blades is the worst sound he's ever heard.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but then, there's a smell that negates it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍sweetness. berries. a berry drink? that sounds good. a part of him wishes he'd gotten that, too — but that would result in him having two drinks at the same time, and that would look ridiculous. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the last thing he wants to be seen as is ridiculous. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍hell, he barely even wanted to be seen at all.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍at the very least, though, when he looks up, no one seems to even care that either of them are there. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's all just their own business. their conversations. their work. their reports. their lives.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍even that is something he finds soothing. soothing enough for his stiffened body to soften just a bit. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍enough for him to... lean in to that guidance. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍for his expression to somewhat go lax. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍for him to press his cheek against Nehan's shoulder and slump there.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his ears remain pinned against his head, but at the very least, he's more aware that he's breathing, and that's probably good. no, it is good.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's able to lift the hand still holding the pill between his index and thumb to rest it upon the table then. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he still continues rolling it, but at the very least, he isn't staring blankly at it anymore. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍no... instead, he's just shut his eyes.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the world doesn't exist and no one can scrutinize him if he doesn't see it. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... No, `` he finally mumbles. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` We finally have an evening to ourselves, and I wanted to... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... I just... Need to take the medication. I need it to kick in. That's all. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I'll... I'll be fine... ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he doesn't want this all to be ruined by his own negligence or shortcomings. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he can fight it. of that, he is stubborn towards. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he just needs the drink, needs the deterrent, and needs to sit for a few minutes. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he can come back. he's sure he can bounce back. even if he's exhausted after this lapse, he will bounce back. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's fine. it's all fine. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍just breathe and be comfortable within your partner's embrace.

The drinks are gently placed on the table, granted a bow before the person excuses themselves and thus, two drinks now stare back at the couple of wolves - a sugary red looking glass cup of red velvet hot chocolate, it's toppings having a nice cloudy layer of cream, a few strawberries resting on it and a nice little straw, while Nehan's drink was more simple, in a delicate and elegant cup resting his black tea with it's signature nutty scent Nehan has particulary grown fond of (besides being one of the few things he's been able to pick a scent from.) For now though, Nehan's gloved hand, behind Seox's form presses a bit against the other's back - a reassuring touch, his tumb tracing mindless circles there, as his head tilts against Seox's a bit, takes a gentle breath.... and then exhale a sigh.

'' You're awfully stubborn even like this... '' But there's no scolding in his tone, instead... it's the ghost of a chuckle, a sideway smile Seox probably doesn't see. Of cource even if the other was torn to shreds by accident he'd still try his best to bring thr world to Nehan. Another thing the doctor really doesn't know what he did to even deserve or spark such behavior from another person.

So he just lets it slide, but still keeping behind his sleeve dragging Seox back home if his lapse worsened, if he became unable to even breathe; it'd not be anything of bother for Nehan beyond just a trip back home, stabilize him and later nap along the exhausted erune. But for now... he takes his mind off that, and tilting back his head to properly take and hold his cup from the handle to try out his drink. '' Yours must be a bomb of sugar... Heh. '' And then... he notices it, the small cookies each drink have offered on their respective plates - Nehan blinks at the sight and he places back his cup, picking the cookie between his fingers and then...

Modern

thankfully he had caught the exact moment to notice Seox had forgotten again - the prescription, that is. And at least the one he had in his person could do the work but...

'' He asked something else entirely. His drink is a red velvet hot chocolate, no coffee in it. '' Nehan interjects assertively, dryly - unimpressed that Seox's voice couldn't reach the barista that had come to their table nor does he mind having to be the one to do all the talking; it was an off day... for Nehan at least. Seox had been busy with his own side of work, things that the Doctor didn't really ask about beyond what the other wanted to talk about - but now that the other's tongue is tied it matters little. Thankfully the cafe they had picked is relatively small, very quiet. And the only customers besides the two wolves are a few other people that were either in their laptops or reading. So at least noise shouldn't worsen the other's sensitivity nor smells considering the cafe served Tea more than the drink that made the other's nose scrunch. '' A Simple black tea for me, add hazelnut syrup if there is, if there isn't that's ok with me. '' He adds, his tone flat as the barista taking their order nods and walks away with their notes on hand, a sigh leaves his lips... and then finally his eye goes back to the shaking leaf of a man next to him in the comfortable sofa like seat. '' ... You could hold my hand, if that helps, Xing. '' Nehan... in all his usually dryness has grown to at least offer comfort, especially the more and more familiar he's become with Seox himself, even if it's under the table like some teenagers that were too shy with public displays of affection, he knew it'd just spike Seox's anxiety more despise there being nothing wrong with it.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why now?

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍there was no trigger, seemingly. no warning, either. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍just... the slow robbing of his coherency. a knot twisting in his stomach so gradually that he could not feel it until it was tied as tight as a tourniquet.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍red velvet hot coffee... they said. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍and Seox had been prepared to try and correct it, to attempt to raise his voice a little higher despite the rock lodged right in the middle of his throat, but it was no use. the moment his mouth opens, the words don't come.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍that, or he stops because the correction comes in the form of a voice much more gravelly and assertive than his own.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ah... of course... he would step in, wouldn't he? that's right... after all, he's the one that spotted that he had forgotten the medication that would have prevented all of these problems happening in the first place...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍oh. yes, right. that's right. he needed a drink. a drink to take with the medication. yes. that's why they were here. Nehan had insisted. he needed food to take with it, and he could kill two birds on one stone while they were here. that's what he said, yes.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ah. everything was... so blurry in his head.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍for the duration of Nehan taking the lead and finishing up their joined order, Seox had taken to looking down at his lap instead. his eyes focus on the pill he's rolling between his fingers, the activity as absent in mind as the way his knee bounces and ears droop.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why had he forgotten? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍why does he keep forgetting when he's learned how important it is? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍is he daft? dense? both? a fool? an imbecile? ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍maybe all. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍maybe none.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` You can hold my hand if that helps, Xing. `

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍right. right. Nehan was there, beside him. he had just finished their order. they were ordering at a café. it's quiet. it's nice. he didn't royally screw up. Nehan didn't, anyway. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he couldn't say the same for

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍cutting his flooded train of thoughts short, he lifts one of his hands and places it upon the table with a bit of haste to it in a weakly balled fist. just as quickly, his index finger is the only one that uncurls, scratching against the table with a sense of urgency.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍` Yes. I would like that. Please. `

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his eyes squeeze shut in a painful combination of guilt, shame, and an intense fight against overstimulation. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` ... Sorry. ``

In Nehan's eyes, none of this cataloged as some sort of hindrance, despise months ago perhaps he would've though such thing. No, it came naturally - it was this sense of duty that comes in hand to simply needing to find the solution even to something as simple as a person's conditions; and it was a great excuse as well – no need to be at work and burn away his brain over stupid people that barely listened to him, compared to Seox who was at the most competent man to grace his existence (... more than competent, except in some regards that instead of irritating, Nehan has found he rather appreciates such details from the other.)

Distantly, the soft sound of their drinks being made barely even fills the small cafe's ambience. An ear flicks and his attention goes to Seox's stiff hand trying it's best to even unclench... Sigh. '' Come here. This place should help with the overstimulation, if not, then we go back home. '' Its not a problem, Nehan would add but instead, in all the ways Seox has softened the doctor's heart, he acts upon his words instead, his gloved hand coming to gently rest at Seox's opposite shoulder, the touch featherlight, guiding... since they sit at a shared sofa-like seat meant for two people – he takes advantage of it so he can offer Seox to lean into his shoulder; perhaps the familiarity of it might help, perhaps not... he has the choice of his body allows it.

'' Don't push yourself to talk if you can't, Xing. It's normal in lapses like this to leave one mute. Ok? '' And despise how anyone else would chalk his tone to be rather rude, there is a certain amount of softness there, between lines that only has been reserved for this fool of a man he calls a partner, a mate. The one that had stayed despise Nehan's worsts... so it's only right, and natural to also be at Seox's own downs and worsts as well.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` But I... Still... I wanted to prove that I... ``

....

Next time this occurs then you shall help. Just... memorize the right shelves as we spoke, and if it's too much, perhaps having a little paper with the location of each medicines inside on of your pockets could suffice too.

Sigh....

A gentle pet to his head.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍distraction.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍something he will definitely think of later in more depth, but for now...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's drawn to the state of Nehan, and all of the decorations his child patients apparently saw fit for him.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it was... cute. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's never seen him this radiant before, even if he would be considered ridiculous by most. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's taking every fiber of his being not to steal a kiss from him right now.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but he instead lets him talk, to muse and... share the contents of what was not his sources of ire, not today, but his fulfillment. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍his smile turns from less of a coy smirk to something more genuine. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` That explains it... ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Why you look much happier, that is. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍there's so much more life. so much more... whimsy, even. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍despite this sight so starkly contrasting with his norm and what Nehan's general character usually portrayed, this was... better for him.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it makes him wish they could keep him here, if it made him smile this way.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` Heh... Makes me think you ought to get yourself something ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍like a personal sticker book. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍Wouldn't want to upset them if they happen to come back ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍to you and see their ` gifts ` are gone.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍It wouldn't hurt to consider. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍like trying to convince Asha and Rei to let him stay in this ward instead, ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍but it isn't something he'll bring up. not right now, anyways. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍it's a better conversation for when they're home tonight.

And at the idea, Nehan lifts his gaze with… a solemn thoughtfulness, lifting finally a hand for a knuckle of his index to rest at his bottom lip in thoughts. “ True… Especially the child that had put all those stickers on my person made me promise to keep them, never said anything about where exactly. “ to appeal that part of Nehan’s bargaining was to hit the mark, and Seox’s suggestion is noted. His good leg stretches a bit where he sits across the other wolf, ending close to one of his, a silent touch when Nehan has come learn that the other was certainly one of the most.... hopeless romantic person ever alive he's known - but mostly in private. This might suffice, and perhaps it adds to the doctor's unusually lighted mood he's got enough in his thoughs to entertain something as small as this.

Or the way his eye peers for those violet ones and that smile of Seox's he'd otherwise question but now... he knows the source - he must look ridiculous with all the splash of colors that did not match at all his otherwise white color palette of his attire - or the pencils at one of his outter pockets all being black and gold. Or the grey of his hair that contrasts and deviates from every norm.

His other hand leaves the cup to retrieve the bottle of medicine he had given Seox now that he's gotten his dose missed, with ease tucking it away in one of the inner pockets before going back to holding the cup. '' Say, '' he adds, gentle in his tone. '' I think this part of the job is way better than the other departments - heh... It will only be for a couple of weeks since I'm taking someone else's place while they're on vacation. I'll miss it. ''

it'd be easy - honestly. To ask rei if he could switch permanently from the ER and general ward just to focus on pediatric care. But there's this part, at the back of his mind that equated asking for it to giving up, to accepting he's less than good; knowing that being far from true.

...

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍ah... even more embarrassment.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍although, of course, he had wanted to see Nehan, to be seen in such a state was not necessarily ideal. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he had more things planned. a new episode of a show they'd liked, or just hearing him talk. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍the way these visits normally went.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not... this prerequisite.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍not where, when he walked in, he saw Seox in such a state.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍when he hears Nehan's voice, his ears flatten even further in shame. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this was not what he had wanted to burden him with on a day he'd already been working hard. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍  ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` S... Sorry... ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍with a sigh, he sits himself down in front of his own drink, quickly grabbing the bottle and twisting it open. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍just one pill was enough, surprisingly. normally, any other medications required two... ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍granted his body's uncanny resilience. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍hell, even in recovery from his accident, he apparently needed more morphine than any typical patient ever did.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍this was the only exemption to that standard.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍a capsule is extracted from the bottle and quickly popped into his mouth and chased with the ridiculously sugared atrocity he'd ordered for himself, and once it's down, he leans himself forward with a sigh.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` I'm... Still not used to being medicated for this. ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍I didn't even know I could be until now. Thanks to you. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍when he finally looks up, feeling... already a bit better just with the knowledge that there's now a combatant in place to calm his nerves, ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he is met with the most unusual sight in the world.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he's caught staring. lips slightly parted. eyes barely blinking.

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍who is this Nehan.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You... Uh... ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍he gestures to a place on his own cheek.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` You, uh... Have... Something... Right here. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... he points to a couple other places, too.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` And here... Here... Um. Here, too. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍then, he places a finger into several sections of his own hair.

‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍ `` A couple here. ``

‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍... he doesn't notice it, but seemingly unintentionally, the corner of his lips pull up into a smirk. ‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍

He hums; pleased. The steam from the drink making his cheeks flush ever si slightly before he places it back down but doesn’t stop holding the cup as they also double as hand warmers, and listens to Seox - there’s a pause.

Oh…

The stickers… “ Heh, “ he hides hopefully well the sheepishness that’s so uncommon in the usual bravado Nehan has, his ear flicking before he runs a finger through where he is somewhat now more aware of the colorful decorations. “ This one patient wouldn’t let me get her bloodwork unless I accepted her conditions, aka let her put color on me; kinda silly if I had to say. “ And another thing that goes unsaid… the way nehan looks less tired, he hasn’t been quiet as usual, or his eyes hanging lower as if any bad move and he’d fall asleep. On the contrary.