So are you

It all could have been so different. If only Penny had knocked. If only Leonard had remembered to buy ice cream when Penny had asked a week ago, knowing that in the next 6-10 days she would be overcome with a desire for something sweet, sinful, and chocolate-y enough to distract her from the battleground of PMS, even in the middle of the day.

I’ll go steal some from Amy, she had decided, thinking this was a brilliant idea. She and Sheldon will be at work, and they’ve got to have candy somewhere in their apartment.

And so, she had all-but skipped across the hall to 4B, spare key in hand, and let herself in. 

And saw all too much of both her neighbours in the whirlwind of flailing, flying clothes and screaming that followed.

“My couch!” Penny bemoaned aloud once she had fled to the safety of her apartment. Even though it wasn’t really her couch anymore… that poor thing had seen too much over the years, and this really was the last straw.

Her brain awhirl with all she had been exposed to, Penny did the only thing she could think of: she grabbed her phone and started sending texts. 

*

The pizza had just arrived, and Leonard was beginning to share it out, when their front door opened once again, and Pasadena’s favourite power couple made their entrance. 

Penny made eye contact with Amy immediately, and both of them blushed bright red and looked away. Sheldon also seemed to share in the awkwardness, fidgeting by the door as if he wanted to run back through it.

“Evening, all,” he said instead, voice suspiciously high-pitched and cheery, his hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly at his sides. “Oh good, the pizza’s here. Before dinner, Penny, could Amy and I talk to you quickly?”

Before Penny could answer, Howard broke in smoothly. “Oh, I don’t think there’s anything you could tell her that she hasn’t already… seen. Do you?”

Raj let out an ungentlemanly snort, clapping his hand over his mouth a moment too late. Bernadette hid her own smile behind a napkin. Leonard, for his part, just looked disgusted. 

“You told them?” Amy exclaimed, her gaze snapping to Penny. Her face, if possible, deepened in colour.

“I’m sorry! To be fair, I only told Bernadette.” 

Howard raised his hands in defence. “Hey, we’re a married couple. Mi gossip es tu gossip, or something,” 

Bernadette smacked his arm. “You said you weren’t going to say anything.” 

“I had to. A wild Sheldon caught in the act of copulation, at lunchtime, on a Thursday? This should be a national holiday.” 

“And not even on Amy’s birthday,” Raj tutted, biting into the crust of his pizza and speaking with his mouth full. 

“Yeah, Sheldon, it’s almost as if you enjoy it,” Bernadette waggled her brows at Sheldon, who seemed to be doing his damndest to melt into the wall. 

“Oh, he was definitely enjoying it,” Penny muttered.

“OK, that’s enough,” Amy took a step into the room, planting her hands on her hips. “This isn’t very mature, guys. Yes, Sheldon and I were partaking in…some… amorous activities, earlier. We are enjoying an adult romantic relationship with a coital component. Just as everyone in this room is. Well, except Raj, of course.”

“Ow,” Raj mumbled.

Amy carried on as if uninterrupted. “Penny, I’m sorry you had to see that today. I assure you, we are far more embarrassed than you could imagine. But can we please move past this and be grown ups, for once?” 

“I am certainly up for that,” Leonard announced, “And I would love it if we never mention Sheldon’s sex life, again,”

“Hear, hear,” Sheldon concurred from by the door. 

“OK, OK. We’re sorry,” Bernadette said, and Raj and Howard added their own apologies. Looking satisfied, Amy knelt on the floor by the coffee table, grabbing a slice of pizza and shooting Penny a small, awkward smile. Penny smiled back and leant forward, squeezing her shoulder comfortingly.

Sheldon alone still seemed jittery, and he shuffled away from the door and into the kitchen, rooting around in the fridge for a drink. Penny sighed; she knew she had to make this right, and so she stood and followed him into the kitchen.

“I really am sorry, Sheldon,” Penny said contritely, leaning against the island. “It won’t happen again,” 

“I should hope not,” Sheldon grumbled, his attention focused on his water bottle. “I hope you have learnt your lesson about knocking before entering our apartment.” 

“I sure have,” Penny promised, and then she laughed. “And I hope you have learnt your lesson about having sex in the middle of the day!”

“I sure have,” Sheldon repeated, and he looked up, finally meeting her gaze.

“I learnt that until an annoying blonde neighbour interrupts you, it’s fan-tastic.”