Cat Potato @mashedcatato - Tumblr Blog

Cat potato, firmly mashed and mixed with garlic and milk.

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I think I'm my favorite comedian

#ngl that shit is funny as fuck #mashed catato

"what's the first thing you do as the new Walmart CEO?"

Give better toilet paper

#it's not about raises #or giving bonuses #or discounts #it's the amount of time I have to spend wiping my ass because the thinnest fucking toilet paper of my life shreds itself on the friction #mashed catato

Ok ok ok

I'm not saying I'm suicidal but

Driving a car off a really pretty cliff does sound pretty good for a solid 5 seconds before it all goes downhill.

#I think it would be pretty #and fuel the fast and furious inside me #mashed catato

When I die and go to hell I want to visit all the hamsters.

#you know those things didn't go to heaven #purgatory maybe #but for sure hamsters belong in hell #mashed catato

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When the cat sits next to me and gently stares at me, yearning with its eyes into my soul for attention. And gently, gently taps me with its paw or bumps it's little tiny head into my arm and I desperately stare blankly ahead or I get assaulted for attenoon

#mashed catato

Need a tiktok app thing that shows you the most off the wall videos and immediately takes a pic of your reaction and posts it before you can check

#show me the truth #I bet you fuckin won't #mashed catato

I feel like my Tumblr feed is a curated zoo of creatures I've collected in the wild.

Like, if I followed you, you're now one of the 471 small creatures I am hiding in the closet in my room and now you have to be quiet so my parents don't find you so I can keep you forever

#but also I've shrunk you to like 1/10 your size bc there's no way I'm fitting all y'all in the closet #mashed catato

That one time I started calling my friend. Chicken Nuggets because he spilled the nasty chicken defrost juice down his whole body mid shift and had to suffer in it until he went home

#I think that's why we don't talk anymore #rip chicken nuggets #I still talk about you often #mashed catato #I think I was a bully unfortunately #I haven't gotten any better #sometimes you get to choose your nickname #sometimes your long distance friend gets to laugh hysterically about it at 2 am

Conspiracy theories I fuck with;

- clouds are ai generated and I fucking hate them. Fake ass clouds. Yeah you're telling me they just be pretty like that. PNG ass clouds

- fish are worse than birds at not being real. I just saw some fish and let me tell you I never want to see fish again. Tell me they're aliens please, for real, so I can just acknowledge their existence as some bullshit meteor dropped them cus this ain't it

#I know I have more but like #who keeps track of these anyway #the fish thing is new #but I straights up don't be having a good time #with those goddamn fish eyes #mashed catato

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Today's recipe is homemade bacon ranch dip

No I haven't actually made it.

No I won't make it I don't have a kitchen

Yes it sounds nice

Yes I told everyone at work how cool it would taste

I don't even like bacon ranch.

#wait til I tell you about my cheddar buffalo dip #still not gonna make it #I don't have the time for that shit #I sleep

The idea that ads are built by the mysterious data that's always getting stolen that have all my search history, things I've said aloud to people in the vicinity of my phone, and the pictures I've taken out of context in the wild

And yet they still be showing me the most useless shit I will never buy

#fuck ads #give me my data back #or do better #a mashed catato life

People are obsessed with telling me birds aren't real

Like bro

HAVE YOU SEEN FISH

#no thank you #I just saw a goldfish looking thing the size of a toddler #I would rather tell all my secrets to the next pigeon than swim near one of them googly eyed fuckers #I'd rather show a seagul my search history #why do fish be like that #there's so many #I'm sobbing in fear #mashed catato

Yes every statue I make will have a penis or tiddy or both.

No there is no discussion.

No, it doesn't cost extra.

#it should cost extra though #boners are hard #I don't mean my rat garden gnome statues will have genetalia #I mean my massive fucking horse will have a massive horse cock and balls #I'm not going to ungender my best creations just so your little fuckin garden party is kid friendly #fun fact my dude #you can just cover it with a large waterproof cloth and it'll look like it belongs there

kittyshopper

in the cut-throat ecosystem of today we must remember to cherish and support our own homegrown and artisanal brainrot as opposed to unethical factory-farm brainrot

mashedcatato

Always be ready for the 2 am "are you ready" posts

#when I have to start asking people to mentally prepare themselves for what I'm going to say #when they actually have to mentally prepare themselves for what I am about to say #mashed catato

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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I still want a full on horror serial killer movie about some wack job who hunts furries, and it's just like trailer park Doug's little creepy brother who everyone thought was "so nice" and "wouldn't hurt a fly" and they were "so surprised" to find out.

#bro would have bits and pieces of fursuits #there's a whole dialogue for the csi guys to casually come out as a furry after info dropping too hard #they catch him when he tried to have a bomb at a convention and immediately gets caught bc he's the only one not in a fursuit #mashed catato

tokkibean

i do not “delete sentences” when they start “hindering the plot” i COPY PASTE THEM into a SEPARATE DOC made just for keeping all my USELESS LINES that i will also NEVER USE so therefore i should JUST DELETE THEM but i DONT because id FEEL BAD if i did

mashedcatato

Y'all, I just spiral with us and when it is no longer relevant I just tuck the whole side-plot aside and call it my fanfic.

#sure I may be the only one who has the original content currently but #eventually I'll just put the fanfic out too and people would be shook by the 'new concept'

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