Ahsoka and her relationship with the Jedi order is something so precious to me. These are the people who raised you, the tenants you lived by for the formative years of your life, these are the people who abandoned you, who made you a soldier, who took your childhood away. They are the only reason you are still breathing. These are people you love, who love you. They are all you know and they are fundamentally broken. You leave your only home, angry, afraid, alone. But they still shaped you, and you at your core embody their ideals. You come back, but not really. You're still angry and grieving, processing. And then they're gone. These people that raised you, that you're angry with and love deeply, these people you have known your whole life have died in such a brutal manner. You're alone, you're not a jedi, they still raised you. You haven't forgiven them, you never will because you were a child. You'll never forgive yourself because you were their child. You can't bear to let the memory of them go, you will do everything in your power to keep the last of them alive, to keep on fighting. But you will never go home again, you will never belong again. You will never find peace and closure the way you deserve. You're a survivor, you're one of the last, but you're not actually one of them at all. And you have to live with that. Just Ahsoka and her complex relationship with the order, with herself.
