Meat Week

VEGETARIAN MEAL #1: So What Does This All Mean?

As my girlfriend, Chelsea, and I sat down for lunch at Soul Vegetarian, a fantastic and unassuming diner down on 75th St., to which she brought me as a wonderful surprise, I started putting together a list of what I've learned from my meaty adventure.  So here you go, everything you can expect to learn if you ever begin your very own Meat Week.

1) People want to know if this will bring me back to meat for good.

To answer that question, which I received at nearly every one of my 22 meals - no, I will not me staying on meat for good.  I became a vegetarian for health reasons and I can't ignore the benefits it provided.  Sure, the meat was delicious, but it's not like a drug with which you can fall off the wagon and be hooked again.  Dropping meat was a choice and dropping it again is another choice I'm making.  For all you meat lovers out there, I'm sorry to say, this was just a temporary romance.

More importantly though, Meat Week was very special.  The circumstances surrounding it are what made it so much fun and I have no intention of changing those circumstances.  I hadn't eaten meat regularly since 2006, I'm leaving Chicago and wanted an excuse to see the people I love, I had never been to a lot of these restaurants and I got to discover new things.  If I kept eating meat or held another Meat Week, the luster would fade and I would just become a guy who happens to eat meat.  To keep Meat Week special, I'll be returning to my old ways.

2) People are interested in my bathroom time.

So many people thought I'd get sick or have really sour poops.  Nothing happened.  I was totally fine all week.  The only issue was a fairly significant fatigue, but all sorts of things could have caused that.  Perhaps it is because I do eat fish fairly regularly, but I was and am completely fine.  But thanks for your concerns.

3) People are passionate about meat.

Holy crap, do people ever love meat!  It has been so much fun hearing stories from everyone about their favorite restaurants or how they like to prepare food or even just shops at which people buy meat to cook at home.  Everyone has an opinion and a story to excitedly tell about meat and, as far as I can tell, they are all right.  I received tons of emails and Facebook messages, some even from people I hadn't spoken to in years, just to let me know about a restaurant I should go to or a great deli or great recipes I could cook at home.  I think people were having as much fun as I was and I'm really appreciative of that.

4) Nothing beats a home-cooked meal.

The two best meals I ate all week: Tim's chili and Ed's feast.  Absolutely nothing beats a home-cooked meal.  You can really taste the time and effort put in by friends who wanted this to be special for me.  Something about restaurant food tastes just a little too uniform.  Don't get me wrong, the restaurants you all brought me to were excellent, but hands-down the best food I ate out of 22 meals was made by my friends.

Having said that, many of you have asked what my favorite meals were.  So here they are, excluding the home-cooked meals, a top 5 countdown (Bret, I'm doing this countdown the right way) of the best meaty restaurants I visited in Chicago:

5 - Franks N Dawgs

4 - Rub's Backcountry Smokehouse

3 - Au Cheval

2 - Honey Butter Fried Chicken

1 - Crisp

5) I have great friends.

I've loved every second of Meat Week and that is primarily because of my friends.  You have all made this a very special goodbye to the city I've called home and the people who made it my home.  The meats were great, the company was better, and that is exactly what I was hoping for.  I love you all and can't thank you enough for making Meat Week a huge success.

Without further ado, I believe I owe some of you a few superlatives.  Thank you all so much.  Whether you received a superlative or not, you are all the best friends I could have asked for.

Most Meaty Meals - 5 in total - Ian

Most long-distance participant - Rochester, NY - BJ

Most Sacrificed For Meat Week - Bret

Most Educational - Maxwell St. - Pat

Most Exhausted - Hot Doug's - Megan, Kaitlin, Emily, Kaylie

Least Expensive Meal - Slim Jim - Liz, Jessie, Ryan, Mike

Most Expensive Meal - Fogo De Chao - Jessica, Eric, Paul

Best Surprise Meal - TIE, Hong Kong Buffet and Renaldi's - Joey and Eric

Best Post-Meat Activity - Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit - Peter, Sarah, Joey, Ian

Best Meat Week Theme Song - Beefburp - Courtney

Best Unwanted Guest - Ceiling Rain

Biggest Party - Kuma's Too - Eric, Liz, Michael, Steve, Aaron, Betsy, Mike, Ryan

Only Breakfast - Bakin and Eggs - Mary Beth

Best Between-Meal Hang-Out Location - Harpo Studios - Sean

MEAT MEAL #22: The End of Our Journey

I can't think of a more fitting end to Meat Week.

You may recall from Meat Meal #4 that I've been playing he same campaign of Dungeons & Dragons since January 2013.  The final meaty meal doubled as the final quest of our long-running campaign.  It was a bittersweet day before it even began.

Our cast of characters for the final day:

Mia, an elven druid who is running from a prophecy from her past, played by me.

Klivdor, an old elven priest who went through somewhat of a rebirth which connected him more strongly to his god, played by Peter.

Father Owen, a bare-knuckle boxing priest who our party has not seen in many moons, played by Steve.

Krug Blumenfeld, a half-Jewish half-orc, played by Ed.

Walter Bimblestone, a dwarven bard whose soul has been cursed and trapped inside of a mechanical golem, played by Joey.

Cocaine DeFransicso, a Hispanic gentleman who regularly tells Mia that they should hang out more, played by Eric.

And of course, the hardest-working Dungeon Master this side of the Mississip - Brian.

I arrived at noon and the entire apartment was thick with wondrous meaty smells.  Immediately, Joey offers me his meaty creation - buffalo chicken meatballs wrapped in duck bacon.  Steve then hands me a candied bacon chocolate brownie made from scratch.  This was going to be a good day.

The kitchen was a veritable Rube Goldberg machine of cooking and at the heart of it, Ed.  Ed spent 3 hours the previous day just brining and making sauces for today's feast which included:

-Fried pork belly with lime, topped with a pickled mustard seed sauce.

-Korean fried chicken with an incredible octo vin that was great on everything

-Flank steak

-Ginger scallion sauce

All with rice and cabbage leaves to wrap up the delicious meats and sauces.  On top of all of that, Brian, the best pie maker I've ever met, made an outstanding summer berry pie and Eric, as per usual, made margaritas.  Our work was cut out for us.

We proceeded to play D&D for about 7 hours, fighting in the most epic battle imaginable.  At one point, the end boss enveloped Mia, fulfilling the prophesy from her past, making the evil being even more powerful.  This prompted a very fun walk down memory lane when several characters from journeys past arrived to aid us in the fight.  Brian has been working tirelessly for 2 years to build up to this moment and I can't thank him enough for all the fun times.  He had a very hard job wrangling a bunch of idiots for such a long time and we all had a blast every single week.

And all of this amazing food, I can't believe how much food there was.  Ed put so much time into ending Meat Week the right way and everyone contributed even more to make this the feast to end all feasts.

Upon the conclusion of the game, after we defeated our final villain, there was an equal sense of satisfaction in my stomach and in my heart.  We hung out for a few more hours, playing video games and whatnot.  At around 10pm, Ed asked me if I would like some steak.  Of course I would.  He expertly cooked up a thick juicy steak and split it with me, along with several soft-boiled eggs.  A very simple and fantastic end to my meat eating journey.

Nonmeat Nonweek

The following was written by my best friend Bret, who chose to celebrate Meat Week by not eating meat.  Enjoy!

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Nick Johnson is my best friend. One of the things about Bricknet that everyone must know is that we are a team, but we are competitive. Any game night involving Super Smash Brothers or any various speed based card game would bring out our vicious unsportsmanlike insults. Also Crash Team Racing doesn't count because that game sucks not because Nick always wins.

So when Nick announced he was going to be eating Meat for a week I knew I had to respond. Eat Meat for a week? So what? Basically everyone already does that all the time anyway. I'm going to NOT eat Meat for a week! That'll show him.

I learned three very important lessons this week.

1) It's hard to not be vocal about being vegetarian.

2) Being vegetarian doesn't mean being healthy.

3) Things are better with friends.

As silly as it is, a lot of our lives revolves around food. (I say it's silly because in the end it all turns to poop, hehe!) People go out to restaurants and chat. People bring and share exciting foods to work. Dates almost always feature fitting in small talk in between big mouthfuls of dinner. So when one decides to become vegetarian, one is basically limiting one's self from a big part of society. True, they can still partake in the act of going to restaurants or hanging out around people eating food, but eventually the questions do pop up. Whether a new vegetarian likes it or not, the conversation will always at some point revolve around them. It's unfair really. No one ever asks Meat eaters why they choose to eat Meat!

And the biggest question vegetarians get is "Why?" To which any normal vegetarian might answer "I don't like animals dying to feed me" or "health reasons". Of course this week I had to memorize with George Carlin-like skill the following: "My best friend from Rochester who I moved out to Chicago with is a vegetarian but he is leaving Chicago and sad about all the Meat he missed out on and so for one week only he is eating Meat and because particle physics change one thing about one Bricknet and the other Bricknet will respond with equal or greater value I have decided this week to not eat Meat."

"Uh... what?"

Point - Nick.

Veggies are good for you, right? Right. I'm not here to promote some sort of conspiracy theory that carrots are unhealthy or salads are bad. But here's the kicker. As a vegetarian, you actually have to eat veggies to be healthy. Yes that's right. Which means my week of eating buttered noodles, cereal (the kid kind with cartoons on the front and mazes on the back), skittles, popcorn, oreos, pizza (cheese, broccoli, spinach), and peanuts has been about as healthy as I've ever been. Sure every once in a while I got a veggie wrap or Morning Star Black Bean Burger in there, but those healthy nuggets only had my body more confused and stomach wrenching as it was used to it's regular stock of sugar or starch. So while I'm sure Nick's Meat Week is no more healthy than my Non Meat Non Week, Nick has had to suffer through delicious dish after delicious dish while I get to sit back and pin my regularly disastrously unhealthy eating habits on Nick's gluttonous free for all.

Point - Bret.

The obvious self loathing stand up-y joke here is that Nick has more friends than I do. Cue the sympathetic applause for the "underdog"... and Bret takes the win. But that's too easy. I could make some huge big wrap up speech about the ultimate lesson I learned and summarize it with a sentimental touch about Chicago and improv and Thanksgiving type stuff and life. But I'll let Nick have this one. And I'm sure he'll do a fine job of ending on a nice post, most likely involving some dumb ass food puns. (Spice up your life!)

Also that sounds really hard and I have a pomegranate frozen yogurt with red white and blue fruity pebbles- er I mean dinner waiting for me. So I will GRACIOUSLY AND QUIETLY SET DOWN MY METAPHORICAL CONTROLLER AND/OR HAND OF CARDS AND LET NICK WIN.

Point - Nick.

MEAT MEAL #21: Beefburp

Play this song while reading this post.

Immediately after inhaling my food at Hot Doug's, my great friends, Courtney and Ian, picked me up and brought me to Rub's Backcountry Smokehouse.  On the way, Ian played his Meat Week playlist, consisting of the above song and Meat Shake by Ugly Duckling.  We arrived and were met by my great friend Meghan, all of us ready for a feast.

This place was awesome.  We started with a round of root beers, brewed in-house, just like their many different soda varieties.  Without even opening their menus (which are made out of old vinyl album covers), Courtney knew that I would be getting the Big Guys Meal - 1/4 lb of pork, 1/4 chicken, 1/4 brisket, and 3 rib bones, all of which was smoked over wood, no gas or electricity.  We also ordered a huge side of meaty beans and a gigantic piece of custard-filled cornbread.  This was an insane amount of food and every ounce of it was outstanding.  I thought I was hungry enough, but I wasn't even close.  I made a good dent in it, but ended up taking a lot of food home, so now I get to enjoy this wonderful place a second time.

I was very happy to schedule this meal near the end of Meat Week.  The very first people I saw upon arriving in Chicago back in January of 2010 were Courtney and Ian.  They selflessly showed up to help my parents and I unload the truck into my new apartment and, due to our exhaustion from the long drive to Chicago, we pretty much just ditched them right afterward to go to a hotel and sleep.  I don't think I've ever repaid them for that huge favor, but man was it nice to know I had such great friends already in this new and intimidating city.

I also hadn't seen Meghan in a long time.  She recently got married and, as marriages go, that kept her pretty busy, but her husband, Mike, is also a great friend and I couldn't be happier.  If there were a trophy for nicest married couple, they would likely win.  She and I reminisced about the time Mike told me he was going to propose and then panicked the next day that the secret might get out.  Meghan, of course, didn't find out about this until later, but I have a very clear memory of being so happy to hear the news.  Truly, two of the best people I know.

MEAT MEAL #20: Six Hours

I arrived at Hot Doug's at 10:50am, locked up my bike, then started trying to find the end of the line.  Hot Doug's has always been known for crazy long lines and I have personally waited 2 hours on one occasion, but this was different.  Hot Doug's will be closing their doors for good in October, so everyone has been making an effort to get one last tasty treat.  Everyone.  In the world.

I walked and walked and walked until I was at the end of the line.  An older gentleman stood on his front porch, watching this line of crazy idiots forming right in front of his house, as I'm sure it does every day, smoking a cigarette and slowly shaking his head.  He knew what I was in for.  I didn't.

Hot Doug's opens at 10:30am and closes at 4:00pm.  Surely, it couldn't possibly go THAT long, could it?

Shortly after I arrived, my great friends Kaitlin, Emily, Kaylie, and Megan joined me in line, also unaware of what was in store for them.  The morning started chilly, but the sun came out relatively quickly in an effort to truly test our resilience.

So there we stood.  The line seemed promising at first.  Within the first hour, we had moved up what seemed like 1/3 of the way.  An employee of Hot Doug's came out at about that time and announced that the people standing in our general area were looking at about a 5-6 hour wait.  We and the other people near us scoffed.  There is no way that could be true.  Look how far we have already come!  They must just say that to people to thin out the herd.

To pass the time, we resorted to all sorts of childhood boredom-killers: Miss Mary Mack, Hot Hands, 20 Questions, and discussing the huge bag of VHS tapes that Megan inexplicably brought with her.

The photo above was taken at about 3:00pm - already 4 hours deep into our journey.  We had JUST reached the rear corner of Hot Doug's.  The sun beat down so hard that I put on my helmet to prevent sunburn and Kaitlin similarly user her umbrella.  It was agony.  Most of us hadn't eaten anything at all, intended to be preparation for the meaty feast.  To get us through the day, we bought ice cream from the ice cream truck brilliantly parked outside.  Give that man a medal and an American flag, he's got it all figured out.

We made it to the side window just in time to see them switch off the neon "Open" sign at 4:00pm.  The Hot Doug's employee from earlier made a promise they would feed us all, but I can't say it felt promising to see that sign turn off, especially since the line really started to stand still at this point.  Still, we had come this far and Meat Week demands that we achieve our goal.

We finally made it to the counter to see Doug's smiling face ready to take our order at 4:50pm, exactly 6 hours after I first got in line and, incidentally, 50 minutes after his store closed for the day.  There was still a line wrapped around the building.  The people at the end of that line must have had another 90 minutes to go, at least.  Kudos to Doug for making sure everyone got to enjoy his delicious creations.

And delicious they were.  Of course, after 6 hours in the sun and not eating all day, cardboard would have been delicious.  But the "Bo Derek," an andouille sausage done up Chicago-dog-style, and the "Cameron Bufford," an apple and cinnamon pork sausage with sheep's milk cheese and an apricot drizzle, were among the most beautiful things I have ever seen.  I barely remember eating them, but I'm sure they were incredible.

MEAT MEAL #19: Loitering

A few weeks ago, while I was planning Meat Week, my great friend Liz said she wanted to participate in Meat Week by eating a Slim Jim with me in a 7-Eleven parking lot.  Considering that's how I spent a large portion of my youth, I was very excited.

Liz, Ryan, Mike, Jessie, and I did that last night after our penultimate show as Raygun Reagan.  I had a Monster Size Original Flavor Slim Jim, so basically 2 Slim Jims.  Liz, who was not feeling well, subbed out and Ryan regretfully stepped in and ate a Regular Size Original Flavor Slim Jim.  While eating his Regular Size Original Flavor Slim Jim, Ryan, a master of hitting the nail on the head in only 1 sentence, said about his Slim Jim,

"It's supposed to be wet, right?"

MEAT MEAL #18: Black or White

My great friends, Nora and John, met up with me at Harold's Chicken for dinner after what I can only describe as a complete disaster of a cab ride.  Nora used to eat Harold's in high school and she knew without hesitation that she wanted to introduce me to the place as soon as she knew Meat Week was a thing.  In true Meat Week fashion, I asked for the best meat she could find and she had a definitive answer right away.  And boy was her answer delicious.

She and I split a 4-piece mix of dark and white meat with mild sauce, fries, and fried mac and cheese bites.  This is classic fried chicken.  No frills, nothing fancy, just fried to perfection.  It is also made to order, which is pretty important when it comes to fried food.  The sauce was sloppy and sweet (just like me) and definitely left me curious what their other sauces taste like.

MEAT MEAL #17: Fogo De Holy Crap Wow

Rule #1 when going to Fogo De Chao, don't bike there in 87 degree heat and 62% humidity while wearing a long-sleeve shirt and jeans.  Rule #2, come hungry.

Jessica, Eric, Paul, and I were lead to our table and given the most thorough introduction to a restaurant I've ever witnessed.  It was the perfect introduction to prepare us for impeccable service and more meat than anyone could handle.

The premise is simple: you have a little card, red on one side, green on the other.  When you flip it to green, prepare for an onslaught of servers carrying huge quantities of various meats on swords.  They will keep coming at you and, in the spirit of Meat Week, I took everything they threw at me.  I completely lost count of how many different meats I ate and how many servings I ate.  They also have a fantastic salad bar, but really, who can be bothered when meat continually falls on your plate?

And the service was fantastic.  These people want to make sure you're enjoying yourself and your meal.  That alone was enough to make it a great experience, but then you throw unlimited meat into the mix and you've created a wonderful monster.

When we first sat down, the server asked if any of us were vegetarians.  "Well sir," I thought, but didn't say, "yes, but not today, and certainly not in here."  But all I actually said was a hesitant "no" for the sake of not having to explain myself.

Shortly after that, Paul gave me a very thoughtful gift - the Betty Crocker vegetarian cookbook.  My girlfriend and I are both vegetarians (outside of Meat Week, of course) and she is a much better cook than I am, but I'm looking forward to learning.  I was a bit concerned, however, when the book started glowing and spewing obscenities once it gained sentience and realized where it was.  Once the food started coming, the book eventually turned into dust and blew away, but not without giving everyone stigmata.

MEAT MEAL #16: Jurassic Bark

I will open with this: Honey Butter Fried Chicken is the best idea anyone has ever had.  Fried chicken, great, but THEN YOU GET TO SMEAR HONEY BUTTER ON IT LIKE TOAST.

My great friend, Jessica, and I tried to determine how many pieces of chicken we would want.  We went with 4.  We were wrong.  We ordered a second plate of 4 after inhaling the first batch.  This place made me a monster and I want to eat all of the butter forever.  I had assumed this place would be great, but never could I have imagined what a difference it makes to butter my fried chicken.

Apart from wonderful chicken, I was also in great company.  We stayed well after we had finished eating while talking about everything.  Scrubs.  Cheers.  Hopes.  Fears.  The sexual attractiveness of each of the Ghostbusters.  The horrifically sad episode of Futurama about Fry's dog.

Our conversations were fantastic, as they always are, but she asked me a fascinating question toward the beginning of the meal and it is still sticking out in my head.  What advice or last words of wisdom would I impart before I leave Chicago?  This made me stop and think for a moment.  I've given advice to a lot of people who are just getting started in improv/comedy or people who are considering making a move to pursue a dream, but these were always people who were new to their pursuits and not people who have come up along with me.

Among a few other words of wisdom, Jessica came up with this: my measure of my own success should always be set by me, never what anyone else says it ought to be.  Sound advice.  I know that I constantly ignore that advice and I appreciated hearing her say it.  Tell that to everyone you know, because it is likely that they need to hear it too.

MEAT MEAL #15: Kismet

I received a phone call yesterday from BJ, one of my closest friends from college, a vegetarian, and someone to always go above and beyond the call of duty when it comes to his friends.  He still lives in Rochester, but wanted to be part of Meat Week.  How could I refuse?  His original intention was to order from a place called Pierogi Heaven and then talk on the phone with me while I ate, but they wouldn't deliver to my apartment.

He called me today while trying to figure out a passable alternative.  He considered (and may still be considering) getting me some miserable disgusting sounding foods.  In the spirit of Meat Week, I would not be able to refuse.  We ended the call still unsure of what he would get for me.

I received another call from him shortly afterward to let me know that he found a place.  Estimated delivery, between 3:30 and 3:45.  I was concerned because my great friend, Jonny, was on his way over at 3:00 to work on some comedy stuff and I wanted to give equal attention to Jonny and BJ's mystery meal.  It couldn't have worked out better.

Jonny called me at 3:00 to let me know he was waiting at the door to my building.  I ran downstairs to let him in.  Just down the sidewalk was a man holding a plastic bag with a yellow smiley face on it, the emblem of the generic food delivery man.  Jonny and I joked briefly about claiming we were the intended recipients and taking the food.  Then my phone rang.  I looked through the window, the delivery man was holding his phone to his ear.  What perfect timing.  Here we are joking about stealing this food and it is my food all along.

I bring Jonny and the mystery meal up to my apartment and call BJ before opening the bag.  BJ giggled with anticipation.  First I found chicken noodle soup, a staple of the meat-eating community.  I then uncovered a medium-sized white box.  I opened it and Jonny, incidentally fluent in German, exclaimed "Apfelstrudel!"  More specifically, Altwiener Apfelstrudel from Cafe Vienna.  A fantastic apple pastry, intended to be a dessert to the remaining food still in the bag.  But more importantly, BJ ordered me Austrian food without knowing that I'd open it with an equally giggly German speaker.  Another sign from the meat gods, for sure.

I pulled out the last of the contents of the bag -  a wiener schnitzel entree.  Again, Jonny exclaimed, "ooo, schnitzel!"

After looking up Cafe Vienna, I found that BJ ordered and paid for the most expensive entree they sell, then also threw in dessert, despite the fact that he won't get a chance to be here and enjoy it with me.  Like I said, he is never one to shortchange his friends.

I took a bite of the schnitzel with BJ on the phone and it was delicious.  Having only just recently returned from my historic walking tour, I was still fairly full, so I put it all in the fridge for a meaty late night snack.

MEAT MEAL #14: Historic Chicago Walking Tour

Pat and I hopped on a southbound bus and made our was to historic Maxwell Street.  The moment we got off the bus, Pat reached into his bag and handed me a thick packet entitled "A Guide to Chicago's Maxwell Street & Little Italy Neighborhoods."

I said, "What is this?"

Pat replied, very matter-of-fact-ly, in a way only Pat could or would speak, "It's a book."

I opened this "book" and found that Pat had printed out Wikipedia articles about Maxwell Street, Little Italy, Express Grill, and Jim's Original.  This meaty meal had been upgraded from a lunch to a walking tour.  I couldn't be happier.

Pat and I took the scenic route everywhere.  We walked down Maxwell Street and stopped to read the tourist information stands explaining how this area used to be and showing off photos of the bustling market that once stood here.  Pat pointed out where the two competing Polish sausage stands once stood before we rounded the corner and walked a block north to where both restaurants now stand.

There is something so fun about 2 practically identical restaurants that have been competing for decades right next to each other.  It is like something out of a cartoon.  It's the Hatfields and McCoys.  Signs hang stating that they are not affiliated with any other nearby sausage stands.  Meanwhile, the bluest of Chicago's blue-collar workers line the walls at the standing-only counter-tops intended for you to wolf down your food and get back to work.

And wolf we did.  We ordered and split a Polish sausage with mustard and onions from both locations.  Each one was fantastic.  As I understand it, people are very loyal to one or the other.  If I had to pick right now, I'd lean toward Express Grill because the onions are a bit better and the sausage was thicker, but I would honestly be happy with either one.  I'd give an extra point to Jim's for the fries (both sausages came with free fries), so that brings me back to it being a toss up.  I think what I would do if I ever came back for more meat is just eat at both again.  Why choose?

We then meandered over to the location of the original (est. 1938) Al's #1 Italian Beef.  I expected a hot and juicy beef sandwich similar to what I used to get back home at the Red Osier stands during Rochester sporting events.  While conceptually similar, Al's is very unique and out-of-control delicious.  Pat had me order a big beef, extra juicy (or "dipped," meaning that the entire sandwich is dipped in oil), with sweet peppers.  This thing was huge and sloppy.  We propped ourselves up at the standing counters just before the lunch rush flooded in.  Everyone walking in, possibly frustrated or miserable from the work day, just looking to get a little pick-me-up in the form of a greasy, warm, delicious sandwich.  America.  Chicago.

We rounded out our walking tour across the street at Mario's Italian Lemonade, a small Italian ice shop.  A perfect end to a sunny trip around some historic Chicago staples.

MEAT MEAL #13: Back in the Habit

Peter, Joey, Sarah, and I met up early at Peter's condo.  While hanging out and generally being dumb, we fell upon the decision to start watching Sister Act 2.  I really don't feel like any further explanation is needed.  That sounds very much like the entirety of my friendship with them.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.

We walked a couple blocks to Cafe Orchid, a small, quiet Turkish restaurant.  We grabbed a table outside and Ian (now on his fourth meaty meal, taking the lead) joined us there.  What a delight this place was.  It was a beautiful summer night and we were about to be served gourmet food without a gourmet price tag.

Our shared appetizers were the meat pie and the fried liver and onions.  I have no idea how these were supposed to be appetizers.  Each of them could have been a whole meal and I would have walked away very satisfied.  Then my main course arrived - Lamb Iskender.  It is difficult for me to understand why every meal ever made isn't this meal.  It is so simple - lamb, garlic bread, yogurt.  Mix it all up and love the next 15-20 minutes of your life.  Perhaps it was because it was a Wednesday night, but this place was relatively empty and I just can't understand it.  For your next date night, especially a first date, this place is perfect.

Speaking of perfect, we all walked back to Peter's to finish the last 1/3 of Sister Act 2.  Some of my most favorite nights in Chicago are the nights I do nothing at Peter's.  Perhaps that is because he and Sarah are my grandparents.

I should explain.

About a year ago, due to a series of horrible snafus, I was left without an apartment.  Long story short, at the end of a 12-hour day of moving out of my old apartment, finding out I didn't have an apartment to move into, looking for a new apartment last-minute, and then moving into a storage unit, I called Peter to see if I could crash with him until I figured things out.  He didn't hesitate.  He told me to come over right away.

MEAT MEAL #12: Alright, Sportsfans

After a long, hot bike ride, I met up with Kaylie, a great friend from my now-former job, for lunch at Longman & Eagle, a restaurant that sounds like an awesome buddycop movie.  We sat outside at a table that apparently belonged to a bee, but a bee that was kind enough to let us finish eating before coming home.

Kaylie's choice for my meaty meal: a wild boar sloppy joe.  You read that correctly.  It was very tasty in a pretty unique way.  Boar tastes like a chicken and a cow had a baby.  Maybe that's how the first boar was born.  Prove me wrong.

The sandwich was topped with a pickled jalapeno, a real kick in the mouth that brought the sandwich to the next level.  Throw in some perfectly salted fries, and you've got what I'd have to assume is a solid hangover sandwich, which is quite useful when you notice that this bar/restaurant is also kind of a hotel/B&B.  You never really have to leave, just show up, drink, go to sleep, wake up, eat boar.

Sean, of meals 9 and 10, put together this list of other Weeks I can have once Meat Week is over.  Enjoy!

Ifritweek - you just play Magic the Gathering all week

Sweetweek - you gorge on cupcakes

Suiteweek - a 7 day marathon of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody

Sweepsweek - you just pay close attention to Fall sweeps

Supermarketsweepsweek - you patrol a grocery store for a week dressed as a box of Arm & Hammer baking soda

Incompleteweek - don't know what this is yet

Mesquiteweek - you eat beef jerky to come down from meatweek

Sheetweek - you eat bacon through a hole in a sheet

Backseatweek - you deliver a baby in a sedan

Weakmeat - you spend a week punching a slab of beef to tenderize it

Meetmeat - you go to a slaughterhouse

Weakweek - you only eat soup and tea for a week

Meekwheat - you hide shyly for photos in a wheat field

MeetWhetus - you try to meet the band Whetus

MEAT MEAL #11: Potential Boyfriends

Immediately after parting ways with Sean and Ian, I hurried up to perform with Potential Boyfriends at the new MCL Chicago.  For the past 3.5 years, our after party has taken place at Trader Todd's, a karaoke bar that has treated us like kings since day 1.  It is our Cheers, but with a lot more terrible singing.

I wasn't particularly hungry, but I couldn't pass up my only chance to eat meat at the place I've gone to more than 200 times over the course of 4.5 years.  There were a lot of people with us tonight, but in my immediate vicinity were Peter, Pat, Sarah, Nora, Katie, Kevin, and Ian who rejoined me after we parted ways earlier in the night.  There were many more, including the Todd (THE Todd) and his wife Virginia, Scott behind the bar, and Sandy, the server who always knows what I want to drink the moment I walk through the door.  We have become such great friends with everyone at Trader Todd's and they have always welcomed us with open arms.  They've even gone so far as to throw us parties on our show anniversaries.  I can't say enough nice things about the people who run that place.

MEAT MEALS #9 and #10: Tueadays With Seany

The first friend I made in Chicago was Sean, so it seemed appropriate for us to spend an entire day together.  It also doesn't hurt that he is a writer for Thrillist, covering primarily new restaurants in Chicago.  Word to the wise, if you know any professional food critics and ever decide to do anything even remotely close to Meat Week, stick to that person like glue.  You will not be steered wrong.

The first place Sean steered me was Franks 'N' Dawgs, a fairly unassuming place from the outside.  Go there.  Immediately.  We will see how it rivals Hot Doug's this Saturday, but Franks 'N' Dawgs is definitely generating some stiff competition.  The "Pork of July" (pictured in the foreground) was just stupid delicious.  There aren't other words.  Stupid delicious.  The BLT dog was also very good, but man oh man, the Pork of July had pulled pork on top of a thick pork sausage.  In my life time, I've concluded that everything you eat forever should included these three ingredients in mass quantities: ground black pepper, caramelized onions, pulled pork.  Prior to today, pulled pork was not on that list.

After lunch, Sean and I paid a visit to the brand spankin' new iO Theater.  Sean and I first met in class at iO the day after I moved to Chicago.  At the time, it was located in Wrigleyville, but very recently moved and reopened just off of North Ave.  I had not yet had a chance to visit the new space and we were in the neighborhood already with time to kill so we took a look around.  It was a pretty mixed bag of emotions.  The new space is huge and beautiful, very exciting to see where it goes from here, but at the same time, it isn't the clubhouse I came to know and love, the clubhouse that brought me to this city almost 5 years ago.  It was overwhelming, to say the least.

After that, we hung out in Best Buy, because why not?

We hopped on a bus toward the West Loop, an area known for 2 things - super trendy, hip restaurants, and Oprah.  To kill more time, we swung by Harpo Studios and, for a brief moment, considered dropping dinner in favor of seeing an Oprah show.  I genuinely don't know which would have been more satisfying.

We made our way to Au Cheval and grabbed a table.  A few minutes later, Ian (of Meal #2 fame) joined us for some meaty goodness.  It seems Ian is vying for the gold medal for most meaty meals and he is well on his way.

Sean and I split 2 sandwiches: a fried bologna sandwich and a burger topped with bacon and a fried egg.  We discussed getting a double burger, but Sean ordered the single.  When he did so, I asked why he didn't order the double.  The server replied with a wink, "The single is a double, dude."  I'm still not clear on what the hell happened there.  It almost felt like he was trying to give me some greater message in the pivotal scene of our dumb buddy comedy movie, but I think in actuality he was just trying to tell me the single has 2 burger patties.  Why is it a single, I dunno.  Once I took a bite, I didn't care.

This surprised the hell out of me, but I must report honestly.  Au Cheval is a better burger than Kuma's.  Didn't think it would be possible, but it is.  Sean asked me what specifically made me say that, and I really don't have an answer.  I'm willing to presume that I just love whatever I'm eating right now, but I do think that an empirical test would reveal the same result.  It is just a better burger.  Don't get me wrong, I loved Kuma's and you get a lot more variety at Kuma's as well, so they both have their benefits.  I could see a trip to Au Cheval every once in a while, while Kuma's has more replay value. 

MEAT MEAL #8: Of Course

I've been to Kuma's Corner before, but only as a vegetarian.  Even then, they made one of the best veggie burgers I've ever eaten.  So it's no surprise that Kuma's Too, their 2nd location, was one of the most highly recommended restaurants when I first announced Meat Week.  People swore by it, insisting that I go and experience the best burger on the face of the earth.  How could I pass that up?

A total of 8 people joined me (from left, Eric on his 3rd meaty meal, me, Liz, Michael, Steve, Aaron, Betsy, Mike, Ryan), making this a delightful group outing.  Everyone I was with agreed that they know no better burgers than the ones available to us this evening.  Since it was impossible to decide between perfection and other types of perfection, Ryan made the call that I should order the burger of the month: The Exhorder.  Picture the insides of a ground beef taco dumped out on top of a 10 ounce, medium-cooked burger.  The picture I took does it absolutely no justice, but this thing was huge and incredible.

I feel like there isn't anything I could say about Kuma's that people don't already know.  This is the best burger you can ever buy.  I'd have been satisfied just eating the burger patty because it was prepared so well that the toppings and even the bun were just gratuitous, but still very welcome.  They even go so far as to pair beers with the burgers to enhance the experience - you should absolutely trust their recommendations.

You should also absolutely trust my friends when it comes to meat.  They are killing it, you guys.  Flat out destroying.  I am 1/3rd of the way through Meat Week, the turnout has been great, the excitement has been great, and the company and conversations have been exactly what I was hoping for.