My loneliness is killing me

I was reminded of this because as we all know by now, Bill & Melinda Gates have broken up. 

I immediately thought of the Douglas Coupland’s classic Microserfs when the characters (who previously worked at Microsoft) found out that Bill & Melinda got married in early 1994: 

Then, I remembered Start Me Up.

Which I always associate with the launch of Windows 95 in the late Summer of 1995, because it was used big time in the commercials for the operating system. 

[The lady in commercial using laptop in a taxi cab – who was doing that in 1995 – who is doing that today?] 

(source)

I also associate Windows 95 with my mom and I going to WalMart on a regular basis that Summer. WalMart was a ~new thing~ for us after we avoided it for the first few years of it being open in our town due to store being ~too crowded~. On the outside of our WalMart, there was this huge banner advertising Windows 95 arriving on August 24th. It looked just like this photo I had to mock up in Pixlr because I surprisingly couldn’t find one online. 

From my local newspaper, Daily Press: 

Cold Pizza Hut < Windows 95 at the CompUSA in Norfolk. 2,000 customers at the midnight launch! 

“Ｉ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｉ＇ｌｌ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｈｉｓ，　ｉｔ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｂｅ　ｐｅｒｆｅｃｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｅ.”  - Sal

OS/2 was IBM’s operating system. It’s last version came out in 1996.

Here’s the Coke commercial. I’ve noticed in nearly all the photos I’ve found of guys in stores buying Windows 95, they’re all dressed like Bill. That polo shirt/baggy khaki combo.

I got excited to see that I could find archives of the newspaper from Staunton, VA, where I lived for 2 years while I finished college. Only one person bought it at the KMart in Waynesboro! 

While tropical storm-like weather plagued Central Florida, Alan Blalock still went out in the elements to get a copy. 

The price signs at Sam’s Club still look like that in 2021. 

Wait, so Allen in the photo bought it on launch day, but wasn’t installing it until the end of the year? 

Jay Leno helped Bill Gates introduce Windows 95 in a show shown at computer stores. Of course he had to tell a lame O.J. trial joke:

Windows 95 can do so many things, it can keep track of all of O.J.’s alibi at once.

I still haven’t found any news coverage of these “computer geek costume balls”.

At CompUSA you could take a 3 hour $79 class on Windows 95.

Even Rachel and Chandler got into the Windows 95 hype. They were the stars of an infomercial video for the software.  Rachel thought that cutting and pasting files was “trippy”. Check out that ergonomic keyboard! Love those. 

So, about a month and a half ago I was really sad. I mean, I’m always sad, but for some reason it hit different that week. All I did every second I had some free time (at home!) for a week was watch old grocery store commercials on YouTube. Here’s an example of a playlist. I started noticing a pattern, a starter pack, if you will. 

Soda, soda soda.

I thought we, as Americans, didn’t get bad about buying soda in bulk until the early 00s. Nah. We were bad about bulking up on soda on sale back then, too. I mean, check out the prices on those low, low Pepsi Cubes. 

Lots of ham

Sometimes canned ham. Only once with this adorable bunny puppet.   Oh, storytime. When I was sent at home for quarantine around this time last year, I was on eBay late at night, as usual. 

I wound up re-buying this little pink bunny made by Animal Fair rabbit I had when I was little. So that’s the bunny story. 

These deli platters with rolled up lunchmeat.

Exactly how do you eat that at a party? Just pick up a roll of delimeat? What do you dip it in? Is there bread nearby? 

Orange juice! 

Orange juice sales have slipped in the United States in the last twenty years due to concerns over its high sugar content.1 Thirty years ago it was practically a staple in the American kitchen. I mean, the cereal commercials always counted a glass of orange juice as part of “this complete breakfast”. 

“Warehouse pricing”

At first, I thought “Warehouse pricing” meant that a store had a section of items priced and packaged like you would find at whatever Costco and Sam’s Club was back then.  This Washington Post article from 1981 kind of explains it: 

“Warehouse pricing,” quickly became a synonym for “cheap food” but what the term originally meant was that prices would no longer be marked on individual items, only on the shelves as they are in discount food warehouses. 

Giant Food Chairman Israel Cohen said the choice was up to consumers: The could have the price stamped on every bottle and can, or they could read the prices off the shelf signs and get lower prices. 2

Butchers

Maybe because I don’t eat or buy meat too often, but I can’t remember the last time I went to a store that had a butcher behind the counter to show the customers meat. Ok, except for Whole Foods. I see them there. Because its Whole Foods. 

Fruit Baskets at Christmas

How about a fruit basket of fruit you might actually need at the holidays? Like oranges lemons and limes. I mean, we always forget the lemons for zest. Just a reindeer basket full of lemons. 

Jingles.

My top three:

Jewel - take a new look at an old friend, Jewel 

Great Scott! - We got a lot to do/give/we love you – Great Scott! was a Detroit area store, bought by Kroger in 1990. 

A&P / Super Fresh / Kohl’s Food Store -- yep, its the same jingle for all three chains, except their names are subbed in the last verse. All owned by A&P.  The guy in the commercial had to do the window wipe scene three different times. 

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1. Food Dive. “Orange Juice Sales Get Sweeter as Consumers Look for Immunity Boost.” Accessed March 21, 2021. https://www.fooddive.com/news/orange-juice-sales-get-sweeter-as-consumers-look-for-immunity-boost/578175/.