unsainted

His reaction was only making her grin more widely. Mav made it too easy. He was the type of guy that wore his emotions on his sleeve rather than playing them close to the vest. Admittedly though, Sabrina admired that in some ways. The fact that he could be so fully himself without restraint, without fear of being hurt stopping him. Certainly, it cost him, but that didn’t stop her from being just the tinest bit jealous. “Alrighty, alright, you were a good sport. I’ll take it.” She bit her lip, attempting to make a more serious expression and failing. “Now that I’ve almost made you puke, how are you? What’s going on?”

        Shaking his head, Mav sat back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. He should’ve expected Sabrina to order something gnarly like that for him. It was simply the way their friendship worked. Two completely opposite people, someone he knew he could count on no matter what. “I think you owe me a new drink, after that.” He teased, a light chuckle erupting from the males being before he sighed. “I’m great, I guess...got a trip with Charlie and the kids planned for this weekend.”

       There was a sense of nervousness that washed over the musician as he buckled in the twins and made sure that they were safely secure. The idea of getting to spend a weekend away from New York City with his children and their mother was truly a blessing his disguise but he couldn’t shake this impossible feeling that things were just going to grow far more complicated for himself and Charlie as time went on. He knew that the chances of him getting her to give him any sort of chance to prove that he had changed and that he truly wanted to be with her again was a long shot, but he had his ideas. He didn’t want to get his hopes up and at the very least, she would put him in his place if she truly wasn’t interested. Still, he hoped that this trip would give them a sense of reprieve. It would give him some quality and well needed time with his family and give Charlie a bit of peace knowing that she could have a tad bit more freedom because if she’d wanted to step out for a few hours, he would watch their children.

Charlotte had to try despite the hurt. For the sake of their children and their future, she knew that they had to settle this. She needed to learn to be around him without feeling both guilt and pain. Their twins were too young to understand now, but they’d catch on if this continued any longer. As her mouth started, she couldn’t seem to close it. Soon enough, she was suggesting they leave town and the eyes of gossip girl in order to spend a few days as a family. She missed being around him and felt adamant on spending time together with their children. “Maybe tell me when you’re free and I can book a few things. We can drive out and spend a few days doing some fun activities with the children.” It was a nice picture, but she knew they’d have to talk before all of this was possible. “The kids are going to go down after dinner —— if you wanna stick around.”

     Despite all the chaos in their lives and the way things had been between the prior to their current conversation, Mav had every intention to prove whatever doubt she had wrong. He was going to be the best father he possibly could be and deep down, he hoped that it would help to quell whatever fear or hatred Charlie had of him being around. He just wanted his family back, but he was going to pressure her. He wanted to be subtle -- it was the little things that he hoped would remind her that he truly did love her and their children, even if it meant that she wasn’t going to be with him again. At the very least, he wanted to make it clear to her that there was no other place in his heart for anyone else but the three of them. “I’ll call the guys tonight... make the arrangements..I’ll call you after.” When she’d mentioned letting him stay long enough to put the kids down, he felt a wave of calmness wash over him. At the very least, she was trying to let him be there and it meant a great deal to him. “Of course..”

Charlie knew this wasn’t the place or time to speak on this. However, words kept being shared in hushed arguments that constantly remained unfinished due to the fact that they only saw each other whenever he came by with the children. While she had anger welled up in her chest, she knew that most of it was directed at herself. After all, how could she blame him for moving on when she’d been the one to toss him away. He had every right to move on, but she still yearned for him on most days. Even more so when she’d come to see a new man. One she began to recognize. It was unfair for her to even ask for a second chance, and so she never did. Not when he’d clearly wanted something else with the various people she saw him with on the tabloids. “I know,” she quipped back on a sigh. She’d left him. There was no way around that. Instantly, it took away any blame from him. Peering up at him at his comment, she could only raise your brow. “Don’t say that,” she whispered to him. “We both know that your engagement didn’t have anything to do with me. You were ready to marry someone else.” She said on a sigh as she scrubbed her face, reminding herself that she had no right to fault him. “We have to talk without the kids. I think it’s time.” They’d manage to dance around one another for a long time now without having to come to terms with things that needed to be said to one another. At the mention of wanting to take the children, she swallowed thickly. After all, there had been a reason why she had main custody and though she knew he was better — the imagine of him dangling from a loose thread while she talked him down the ledge still haunted her. For the first time, she had felt what it would be like to lose him. A sensation she never wanted her children to ever have to face. “What if we spend a weekend together. Is that possible?” She asked him, knowing how charged his schedule was but if he was there with her throughout the entirety of the days it would put weight off of her shoulder. “Maybe we can leave town. Rent out a home and just have the kids be with us. I think they’d like that.” Still, they needed to talk first before they could ever be in a house alone together.

      There was never going to be a ‘ good time ’ to talk about any of this. With the way that their relationship was at the moment, he wasn’t sure there would ever be a conversation to really be had about any of it. As much as he had hoped and prayed while he was in rehab that things would turn out differently, he knew now that things probably would never be better between the pair of them. However, he did have hope that he would be able to at the very least mend the relationship well enough to mend his relationship with his children. To be there for them more. For her. Anyway that he could be. Her proposition to take time away from the city with her and the children was shocking. He hadn’t expected it at all but there was no way in hell that he was going to miss this chance. “Of course.” He would rearrange some meetings with the band, get things situated so that he could do so without missing work. “I’d love that... really.”

Out of all the things she’d heard about Maverick, fighting a paparazzi was definitely on the tamer side of the list, but it still wasn’t great. Lola, on the other hand, was a well-trained client and never gave her agent or publicist much trouble. After working so hard to get where she was, she had no intention of losing it all over something as stupid as not behaving herself. “Yeah, well, let’s avoid giving her more work then, yeah?” She told him with a smile, patting his shoulder soothingly. “So we have. What have you been up to? Fill me in on everything.”

     Mav chuckled, shaking his head slightly as he followed her lead down the sidewalk. “Probably.” After all, his publicist had been good to him. After all the chaos he’d thrown her way in the past, he didn’t want to give her any more surprises than his chance meeting with Lola was already going to give her. “Not much to really discuss yet. We’re still in the early stages of the new album... but I’ve been doing some collabs with other artists to pass my time over the last few years.”

“Here’s the deal.” Palms flat on the counter, Devin spared half a glance for the surrounding patrons (but nobody at the ridiculously trendy bar had any interest in anyone who wasn’t themselves, or on the other side of a phone screen.) “My friends—” She twitched her shoulder to indicate a table of women clutching umbrella’d cocktails and who were watching the interaction like it was the season finale of The Bachelor. “—are in town for the weekend, and they’re really enjoying their drinks, and they dared me to come over here and make out with you.” No blushes, no beating around the bush, not even as she added, “‘Cause you’re cute. So. If you’re game …”

      Mav was simply keeping an eye on a friend, making sure he wasn’t getting himself into anything stupid. Bars weren’t his scene anymore. Clean for over four years, the last thing he expected was someone to approach him. He’d made it pretty clear that he wasn’t having a great time playing babysitter, occasionally checking his phone to jot down notes for the bands’ next album. The woman had caught him off guard to say the very least. Shoving his phone back into his pocket, the musician chuckled and crossed his arms against his chest. “Not exactly the type for a show.” He commented easily, though realistically he wasn’t game. She was an attractive woman and he appreciated the confidence she had to walk up to him, but he was still trying to ease his way back into his ex-wife’s good graces and getting another tip that he seemed too cozy around another woman wasn’t going to do him any favors. “Tell you what... we put some distances between them, give it a few minutes... tell them whatever you gotta tell’em.”

Sabrina held back a snicker at Mav’s reaction to the green juice. “Look, you’re the one that told me to order for you. You don’t get to be upset about it. You get what you get and you don’t get upset. Isn’t that what they teach pre-schoolers?” She teased, a humored glint reflecting in her blue eyes. To be fair, she had ordered it half hoping to get this reaction. In a lot of ways Sabrina had always felt like Mav was the brother she’d never had. Growing up as an only child she’d never had the experience but in this crazy, chaotic man she’d found something that felt a bit like family. Perhaps more than her only real family did. “Just try it, okay? For me?” The blode requested, batting her eyelashes jokingly.

     Maverick shouldn’t have been the least bit surprised that Sabrina would try to pull that card on him. His daughter had the habit of using that look to get her way with him and it certainly worked. Perhaps it was because he was softhearted or the fact that he felt like he had a lot of damage to make up for. “This shit looks toxic, Sab.” He commented, grabbing the glass and swirling the green sludge around. “Am I gonna wake up with superpowers tomorrow?” The musician teased, hesitating before he decided to bite the bullet and take a small sip. Brow knitted together as he quickly placed the cup back down and shook his head. “No. Hell no.”

Nate turned to look at the man now. Even drunk, he recognized him. Maverick Lewis, the lead singer of… the name of the band escaped him now. The music wasn’t his style, but he knew they were talented. He regretted his question now. Having been around Eric for so long, he should have known better. If someone wasn’t drinking at a bar, they probably had a good reason. Regardless of the reason, it was none of Nate’s business. “Sorry man,” he apologized. Again. “I know better. It’s none of my business.” Nate nodded solemnly. He used to be that friend for Chuck the same way Chuck used to be that friend for him. “That’s nice of you. The bartenders here don’t really…” he trailed off, lost in thought. “They don’t really know when to stop,” he finished. “They’ll keep pouring until you can’t ask for more.”

     “It’s all good, brother.” Mav responded quickly, not one to take trivial things to heart. There was no way that Nate could’ve known that he was in recovery anyhow. It wasn’t exactly something that he went around boasting because he wasn’t that kind of guy. He kept shit to himself nowadays. Mav clapped Nate gently on the back as he sat his glass down on the wood of the bar. “They’ll get their money’s worth one way or another, man. It’s up to you to know when you’ve reached your limit... but I get how hard it can be to do that.”

The brunette was painfully aware that the children were in the next room. While she doubted they were paying any attention to their parents in the kitchen, she couldn’t help but think before she spoke. A snort escaped at the mention of jealousy. And with that, any self control went out the window. Silently, she cursed herself for perhaps being a little too obvious about it.  Fingers grasped at the counter while her voice lowered to ensure no words were overhead further than the walls that surrounded them. “Oh, I’m more than well aware about you moving on. Less than a year after we split.” She murmured to him, though the words were more for herself as she never expected him to answer. It had been merely facts. “You think I left you because I stopped caring or lov——,” she paused and sighed, unable to finish. “I literally had to talk you down from the ledge. Do you know what that did to me? The number of times I watched you unravel? I couldn’t save you so I saved myself — and our children.” She hissed before letting out a deep breath. Dark hues peered at the entrance of the kitchen before she jumped down. “But while you were fixing yourself and playing house with your wife to be, I was here with the kids. Funny how I was the one meant to move on but never could as I was too busy raising our children.” With the words leaving her lips, the brunette moved to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. Though she’d hated herself for the spew of words, it had been a build up that she could no longer keep hidden. “In the end — it is what it is, I’m just happy you’re doing better.”

     There were so many things that he wanted to say but he knew that it wasn’t going to get them anywhere. He knew that everything had been building up to shit like this. Hushed arguments hidden from the kids. He had so many things running through his mind. Telling her how he still loved her — he longed to hold her in his arms against the way that he used to. But what was the point in that? It was clear that she hated him. At her very least, she tolerated him for the sake of the children that she had made it quite clear that she didn’t think he had the capacity of taking care of long enough to give her a reprieve. It painted a pretty vivid picture that Maverick clearly wasn’t stable, no matter how hard he had tried to clean himself up after she had quite literally talked him down from the ledge years ago. He’d lost his family and his band mates in one quick swoop. It had taken him five years to get back to a good standing ground again and to finally get right with himself. He knew that there was no going back to what they once were. Part of him was thankful for that. Things back then were... complicated, at best. He also knew that, at least in that moment, there was no hope for things to change between the two of them. Maverick could see that now. At first, he’d had hope... but hope was a fickle bitch. “You left me.” He repeated, although quieter this time as he stepped another half inch closer to the island in the middle of the kitchen. “Moving on was never something that I wanted to do. I tried and I failed, Charlie.. There is no one like you.” He wasn’t even sure why he was telling her any of this because he knew that it would never make a difference. “I know that my job makes it hard for me to see the kids..but I love the three of you dearly. It isn’t fair of me to ask to be apart of your lives’ any more than I already am... but if it’ll give you a reprieve and give me more time with my kids, then let me take them for a little while.. A week, a weekend.. whatever you’re comfortable with..”

      It felt like it had been ages since he and Sabrina had actually spent time together. He had been so wrapped up in his own shit with the band ending their hiatus that he had put off most social interaction and kept his focus on his music. It was the only thing that really kept him sane anymore. Working constantly.. it was draining, but it kept his mind off of the problems that were building with Charlie. It had been a long time coming and it was all his fault, really. He knew that. But even he got tired of listening to his own voice. Shooting the shit with his band mates got to be tedious sometimes, so he was glad that he had chosen to take the opportunity to spend some time with Sabrina to mellow himself out. “Okay, this?” He commented, motioning to the glass of whatever god awful concoction he’d let her order him. “Is literally the fuckin’ single most... disgusting thing I’ve ever had in my life.. and I’ve drank some gnarly shit.”

Charlotte was drained. More than that, she had little energy left to deal with the emotions that came with seeing her ex-husband. It was different than reading various tabloids and communicating briefly via text message for when he could come by next to visit his children. Being in his vicinity meant that she had to fight off the longing, pain, and desire that came with him being in arms reach. Though she’d never admit openly just how weak she could be in the moments where they were forced to be in the same room together, she often masked that with anger and sharp comments. Turning to peer over at him, the brunette shrugged her shoulder before hoisting her up on her kitchen counter. “Please don’t tell me you’re planning on giving her a ring and making her your third wife as you did the last one?” she spoke harshly, pointed gaze sent to Mav. Evidently, she hadn’t quite gotten over that either. Though it was necessary to constantly remind herself that she had been the cause of their rupture, it didn’t make it any less hard when she saw how easily he’d managed to move on. Enough that he had almost planned on spending the rest of his life with another woman. Looking over him, a sigh of frustration suddenly slipped past her lips as her hands met her features to scrub away both the fatigue and irritation. “Can you be more mindful next time? Look, I get that you have people over, but can you remember that I’m here alone with the kids and .. — maybe think about how we feel when we’re forced to see you with your arm around some other girl.” How I feel when I know you get to crawl in bed with a warm body while I’m all alone?

“It’s none of my business,” she returned bluntly. Though every ounce of her body reflected jealousy and anger — she simply couldn’t allow herself to open that box with him. After all, she had been the one to call it quits. She’d left him. Therefore, she had no right to feel any sort of way about his dating life. Evidently, she was failing at that. Opening the oven, the brunette placed the nuggets inside and set a timer. Manicured nails drummed upon the oven before she turned around to peer over at him. The gaze was momentary as if in fear that he would be able to read the longing behind her gaze, beneath the anger and pain that resided there. At his agreement to leave, she simply nodded her head. This had been their dance for the longest time. She allowed his visits with the children with the knowledge that they would not be forced to be alone, or be given an opportune time to speak. At least, not in depth about issues they’d been holding inside for quite some time. “It’s not about me. I don’t want the children to grow up and see a slew of your one night stands.” She said as she busied herself putting some dishes away. “But I guess it’s nice to see that you have such a social life while I’m at home with our children.” With a sigh, the brunette paused to wince at her tone of voice. Evidently, anger still laced each syllable that escaped her mouth. “Sorry, I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping very well as of late.”

      Although she was right about it being none of her business, Maverick would never have lied to her. There was no use in it. Charlotte had been the one person that she could trust without a doubt. If there had been something between himself and Lola, he would’ve fessed up to it. However, there was no need to fess up to something when he had done absolutely nothing wrong. Lola was simply a friend, someone he had been trying to protect when he’d realized that the paparazzi wasn’t going to leave her alone. Of course, he hadn’t thought it all through. He should’ve known Gossip Girl was going to turn the tables on him like they did the rest of everything in everyone’s lives. Maverick watched every move she made, eyes clinging to the curves that he had longed to feel in his hands for years now but to no avail. With a defeated sigh, he pushed himself away from the wall and folded his arms against his chest as he took a half step into the kitchen. He completely understood her worries but there was nothing he could do or say to ease her mind. Maverick knew that she didn’t trust him or his word any more than he could’ve if he was in her shoes. Five years later and all he could think about was how difficult this whole ‘co-parenting’ thing was. He wanted to be there for her and their children but with his profession and the demands of show business, it might things a hell of a lot harder. “One night stands? Really?” Even if that had been the case, that was what they were called for a reason. He never would’ve let them have anything to do with their children. “I was out for a walk, Charlie. Clearin’ my head. Is that a crime?”

The confidence almost made her laugh – not that it was funny, but instead so refreshing. Of all the things she was expecting (and dreading) about coming back to the city, seeing Maverick was not one of them. She held her smile in place, though she was sure it dropped from here eyes, at the mention of ‘trouble.’ Though Maverick had assuredly not been involved with her past trouble and it was unlikely he cared much for her teenage drama, but it was still a reminder of a past she couldn’t outrun – no matter how innocently he had asked.

“Good, I’ve been good,” she forced out, opting for optimism. “I’m trying to replace trouble with work lately. Sounds like that’s going around,” she redirected, extending an arm to give a gentle, playful shoulder punch with her free hand. “So? As a fan myself, what’s the status? Have you, I don’t know, written anything?”

      Maverick had never been privy to most of the details from Vanessa’s teenage years. He’d been working with the band, battling his own demons at the time. Gossip Girl blasts were the last thing he’d really ever wanted to read, mostly due to his disinterest in the lives of elite. He had heard bits and pieces but it was never any of his business and out of respect for his friend, he didn’t ask. It was how their friendship worked. When they felt like being dwelling on the past, they would have their little conversations. But no one liked living in the past and clearly they had worked hard enough to move past their problem years.

“Yeah, that’s a good look.” He chuckled in response, shaking his head as he took enough hit from his cigarette. With parted lips, he blew out a bit of smoke before spoke again. “Hiatus has been lifted, but we’re still in the early stages. Bouncing ideas off of each other, y’know... the works.”