i hate my stupid life so damn much!
nothing is enjoyable anymore and nothing is worth doing anymore! i keep doing the same pointless things every time and it doesnt do me any good! nothing satisfies me!
friends arent fun anymore and i no longer want l#ve bc its irrelevant and i hate w#men now! i hate looking at them or hearing them! i hate everything about them! i hate all these stupid wenches so damn much and all these stupid guys who are always with them!
all those stupid c##ples that i hate! doesnt matter if theyre straight or not, they all l#ve each other and thats what i hate! and to make matters worse, my cousin lives directly above me with her b-friend and their stupid kid! i hate them so much!
everybody says things will get better but i know that will never happen! i will never be happy again bc i cant feel it! its been too long! i dont even know what being happy or what l#ve felt like!
i cant stand ppl being happy and having fun! they dont deserve to be so lucky! they dont deserve have such great happy lives! all these ppl smiling and laughing! all these ppl hanging out with their friends, family or p#rtners! all this l#ve and s#x in the air! if i cant be happy, nobody can! they all deserve to die! they all deserve to havr a gruesome end to their stupid pathetic lives!
and im always imagining a life i used to wish to experience again, a life where im happy and im having fun with a pretty w#man, know that it will never ever happen! i keep on wanting to feel something, knowing i can never feel "good"! and i keep having horny urges knowing full well that pleasuring myself is pointless! it hurts me!
and i hate myself! every inch, every part of my body i hate! im such an ugly disgusting mess! im such a pathetic excuse for a man!
i just want to die alr! every day i wish to die but i always wake up! this has gone on for too long! i just want it all to end!
