Mars Rowe

Before I Had the Words

a story of heartbreak, healing, growth, closure

how a vulnerable young woman goes through the unimaginable

how she learns to find her own closure

no matter the cost 

check it out

The same meds that help me fall asleep also drain my bank account when buying new jeans

The same meds that keep me stable cause my weight to gain rapidly

I am getting better

My mind is calmer

My life is now something worth looking forward to

Summer brings new hope

But it also sheds light on my darkest moments

Oh, how I crave the winter

Where the shortest days bring the best memories

Maybe this is what it's supposed to feel like.

Chapter 22 out soon

Catch up on Chapters 1-21 now

I stepped away from social media/writing for a bit.

Why?

I burnt myself out.

I have become so obsessed with writing and making sure every aspect of my book is absolutely perfect.

But, it's okay if it's not.

This is only my first draft, and I'm not even done writing it yet.

I am slowly learning that it is okay if my rough draft isn't the most amazing piece of literature ever.

Because I will get there.

I pour my heart and soul into this book, and I believe it will get the recognition it deserves.

While I was gone... Before I Had the Words gained 218 reads!!

I am so grateful for all the love and support I have received so far.

Oh, how I love my twenties—

reckless and radiant, spilling over with breath and light.

I love the dim glow of my hometown bar, where laughter clings to the walls, where every face feels familiar— the ones I grew up beside, the ones I found along the way.

I love knowing the bartender, like a quiet kind of belonging, like being expected somewhere.

I love the strangers— how we speak like we’ve shared lifetimes, like this night is enough to make us known.

Oh, how I love the drinking— not the alcohol, but the blur of it, the way hours dissolve into music and noise, how time slips through my fingers without asking to be held.

I love the stumble home at 2 a.m., a grin I can’t quite shake, heart still echoing with the night, replaying moments like they’ll keep me warm.

Oh, how I love my twenties— how endless they feel, how the future waits quietly at the door while I pretend not to hear it knock.

It wasn't just the cold that settled in.

Chapter 21 of Before I Had the Words is out now. 🤍

There is a heaviness to the world lately— a gray that settles into everything, into conversations, into glances that don’t quite meet.

People can be sharp. Careless with their words. Quick to bruise what they don’t understand.

But that isn’t the whole story.

Kindness still exists—quietly, in places easy to miss if you aren’t looking for it.

In the barista who takes an extra second to write something warm on your cup.

In the hand that holds the door, not out of obligation, but instinct.

In a stranger who notices you— really notices you— and says so.

Even a smile, small and fleeting, can interrupt the weight of a day.

Yes, the world can feel harsh. Yes, it can be overwhelming.

But gentleness is still here, threaded through it all.

Hate is not healthy— that’s what they say.

But what you did still echoes.

Resentment will rot you— so they warn.

But what happened still lingers in the quiet, still finds me when I’m alone.

I have made peace with myself, slowly, carefully— brick by brick, hand trembling but steady.

Because knowing who you are is its own kind of consequence.

She's falling for the quite moments

You will too

The long awaited Chapter 20 is finally here🤍

He broke the vase.

Glass scattered like it had somewhere to be, skidding across the floor in sharp, shining pieces.

It happened so quickly— like beauty had no time to defend itself.

She tried to remember what it looked like before, but all she saw now was something unrecognizable.

Something ruined.

The kind of ruin that happens in seconds.

She doesn’t remember the rest of that night— only fragments, only noise, only the sound of things meeting the wall.

Maybe more broke. Maybe everything did.

But she couldn’t stop thinking about it— how something so beautiful could be destroyed so effortlessly.

We all want someone we can truly be ourselves with

Chapters 1-19 out now

Chapter 20 coming soon 🤍

I hate it—

the way my routine forgets me, the quiet where my friends used to be, how the places I loved exist now only in memory.

I hate change.

They say it helps you grow, stretch into something better— but it feels like the opposite.

It feels like loss.

Like a knife turning slowly in your chest, like air slipping just out of reach, like a random Tuesday collapsing under the weight of yesterday.

Nostalgia hits sharper then— sudden, unforgiving.