#rex lapis

sir...

The god opens the doors to your bedroom with a grander flourish than his usual gentle-natured disposition, beaming.

“My lord, you’re back!” You hop out of bed and bound over to him eagerly. “How was the- oof!”

Rex Lapis engulfs you in an intense bear hug, the smile never leaving his face. “Ah, my dearest sweet,” he hums, “how long has it been since I have embraced you like this? Decades have passed since our last meeting.” His horns and tail have manifested, the latter wagging intensely like an overgrown puppy’s.

You squirm in his tight grip, finally catching a whiff of the wine on him. That Barbatos… “No, it’s only been a few hours. If decades had passed I’d be old and wrinkly!”

“And I would still savour the taste of you every night,” the Geo Lord coos, relentless in his cuddling. His tail does not stop.

Your face turns hot. “A-anyway! Please let me go and I can help you with your…current state!”

“There is nothing that can sate my affection for you,” your divine lover declares, although his grip does thankfully loosen, “except by engaging in fierce, passionate lovemaking until tomorrow’s morrow’s dawn breaks.”

The day after tomorrow?! “My lord, you’re drunk!” you cry out. “None of that until you’re sober again!” Wriggling free from his grasp (and dodging his sloppy grabby hands), you usher him to the edge of the bed and sit him down, which he does so with surprisingly little resistance.

Rex Lapis lets out a huff. “Very well.” He crosses his arms and closes his eyes and waits silently.

You frown. “What are you doing?”

“Waiting until I am sober.”

“My lord…” You stifle a giggle. “Wait here while I get you something to eat, okay? And…perhaps a bucket in case you retch.”

“Are you saying I appear a wretch, my dear?”

“Retch!” you repeat. “As in, throw up.”

But the god droops and looks down at his palms. “Wretch…” he repeats morosely, tail thumping sadly against the bed.

You shake your head in exasperation and make to leave, but he grabs your arm. “Oh, what now, my lord?”

He fixes you with a gaze so intense, the gold of his irises gleam in the comfortable dimness of the room. It’s smouldering, the strict curve of his lip almost intimidating… “I demand a kiss before you go. I cannot remember the last time you gave me a kiss.”

“Oh, please. You have impeccable memory which should tell you I kissed you just before you left for the Archon gathering.” You roll your eyes but peck him on the cheek anyway, then worm out of his hold before he can demand another one.

“Fine, at least hear me out.” His gaze turns even more intense than before, an incandescent mountain.

You turn to face him again. “Yes, my lord…?”

He eyes you from head to toe. “I love you.”

“Awww! I love you, too!”

Giggling, you slip out of the chamber to bring back the necessary remedy, leaving a thoroughly disgruntled god sitting on the edge of the bed with his tail thumping petulantly.

Zhongli was not a clingy man. Matter of fact, he was not an obsessive man, nor was he possessive—he was always calm and composed; you could never see this man's composure crack.

…Until you came back from Mondstadt, that is.

You had just come back from visiting the Windblume Festival in Mondstadt, and when you did, that was when he caught the whiff of the dandelion wine on you. Your hair, your sleeves, and your skin smelled like that of another nation.

Nahida was born 500 years ago. To put that in real life terms, if you went back 500 years you would find yourself in 1526 ad. About the time of the renaissance.

If nahida was real she would have been about to meet Leonardo da Vinci. Nahida would have been around to see the start and fall of the Ottoman Empire.

Furina is at least 500 years old meaning if furina was a real person she would have been able to meet Louie the 14th and she would have been centuries old at that point. Furina is older than the first opera.

Mavuika is about 500 and a few decades. Meaning that she was around when horses to North America. And that makes her in modern day funnier. This women who could have watched Shakespeare plays

The Roman republic was started about 2,534 years ago.

Venti is about 2,600 years old. Meaning that if venti was real he would have lived through to meet the eutrusisns, 3 Punic wars, the start of the Roma empire, the fall of the Roman Empire.

Ei was said to have lived before the archon war so she’s about 3000 years old but probably older. Meaning that if she was a real person she would have been born doing the collapse of the Bronze Age. she has lasted as long as the Mayan empire .

The pyramids are about 4,000 old. Mammoths finally died out 4,000 years ago. The wheel was invited around 5,000 years ago.

If Zhongli was real he could have meet a mammoth, saw the pyramids be built, and wittiness the creation of the wheel. This guy would have been 2,000 years old when the xia empire was founded (one of the first empires in china) .