(Perks of being bilingual: you get to look at a lot of awful writings because, reasons) Me: "Did this person copy and paste from Google Translate into a Word document? I'm getting headaches reading this. Seriously, this is even worse than porn for me. At least I can last for 10 mins at a time watching 'A Girl's Guide to 21st Century Sex'. I can't even last for a full sentence at a time with this." (I know that's a TV sex ed series not a porn, but just to make my point)

I’m so grateful to Ashley Mardell’s ABCs of LGBT series. While most people hate labels (and I do in general), I’ve never wanted labels so much - as self-validation, knowing that I’m not alone, and as words to describe to other people how I feel. I now have something that describes me. I am a sex-positive asexual and a heteroromantic-demiromantic person. I’ve literally considered whether I’m bisexual, even when I’m clearly not into girls, but I’ve never considered myself to be asexual. I’m not surprised because we’re invisible. So many people considered us a product of culture, but do you forget that the most conservative cultures usually have the highest rape rates? No. It’s not a culture. It’s genetic. It’s like being blind or deaf to a less important extent, because I can function fine without sexual desire. Yet I’m missing something, a feeling that I’ve never experienced and might as well never experience in my life. Even coming from such a liberal background, the A in the LGBTQIA has been overlooked - or plainly not welcomed into the community. We might have faced less stigma (especially the hetero romantic aces), but we are invisible. I can’t remembered how many times I was laughed at for looking “sexless”. Guys said that I have no sexual appeal whatsoever and people twice my weight are more attractive. They said looking at my face doesn't feel like looking at a girl (not like looking at a guy either), but rather looking at a book - despite my diverse interest in exercising, cooking, music, sports, computer game, etc.

I literally came out this month....no, I literally knew who I am this month. I graduated from a very liberal college and have had many LGBTQ and gender non-conforming friends. I know something is weird about me but I don't know what. Being 100% straight, I would only look at fit girls on the street and pay no attention to any guys - to the extent that I'm staring at these girls. But the only idea in my head is "I wish I could be as hot as them." I'm very bad at faces and am known for having weird beauty judgment - or more accurately, having no beauty judgment. I'd know if someone's so ugly that I can't stand him/her, but I wouldn't think anyone is pretty. And usually my "ugly" means that "this person look/behave very classlessly", not an actual judgment of the facial features. I've had countless fights with my boyfriend because I don't understand why anyone would prefer someone with a pretty face over someone with a golden heart and I don't hesitate calling it "shallow" and think people should stop doing that. I hate body contacts. I would avoid sitting on a metro train because I don't want my body touching other people's. You can imagine how much I hate populous cities...and how uncomfortable I am with hugs. Well, not that uncomfortable, but still weird. I would want guys to like me, to fall in love with me, but that's because of self-confidence reasons, and I honestly don't like them back. Honestly, I don't actually feel much love - I feel like I can fall in love with anyone who passes my basic lines and treat me well. I've had 1.5 relationships before and for both person I liked strongly and pursued, I did not do that until I get to know them very well (like half a year into knowing them) and they've done something extremely reliable and I'd want to trust them. Most importantly, I have no sexual desires. I do not know what sexual desires feel like. Even when I do not object to sex (but only with people I absolutely love and with whom I'm already or almost in a relationship) and would sometimes even want to have children with the person I love, even when past sex feels good, I could only psychologically want sex (for the feeling of intimacy, for wanting to please him, for my self-confidence in knowing people want me), but not physically want sex. I thought it was because the bad experiences I've had, but I've asked other people, and it seems that everyone has bad sex experiences. Yet they still want sex. I'm a very open-minded person. I tried porn. I tried sex ed videos. God knows how much repulse and disgust I felt towards them, to the extent that I have to force myself to watch them. I thought everyone is like me. Until this month.

(Me searching for dog pictures on Instagram and found an account called "hotdudeswithdogs" Me: "Nope, shirtless guys look creepy. I'll follow "dogsofinstagram" instead.

Me (to my bi-friend): “I comment on dogs being attractive so much more often than I comment on humans being attractive. Like, I think 99% of the dogs are attractive.” Friend: “I think 99% of the humans are attractive…no I’m lying. Maybe 20%.” Me: “I really think 99% of the dogs are attractive…look! There’s a very attractive dog! And here’s another very attractive dog! I love them all!”

(After reading a half joking post about ace people, despite usually hate kisses, would take a dog kiss at any second) Me: “I want a dog kiss, like right now.”

(Asked my bi-friend about lesbian sex, she suggested me Googling "scissoring") Me: "That's a hell lot of trouble only for sex. My ab hurts even watching it."

(On learning about the famous cake joke) Me to my bi-friend: "I don't like sweets so I don't like cake, but I'll take Asian food over sex every single moment...you know what, I want hot pot, right now." (Going to the restaurant)

(Me on learning about the existence of massage parlors) Me: why would people want sex instead of massage? The sweet ache when you hit a trigger point is the best! (But yes, literally!)

<p>(Bi friend showing me her blog of hot guys and girls)<br> Me: This is great gym motivation!<br> Friend: Even the guys are your gym motivation?<br> Me: I ignore all the gyms. And yes, the girls are my gym motivation. I wish I could have as slim and fit a body as theirs.