If the shoe fits, think about it.
As a Southeast Asian immigrant in the U.S, I grew up celebrating the “American” culture. I grew up loving and gushing about rom-com movies where my race was never represented as the main character, if even included at all. I would argue about which movie is better, how it should have ended or which character is better with my friends but we never talked about race. I saw nothing wrong with it.
I grew up jamming out and relating deeply to music about love, happiness, heartbreaks, abuse and anger written by artists who didn’t look like me. Billboard charts and music award shows never represented my race. I would have conversations with my friends about which artist is better, who they are probably dating and which song on the album is superior but never talked about race. I saw nothing wrong with it.
In college, I studied fashion where Eurocentric features and mannerism are celebrated disproportionately more than others. I bought a book that offered advice on how to act and dress effortlessly classy like a “French” girl. I would join my classmates in criticizing the industry on the low wage and environmentally harmful practices but rarely touched on the topic of race. I was starting to see something is wrong but was still not understanding the depth and didn’t want to isolate myself from the majority circle that I was starting to be a part of. I didn’t want to make them feel uncomfortable - it’s not their fault.
After college, I worked in the industry where I didn’t see a seat at the table for people from my race. I joined my colleagues in complaining about work drama, long-hours and processes that could be improved but rarely touched on the topic of race. I was seeing more that something is wrong but I wanted to pick my battles. After-all, I was treated kindly, I was accepted and I liked their company. Why make a fuss about more representation and potentially ruin my career trajectory and relationships?
Fast forward to 2020, I lost my job and found myself with time on my hand and real problems to face in isolation. The BLM movement’s momentum made me reflect on my behaviors and others. I start to see the necessity to normalize these conversations, and want to start talking about it my friends.
All these years, I absorbed myself in the mainstream conversations. Why now, that racial inequality is finally the “mainstream topic”, are we avoiding talking it? Why are we quick to shut it down and make it anything but?
I spent years excusing, supporting and wanting to be accepted by the culture that is now divided on their public involvement in lifting up the minorities that they call citizens, friends and family. Hiding behind excuses of not wanting to be performative and not wanting to discuss politics. No, just donating in silence is not enough. No, saying that you are learning in silence is not enough. They are not enough when you deny an invitation to have a conversation with someone whose voice has been oppressed, and think that’s okay. They are not enough when you explicitly tell a friend that conversations that are important to them, which have been conveniently tucked away all your life, are not welcomed in your safe space.
This is also when I realized how I have been in their shoes when I was the majority in my home country. Though I never denied a conversation, I was quick to defend and play the devil's advocate when people brought up the Rohingya crisis. I never dug deep to understand it - citing that media and records in the country cannot be fully trusted. I was letting myself off easy, and was annoyed when that’s all people wanted to talk about when discussing Myanmar. I criticized journalism and media for jumping on the bandwagon for views and clicks without doing further research.
Both experiences, of being the majority and the minority, have taught me a great deal. One; if you are the majority and benefit from the oppression of the minorities, you have more responsibility than others to speak up. Your voice is louder and can reach inner bubbles that will take much more, if even possible at all, for the minorities to ever reach. Two; we are taught to avoid conflict but we must recognize when something is worth being “inconvenient” for. Three; recognize that exceptions are not the rule. Don’t excuse the existence of large scale injustice and the status quo rooted in the society with examples of positive progress. Four; practice listening and understanding. It doesn’t mean that you should allow poor behaviors of others to continue and allow yourself to be silenced. What it means is try to understand why they may be acting the way they do, and reflect why you are the way you are. With clarity and self-awareness, you will have better, more productive conversations. Engaging in a conversation doesn’t mean only waiting to share your opinion. Five; recognize that the world is complex and it is impossible to know it all. It’s easy to be overwhelmed by the injustices and the connectivity in today’s society. You may think you have an informed opinion but if someone challenges you with a follow-up, thought-provoking question, don’t take it too personally and don’t shut yourself down. Dig deeper and allow yourself to change your mind and expand your knowledge. To be able to face these, you need to build your stamina. Know that it will take time but start today.
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