marycrucified

cachalot by onda andar

stupid stuff with Kim

the idea that jaime loves cersei in a genuine and true way while cersei only wants to take advantage of jaime and loves him as an extension of herself is completely misogynistic. cersei really does love jaime, expressly for the person he is. what makes the cersei/jaime affair toxic (especially in affc/adwd) is that jaime was given a list of names by tyrion of men cersei has slept with, and it completely destroys his trust in her

"Cersei is a lying whore, she's been fucking Lancel and Osmund Kettleblack and probably Moon Boy for all I know..." - Jaime I, AFFC

Lancel and Ser Osmund and how many more? Was the part about Moon Boy just a gibe? - Jaime IV, AFFC

i shit you not, jaime thinks of this moment 10 times across his 7 chapters in AFFC. This wedge is further agitated by cersei's (rightful!!!) paranoia about the tyrells and tommen. it's in the moments where jaime is most flippant with tommen's safety that she is cruelest towards him. she isn't angry that her mini-me isn't doing exactly what she asks. she's angry that, days after their first child AND father's deaths, jaime shows callous disregard for their only remaining child's safety (with myrcella in dorne)

but it's completely ridiculous to say cersei doesn't love jaime. he's her first choice to be her new hand as regent:

"We are his heirs, Jaime," she whispered. "It will be up to us to finish his work. You must take Father's place as Hand. You see that now, surely. Tommen will need you . . ." - Cersei I, AFFC

ignore the lannister facsism my girl was lowkey drinking the kool aid. NEVERTHELESS him denying her here really does fuck with her head and become another in a long list of abandonments she deals with in AFFC

but wait! you say. she immediately says this to kevan afterwards:

"Jaime . . . Jaime has taken vows. Jaime never thinks, he laughs at everything and everyone and says whatever comes into his head. Jaime is a handsome fool." - Cersei II, AFFC

this line could be damning. it's not kind, and it's not entirely accurate (though it is accurate the the persona that jaime puts on). but it also comes at a crucial moment in the "breaking" of cersei, which is when she realizes that she is not tywin's heir. she married robert. she gave him grandchildren. she restored him to hand of the king. and yet.

"I shall set matters aright!" Cersei softened her tone. "With your help, Uncle. If you will serve me as faithfully as you served my father—" "You are not your father. And Tywin always regarded Jaime as his rightful heir." - Cersei II, AFFC

Though he was ten years her junior, he wanted her; Cersei could see it in the way he looked at her. Men had been looking at her that way since her breasts began to bud. Because I was so beautiful, they said, but Jaime was beautiful as well, and they never looked at him that way. When she was small she would sometimes don her brother's clothing as a lark. She was always startled by how differently men treated her when they thought that she was Jaime. Even Lord Tywin himself... - Cersei IV, AFFC

cersei isn't being cruel to jaime because he rejected her. she's being cruel because kevan and tywin have rejected her as a possible heir.

prophecy paranoia also gets to her

Jaime did not understand. No one understood. Only Melara had been in the tent to hear the old hag's croaking threats, and Melara was long dead. ... There is no one I can rely upon, not even Jaime, she realized grimly. - Cersei III, AFFC

but i promise you, under all of this, cersei still has a huge crush on jaime

she thinks of him very highly in regards to his tourney wins

No man will stand before him." Margaery Tyrell gave the queen a coy smile. "But I never knew that King Robert was so accomplished at the joust. Pray tell us, Your Grace, what tourneys did he win? What great knights did he unseat? I know the king should like to hear about his father's victories." A flush crept up Cersei's neck. The girl had caught her out. Robert Baratheon had been an indifferent jouster, in truth. During tourneys he had much preferred the mêlée, where he could beat men bloody with blunted axe or hammer. It had been Jaime she had been thinking of when she spoke. - Cersei V, AFFC

she frequently thinks back on his words

Jaime always said that the hardest part of any battle is just before, waiting for the carnage to begin. When she stepped outside, Cersei saw that the sky was grey and bleak. - Cersei X, AFFC

including some truly terrible jokes im sorry cersei but theres no defending this one

The dank and dismal fortnight Cersei spent at Greenstone, the seat of House Estermont, was the longest of her young life. Jaime dubbed the castle "Greenshit" at first sight, and soon had Cersei doing it too.  - Cersei V, AFFC

these little moments highlight that cersei does see jaime's personality, his jokes, his skill for battle and jousting, and they're not traits she envies for herself. we NEVER see cers wish she was funnier, and while she expresses a desire to be a man, she never really expresses a desire to wield a sword like the other warrior maids we meet in the series (brienne, arya, asha). she describes jaime as her sword arm, but that too is playing off of jaime's own projections of himself. cersei wants to be a great king, and jaime wants to be a great kingsguard.