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Too sad to sleep
Because I thought you were next to me
Turns out it was my silhouette starting at my back
Inside my eyes bearing it’s weight
From unraveling the pained spirit in me
a weak thread made up of hope was I
without my stitches to hold me together
a weak hand without my other
And I am an attic covered in dust
But I sleep in room that shudders me awake
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Colors
Red was once my heart,
Orange was your fingertips.
Yellow is my smile; yours is white.
But the trees were always green
And Blue is my soul; purple is my mind's eye.
As for pink, it was for the girls, and black was for the night.
“Lost of identity”
Content warning: Severe body horror
i had this dream a few days ago now and it wont go away from my thoughts. im posting on an alt so that nobody can know that this is me. it was the same universe as our this time if this even is the universe that i have been living, but i went to school like normal and was about to touch myself when my balls split so many times and began to swim under my skin up into my arms like thousands of small pellets squirming and eating away at my flesh i stilll remember that feeling and it hurst so much i am a trans woman pre estrogen and now my dysphoria is leagues higher then it was even just a week ago and now the only places i feel happy are on the roof of parking garages and being alone in the woods
the first one
im not sure how i wokeup today my "dream" was a nightmare pitching my past onto me in the future. it started with somebody attacking me vicously i still remeber the pain it was melded with what i was doing earlier in the day but i remember how i was punished for defending myself i remember killing someone but thats it. it was another dream from an alternate universe that ended in suicide this keeps happening
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
What its like living in a life you never planned
When my depression truly began, I was 13 years old. Looking back, that was the age at which every idea I had about the future quietly disappeared. It wasn't that I had dreams that were shattered or ambitions that failed. The truth is, I simply stopped imagining a future for myself at all.
I had no career in mind, no long-term goals, no vision of the person I wanted to become. Depression did not just make me sad; it stripped away my ability to picture a life beyond the present moment. At 13, I genuinely did not believe I would make it to 16.
As strange as it sounds now, reaching certain milestones felt impossible because I never expected to be there to experience them. So when GCSEs arrived, I struggled. Not because I was incapable, and not because I did not care, but because I had spent years believing that those exams belonged to a version of myself that would never exist.
I did not perform as well as I had hoped, but the deeper issue was that I had never imagined myself sitting in that exam hall in the first place. While other people were preparing for their futures, I was trying to survive a future I could not see.
What is difficult to explain is that there was no hidden dream waiting underneath it all. People often ask what I wanted to be when I grew up, but the answer is that I wanted nothing. There was no ambition to lose because there was no ambition there. Depression had hollowed out that part of me long before I understood what was happening.
For years, my life was not about building a future. It was about getting through the day. And when you spend long enough surviving, the idea of planning a life for yourself can begin to feel like something that belongs to other people.
🩷 Continue reading, angel…
TW: Suicide, depression
