F*ck Owen Strand

This blog: exists

Grace and Judd: we’re trying our best okay that man is a moron

and then one day there’s an attack, and frat boy percy is all of a sudden a fighting machine. he’s yelling battle cries alongside the praetors frank zhang and hazel levesque as they lead everyone into battle. (why is he with the praetors? and why…. why in the world do the praetors seem to be following his lead?) his sword slashes through armies of monsters faster than you’ve ever seen. he’s controlling the entire river surrounding the camp, creating huge waves as tall as skyscrapers that crash down all around him, wiping out monsters and causing mass destruction to his enemies’ ranks. the sky is suddenly dark above you, ice-cold water droplets are slashing through the air, and the wind is blowing so aggressively that it’s making it hard to stand up steadily. because he’s somehow created a hurricane.

and he looks terrifying. you can feel the power radiating off of him. he’s like a god. or maybe a monster. it’s hard to tell. you’re a little scared of him, to be honest. but also in total awe, because it’s extraordinary. he’s extraordinary.

Thalia: Okay, I'll bite. Why aren't you happy?

Nico: Percy's mom grounded me.

Jason: Can she do that?

Nico: *pouting* Apparently so.

Leo: She's not your guardian though so can't you just say no?

Nico: You want me to say "no" to the Sally Jackson? Um I'd like to live.

Annabeth: Yeah that woman is the most comforting force of nature to ever walk this earth. You don't just say no.

Leo: Really?

Thalia: You see, Percy, has the DNA of an all powerful absolutely amazing god. And Posiedon.....I guess.

Percy: *laughs* Accurate.

Will: Nico, how did she ground you though? It's not like you have a phone for her to take.

Nico: *pouts harder* She took my emotional support skull-

Will: I'm sorry you're WHAT?

Nico: And she won't let me go to McDonald's for two weeks.

Leo: She took away McDonald's????

Will: But what about the skull-????

Percy: To be fair he was using McDonald's to summon the dead.

Will: Nico!

Nico: It's not like I was doing it in the house!

Percy: And she probably would not have cared had you not done it to the point where you blacked out!

Will: Nico Di Angelo! I told you to stop over doing it!

Nico: I'm sorry it won't happen again.

Percy: *cough* bullshit *cough*

Nico: I'm serious! I really want my skull back....

Will: *flabbergasted* Why the fuck do you have a skull?

Nico: Don't worry! It's no one you know.

ok so the canon confirmation in 5.13 that the core group have a group chat with each other is probably one of THE best things to come from last night’s episode, and one thing abt me is that I LOVE found family shenanigans so you know I had to make this. so here’s what I think their group chat looks like:

nolan always goes to bailey whenever a phrase, abbreviation, or emoji is sent over text that he doesn’t understand

originally he went to henry but because of the time zone difference henry would be like “dad fuck off it’s 3am here I can’t explain to you what bffr means” so then bailey comes to the rescue

the whole group actually GASLIGHTS tim. like they will send the most unfunny 2012 facebook memes and tell him that it is the kind of stuff kids find funny these days, acting like he’s crazy for not laughing, and he gets so annoyed because he knows they’re fucking with him and he’s insulted they think he’s that lame but also they NEVER break. they commit to the bit 100% and keep at it

lucy sends obscure uquizzes like “find out what famous true crime documentary you are by choosing bts lyrics” or “what kind of wings would you have if humans had wings” or something like that

unless directly mentioned or asked a question (or unless she herself needs something) nyla will not text in the chat. the only exception is when she has an occasional girls’ night to get a break from leah, and then she (and angela) will get super drunk and start sending drunken voice memos and texting the group chat saying really affectionate stuff like how much she loves all of them, and she misspells every word

angela sends one picture of jack. ONE. and lucy responds with 80 different texts fawning over how cute he is, sending little 🥰 emojis and rambling about how nyla and angela have the cutest kids ever. the guys only send like one text each. but it gets to the point where angela only ever sends pictures of jack when she’s had a bad day and needs a serotonin boost or wants to feel like the best mom ever (which is true) because she knows lucy always goes insane and it makes angela feel good about herself

tim will ABSOLUTELY send all-caps messages late at night giving extremely heated commentary on whatever sports game is on and everyone will either play along with it (“nooo, not the lineguard!! (I have no idea what’s going on)” comes from wesley) OR it’ll be too late at night so they will all text him in unison going “SHUT UP ABOUT THE GAME”

there are also several group chats— like one with aaron and celina, one without them, one with all the spouses and SOs (bailey, james, wesley) and one without, one even with grey, one with just the ladies, etc.— and in the ones aaron is in, tim will send recent paparazzi pictures of aaron that he finds online just to fuck with him

celina also sends daily horoscopes to the ladies group chat

lucy and tim also always send out invites to tyler’s little league games because tim is convinced that a bigger audience showing support for the kids will help them succeed (and the litany of post-game snack ideas that they all suggest)

everyone also tries to pump free construction and repair advice from nolan and he’s a sucker for it every time

steve:

Steve Harrington aka protective older brother and/or mama bear ↳ requested by anonymous + bonus