阳光

      her nose scrunched up at the foul interruption of the badger.  MEI CHANG,  NO LESS.     “  merlin,  chang,  must you always walk around like a cockroach ??  —and as if i’d talk about how my detention was to you. ”  with a dramatic HUFF,  amora turned back towards the boy.  “ —now anyways,  what were we talking about again, lockhart? ”

         “  listen,  i’d much rather spend my day perfecting my WANDWORK then having to write a bloody potions essay on the everlasting elixirs.  ——  i think slughorn has too much fun assigning us homework if you ask me.  ”

amycus visibly tensed; his expression unfathomable and cold. whatever hint of easiness and joyfulness was previously in the atmosphere, it was gone now. although mei didn’t name them, the carrow knew exactly what she meant. it was now that he realized how different their worlds were and they were clashing. he could easily lie and hide it, both of them would be happy and their friendship untainted. but what was the point? the truth would eventually come out, it was inevitable. he couldn’t escape from what he was.

“yes” the slytherin responded simply. “i am expected to join as well after my graduation” he added, keeping his gaze on the black waters of the lake. amycus knew now what was bothering mei so much, what she wanted to know all along.. and he would give her all the answers, no matter how disappointing they’d be to her.

         HIS WORDS WERE disappointing .  she hoped to hear something else ,  but it wasn’t surprising . they came from different worlds  -  -  different backgrounds .  she could feel her lower lip quiver in the slightest as she clenched her jaw .  she wasn’t even completely sure she could word her next question  w i t h o u t  losing her composure .  her lips had parted to mumble something before she cleared her throat . 

         " MY  -   -  MY M -  - ” her breath hitched as she felt silent again .  “ my mom . ”  hot air escaped between her teeth .  “ do you know anything about  -   - ? ”  her eyes focused on his forehead ,  his eyebrows ,  and then finally his eyes .  everything seemed so muddled as if more so than ever people were hiding behind falsities .  perhaps because the lines were solidifying more with each passing days .  it was getting harder and harder to turn a blind eye . 

amycus raised an eyebrow at the girl, awaiting for her to finish her sentence. although she didn’t, it was pretty clear to him what she meant to say. “i didn’t do it because of a joke i’ve heard a hundred times. well, that too, but he was pissin’ me off all night long. still, i showed some enviable patience, don’t ya think?” dropping his cigarette on the ground and stamping it out with his food, his lips formed into a smirk once again “callin’ me fat, chang? is that it?” he teased.

he didn’t realize until now just how much he missed talking to her; something inside was still irking him. he had to talk to her. amycus wasn’t good with words and feelings and all that; this wasn’t how he usually solved his problems. though this time he had to. “i’d promise but we both know that’d be a lie” he admitted “and if something’s up.. you can talk to me ‘n shit, you know that, right?”

          “ YOU COULD STAND to go for a jog every now and then . ”  she did miss talking to him .  he was  F U N  to talk to ,  not like the other pureblood pricks .  he wasn’t as partial to blood purity  &  that was how they became friends .  well ,  there were just about a dozen other reasons they managed to bond but still . 

          SHE TURNED AROUND ,  letting out a sigh as she turned to look at the lake .  “ i  K N O W . ”  her lips pursed as she nodded her head .  but how could she ?  how could she ask him what she wanted to know ?  she couldn’t essentially accuse his parents of a heinous crime .  but without a definitive answer ,  there’d always be a suspicion deep inside ,   G N A W I N G  away .  her gaze tore from the lapping water  &  focused on the slytherin .  her lips parted but no words escaped .  but there was desperation in her veins .  it felt like minutes were passing when she took a step forward . 

                                      “ YOUR PARENTS  -           -                                                 are they ?  you know . ”                                                part of them ,  she tried to ask .

“ — word to the wise – i, ah, REALLY wouldn’t recommend going in there right now. ”

though amycus was still bitter about the whole thing, he couldn’t deny that he was glad mei was at least talking to him now. he expected the outcome to be a lot worse – though if chang cared about tonks’ bruised up face more than her issues with the slytherin, he’d definitely lose his shit. “good for him” he replied, his voice laced with sarcasm.

his lips formed into a small smirk at her concern. “nah, it’s alright, really. been worse. perhaps it was me you should’ve rushed to madam pomfrey. tonks’ face really bruised up my knuckles.” he teased.

       “ STILL DIDN’T DESERVE it ,  though .  he’s a good guy .  what he said was kind of fucked ,  but  -   -  you know . . .  ”  her voice trailed off almost as if to say who hasn’t cracked that joke at least once ?  she glanced towards him ,  instantly finding herself in a somewhat better mood knowing he was no longer upset .  “ you’re also heavier ,  though  &  it took me longer than i would have liked to get him to the hospital wing . ”  she had gotten weaker over the past few months with her only source of exercise being walking to and from class .  

           HER LIPS CURLED slightly .  though it was just a matter of time before she started to feel guilty .  it felt almost wrong to be enjoying moments like these .  the number of unsent owls stashed in her drawer addressed to a home she could no longer step foot in was growing each day . 

                                        she just  . . .  she felt bad  &  couldn’t figure out what to do about it .  

          SHE LET OUT a sigh before standing up to head back into the castle .  “ try not blowin’ another fuse in the next week ,  yeah ? ”

ever since the ted tonks accident, amycus had been in a shitty mood, way shittier than usual. amycus might not give a shit about a lot of things; but the people he considered to be his friends.. he definitely gave a shit about them. that’s why the way mei treated him since the beginning of seventh year irked him so much. and just when he was about to fix things, they got even worse.

amycus decided to spend this night by the lake; just him and his cigarettes. he inhaled the smoke and enjoyed the solitude while gazing at the still dark waters; it was a peaceful night. suddenly, he heard her voice. how mei managed to sneak up on him and how long she’d been here, amycus didn’t know. he turned towards the hufflepuff, dark hues landing on her face for a few seconds before returning to the lake once again. 

“how’s tonks? took care of him?”

            SHE PURSED HER lips before taking a seat upon a large  s t o n e .  the water moved quietly ,  guided silently by the light breeze around them .  it was unfair of her to give him the cold shoulder without an explanation .  she knew that ,  but how was she to explain herself ?  it was easier to keep it to herself .  she offered no explanation to edgar or amos or anyone when she stopped showing up to practice .  

            “ HE’LL BE OKAY .  madam pomfrey is one talented witch . ”  her fingers fiddled with the collar of her jacket .  she was really only there to let him know she wasn’t  -   -  what ?  A N G R Y  ?  it wasn’t her emotions that should matter .  she wasn’t the one on the ground with a busted lip . 

                               “ how’re your knuckles ?                                           you  I C E  ‘em ? ”

         HER STEPS WERE quiet ,  hair billowing due to the wind .  the lake was a place that offered ease ,  solitude .  it was also a place she knew the snake would inhabit .  &  she’d be right .  her eyes narrowed as a particularly strong gust of wind nearly pushed her a step back . 

                                         “ plan on knocking out a fish any time soon ? ”  // @amycuses

the carrow stood there and watched as she ran to tonks’ aid. he didn’t expect her to just ignore her bloodied housemate lying on the ground, but he still didn’t like the sight of it. truth is, amycus felt no remorse for what he’d done whatsoever. the only thing that bothered him is the fact that the tension between him and mei would become even worse; if there was a chance she’d start speaking to him again anytime soon, that chance was gone now, amycus thought.

he snorted at her question. “you gotta be fuckin’ kidding me, mei” the slytherin muttered, letting out a laugh in disbelief “no thanks, i’m good. you can keep on babying tonks on your own.” 

        HONESTLY WHO WAS she to think he’d assist her in helping ted ?  had she been in his place ,  she would have turned on her heels and walked  O U T .  pride was a sin but it was impossible to escape .  though refusing to voice it ,  the witch remained neutral in this case .  there had been provoking .  &  now she was even more reminded of her argument with amora .  she had quite literally been in his shoes a few weeks ago  B U T  ted tonks was a badger ;  they were house mates .  her loyalty was split between them .

        “ FINE . ” she could do this herself .  her arms were shaking slightly as she continued to support tonks .  it was  h a r d  to ignore the crowd around them .  “ you are fine ,  ted .  that’s right but we’re just going to double check  &  then we can get some sweets from the kitchen . ”  her voice was soft ,  G E N T L E ,  this time . 

amycus was blind to everything else that was going on around him; he couldn’t hear mei, he couldn’t feel her hands trying to get him off tonks, he couldn’t hear the music nor could he see the crowd that was curiously watching them. all he could think about was landing punch after punch. he wasn’t done. not yet.

“AMYCUS!!” 

he suddenly snapped out of it and stopped; ted tonks was laying on the ground, mei was calling for him to stop. she was right. he’d had enough. he looked around only to see looks of shock, worry and amusement at his way. “what the fuck are you looking at?” he yelled out in frustration, though it didn’t matter what they thought, it was mei’s reaction that he dreaded.

      HER EYES DARTED from ted to amycus a few times as she processed the blood .  at least he heard her ,  her arms fell to her side before bending down ,  she raised the hufflepuff’s head slightly .  the witch used the sleeve of her sweater to try and clean him up but it failed to make the badger look any better .  “ do you need to go to the infirmary ?  did he break your nose ? ” they needed to get out of there .  the dozens of eyes weren’t helping . “ you can still here me ,  right ? tell me how much of a better chaser you are than i am ,  teddy boy . ” swallowing a lump in her throat ,  she was only somewhat aware of the blood sweeping through her own sweater .  “ c’mon .  we gotta get you out of here . ” sliding her arm around him ,  she just barely got him off the floor .  

      “ YOU GONNA HELP or what ? ”  she met his eyes before looking down to see how bruised  &  battered his own knuckles were . 

amycus adverted his gaze towards mei, though his grip on tonks didn’t loosen at all “now you’re talking to me?” he scoffed “i’m done with his shit. and yours. but his especially, his voice grinds my ears. also, don’t you think he’s done enough shit talking tonight?” the slytherin spat out. he might have been pissed off until now, but the words that came out of tonks’ mouth made something inside him snap. amycus was seeing red. he released his tight grip on the badger’s shirt. he lightly pushed mei who was trying to interfere to the side. clenchening his fists, he landed a punch on tonks’ face, taking out all the anger he’d built up tonight. then another. and another. amycus wanted to see blood.

         HER LIPS PARTED to form an ‘ o ’ at ted’s words ,  ready to share her own colorful phrases at the other badger .  she may not be speaking to the slytherin ,  but he was still one of her  c l o s e s t s  friends .  “ what the  F U C K  ton  -  -  ”  she was interrupted with carrow’s hateful words .  the witch was fine being angry  &  cold to others ,  but the second they returned the hostility ?  she found it unfair .  how hypocritical of her .   the hufflepuff took a few steps back due to the shove and her eyes widened as she watched the scene unfold . 

         THERE WERE EYES focused on the three of them now .  it was like she was on display again after her fight with amora .  her feet remained firmly planted on the ground as she watched her fellow housemate being pummeled before stepping in .  “ c’mon ,  amy . ”  both hands reached out to pull him away .  “ he’s had enough .  amycus .  amycus .  A M Y C U S  !  ” her voice bellowed  &  the few students who hadn’t noticed the brawl was sure to turn their heads now .

amycus felt like his eyes would fall out from all the eye-rolling he did listening to the two badger’s conversation. to him it was absolutely ridiculous for tonks to compare his quidditch skills to chang’s. not only did he interrupt them, but he also had the nerve to further annoy amycus with all his bragging. whether there was some friendly competitiveness between the to, the carrow couldn’t care less. his patience was running low.

turns out, amycus carrow wasn’t a patient man after all. he took a few steps towards tonks and grabbed him tight by the collar, pulling him so he was looking him straight in the eye “you want me to wipe that smug look off your face, is that it, tonks?” 

      HER EYES OFFERED a playful roll as she fully believed that it would have been a hufflepuff victory had she remained on the team .  but that was her arrogance shining through .  self confidence was important .  and anyone who knew chang ,  was well aware she had plenty of it . 

       THE SLYTHERIN’S ACTIONS were not surprising .  what was ,  was the time it took to unfold .  the brunette offered an expression of disinterest paired with a sigh .  “ leave him alone ,  amycus .  we were just  S P E A K I N G . ”  tossing her cup into the trash a few meters away ,  she took a step closer .  though not fully believing a fight would break out tonight ,  the girl tried to inject herself between the two . 

“i’m more of a hot chocolate kind of girl, but apple cider is undeniable–” 

   “ it is good but do you not use hot milk for it ? ”

amycus snorted at mei’s attempts to continue ignoring him, acting as if he never asked her a question, preferring to bicker with tonks about quidditch instead. fine, he could wait. patience was something strange and unfamiliar to the carrow, yet he was willing to try. grabbing a nearby bottle of firewhiskey, he took a few sips out of the bottle, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms.

he raised an eyebrow at tonks’ answer. well, that was new. he didn’t know where this confidence and cockyness came out of, but it was pissing him off. especially the way he spoke to chang. normally, amycus would’ve done or said something by now, but mei was upset with him enough already. he took out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips “yeah, go on tonks. play on my nerves.”

        PATIENCE WAS A VIRTUE neither she nor carrow held .  color her surprised that he remained still .  hazel hues briefly darted towards him ,  making the mistake of eye contact .  but she continued to press her lips together ,  inhaling the reeking smell of alcohol from the other badger’s clothes and breath .  it was somewhat nice to see someone enjoying the party ,  someone taking advantage of all the liquid courage . “ hmm .  sure thing ,  tonks .  my knees were always weak and my heart racing when i saw you on the pitch .  oh ,  however ,  will i be able to play with such a  G O D ? ”  her voice dripped with sarcasm . 

        “ BUT HONESTLY ,  TED ?  you just need a little more practice .  then maybe you’ll be half as good as me .  i could even give you lessons ,  if you’d like .  for a whopping deal of 9.99 galleons a month with an initial payment of 13 galleons . ”  out of the corner of her eyes ,  she could still see him .   merlin ,  couldn’t he just  L E A V E  ?

amycus let out an exasperated sigh, suddenly regretting dropping his glass of whiskey and letting it break into little pieces on the ground. he’d definitely need a drink to be able to endure this long night. the carrow had no intentions of leaving until mei told him everything. she had no choice now; he was right here, he was confronting her and he’d stay even if it took him all night. it was driving him crazy - her deciding not to speak to him without even an explanation.

“this won’t work i’m warning ya” he pointed a finger at the brunette next to him “i’m not leaving,  not until you talk to me. how come everything’s fine between us and suddenly it’s like we’re damn strangers? even worse. if i’ve done something.. or i don’t know, you just don’t want to associate with me anymore for whatever reason.. or whatever the fuck’s going on.. you gotta tell me. you can’t just..” there was amycus, pouring his soul out, something that happened so rarely, only to be interrupted by ted fucking tonks. merlin, he wanted to strangle him. 

his jaw clenched as dark hues observed the other boy’s movements; amycus had no patience for this shit. “tonks, fuck off, would ya? we’re having a conversation over here.” 

        SHE WAS BEGINNING to think attending the party was a poor idea .  had she remained in bed or the kitchens as usual ,  this situation wouldn’t have occurred .   &  now she begun to crack her fingers ,  her knuckles ,  and her wrists as she did when nervous .  

         HER EYES FOCUSED on the finger directed towards her .  it wasn’t the right time to explain ,  not in the middle of a crowded room .  and so she was thankful ,  glad that ted tonks interrupted them as suddenly as he did .  but there was no smile as she briefly glanced at the other puff’s arm around her .  they were  F R I E N D S   -   -  sure .  if one could consider a constant back and forth over the quaffle friendship . her head shook lightly ,  refusing to make eye contact with amycus . in fact ,  she didn’t even respond to him . 

          “ BET YOU’RE GLAD i left .  now you’re the best chaser we’ve got ,  but you’ll always be second best to me . ”  it was hard to ignore someone she once considered a close friend .  but it hurt less .  the potential of his parents involved with the attacks ,  with all the pain and violence occurring  -   -  it made her feel  b a d  .  as if she could excuse their behavior .