slowly

Do you let them believe they were replaceable, or show them they can never be replaced, just memories cherished, and their name in every prayer.

I feel better reading words, than writing them sometimes, they make me avoid everything else in the world and wish i wrote them instead, im always waiting to read that next thing and go "i wish i wrote that", i wish i could carry words as good as that, that i could make pain breathe and words bleed so i could hurt a little more inside with every, fleeting letter that i read, and go " i wish i could also make words bleed"

And then i say my words aren't me, cause they aren't in reality, but they are, from me, thoughts, emotions, shatter, and form words, you read those and think theyre just words, but to me they're everything. To me, they're everything i couldn't be

I think I've kept so much bundled inside for ao long, i cant write anymore or the paper would shatter from the weight, and the words would be so heavy they'd fall onto the ground before the reached your ear, and the emotions would be so bundled up that it would take you an eternity to untangle them and make sense of. And i feel that even if the paper could handle it and the words reach you and the emotions untangle i dont think i could myself, fathom the depths of thoughts and emotions and memories enough to let them out through such a limited human language, and if i could, i think I'll spend an eternity waiting for the right people to tell it to

You wanna let it all out but you cant, cause once you let yourself cry its over, there will be too much blood splattered, and glass shattered to bring back to one wobbly piece of you

I cant cry, i can just feel the wrench

If only 😭