*shrugs*

fuck it, happy Wet Cat Wednesday.  we post Philip Marlowe fanfic.

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Philip Marlowe - Raymond Chandler Rating: Not Rated Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Philip Marlowe/Original Non-Binary Character Characters: Philip Marlowe (Philip Marlowe), Original Non-Binary Character Summary:

‘A man I’d never seen before came in. He brought with him a faint smell of expensive cologne, a brick wall wearing a smartly tailored suit, and an awful lot of questions.  I noticed the cologne and the brick wall right away.  The questions would take me a little longer.’

Tor, cream of the crop. 25 cents a word. Stories can be read for free (YES). Slowish response time at ~3 months. Prefer under 12k, absolute maximum is 17.5k. Don’t bother if it’s not highly professional quality. SFWA qualifying.

Crossed Genres. 6 cents a word. Different theme each month (this month’s is “failure”). Submissions must combine either sci-fi or fantasy with the theme. Response time 1 month. 1k-6k, no exceptions. SFWA qualifying.

Long Hidden, anthology from CG. 6 cents a word. 2k-8k, no exceptions. Must take place before 1935. Protagonist(s) must be under 18 and marginalized in their time and place. Must be sci-fi/fantasy/horror. Deadline 30 April. Response by 1 October.

Queers Destroy Science Fiction. Sci-fi only right now, author must identify as queer (gay, lesbian, bi, ace, pan, trans, genderfluid, etc, just not cishet). 7.5k max. Deadline 15 February. Responses by 1 March. You can submit one flash fiction and one short story at the same time. (My network blocks the Lightspeed site for some reason, so I can’t get all the submission details. >_>) Probably SFWA qualifying?

Women in Practical Armor. 6 cents a word. 2k-5k. Must be about 1) a female warrior who 2) is already empowered and 3) wears sensible armour. Deadline 1 April. Response within three months.

Fiction Vortex. $10 per story, with $20 and $30 for editor’s and readers’ choice stories (hoping to improve). Speculative fiction only. Imaginative but non-florid stories. 7.5k maximum, preference for 5k and under. (I kind of want to support them on general principle.)

Urban Fantasy Magazine. 6 cents a word. 8k max, under 4k preferred. Must be urban fantasy (aka, the modern world, doesn’t need to be a literal city). 

Nightmare. 6 cents a word. 1.5-7.5k, preference for under 5k. Horror and dark fantasy. Response time up to two weeks. SFWA and HWA qualifying.

Apex Magazine. 6 cents a word. 7.5k max, no exceptions. Dark sci-fi/fantasy/horror. SFWA qualifying.

Asimov’s Science Fiction. 8-10 cents a word. 20k max, 1k minimum. Sci-fi; borderline fantasy is ok, but not S&S. Prefer character focused. Response time 5 weeks; query at 3 months. SFWA qualifying, ofc.

Buzzy Mag. 10 cents a word. 10k max. Should be acceptable for anyone 15+. Response time 6-8 weeks. SFWA qualifying.

Strange Horizons. 8 cents a word. Speculative fiction. 10k max, prefers under 5k. Response time 40 days. Particularly interested in diverse perspectives, nuanced approahces to political issues, and hypertexts. SFWA qualifying. 

Fantasy and Science Fiction. 7-12 cents a word. Speculative fiction, preference for character focus, would like more science-fiction or humour. 25k maximum. Prefers Courier. Response time 15 days.

Scigentasy. 3 cents a word. .5-5k. Science-fiction and fantasy, progressive/feminist emphasis. Fantastic Stories of the Imagination. 15 cents a word. 3k maximum. Any sci-fi/fantasy, they like a literary bent. (psst, steinbecks!) They also like to see both traditional and experimental approaches. Response time two weeks. 

Beneath Ceaseless Skies. 6 cents a word. 10k maximum. Fantasy in secondary worlds only (it can be Earth, but drastically different—alternate history or whatever). Character focus, prefer styles that are lush yet clear, limited first or third person narration. Response time usually 2-4 weeks, can be 5-7 weeks. SFWA qualifying.

Clarkesworld. 10 cents a word up to 4000, 7 afterwards. 1-8k, preferred is 4k. Science-fiction and fantasy. Needs to be well-written and convenient to read on-screen. Appreciates rigour. No talking cats. Response time 2 days. SFWA qualifying.

Orson Scott Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show. 6 cents a word. Any length. Science-fiction and fantasy (along with fantastic horror). Good world-building and characterization. Clear straightforward prose. Response time three months. Yes, OSC is editor-in-chief. SFWA qualifying.

Check the Grinder regularly! Markets open, markets close, all is chaos, hail the Submission Grinder.

SFWA pro rates have increased since this post; they keep track monthly of which markets are qualifying (i.e. pay pro rates): https://www.sfwa.org/?s=market+report

Read. Read a lot. This will not only keep you from submitting things to places that are just plain a bad fit (I don’t want to say Strange Horizons won’t take your story if it includes even one joke, I’m just saying everything I’ve read there has made me cry), but it will also make you a better writer. I’m not saying that if you don’t keep up with what’s contemporaneous at least a little bit you’ll never get published…I’m just saying that’s something that certain writing friends of mine who write a lot and have never been published have in common. There is so much out there it’s basically impossible not to find something new that you like. Go read.

Seriously though don’t submit to places you know nothing about. It’s a waste of everyone’s time including your own. If you don’t read their stuff because you don’t like it, then, reciprocally, they’re not going to like your stuff!

Some wacky illustrations for a short dissertation I wrote for my Masters, exploring the relationship between medieval illuminations, marginalia, and online ads.

I have my theories, but I’d like to hear yours.

Let's see for Spade/Marlowe! I sadly cannot answer for the Continental Op, since I haven’t read that yet.

They’re both ideals, but in completely different ways.

Hammet made up a perfect detective in a realistic, dirty world according to his IRL experience. Sam Spade has good instincts, always knows what to do and ask, plays people like fiddles, wins fights, dominates the scene whatever happens, he’s even got a little bit of a conscience if you squint. Spade is so good he overcomes any treachery or trap. In fact, he is so good he solves a case that never really existed. The worst he got is being drugged, and that only slows him a little. You cannot stop this man, and you can’t prevent him from winning.

=>Tl;dr: in a dirty realistic world, Sam Spade eats the world alive and gets out unscathed. He wins because he’s an ideal.

Marlowe is an ideal of incorruptibility. He refuses more money than he can afford. He accepts cases only if he thinks he can make a difference. He has a soft spot for helpless people and dignity. If he has to choose between his standards and his life or happiness, he will choose the former any time. He wants to be the perfect chivalrous knight, ready to lay down his life for the pure damsel/good king/pretty prince. Only none of these exist - they’re all people, more or less flawed, and this way of thinking leaves him wide open to incredible physical and emotional hurt. It leaves him miserable, poor, forever alone. He knows this and still sticks to his guns, no matter what.

=>Tl;dr: in a dirty realistic world, Philip Marlowe stays unstained no matter how much he gets chewed up. He can’t win because he’s an ideal.

They’re both not quite human, but in wildly different ways.

As said above, Space is inhumane because he’s a paragon of efficiency. Though the reader follows his point of view, at no moment we know for sure what he knows and what he thinks. He stays a total mystery – of course, this is also because we have only a short novel (and a short story, I think?) about him. Emotions seem to bounce back on him.

You could argue that Marlowe gets more and more ghost/shadow attributes, trapped between this rotten world and his Knight complex, clinging to a very obsolete ideal that never existed, knowing everyone’s secrets but leaving/left by everyone aside, not living for himself but refusing to die.

The narrations are polar opposites.

Hammet’s cold, simple, nearly mechanic third person prose where Spade acts and does things with very little explanation vs Chandler’s poetic and flowing monologues about how Marlowe hates this interior design or thinks the bug in a police office is pretty cute. Crucial parts of their thought process are hidden, you don’t know much about their past, but that makes Marlowe a much warmer, approachable character. Spade stays an enigma.

They’re both very good, but!

Spade’s efficiency has a price. If himself is unscathed, everyone else around him is touched: his partner dies, the women he loves/sleeps with get hurt. By the end, the police holds a grudge more than ever and the only person who sticks with him is his adorable secretary. His job was basically breaking a dream. As far as we know – granted, it isn’t much - his world is empty and has just become emptier.

Marlowe is basically a death omen, poor guy. If he’s on the case, get ready for a load of corpses to show up. If he’s a good detective, he can’t help if people make horrible choices or get killed when his back is turned. If he’s a good fighter, he can’t help if he’s outnumbered or overpowered. That forces him to get messy and do pretty “uncool” stuff: he’s so out of fuck to give by the end of Farewell my Lovely he welcomes the murderer(s) in his pajamas and tries to stop bullets with throwing pillows - that’s my favorite example, but the list goes on.

Rapport with drink is different.

When Spade drinks, he gets complimented because he does it like a man. Marlowe is written by a guy who had a drinking problem and it shows. He needs the stuff to bear what he endures, the only time he’s shown as ecstatic is the one he’s completely drunk, and he’s criticized several times about it (though Chandler, for the record, didn’t think his character was an alcoholic).

Rapport with police is different.

Oh it’s bad, but it’s bad in a different way.

Hammet shows police as inefficient, corrupted, or just plain stupid. They serve as antagonists – well, vague annoyances all along. Hammet screams ACAB all the way. If police is actively after Spade, Spade brushes it off.

Police in Marlowe’s books gets a more nuanced portrait. You have the good ones who have their hands tied and can’t do much but watch the bad ones act/get fired; the efficient ones who do their jobs but are unscrupulous and ready to hurt people for it; the incompetent ones who sit on their asses all day and nothing is ever their fault; and you have the sadistic ones who hurt, kill or murder those that fall into their hands just because they can. Add to that the ambient corruption and it’s clear that the bad ones have the power – however, the less bad ones can help, sometimes. Unlikely, fragile alliances can be built. However, police is much more powerful than one random man and Marlowe gets arrested, beaten and kidnapped by them several times - far from being annoying puppets, they're actively dangerous when they want to be.

That's not exhaustive of course, but that covers some important points.

the Op's a fascinating guy, because he's determined to tell us very little by way of identifying details. we never even get his name. we know that he works for a detective agency with a presence in multiple major US cities on both coasts, as opposed to being an independent operator like Marlowe or Spade. but moments of humanity do sometimes slip through the blank facade. he mentions that he's heavier than he used to be and out of practice running. he shows brief moments of tenderness, especially in The Dain Curse, which balance out the ruthlessness found in Red Harvest.

As much as every writer here is critical of policing (though Chandler occasionally lets some of them be off-white-knights), every writer fundamentally thinks that government surveillance and punishment is the most desirable solution to social problems. They agree with the ethos of policing, even if they dislike the surface aesthetics of a police force.

Usually, this has to do with a kind of hypermasculine individualism common in Cold War-era literature--any cooperation, bureaucracy, etc., implies cooperation and subjugation to a boss. It's not a coincidence that this coincides with more women entering white collar workplaces. Workplace cooperation and bureaucracy reads as emasculating, suspect, slightly communist, etc. The movie Men in Gray Flannel Suits is a really classic expression of these anxieties. Anyway, I think there's a very possible argument that PI agencies, police forces, etc., are being positioned as "less manly" than striking out on your own in a way that lets you wield government power without losing your cartoonishly individualistic lifestyle.

The Op is a lot more corrupted by the griminess of the world around him than Spade or Marlowe. I have to wonder how much of this is related to working for an unseen private company. Spade is still more unpleasant than Marlowe, but it seems a bit more forgiven--it's a nasty world, and he still basically stands up for the kinds of ideals the book supports (relationships between men prioritized above women, surveillance, vengeance, etc.).

The lack of home life, hobbies, etc., shown is also a gender thing. The home is characterized as feminine in a lot of detective lit, plus it usually reveals the uncomfortable sexual paradox of these novels--these must be Heterosexual Men who Defend Heterosexuality, however, women are Bad, so he can never have a relationship with one, because that means he's losing power to a woman. by loving her. (this is, hilariously, part of why some 70s onwards gay detective authors spend FOREVER talking about housing renovations in their books. it's a subversion of the "it's gay for a detective to be depicted in his house" trope!)

So it's interesting that we see more of Marlowe's underbelly in this way (i can't remember EVER seeing Sam Spade's house for more than a blip). It probably has to do with the underlying romantic longing for Marlowe's moral/masculine equal (for him they're one in the same) that some scholars have observed. Being the Moral Ideal is incredibly lonely for Marlowe in a way it isn't for Spade.

Though tbh, I struggle in calling Sam Spade ideal. It's hard to tell if he's unnerving, or if he just unnerves me. He's almost a little too vengeful, violent, manipulative, etc., to read as a hero, but this might be my modern reading coming through. He's morally gray, but it's hard to tell how light that gray is

I said Spade is an "ideal" in the sense he's very efficient in this job: he finds the solution and shows everyone who's boss, which was according to Hammet an ideal for many IRL detectives, so- not much to do about morals. He is, absolutely, an asshole.

I have my theories, but I’d like to hear yours.

Let's see for Spade/Marlowe! I sadly cannot answer for the Continental Op, since I haven’t read that yet.

They’re both ideals, but in completely different ways.

Hammet made up a perfect detective in a realistic, dirty world according to his IRL experience. Sam Spade has good instincts, always knows what to do and ask, plays people like fiddles, wins fights, dominates the scene whatever happens, he’s even got a little bit of a conscience if you squint. Spade is so good he overcomes any treachery or trap. In fact, he is so good he solves a case that never really existed. The worst he got is being drugged, and that only slows him a little. You cannot stop this man, and you can’t prevent him from winning.

=>Tl;dr: in a dirty realistic world, Sam Spade eats the world alive and gets out unscathed. He wins because he’s an ideal.

Marlowe is an ideal of incorruptibility. He refuses more money than he can afford. He accepts cases only if he thinks he can make a difference. He has a soft spot for helpless people and dignity. If he has to choose between his standards and his life or happiness, he will choose the former any time. He wants to be the perfect chivalrous knight, ready to lay down his life for the pure damsel/good king/pretty prince. Only none of these exist - they’re all people, more or less flawed, and this way of thinking leaves him wide open to incredible physical and emotional hurt. It leaves him miserable, poor, forever alone. He knows this and still sticks to his guns, no matter what.

=>Tl;dr: in a dirty realistic world, Philip Marlowe stays unstained no matter how much he gets chewed up. He can’t win because he’s an ideal.

They’re both not quite human, but in wildly different ways.

As said above, Space is inhumane because he’s a paragon of efficiency. Though the reader follows his point of view, at no moment we know for sure what he knows and what he thinks. He stays a total mystery – of course, this is also because we have only a short novel (and a short story, I think?) about him. Emotions seem to bounce back on him.

You could argue that Marlowe gets more and more ghost/shadow attributes, trapped between this rotten world and his Knight complex, clinging to a very obsolete ideal that never existed, knowing everyone’s secrets but leaving/left by everyone aside, not living for himself but refusing to die.

The narrations are polar opposites.

Hammet’s cold, simple, nearly mechanic third person prose where Spade acts and does things with very little explanation vs Chandler’s poetic and flowing monologues about how Marlowe hates this interior design or thinks the bug in a police office is pretty cute. Crucial parts of their thought process are hidden, you don’t know much about their past, but that makes Marlowe a much warmer, approachable character. Spade stays an enigma.

They’re both very good, but!

Spade’s efficiency has a price. If himself is unscathed, everyone else around him is touched: his partner dies, the women he loves/sleeps with get hurt. By the end, the police holds a grudge more than ever and the only person who sticks with him is his adorable secretary. His job was basically breaking a dream. As far as we know – granted, it isn’t much - his world is empty and has just become emptier.

Marlowe is basically a death omen, poor guy. If he’s on the case, get ready for a load of corpses to show up. If he’s a good detective, he can’t help if people make horrible choices or get killed when his back is turned. If he’s a good fighter, he can’t help if he’s outnumbered or overpowered. That forces him to get messy and do pretty “uncool” stuff: he’s so out of fuck to give by the end of Farewell my Lovely he welcomes the murderer(s) in his pajamas and tries to stop bullets with throwing pillows - that’s my favorite example, but the list goes on.

Rapport with drink is different.

When Spade drinks, he gets complimented because he does it like a man. Marlowe is written by a guy who had a drinking problem and it shows. He needs the stuff to bear what he endures, the only time he’s shown as ecstatic is the one he’s completely drunk, and he’s criticized several times about it (though Chandler, for the record, didn’t think his character was an alcoholic).

Rapport with police is different.

Oh it’s bad, but it’s bad in a different way.

Hammet shows police as inefficient, corrupted, or just plain stupid. They serve as antagonists – well, vague annoyances all along. Hammet screams ACAB all the way. If police is actively after Spade, Spade brushes it off.

Police in Marlowe’s books gets a more nuanced portrait. You have the good ones who have their hands tied and can’t do much but watch the bad ones act/get fired; the efficient ones who do their jobs but are unscrupulous and ready to hurt people for it; the incompetent ones who sit on their asses all day and nothing is ever their fault; and you have the sadistic ones who hurt, kill or murder those that fall into their hands just because they can. Add to that the ambient corruption and it’s clear that the bad ones have the power – however, the less bad ones can help, sometimes. Unlikely, fragile alliances can be built. However, police is much more powerful than one random man and Marlowe gets arrested, beaten and kidnapped by them several times - far from being annoying puppets, they're actively dangerous when they want to be.

That's not exhaustive of course, but that covers some important points.

the Op's a fascinating guy, because he's determined to tell us very little by way of identifying details. we never even get his name. we know that he works for a detective agency with a presence in multiple major US cities on both coasts, as opposed to being an independent operator like Marlowe or Spade. but moments of humanity do sometimes slip through the blank facade. he mentions that he's heavier than he used to be and out of practice running. he shows brief moments of tenderness, especially in The Dain Curse, which balance out the ruthlessness found in Red Harvest.

Propaganda:

chat do you think Chandler's ghost would strangle me for this

The Divine Tree rules over Seasoning City. Buildings are crumbling. The trains out of town have stopped running. It’s getting harder to find food that isn’t made from the Tree. No one cares. Everyone gathers around the broccoli at sunset to pray. Everyone acts so happy. Except Takane Tsubomi, who, it turns out, gets bored of cult doctrine the same way she gets bored of watching dogs float. Tsubomi doesn’t know what you’re supposed to do when your city’s been taken over by a giant vegetable with the power to make everyone adore it, but surely there must be someone out there who does, which is why she finds herself skipping tennis club and picking her way through the root-covered streets to the only spiritual consulting office she can find that’s still taking appointments.

In this chapter: reunions, broccoli facts, trust, and a very special broadcast.

Read it on AO3

Happy second-to-last Tsubomi Tuesday, friends! Here it is. There's still an epilogue, but this is the chapter I've been waiting to post almost since I started working on the idea for Brassica Heresy over two and a half years ago. After this, I can finally talk about one of my favorite broccoli facts without worrying about spoilers!