Yomo can practically taste Utaâs venom in the air, smell the anger on the other ghoul like a veil. Heâd always been like that, testy when it came to his relationship with with the pop idol. What right after all, did he have to assume when it came to them?
While he was not, and never would be Maikoâs biggest fan, he knew how important she was to both Uta, and to Shini, and he withdraws a little more from the other ghoul, motioning for a drink. As his glass is filled, he takes a sip. Already he feels more relaxed, a little more easy, though his heart is still pounding in his chest.Â
âI shouldnât have said that.â he says after a moment, âIt just seemsâŚso much easier for you both. Uta, no matter what you do, Maiko will always think the world of you. Even if you lie, even if you hurt her, she always comes back.âÂ
He stares at the glossy coat of protectant on the bar, lets a finger trace over the woodgrain pattern before taking another sip.Â
âI tried once.â Yomo says. âOne night, I got ahead of myself. Iâd watched some of thoseâŚvideos. I just wanted to do things right.â
He winces, thinking back to the night where he had visited Shini, his head filled with AVs and had been rough, too rough with her. He hadnât hurt her physically, but heâd hurt her heart, and somehow, that had been worse.Â
âI justâŚI thought it was what she liked, what she wanted. The look on her face said everything, and I just had to get away from her as fast as I could. I couldnât take her looking at me, not like that. Not like I was one of them, one of those men.âÂ
He takes another sip, and the alcohol burns his chest, though it does nothing to quell his shame.Â
He laughs, though the sound is hollow, bitter. âMaiko found out, and you know I never considered her scary until then. Youâre both really similar⌠She told me I was a fool, and that if I couldnât separate reality from fiction, itâd be best if I stayed away. Made me feel pretty pathetic. I donât ever want to do that to Shini ever again.â
âI just donât know if I can trust myself with her. Itâs not that I want to keep her away, itâs that I canât handle hurting her.âÂ
  Uta believes the only thing Yomo knows is hardship, heâs endured terror after terror in his life, hardly having breaks in between. Losing his parents, his sister, his fight against Arima, his brother in-law, and the thought of losing his neice and nephew haunted his mind. But what he doesnât realize is that heâs pushing those whoâs been by his side away while he tries to protect a select few. What Yomo doesnât know is that he too, deserves to be protected, but Uta thinks this isnât something he could accept, not yet anyway.
  The man has no one to go home to, just an empty container that hosts nothing but a mattress on the floor, that he sleeps in alone. There is no one else there to keep him warm, no one to hold him in the night when he canât sleep. But that misery he holds is something he brought onto himself. Itâs clear to Uta that Yomoâs distant behaviour is whatâs pushing Shini away, making her think that he isnât interested in her, so she seeks the warmth that he wants to give her from someone else, and all it does is cause heartbreak for the both of them. â You canât believe everything you see, sheâs an actress, putting on a show for the viewer. â Uta says loosely, from converstations heâs had with her in the past he knows filming those videos isnât something she doesnât enjoy, sheâs only there for the paycheck.
  â She wasnât always like that, after you left her alone and went to Antieku, she sought out others to replace the feelings you gave her, but nobody wanted her the way you did. So she gave them what they wanted, the same way her mother would, all for a temporary fix of fake love. â
   â When you drifted, she spiraled, and the cycle has come back to you. â Itâs the butterfly affect. Yomo decided that other things meant more to him, and Shini went down a different path, yet if he had stayed by her side and let her protect him while he was protecting others, it would all be different. â But even during that time you both see as dreadful, there was beauty in it. â
   â You say you donât want to hurt her anymore than you already have, but as you sit here thinking about your next move instead of taking action, you are hurting her even more. â