my thoughts

“I slept at his feet

there is a pathway between our hearts.

The dark, it listens. It listens to the silent tears trailing down your cheeks, dampening your pillow. It listens to the way your heart beats when you want it to stutter. It listens to the echoes of your dreams and your nightmares, weaving a web of thoughts for you to crawl through.

The light, it yells. It rages in your eyes, showing you a world that you can never be a part of, no matter your desires. It blinds everyone to the way it shuns you, to the way it despises you. It screams at you to get up, to leave, and you do, on stumbling legs with nothing to hold onto.

I need to do small things, Like cutting my hair or buying a new book, Because I’m running away from something, And I’m afraid of what happens when I stop.

I’m drifting at the bottom of an ocean, weighed down by the tonnes of water, And I can’t get up.

"I don’t want to be alive." The thought chokes the air out of my lungs, Freezes the blood in my veins, Loops time in never-ending despair.

what am i supposed to do when the lights turn off and the monsters come? my mind turns into a battering ram, going BANG BANG BANG against itself.

I feel like a constellation of wounds, held together with string and stubborness.

Nothing. It's a self-appointed martyr's answer. It ensures that the issue goes unresolved, and that I suffer all by myself. What do I get out of saying nothing?

Making myself unhappy, because... Because I'm only worth anything if someone wants to love me.

Snowfall is like a secret. It's whispers and firelight and searching for his warmth between the sheets at two a.m. when the rest of the house is asleep. It's holding him tightly and loving him slowly.

Beauty, my sweet child, is often broken and barbed, and always unexpected.

Take a step back, A step away from the world Away from your thoughts, Away from him. Who are you?

There are all types of love in this world but never the same love twice.

And in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.