Maslin

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

there should be a hotline for me to call autistic people with specific hyperfixations every time i have a question

saw a dude at the mall with a shirt that said I AM AFRAID OF WOMEN in impact font but he was walking with like 3 girls. king

"Thoughts on women?" Yeah pretty much constantly

i love when they draw a carrot on top of the carrot cake just to remind you this aint no ordinary fuckin cake youre dealing with

This is a similar yet also opposite vibe to the fanfic writer who apologized for being late because she was getting married.

is prettyboy even an insult. everything you say after you call someone a prettyboy is immediately more homoerotic. like . hello