Not in a financial position to help anyone financially

New merch drop was ass but I figured I could at least have some fun rating all of the fits. Anyways here we go (mostly using the chibi stickers because they're the easiest to see the outfits from)

STOLAS

I hate this fuckass so much. His outfit couldn't even be proper ugly so I can roast the shit out of him, it's just mid. I like some of the star stuff but it's so cluttered that it's genuinely hard to tell what I'm looking at half the time

4/10

LOONA

Dear God what the fuck am I looking at? Can someone please tell these artists they can't do the split dress/suit because this is the second time they've tried after Vaggie and it somehow looks even worse. Like what is even happening with the right half

2/10

SALLIE MAY

Talented, brilliant, incredible, showstopping. Genuinely so fucking good I want to kiss whoever designed her on the mouth. That's my butchy femme cowgirl. No complaints

10/10

VEROSIKA

It's cute enough ig. Thankfully they didn't go full split dress like the dumpster fire that is Loona but it's just kind of eh to me. It's a lil generic methinks

6/10

VASSAGO

Vassago is annoying but this outfit is pretty good. I like the gold and dark blue mixed together. Some of the bits on there confuse me though

8/10

BLITZO

He's kind of killing it ngl. I'm glad they let him slut it up this Pride and his star pants are cool. Wish the jacket had more going on though

7/10

OCTAVIA

Aww she's so cute. The bigass bow is a lil distracting but it's so cute for Via anyways. Not much else to say

7.9/10

MOXXIE AND MILLIE

WHY DO NONE OF THE IMAGES SHOW MOXXIE'S FULL SUIT FROM THE FRONT? Anyways Moxxie is fine but Millie is straight up outserving him in every way. Should have let Moxxie also wear a dress you cowards. Anyways idc what Spindlehorse says, Millie is bi and Moxxie is a transwoman. They're yuri together.

5/10 for Moxxie and 7/10 for Millie

BEELZEBUB

Switched to playmat for this one. Anyways this outfit is ugly as shit but not as bad as Loona's. The top is completely unsalvageable but the shorts could have been saved if you tweaked the dripping honey underneath.

3/10

FIZZOZZIE

Fizzarolli's lil jester crop top 🥺 I love him so much. Asmodeus's fit kind of sucks tbh. They should let Ozzie be GNC/slutty at least once but of course the writers are too cowardly to let the character voiced by a black man be anything other than masculine so fuck me ig

8/10 for Fizzarolli and 4/10 for Asmodeus

MAMMON

This is the best image I could find. Outfit is ugly anyways. He looks like Care Bear for no reason. Why does his outfit have an absurd number of hearts anyways? That's Asmodeus's symbol.

Also it's very funny they refuse to put Stella in pride merchandise because she's abusive yet put Mammon, another abuser, in the same breath. But honestly who's surprised at this point?

2/10

CHAZ

Fuckkkk I kind of like this outfit. It's actually kind of cool and I wish it wasn't wasted on Chaz of all people. Should have given it bi colors and made it Striker smh. Wouldn't go to a pride parade my ass

8/10

BARBIE WIRE

This is literally just Blitzo's outfit wtf are we doing? Like I'm sorry but it pisses me off that they went out of their way to give Barbie a girlfriend for her focus short only to completely not use her for the literal pride merch. Don't pmo

1/10.

ANDREALPHUS

Woowww it's literally almost identical to his normal outfit. I'm so glad they included this fuckass bird over Kendra and Striker for the third time now. I'm sooooo glad gay men can see themselves in the ugly bird who constantly hits on his sister.

0/10. I'm tired boss

Anyways that's it for now. Follow me for DCAU content. I think the two main boys from Static Shock should kiss.

Soo Octavia is asexual right?

Oh my...that adds another awful layer to the "Stolas talking sexual in front of his daughter" thing.

She's literally uncomfortable with that..

WHAT IS IT WITH VIV MAKING JOKES ABOUT VIOLATING A CHARACTER'S SPACE FOR A "JOKE??"

I would do the "it's weird that it happened twice" but let's be honest..

She says this as Chaggie remains the only significant sapphic couple in both of her shows. Recent short introduced Barbie's girlfriend, Kendra, and she's nowhere to be seen on the merch. But you know who is? Why, the walking dick joke number 3000, Chaz, of course! Y'know the guy that's supposed to be dead for over three years now, yet still got two shorts dedicated to himself recently.

Also,notice how pretty much all of pan or bi female characters are paired with men(Cherri with Pen, Bee with Tex etc.) and we only know their sexuality via merch, at most their attraction to women will be ambiguous hinted at. But sure, m/f couples are so rare for you, Viv.

I didn’t notice because you are the most corporate fake progressive queer slop showrunner ever. You write all your queer relationships the same. The fetishized femme gay twink/masc pan characters as heteronormative with a “man” and “woman” dynamic. Hetero couples can be queer as fuck it’s not just their sexuality that makes someone queer, but that’s what you chose to focus on. Who someone wants to fuck instead of their gender identity/role. All the queer bi/pan females characters are always paired up with men, and you have too buy merch to know their sexualities because your misogynistic and you write queer men as aggressive cock hungry sluts who love gigantic “kaiju” dicks and dildos, while queer women get nothing in your shows and they’re either slut shamed, written to be bitches or mothering the other male characters. The only sapphic couple you have is so boring and bland that they only get a vanilla af metaphorical sex dance and only smooch. You completely erased Barbie and Kendra, there nowhere in this years “pride merch” There’s a lot of trans erasure in the show, no trans rep except Sallie May or background artists sneaking in trans characters.

No amount of “I do it for the gays” posts are gonna convince people you’re not a transphobe because past employees/friends have came out and said you misgender them behind their backs and deadnamed them, not to mention, but let’s bring it back. The way you tormented a trans friend and made fun of them for being trans and made fun of another trans friend who was asexual, and said they’re not really asexual.

Not to invalidate you’re sexuality as bisexual/asexual but even queer can be homophobic and transphobic. Just some food for thought.

Rest in peace good written shorts I shouldn’t have trusted you anyway (April 25th 2026-May 16 2026)

"But the LGBT representation!". Oh yeah, I'm sure that LGBT people will be sooo happy at being associated with rapists.

Haha isn't that so funny guys? The poor, POC imp doesn't know how to use the alphabet! His rich, white coded boyfriend is so shocked! Aren't we so progressive? Aren't we so funny?

So this fucking sucks, actually.

"Happy pride everyone!! Just ignore how this victim is uncomfortable and forced to be in the same vicinity and environment as his abusers and doesn't even get to appear in merch with his own friends—Buy our merch!!! Isn't it so nice??"

Just fuck off. Can't he be happy? Even in pride month? Within the dubiously canon merch? Good god do they not give a fuck about "victim representation".

I saw this post floating around where people are claiming Viv said "Beatrice is cartoonishly abusive".

I thought to myself, "Viv wouldn't possibly say that because Bojack's her favorite show. She's likely obsessed and dissected minor and nuanced details a casual viewer wouldn't."

So as I take a shit - my autism kicks in. I dig for a minute and find this podcast where at the 1:08 mark in this interview with Lightweights she deadass says this??? How can you literally be the definition of media illiteracy??? 😭

Beatrice isn't "the most cartoonishly abusive mother ever." That's literally Stella so far. Your own character. 😭😭😭

In s2e1 Beatrice calls Bojack on the set of Secretariat. She tells Bojack she read the parts about her and she looks ashamed more than sad. She tells Bojack she knows he wants to be happy but won't with this sense of submission, empathy, and acceptance expressed in her tone and expression. She says she's sorry. She's sorry for his birthright she believes she gave him. She mentions he can fill his life with distractions but it won't fill that hole.

"You're Bojack Horseman. There's no cure for that."

She's not just talking about Bojack. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HERSELF IN PARALLEL TO HER SON.

Fr (I’m the baby BoJack)