there's something to be said about how grace ended up "enjoying it". as in, he was forced into the position on the ship, but ended up making rocky as a friend and actually did end up saving earth. i wonder a lot about what that did to him psychologically. he must have hoped on some level that he would have failed, because then his protests would have meant something, and he would have been right, and they would have been wrong. but because that isn't the case, he has to live with the fact that he actually did complete what they sent him out to do, and they were right, and he even enjoyed it a little.
yeah. i think we get a pretty clear idea of the psychological impact it had in the final scene, when rocky informs grace that the hail mary is equipped to return to earth, and all he has to do is say the word. the way grace's body language and expression convey visible relief when he realises that rocky isn't telling him to leave, but asking him to stay. while i don't think the revelation was immediate, i'm certain that grace felt nothing short of saved by the realisation that he wouldn't be able to return to earth. that he had not only the choice but the desire to turn back for rocky. because everyone on earth is, in a way, complicit in grace's violation, through either ignorance or - as carl demonstrates - inaction. stratt made the call to sedate him, but it took multiple people working with her to catch him and pin him down and force him onto that one-way trip. how many other people on earth would have done the same in their shoes, if it meant the best possible chance of saving the world? if it meant that at least it didn't have to be them, or those they love? to return would mean living with the burden of that, either internalising it to avoid tainting the world's pride and joy in the success of the mission and dying with it as a shameful secret, or being subjected to endless relitigation and spectacle. going "home" was never an option from the moment he was recruited.
we also get a pretty clear glimpse into his state of mind when he says to stratt "at least i never have to hear you say i told you so, even though you were right". that "even though" is doing a lot of heavy lifting there (even though you hurt me, even though i should have died - it's a more common backhanded compliment than you might think, as a survivor, to be told "if i were you i'd have killed myself" - even though i was afraid, even though i said no). and that's not to say that i think he blames stratt (or carl, for that matter) at all - that farewell video is his gift of forgiveness, or at least understanding that all the power in the world and the choices she made with it don't make her any less of a martyr than him, for her. even though she was right. even though he enjoyed it.
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