she/her 🏳️‍⚧️ | mtf | HRT soon

I’m not quite sure how to greet you as readers, so I’ll just dive right in. 😁

I’ve been on Tumblr for a very long time: this account is nearly seven years old. Tumblr has been a part of my life for years. At first, I was here because I was fascinated by female dominatrixes—and by the female aesthetic in general. I’ve always been amazed by how beautiful women are. And there were always two thoughts running through my mind: one was, "Wow, what a beautiful woman—I’d love to get to know her." But the other thought was always, "Wow, what a beautiful woman—look at how that dress fits her perfect body. I wish I had a pretty body like that; the dress looks incredibly lovely and comfortable, too—I’m so jealous."

Starting at young age, whenever I was home alone, I’d put on my mother’s clothes, and it just made me feel good. Eventually, I stumbled upon terms like "sissy," "beta," or "chastity cage"… and that’s when I discovered fetish.

I’m incredibly fascinated by the alpha-beta dynamic. I find it incredibly sexy to keep one’s penis locked away for someone else—for whatever reason. I also found the idea of ​​forced feminization extremely arousing—the idea of ​​someone "forcing" me to become a woman, step by step, until there’s no turning back. Submitting and serving!!! Wow—that is, and always will be, my fetish.

Why am I writing this to you? Because it held me back. The "sissy bubble" kind of locked me into a mindset I couldn't escape. I had asked myself quite early on whether I was transgender or not. But once I heard the term "sissy" and realized such a thing actually existed, I simply labeled myself as just having a fetish, and that put an end to my internal debate. That mindset hasn't changed over the years... I was out getting a bite to eat with an old friend once—I don't recall the topic of conversation—but she said, "Everyone should go to therapy at least once. Either you won't need to go back, or it helps and you do go back, so why not?"

That thought has stuck with me. I used to think I shouldn't go to therapy because I might be taking an appointment away from someone who needed it more urgently. Or the therapist might decide I’m a perverted pig or something. Or they wouldn't really listen to me.

So, in May 2026, I started reading and exploring the topic of being transgender more deeply. Plus, in my country, there’s a lot of paperwork involved in getting health insurance to cover a transition. So I did some research and sent out emails. Recently, I met with two counseling centers and gathered contact details for therapists. You see, in my country, you have to speak with a therapist—often over several sessions—and they issue a letter confirming the indication for treatment. With that letter, I can go to a doctor who will then prescribe hormones. It’s a process that can drag on for weeks or even months.

But I’ve already made progress in my thinking without therapy. I wanted to ask a therapist whether I was transsexual or if this was just a phase. By now, though, I can answer that question myself. I’ve been on this journey for so long without realizing it. Now, the question is more like: when does it start? How can I begin the transition?

And as wonderful as this realization might sound —knowing I might soon start hormones and embark on a new path—one thought has been weighing on me. By focusing on the "sissy" theme, I actually stalled my own development and labeled myself merely as a fetish. That "sissy" phase is over on my blog. I never intended to make any transgender person feel like they were nothing more than a fetish. If I gave a reader that impression, I’m sorry. I’m going to adjust my blog—deleting or editing a few posts here and there—and change my content going forward. Not fundamentally, just tweaking it. What I mean is: I still think chastity cages, Dom/sub dynamics, or strap-ons are amazing... but the focus won't be on "sissies" anymore. I’ll find other words to use instead of "sissy."