マユシイナ

Translated from Ishida’s twitter (X):

I went to the Ishida Sui exhibition since today was the last day. It’s been a long time since I’ve thought back to those days.

To my days of serialization.

I wrote in the afterword of the final volume about how difficult of a time I had, But well, although that must have been true…

As I gazed upon the countless number of illustrations on display, a thought suddenly crossed my mind. “Oh, I was having fun back then.”

#FukuokaAsianArtMuseum

I’ve stated before how “I’ve always thought about quitting,” but I don’t think there’s ever been a time where I’ve thought, “I don’t want to draw.”

It’s a subtle difference in nuance, but it makes me wonder.

Perhaps it wasn’t the act of drawing manga that I hated, but rather being a mangaka that I detested.

I believed that the quintessential mangaka I created in my mind was someone who has to constantly work as a mangaka all the time or do stuff they don’t really like as an adult, and so I did things that didn’t suit myself at all.

That might have been what I had a hard time struggling with.

But I’m certain that drawing (…usually I’d dismiss my own art) was able to provide comfort to me at the time.

When I entered the admission area and saw the montage video, I felt overwhelmed, engrossed by the sight of my own art play across the screen. The vividly-coloured art that took painstaking effort for me to paint.

It made me think that at the time I was painting it, I must have been having fun.

This is really embarrassing for me to admit, but back when the exhibition was being planned,

I was so overwhelmed by the colossal amount of work I had to do, and coupled with the fact that I wasn’t able to have an objective view of Tokyo Ghoul at the time, I was so lost in thought during the meetings that I felt very bad for the organizers involved in the project.

“You and I are the same.”