I'm A Doctor, Not A Blogger!

I wonder if Spock ever had the opportunity to introduce Amanda to Nyota before the destruction of Vulcan?

I feel as though it would be something that Spock would have kept putting off, because in his opinion his mother wasn’t going anywhere and there would always be time later.

Like, they would plan to visit, but oh no, there is a sudden conference that came up and Spock (thinks he) needs to be there. Or, next time Nyota catches a flu and can’t go. Etc

And then suddenly, it’s too late. Suddenly, his mother isn’t there.

The images of what could’ve been haunt Spock. Soft images of his mother and Nyota getting along. Them trading stories and laughs about the differences between humans and vulcans. Visiting the market. His mother showing Nyota pictures Spock wishes didn’t exist (and now don’t)

(But maybe most of all, he wanted Nyota to have someone that really Understood her. Someone who wouldn’t look at her, a human romantically linked to a Vulcan, and say “Why?”. Someone who understood the pressures of Vulcan society. Someone like her)

Bonus that ties in with this post:

Spock Prime’s final departing words he ever said before his death to AOS Spock were “She approved”.

Pike: I am a father

Boyce: Jim is an adult that you challenged to join Starfleet three years ago

AN: I just wanted to prelude this with the fact that I don’t name what fandom this is referring to, because this isn’t intended to blame, or call out, or anything. It’s not even really about the franchise or the fandom. This is just me, writing something that I am experiencing, WAY too late at night.

...and just to be clear, no, the franchise/fandom I’m referring to isn’t Star Trek. That’s just the topic of my blog, and therefore, how I’m tagging it.

——————

-I have never been a part of a dying fandom.

-I guess it’s because all the other fandoms I’m a part of still have thriving franchises. Some have sequels and prequels being released. Others, like Star Trek, have large enough fanbases to warrant being rebooted, or getting spinoffs with new stories and new characters.

-But sometimes, that’s not the case. Sometimes, there is no sequel, or prequel, or spinoff, or even reboot. Sometimes, the franchise is just… done. And the fandom begins to fade away.

-Like this one.

-I’ll admit, the pain was unexpected. I didn’t know that this would make me as sad as it does. That I would feel distraught over the loss of people I don’t even know, from the fandom that I had mixed feelings over.

-Don’t get me wrong. There have been some truly amazing things that have come out of this fandom, and it was always great seeing others express their joy and creativity. But I’m also not so naive as to say that it was always this way. To be blatant, I’m just going to say this fandom wasn’t always the… nicest place to be, and leave it at that.

-But in it, and the franchise, I found characters to add to my little fictional found family. Which is kind of funny to me, because in the part of the fandom I liked, they were seen as the actual found family, over the one the franchise was actually pushing. But I digress. Sure, half of them were dead shortly after being introduced, and the ones that lived had almost no lines, but I loved them. And it made me feel happy to know that there were others that loved them as well. To see others gushing, or squealing, or even keyboard smashing because there was no better way to put what they were feeling into words. I didn’t even have to talk to them (a blessing to my awkward self). Simply knowing that we shared an interest was enough to make me feel connected.

-And this is what makes it difficult, knowing that day by day, the fandom fades a little more. That less and less people are making art/fanfictions/headcanons/gifs/moodboards/etc. To feel like I’m losing my connections.

-To be clear, this isn’t me complaining about people moving on, or whining that less new things are being produced. Nor do I expect perfect strangers to uphold some type of weird “connection” to someone they don’t know, from a franchise they’ve moved on from.

-This is just me, acknowledging the sadness I feel, in the only way I know how. Through writing.

-Nothing stays unchanging. Every fandom and franchise has highs and lows. Even big fandoms go away for a bit, and then come back, usually stronger (and with a Chris, lol).

-But I’m not going to allow this sadness to taint my love. And though I know I will eventually move on too, I’m not going to waste the happiness that I have been given, nor will I let myself forget.

-This franchise has made me laugh and cry. I’ve yelled at the screen, and hidden my face behind my pillow in order to hide a goofy smile. I’ve dissected, ranted, over-analyzed, and more. Yes, there were things about the franchise that I didn’t like. But when isn’t there? Sometimes, you have to ignore the things you don’t like, and just focus on the things you do. And through the franchise’s fandom, I found other people like me. And it was through these people, that I was able to feel a little less alone.

-In the first Star Trek movie (2009), Uhura was originally assigned to the Farragut, but gets Spock to switch her to the USS Enterprise.

-Now, Spock would have had to switch out someone assigned to the Enterprise to the Farragut, in order for the numbers to match up. What if he just randomly selected someone, because there wasn’t a lot of time. He didn’t look any closer than making sure they were operations. Not their rank, name, or anything that made them more than a suddenly free spot on the Enterprise that Uhura could fill. And that was the last Spock thought of it, as it slipped from his mind with the events that followed (destruction of Vulcan, Amanda’s death, saving Pike, stopping Nero, etc).

-Fast forward, the Enterprise is on its way back to Earth following the defeat of Nero, when a call comes in from Starfleet admiralty. Jim answers (as acting captain), and the bridge crew are confused by the Admiralties’ surprise at seeing him in the Captain’s chair. When they question Jim as to what he’s doing, Spock defensively jumps in, saying that they were informed that Captain Pike was out of commission, and that Jim had taken over as acting Captain. An admiral replies that he is not the “Captain Kirk” they were expecting.

-They then ask what happened to Winona.

-Jim is confused, and says the last he heard, his mother was on her ship at the boarder of known space doing top secret research, and hadn’t been in contact for a couple weeks. He is informed that she was, but she had requested time off, and her last known whereabouts was on Earth, when she was called back on duty due to the distress call from Vulcan and assigned to the Enterprise temporarily. Jim has a crew member run a search on the current crew list for “Winona Kirk”, and is unsurprised when it comes back negative.

-A stalemate is hit, as the admiralty continue to insist that Winona was stationed on the Enterprise, while Jim says that he’s pretty sure he’d know if his own mother was on the same goddamn starship as him.

-This is when Spock begins to get an uneasy feeling.

-Saying that he is going to check on Captain Pike’s condition, Spock quickly leaves the bridge. He feels Jim’s worried gaze burning into his back, but refuses to meet his gaze. Spock flees to his quarters, and with trembling fingers opens his data pad, and for the first time reads the name of the Starfleet personnel who he had switched with Uhura so she could be on the Enterprise. Who he had condemned to death when the Farragut was destroyed. Who he had killed.

-Winona Kirk.

//AN//

-Basically, Winona had secretly taken time off and gone to Earth so she could surprise Jim. Unfortunately, she didn’t get a chance to see him before the distress call came through. Not having her datapad with her (and still hoping to run into Jim), Winona had asked one the instructors (who were telling cadets where they were assigned) where she was assigned. As Spock had already updated the system, Winona was told that she was to report to the Farragut (the instructors’s data was changed, but a glitch in the system meant that the official records were not, and still read the USS Enterprise). She had hesitated when she saw a cadet half carrying another cadet onto a shuttle, some instinctual part of her saying to go to them, but she didn’t get the chance as the sirens indicating the shuttles were soon leaving went off. As her shuttle was on the other side of the hanger she was forced to run, and ended up barely making it in time.

-As soon as Winona saw the Romulan ship, she knew that it was the end.

-Leonard is on the Enterprise, when he’s informed of an incoming call from Earth for him. He answers, and is surprised to find that it is Jocelyn on the other end. Leonard’s surprise quickly turns to despair when she says Joanna has fallen sick (and is in a coma), and her doctors don’t think she is going to make it.

-The three days it takes for the Enterprise to enter Earth’s orbit are the longest in Leonard’s life. He ends up with near-permanent indents in his hands from clutching the little plastic pony (hornless unicorn his traitorous mind whispers), given to him by Joanna, too tightly.

-When he finally arrives at the hospital, not even the sight of his ex-wife and her new fiancé can distract him (though he is still glad when they take their leave). Joanna looks small she was so tiny on the bed sized for a grown adult, and the white bedsheets only highlight the sickly hue her skin has taken. Her hand is fragile cradled in between both of his, and tears blur Leonard’s vision as he gives into his warring emotions. His sobs echo in the small room, accompanied only by the beeping of the heart monitor.

-Hours later, Leonard stands outside, the air cool against his face. Khan’s deal is at the forefront of his mind.

-Save Joanna and take the lives of hundreds of others, or let her die and live with the knowledge that he allowed it to happen.

-It’s almost worse than when his father fell ill. At least back then, there was no cure, no way to prevent his father’s passing. Now, there is one at his finger tips, and he just has to decide whether or not to take it.

-Spock’s stupid saying comes back to him. “Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one”, but Spock was a hypocrite. Logic wasn’t what drove him to beam down to an imploding Vulcan.

-Leonard doesn’t know what to do.

-And it breaks him.

//

-So basically, it’s an AU of the beginning of Star Trek: Into Darkness, where, instead of the unknown family and their sick daughter, it is Leonard and Joanna. I feel like Leonard would be torn in two by Khan’s proposal: the father who would do anything to save his daughter, but also the Starfleet doctor who refuses to do any harm to others.

-I guess it’s kind of up to interpretation what the outcome would be- if McCoy takes the deal or not. Technically, there’s even the possibility of Joanna hanging on long enough for Leonard to help Starfleet take Khan down, and get her the vial of blood like he did with Jim, if that’s what you want.

Darlin’, it’s about to get a whole lot angstier (at least, I think so)

(and I did give you a cute hornless unicorn headcanon to soften the pain)

For those of you who remember this:

-Sometimes while planetside for shoreleave, Spock will forget.

-He will find himself gravitating towards the market vendors selling high quality fabrics and apparel, and quickly become engrossed in the task of sorting through the vender’s selection of scarves. Thoughts such as “mother has been saying she wanted a new Andorian silk scarf” or “this would compliment her eyes nicely” occupy his mind. There is always a spark of warmth in his chest when he finds just the right one. The scarf with the perfect pattern, or that is the right exact shade, that he knows will make his mother’s eyes light up just… so.

-It’s not until he’s back in his quarters, newly purchased scarves in hand, that he remembers.

-Spock doesn’t cry. That would be illogical, emotional, and... human.

-He is Vulcan.

-(He ignores the small voice in his head that sounds so much like HER. The one that says for all he is Vulcan, he is also human)

-Spock simply places the scarves inside a box, fingers smoothing down the delicate fabric so they will not wrinkle (she always disliked wrinkles), and pushes it under his berth, all while staunchly ignoring the 7 full boxes already under there.

Not sure where this came from, or why it’s so long, but I guess it exists now. Make of it what you will

-Joanna, since she was young, has called horses “hornless unicorns”.

-While Leonard thought it was cute, he always worried about Joanna being picked on for it. (Jocelyn hated it from the start, and Leonard’s refusal to correct Joanna on her miss-naming of horses was often the topic of arguments between them)

-When ever he would ask Joanna why she insisted on calling them that, she would just smile sweetly, and say “Because, daddy.” Leonard eventually resigned himself to the fact he would probably never know.

-Instead, he would take her on father-daughter day trips to see horses/hornless unicorns, and would even buy her little plastic replicas as souvenirs when she was having a rough time.

-Years later, when Leonard was unpacking his bag in his new room at Starfleet, the day after the divorce was finalized, he found Joanna’s favourite plastic pony (the one he had gifted her for her birthday five years before, that she carried around with her everywhere.) wrapped in one of his shirts. With it was a note reading “hornless unicorns may look like regular horses, but they’re still unicorns”.

-He cried.

-It became his good luck charm, and Leonard even found himself starting to refer to it as a hornless unicorn, rather than a horse, in his head.

——Bonus—

-Early on in their friendship (after a rough shift at the hospital), Leonard accidentally used the phrase “hornless unicorn” out loud during a conversation with Jim. He expected Jim to laugh or make fun of him, maybe even never talk to him again, but instead Jim just got a really concentrated look on his face and said “I’d always thought of them as more like “wingless Pegasus” myself, but that works too, I guess.”

Sulu: No worries. My first year in flight school, know what they called me? They called me “The Tailor” because of how I thread the needle.

Sulu: *Crashes the ship*

Computer: Simulation failed

Scotty: Ey, Captain. They don’t call me “The Scottanic” for nothing!

Bridge Crew:...