i went to my doctor for a physical today. had to get a pap smear. she said we're gonna do an internal exam too. i said okay. turns out that's when your doctor puts on nitrile gloves and fingers you on the table

things are kind of looking up for me in a major way not to jinx it. but i could still get laid

3 glasses of sangria i want to fuck everyone

out of groceries mad as hell

went out for 2 hours to run a couple errands and experienced so much social anxiety that i convinced myself there must be like blood on my face or a sign on my back or a deepfake sex tape of me on a local subreddit. like what

i realize i talk a lot about being 24. i say it in an opaque sort of way and i find it difficult to elaborate on. i don't know why and i don't know what i mean. i just don't know what else to call the part of my life that i'm in right now. and i am 24 so.

everything feels so painfully profound

nobody knows why i say the things i say

being honest with my mother over text and crying really hard and hitting my vape til i get nauseous

unfortunately i realized recently that i think i want to be loved and touched and known etc again and now i have to deal with wanting that

sat on the floor bc there was nothing else to do. played guitar and painted a picture. it's not done yet but i still want to finish it. went on a walk and it felt like 10 years ago. smelled like it too