H. martziosa

Under the sun, the vibrant green leaves twinkle and gently rustle in the breeze. Under the trees, there’s a small stone bench that catches the warmth of the sunlight. We lay there, basking in the warmth of the sun and each other. I’m sitting on your lap, staring into your eyes with a wide smile. Such memories are to be kept and replayed. I giggle a bit and bury my face into your shoulder. We stay there for a while, listening to the wind and the distant sound of cars, while the others have yet to arrive. Just you and me. 

These moments, sweet as they are, make me wonder. I rest on your lap, peaceful looking, but wondering…

Wondering if they would still happen, these moments. Would they still happen if I were to be myself? 

I am not the girl you know. This image I’ve made over the years, trying to fit in. Yo

u feel me fidgeting out of anxiousness and pat my back. I then notice my unease and calm down, yet my mind still races. Should I tell you? Should I be myself? Will you accept me for the person I am? 

I wish I could find out somehow; find out what would happen if…

I cut my hair, and switch the yellow, frilly dress I’m wearing for a pair of overalls. 

What would happen if I spoke in a different voice; not the little one you’re used to? I hope you won’t mind.

I am near tears but I keep them in as I always do. I snuggle some more, closer, and enjoy your warmth. I hope I still can in the future.

I am not the girl you know.