mars

I think what a lot of people aren't understanding is that: the fact that they're in a relationship isn't as much of a surprise as the fact that they finally decided to talk about it openly

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

i hate it when you're heating something up in the microwave and it starts to go snap crackle pop so you take it out but it's still completely cold. shut up then??

hot take but i think cars should be required to have communication radios just like big semi trucks. we should all be able to talk to each other on the road. not bc this would help in any way but because i want it to sound like a counterstrike lobby every time i drive somewgere

tall people can enjoy the dating scene or sports or something and leave concerts to #us