McGriddle "Bingus" Sargeant

tropes: found family, romance, divorce mention, divorce (not mentioned)

An average night for Benson Boone was post-concert shower followed by snuggling down in his bed for another rerun of The Big Bang Theory. His favorite episode was specifically the one where everyone finds out Sheldon is a hoarder and he shows off his extremely organized storage unit. Benson often associated this with his arch nemesis: James Papa Vowles. 

This is exactly what benson was doing tonight. He’d lit a candle in his tour bus’s bunk and turned on TBBT. He was laying there, very still, so nothing would catch on fire in the small space. That had happened once and his bus driver wasn’t happy about it. Anyways.

It was day 2,447 of tour. He’d been on this tour for years because, as an industry plant, you have no time to waste. If you’re not making money for the church of latter day saints, you’re nothing. Papa was also on tour, staying in the bunk across from him in the bus. He wasn’t sure why he was there, it was listed as a cheap airbnb, but ended up being a tour bus that was touring the country.

Papa was supposed to be in Barcelona by 10pm tomorrow. Right now, he was in a small town in Ohio. He didn’t know if he was going to make it.

That’s when he heard an awful sound. The sound of fire. He figured it was none of his business, though, and decided to go to bed. The smell of smoke was comforting sometimes, as it reminded him of his old pal Logan Sargeant. 

He was awoken from his slumber by the drool flowing down his neck because he didn’t have a chin to stop it. And then he heard someone screaming. Was it the bus driver? It was very shrill, so he assumed it must be a woman. As an alpha male, he couldn’t let a woman be in distress, so he jumped from his bunk to go solve the problem.

That’s when he saw Benson, on fire, rolling on the floor screaming. Papa just sighed and folded his arms. 

“Benson, go to bed.” He said. “You’re being awfully noisy.”

Benson, who was no doubt suffering at least second-degree burns at this point, suddenly stopped and stood up. His shirt was still on fire, but that didn’t matter much. He didn’t like wearing shirts anyway.

“What do you know about fire, old man? Probably discovered it.” He snarled. 

Papa’s blue orbs widened and he put his hands on his hips.

“Why, I never…”

That’s when the bus suddenly stopped. 

“FUCK!” Screamed the bus driver. 

“What? What happened?” Benson asked.

“We ran over something!”

“Oh?” Queried Papa. 

“Oh, nevermind.” The bus began to drive again. “It was just lando.”

“Ok. Nothing to worry about then.” Benson said.

Papa began cheering.

“AYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Papa said.

As the bus began to move again, the two gentlemen went back to their argument. Benson was still very much on fire. 

“You’ve got to stop that.” Papa growled.

Benson’s thick eyebrows quirked.

“Stop what? Living my life?”

“Oh so I’ve just been a terrible father?”

“You’re literally not my dad.” Benson said, and backflipped in retaliation. 

Remembering the classic Vine, papa pulled out his rotary phone to try and search for the clip on YouTube. As he spun the dial, he realized his phone didn’t have 5G connection, and he was unable to find the video. #RIPVine

As this was going on, Benson walked into the kitchen area of the bus. He began to heat up a poptart in the microwave. He was still on fire. The radiation from the microwave made him feel a little crispier than normal. 

“Why is there lightning?” Benson asked.

“You didn’t remove the foil wrapper from the poptart.” Papa said and sighed. 

The microwave caught on fire, making benson catch on fire x2. 

“You’re getting a really good tan, mate.” Papa said.

“Thank you………..” Benson whispered, meeting the soft orbs and sweet, cherub cheeks with his own eyes .

Suddenly, the bus stopped and pulled them from their romantic moment, though. 

“What the hell??” The bus driver asked, which made everyone go to the front of the bus to look out the windshield. 

When they got there, they saw a green, teletubby creature dancing in the middle of the streets of Los Angeles.

The Green Goober.