I recently lost someone i considered a friend, and i’m pretty frustrated with them, so i want to rant about her even if she won’t see this. i’ve realized i kinda turned this into my online diary, so sorry to all the people who constantly read it… ANYWAYS!! i recently lost a friend after she continuously lied to me about vaping. she promised me she was clean, but i eventually figured her out. the first time i asked her, she denied it. i had trouble believing her, but i wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. she was my friend, after all. she wouldn’t lie to me, right? eventually, i found more evidence. by that point, i was fed up. i was with a couple of friends, so i had the confidence to text her about it. i was scared, but what was she gonna do, exhale vape smoke on my face? after i texted her, she responded almost instantly. in her nature, of course she got mad at me. i will admit, in the moment i was immature and said things i shouldn’t have, but a few hours later i texted her a very mature paragraph. i basically said “im sorry i was rude, blah blah, i want to end this maturely.” she then left me on delivered, and about a week ago or so she left me on read. now this was kind of a stab to the gut. if this was the first time she disrespected my trust, i would have talked to her and forgiven her. given her another chance. but this was probably the 7th chance i had given her. i always told myself, “well she has a hard life, im gonna give her grace.” but as she’s out of my life for good, i realize how unhealthy our friendship was. she was constantly in and out of romantic relationships. it wasn’t fair for me to have to be the 2nd person she would choose. i didn’t deserve that. i want her to be back in my life, but not the current her. i want the her that i knew in 7th grade. i want the her that put me before her boyfriend. and as i enter the half year mark in my relationship, i realize, it was never difficult to put your friends on the same level of your partner. as much as i miss her, we can never be the same again.
