Untitled

Yeah, it wasn't that good. This isn't really a review of it. But I'll say two things. We really need to do more to address the seeming inherent racism to the premise because adding a stranger danger twist to the same old just isn't it. And between this and Wolf Man, if the concept needs to be changed to the point of not being recognizable in order to scare people again, maybe the IP of the Universal Monsters in general isn't scary anymore and it's time to own it.

Actually, I don't think that's entirely true. Let me examine each of the main ones to try and see if it's possible to make a good movie of them in this current climate. Dracula and Frankenstein are disqualified due to actually having successful and generally well-liked adaptations within just the past two years courtesy of Robert Eggers and Guillermo Del Toro. Regardless of how you feel of either movie, they were liked enough to be nominated for Oscars and wind up on many people's best of year lists. Then again, those had the strongest source material to work with so if any of them could easily endure as the decades roll by, it's those two. As for the others:

The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Okay this is just ableism. Hell, you can argue they got uncomfortable counting him as a monster before the 1930s even ended. He'd be lucky to still be seen as Victor Frankenstein's sidekick at this point. Besides, if friggin' Disney makes a movie of you (and you're NOT even the most intense part of it), there's no coming back.

I wouldn't mind seeing more hunchbacked characters in film, even in horror. Though less as villains or threats please. Can we break this cliche already?

The Phantom of the Opera This one probably has the most untapped potential right now. There's a wide range of approaches when it comes to sympathy for him. You can either go the full non-sympathetic route; basically make a Victorian version of Leigh Whannell's The Invisible Man, but instead of a entitled millionaire with an invisibility suit, it's...well the Phantom. Or you can let Del Toro make the version he wants to make. Odds are, he'd go for the "oppressed outsider who finds escape in art, and is only considered a 'monster' once he takes action to make sure another would-be artist voice is heard, literally". Either extreme can work, even if I'm leaning towards GDT completing his monster redemption trilogy here.

This is a story where the whole point is "treat the world better than it has treated you". As long as that sentiment survives in some form with the character, I think we're good.

I will say, I think it should be a period piece. Or at least anything to justify why this story is still set at an opera hall. This story is, well, operatic, so as silly as it can come off, it's be even sillier to run from that. I don't think the Blumhouse approach of cheap minimalism is going to keep it unique.

The Invisible Man The one Blumhouse remake so far that was a success. It's starting to look like a fluke. I wouldn't say this needs another re-imagining so much as a sequel. Where's my Invisible Woman movie with Elizabeth Moss?

The Bride We just saw her in an auteur passion project by a female director. That's the wildest swing we can probably take and if that doesn't hit with audiences, I don't know what you can do at this point. Well, the sad truth of this character is that she's kinda part of a packaged deal. At the very least, as long as her mate still gets adaptations, she's never far behind.

The Wolf Man I kind of addressed this already. Like I said there, I prefer a supernatural cause. Maybe something that shares themes with the original would be best right about now. Something I would like to see in a werewolf movie that can work here is..the lycanthropy being a metaphor for PTSD. You can probably point to one movie or such that did that, but I can't think of one off the top of my head, besides maybe An American Werewolf in London.

I feel like the real key is to try and make Larry Talbot, or whatever his equivalent would be, as likable as possible before the bite. And hey, maybe someone come up with an ending where he doesn't die. Or that it's about generational trauma.

I swear, these monsters don't have to be about family. It only works for Frankenstein. Quit it with the rest.

The Gill-Man Ironically, Del Toro might've doomed him by making a movie where he got a happy ending. He finally got the girl. You can probably make a scary remake of the original. But I feel if it's made, he loses that ending. I know that doesn't really make sense, but a part of me would just feel so sad. Would like to see him in a Monster Mash though. Though it's almost impossible to make those scary.

The Mummy The most recent example I saved for last. And it's a loaded one.

The basic idea behind the original 1932 film was to do Dracula again, only tap into the ancient Egypt aesthetic that was popular back in the 20s, so it's even more racist. (Though fyi, Imhotep was doing the whole "my lover was reincarnated, so I must restore her memories so she'll love me again" long before Dracula. So suck it, Count! Figuratively!)

Then the most popular version of the story is not even a full blown horror movie, so much as an adventure that double as baby's first horror movie. Though it does make the case that the Mummy has the potential to be the most powerful of all of them.

The basic idea behind most versions is, like Frankenstein, from a certain angle, the Mummy and his masters/minions aren't really the villains at all. It's always the British or whatever imperial power in play breaking into a tomb or coffin that they have no business breaking into and this is the consequence of that. Usually, he is a little grateful for that because coming back to life gives him a chance to try to be with his lover again. Sure, everyone in his way and the whole region might go to hell in the process, but when you've been cursed and lonely for thousands of years, I'd like to see YOU care about that.

Considering this is about the encounter with another culture, I would've thought the ideal was to get either Egyptian filmmakers or filmmakers with a culture that include mummified remains to give unique perspective, but I haven't heard of any. Either it's never been reported on, they don't see it as a big deal, or they treat it like Indigenous people treat the W-word, or people of the Arabian descent treat Djinn a lot more seriously than us western folk. They don't mess with it.

The only way I can think of to be scared of Mummies is that they think with their magic, they can enforce their customs over ours. Namely the one about slavery.

Otherwise, hey! Maybe if no one's ready to approach that elephant in the room, I would like to see a version that get the Del Toro treatment. Not necessarily him directing it so much as getting the same amount of sympathy. Maybe he or she was treated wrongly in their time. Maybe when they're resurrected, they don't want world domination or revenge. They just want to be reunited with the person they loved most, in this world or the next and they don't really want to hurt anyone to get them back. Maybe they would have trouble adjusting or understanding the nuances human civilization has developed over the centuries and that leads them to make bad choices where others consider them a monster. But maybe they can learn that just because they've come back, the baggage they were born and raised in can stay dead.

Death was just the beginning. Maybe it's time to take that to heart.

Conclusion

Yeah, I might've made a bad argument for them being scary again. You probably can still make a really scary movie with the ideas I just gave. I just spent a lot of time thinking about these characters like I would after seeing a good movie.

This might be the last of these I do. Barring a few exceptions, I've ran out of new Christmas Horror movies to see.

50. Nekrotronic

49. Alien Raiders

48. Await Further Instructions - This movie feels like it was meant to be made 30 or so years before it actually was. That's not a compliment.

I don't understand the girlfriend's warning bells were never going off during this. (Or why she was the viewpoint character for it all. It feels like her perspective would be the most interesting.) Most of the family is just not likable or fun. And the final twist/thesis didn't have a lot of buildup, so it was neither sensical or consistant or new.

We get it; some families are meant to be left behind completely and the media is our new god and they won't let us forget it. Snore.

47. Anna & the Apocalypse

46. Better Watch Out

45. Maniac Cop 2 - You call him a maniac cop. These days, this is just a regular cop. Also, boo on you for killing off Bruce Campbell. I don't care how 80s badass you make him. I will not root for Robert Davi.

Also, never really takes advantage of the christmas settings. Just a few tinsel and trees in the background and nobody cares. I think St. Patrick's Day had more of a role in the original. At there were some cool kills, I guess.

44. Good Tidings

43. Silent Night, Bloody Night

42. The Wolf of Snow Hollow

41. The Mothman Prophecies

40. Jack Frost

39. Frankie Freako - I'm just as surprised as you are that this counts. I was watching it after Christmas figuring it'd be a good New Year's watch.

Like with Maniac Cop 2, it's low because of minimal decorations and ambience (just some office tinsel and a wreath at the end.) And not being all that intentionally scary. It's probably in there to reference the big small monsters horror movie.

Some people will say it's not a good movie. These people are cowards. I can;t not be entertained by manic puppets, I don't care how "good" the effect is. And if you like Gremlins, you'll probably like this too. Not as well-crafted, but just as insane.

38. I Trapped the Devil

37. Slay Belles

36. Night of the Comet - I know contrasting the horror with Christmas is the whole point, but is there anything more sombering then a zombie apocalypse happening on Christmas? Good thing this was made in the 80s. Can't afford to get too heavy with it.

Honestly, either going harder on that or extending the dress-up montage would place this higher. Go harder on at least one extreme.

35. P2

34. The Advent Calendar

33 Silent Night, Deadly Night V: The Toymaker

32. Cronos

31.All the Creatures were Stirring

30.Sint

29.The Lodge

28.Black Christmas (2019)

27. Carnage For Christmas Going home for the first time in years to your dumb small town to see the idiots around you stayed angry and stupid and one person who was on the edge stayed and got way worse? Yeah, that can work.A bit iffy on our protag being a true crime podcaster, but oh well. At least, she was able to be a good investigator. Also, where are their parents? I feel like you couldn't squeezed about an extra 15 minutes out of that.

26.Body

25. A Nasty Piece of Work

24. Silent Night, Deadly Night (2025) - Literally the newest one on the list. So it's the original with a Halloween Ends/Venom twist? I kinda like the idea with a cursed slasher having to kill people who are actually terrible and he's just a depressed miserable person. And having to do this at a time meant to symbolize peace on earth. But could he at least dress as Krampus instead?! That would've made more sense. I'm sorry, but why are my choices for good krampus movies so slim?

Also, it's always a bit iffy to justify siding with a mass murderer. Though the nazi massacre certainly helped. And that's just about the worst-designed Santa beard I've ever seen in my life.

23.Red Snow

22. The Leech - Yeah, one of those you can clearly tell was filmed during the pandemic.

Not a pleasant watch, but I give points for subverting what are supposed to be the pillars of the holiday. Christianity will bring people together? You must bring people in from the cold despite your capacity and reservations to do so? The magic will get through it all? Not Happening!

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, some people won't learn. Or you need to wake up to what's not working.

21.Pooka

20. The Sacrifice Game

19.Dead End

18 Terrifier 3

17.Black Friday (2021)

16.Silent Night (2012)

15.It's a Wonderful Knife

14.Wind Chill

13.Christmas Bloody Christmas

12.Santa's Slay

11.The Children

10.Rare Exports

9.A Christmas Horror Story

8.Day of the Beast

7.Deadly Games

6.Silent Night (2021)

5.Christmas Evil

4.Krampus

3.Scrooged

2.Black Christmas (1974)

1.Gremlins

Yeah, it turns out I'm not done. In fact, I kinda hate my last post because I don't feel like I explained myself well.

First, one little thing I forgot to add to the Wolf Man review; I feel like one reason, among many, why Whannell's The Invisible Man reboot was more well received was that it was still following the main themes of the original story, it's just that the big thing was a change in the point of view character. The generational trauma themes present here are more or less nowhere to be found or at least out of focus in the 1941 original. (Heck, you can argue this whole films owes more to the 2010 Benicio Del Toro version). The original's main conflict was inspired by screenwriter's Curt Siodmak's experiences in Nazi Germany. Which, given the current political climate now, sounds like the kind of movie we need again.

Okay, that's sorta the problem right there. I felt like I came down unnecessarily on Whannell and the other people who made this. The freakin' denouement made it sound like I was critical of them actually adding a real world subtext at all! I meant to say I was concerned about how this trend neuter their fantastical elements to make their pretty clear subtext that much more obvious. The problem isn't that the themes are there or they wanted to spell them out more.

Making it more clear seems to risk making the movie hold up less in re-watches. Think of your favorite pre-2010 sci/horror movie of all time. You listen to what the intentions the filmmakers meant with what they're saying, what people took from it when it came out, what analysts and critics said years later, and then what fans on social media (people likely fitting into a different demographic then the assumed target audience) took from it long after that. Are all of these groups having the exact same takeaways from it? Chances are, at least one of them is an outlier. If all of them have different takeaways, that would mean the film's a disaster right? Not necessarily. Art's funny like that.

So does that sound like "Death of the Author" is needed to make an actual classic? I'd take it on a case by case basis, but I believe in general, I'd see it not as a final test to guarantee if a film is good or not, but more a perspective to use or avoid on re-watches. Unless it's spreading or benefiting a hateful message, it shouldn't be that easy to dismiss or hold onto a movie you like. What you feel about it can be different than how you felt 10 years ago, and how you'll feel 10 years later could be different from both.

I implied this in my original post, but I think the real measure of effectiveness is the filmmaker's passion in pushing the subtext. I mentioned extreme wonder and anger, but that can apply to extreme sadness, humor, etc. Cause that feels like their unique voice and emotion on this. It's certainly less effective if it sounds like their talking down to you or doing the bare minimum to be called "deep". That's the cause of my original excitement for this trend. Filmmakers who otherwise wouldn't touch high concept storytelling before, found a way to seriously engage with it. But now it can feel even that could run it's course.

What am I saying? As if Horror as a genre is in any real danger of growing stale right now. I got a backlog of 70 horror movies to watch (most of them less then 15 years old) all year along, and it has roughly been a 70 movie long list the six years! Feels like everyone making horror movies now. If something gets stale for people, chances are, someone else did their own thing that same year and that will be the new hotness for a while!

Maybe my concerns lie with other genres. Sci-fi, especially. Here's an example of a trope you don't see that much anymore for better or for worse (established IPs excluded); rubber forehead aliens. Basically, most of your Star Trek aliens. At the time, if you wanted to tell a story about 20th century concerns but through a safe sci-fi lens, disguising the Russians or the Nazis or ...well black people as these guys with forehead bumps or extra hair or spots can get it pass through networks less likely to take risks and to people who would otherwise avoid stories that could tackle sensitive topics. Certainly led to a lot of classic 60s TV and beyond. X-Men too for that matter. And while Star Trek, Doctor Who and such can stick to those tropes because, that's kinda how they always did it and the fans and people with passing familiarity with them expect it, good luck getting a new sci-fi show to try it. You sure as shit didn't see them in The Expanse.

I get it. In a world that has taken steps for more representation and talking about these different groups of people (and how now things about to be a lot worse for all of them), why waste time beating around the bush?! In fact, it's clear a lot of supposed fans weren't getting it for years and when you try to point it out to them, they yell at you to stop trying to make it "woke" or try to make excuses that it was "subtle". So yeah, I do want to leave aliens or robots representing [blank] behind, personally. It doesn't seem to be working anymore. You can literally just do bog-standard white savior narratives in front of large swathes of people, if you just make their alien planet look pretty enough. It's all they actually care about.

Side note: That was always my big beef about Avatar. When I first head about it, the idea of piloting an artificial alien body to communicate with a species truly alien sounded very interesting. So imagine the deflation I felt when I saw not only how uninspired the creature design was, but so was the storytelling. Actual Dances with Wolves was a more interesting movie to me then this was!

But I feel likes what's lost isn't what the rubber forehead alien is supposed to represent to us, but what they represent to the other characters in the story. As facts come in, it's becoming clear none of us are going to see humanity contacting alien species in our lifetimes. If humanity makes it long enough to encounter any other sapient races at all. But the exercise in someone coming up with a very different race of people, having their own civilizations, making their own scientific progress, their own history. Independent of humans. Thinking about that would be like. And how they would compare and contrast with us.

The actual speculative part in Speculative Fiction. Imaging a world without, and after us. Whether that us be just you or me or...everyone. That ability, that question asked to be shared with the reader, listener, or watcher. That's what I worried about losing. Because now, everyone's going to be thinking about the present. And if you don't like the present, how are you going to get out of it if you don't have an idea beyond it or with only one step removed from it?

Yeah,I'm back. Though don't expect it on a regular basis. Only for films I felt inspired to write a lot on. I'm still watching new horror movies every month. Just that in almost all cases, I don't have much new to add.

Now as for this...

It's fine. Not the most original horror movie or even necessarily the most original take on the werewolf. But I got what Whannell was going for. (I was even surprised to learn he was inspired by the 2020 lockdown.) While I get the takes akin to saying "not my Wolf Man", I was also surprised by some of the reviews I've read with the sentiment "enough metaphors! scare me!". Those two points are what I want to address.

When it comes to the changes to the lore, it's almost insane they changed the werewolf rules so much that it's arguably even not a werewolf anymore. Not even supernatural, it's more like super rabies. Yeah, Blumhouse's budgets are always shoestring, and conventional werewolf transformations are costly. But with most of the other Universal Monsters, it'd be unbelievable. But the Wolf Man was one of the few that makes sense for it because well...the lore for the original was a mismash of several different werewolf lores to begin with. It wasn't following a book or any specific culture that would get up in arms at the inaccuracies. And ever since then, any werewolf movie where the monster wasn't an unknown villain like a detective story more or less followed the rules of it. There have been cases where the formula was played with more directly (Ginger Snaps and Wolf Cop, for example) but you would expect an entry in the Wolf Man canon would play strictly by these rules, if any werewolf movies would.

Now as for those differences. I appreciate that design wise, what has always set the wolf man apart from most other cinematic werewolves, is how much more emphasis is put on the man. It's clearly shaped like a man, but with hair all over it's body, and wolf like features on it's face. Well, two out of three ain't bad in this case. If anything, it's looks like they lose hair in the transformation. That's really my only issue about the design of these beasts in the movie.

There are two other changes I don't like. They're not new, but I never like them when they show up. First, anything can kill these werewolves, not just silver. Yeah yeah, no supernatural cause means it doesn't make sense. But the difficulty of killing it just drives the tragedy further, because not only is the werewolf forced to keep killing longer because almost nothing can stop him, but it'd be harder to take seriously for anyone skeptic of the whole concept, so no one thinks to arm themselves with it. There's a line in Dracula; “The strength of the vampire is that people will not believe in him”. This applies well to most other movie monsters too. vampires, werewolves, the Terminator, gremlins, even great white sharks. the supposed ridiculousness becomes another tool in the curse's arsenal.

The other point is that the werewolf never turns back. To be fair here, they mitigate by not only keeping Blake aware and able to hold onto his humanity until the climax, but also it's spelled out that the final attack lunge is a suicide-by-cop style move. An American Werewolf in London had a similar ending, but it was a lot more ambiguous than this. But again, the more ridiculous = harder. Plus, wouldn't it have helped the metaphor more if he was able to change back? Abusers can turn the charm back on even after they're revealed right?

Speaking of, yeah let's talk about that. I don't mean the metaphor of this movie. Even if you haven't seen it, if you've seen the trailers of even read a plot synopsis, you can guess what it is.

This is more about the general idea that movie monsters in horror movies the past ten or fifteen years have been overt metaphors for certain real world things (abusers, alcoholism, christian fundamentalism, mental illness, racism, I could go on). Not that they haven't or couldn't have been that in movies prior to 2000, it's just that lately, it feels like they're not even trying to hide it. This movie doesn't, and it's where I saw a few critics put their foot down and said "Enough! I'm not scared, so I don't care!"

This is such a prevailing thing that I'm of two minds on it. In defense of it, maybe filmmakers have been working in this industry or have seen enough movies and ignorant reactions or adoptions of them, that they got tired of hiding it. Or maybe they felt that we've progressed far enough that they can make it clear what they're actually talking about. Either way, I get it. I think the first movie I noticed this trend with was Colossal back in 2016. When I saw that, I was like "Oh neat! We're not just trying to make fun of the material or hitting the same repetitive story beats. We're taking it seriously by applying it to a real life horror. This could be a new phase in high concept storytelling" Lord knows, there's nothing as unfunny or poorly aged as a movie made by people that thinks the material is beneath them.

Also, oh the amounts of old properties misinterpreted by the same incurious chuds for decades, to the point of when someone spells out the actual point a bit more, like adding black character, these cretins scream "They ruined it!" This isn't horror, but a small part of me kinda doesn't like the original 1978 Superman movie because I think it might've helped started the misconception that he's a Jesus metaphor (a non human sent down to save us from ourselves) even though he was created by two jewish men who wrote him as a power fantasy against the injustices of the 1930s. Now almost 50 years later, you got idiots getting angry about him not being portrayed as a perfect stoic savior, despite that the best, most faithful, and most beloved incarnations of the character being...not that. This trend can be a case of the filmmakers saying upfront "This is NOT about the glory of the cis straight white man!"

But, like the whole multiverse concept, enough less then good uses of that in recent memory can turn off a lot of people. I still remember Get Out being considered an original horror masterpiece when it came out in 2017. (And yeah it is.) And then Antebellum came out and looked like it was going to take the themes in Get Out to the next step, only to be panned. I never saw it, but from what I heard, it not only cheapened out on it's main mystery, but got on it's soapbox to talk about what it was about directly. So the main horrifying idea it was sold as (being transported back in time to a period where you're considered less then human by society) was completely neutered.

Yeah, the trick that Jordan Peele remembered is; you're telling a story. As in, you're telling a lie to make a point about an unpleasant truth. This trend is almost the equivalent of giving up on the story halfway through to say "Do you see what I mean now?" Sir, if you're going to pick this metaphor to talk about what you want to talk about, can you complete the metaphor first? If anything, it can make it look like you didn't think this through so you're breaking the fourth wall almost to try and make up for it. It's really hard to keep the tension going if the characters keep talking about what this means and not how to survive it.

I covered a lot of this when I talked about Elevated horror a while back. If you can't dig that post up, the point is it feels like you're talking down to the audience. Like I said, it makes a certain amount of sense if your reason is either "isn't the amount A has in common with B amazing?" or "Look idiots! This is how bad it feels living with this. THIS IS HOW MUCH YOU SCARE ME!" Genuine wonder or lack of patience; I can respect both.

The other problem I find with it, and it might be less serious but I find it sad, is that it makes it harder to think about the metaphor on it's own terms. Wasn't a whole lot of classic science fiction writing based on simply asking what'll be like to live with this new weird thing? There's been endless interpretations of Frankenstein and what Mary Shelley meant when she wrote it. But I'd liked to think one reason she did was that she was seriously thinking about "What if a man with access to all our current scientific knowledge was able to create a living being with means not like the way we're used to and did it without being made to consider the consequences?" Yes, a lot of what the creature went through in the novel has similarities to being black/gay/sick/you name it and I won't dismiss those analyses nor will I assume Shelley didn't have any reasons to write it beyond the question. But I still think a big reason this book was the beginning of a whole genre was that it stayed focused on it's main idea the whole way through. It didn't turn into a comedy of errors or a political satire at the end, saying this was the story was actually about. It got to it's horrible sad ending it was building to without any deus ex machina coming in to save the day or say it was ultimately good because it led to something else.

Part of the point of horror, in a strange way, is that it only makes a certain nihilistic sense. Sometimes, good and innocent people die at the hands of the mad masked killer for not a good reason. Sometimes, a killer can hide in plain sight and get away so long because he looks just enough like a white man society at large is told is normal, even though he's anything but. Sometimes, if we encounter alien life, talking to us might not be how it's wired; ripping us apart is. Sometimes, if there are truly supernatural beings or sentient robots out there, they wouldn't think like humans at all to the point treating them like such would make no sense.(Though that wouldn't mean they're undeserving of compassion still.) You've heard of "getting so lost in fantasy you'll lose sight of reality". This is like the flipside of that. You get so lost in how anything might work in the framework you live in, you can't see a world beyond it.

...Did I just make another anti-capitalism post?

I'm sorry I never finished summer of slashers. Real life got in the way.

At least I can update this for the year.

43.Nekrotronic- This probably shouldn't even count. Sure, it's got horror elements (zombies, demons, ghosts) but it doesn't try anything scary with them. It's more of a stupid action comedy most of the time.

Literally the only part of this that even has anything to do with Christmas is one scene when at the villains board meeting where she has her human underlings wear Santa hats...for some reason. Do we even confirm if this was set at Christmas? I can see why it would be, but I don't remember anyone actually saying it. I might have lost track.

Yeah, it's at the bottom because it's neither scary or festive. But it was kinda entertaining. For what a cheap genre film from Australia could be. It didn't make me angry.

42.Alien Raiders

41.Anna & the Apocalypse

40.Better Watch Out

39.Good Tidings

38. Silent Night, Bloody Night- So even Black Christmas wasn't the first holiday slasher, huh? Actually, this is more of a giallo, given the cast and tropes, but it's got the body count.

This movie is way more about mood and dread then actually characters to latch onto, for better or worse. Once again, it uses the "dangerous mental patient" trope I don't care for, especially for a critical bit of the backstory that's motivating the killing in the movie's present day. But I sorta give it points over Good Tidings in that we're told it about it rather then seeing it, and the source of exposition isn't too reliable anyway. Plus, it's a bit impressive that some of these patients seemed to have integrated back into society without murdering anyone else, so there's that.

37.The Wolf of Snow Hollow

36.The Mothman Prophecies-Assuming you're someone who doesn't know anything about the Mothman of Point Pleasant urban legend, like I was before seeing this movie, you would think this a creature feature. In actuality, this has more in common with The Dead Zone then say, Cujo. With a dash of cosmic horror given these predictions are coming from something definitely not human but whose true morality is unknown.

It's low because it's a story that's more concerned with existential horror then any other. Dealing with an unjust and nonsensical world and chasing something that might provide answers but only raising worse questions. What a fun thing to match with the holiday season.

I suppose the lack of satisfaction is the point, but then it just makes it look like the movie ends without a clear point. Maybe they should have gotten David Fincher to help with that.

35.Jack Frost

34.I Trapped the Devil

33.Slay Belles

32.P2

31.The Advent Calendar

30 Silent Night, Deadly Night V: The Toymaker killer toys plus Rankin Bass's own Santa Claus, Mickey Rooney, in a villainous role? sounds fun.

In fact hot take, but killer toys makes way more sense as a weapon of choice for a killer Santa to me then an axe. I never got the axe. Is it connected to firewood? The toys are pretty cool too. Make me think this was more what Puppet Master 1 was going to be like.

Okay, actually the bad Santa in this movie is the deadbeat baby daddy who can't just approach the mom like a normal person because we need a red herring and something to pad out the film.

And Mickey's not even the final boss too. (His character's called Joe Petto. Meant as foreshadowing but comes off as something much darker then just about anything else) That'd be his android/mannequin son. You can keep your poohinverse Pinocchio horror movie. THIS is what Pinocchio as a horror movie should be like. A man-child of a puppet who uses his fellow toys to murder to get what he thinks he's owed. Could've done without him dry humping his desired "mommy".

So yeah, bottom line, little scary things works well for Christmas.

29.Cronos

28.All the Creatures were Stirring

27.Sint

26.The Lodge

25.Black Christmas (2019)

24.Body

23. A Nasty Piece of Work Not entirely sure what trying to get a promotion at work has to do with Christmas, but being stiffed your bonus and wanting to tell your out-of-touch boss how you really feel; the Clark Griswolds in all of us are pretty sure.

This is a fun, mean movie where you come away not liking anyone on purpose. Everyone has sold their soul in some capacity if not before the movie then certainly at the end. It's a bit cathartic.

Also, It's interesting seeing how this movie handles the reaction to the murder of a CEO at the end, especially given current events. Sweep it under the rug, not even the fellow executives are broken up at all at his passing? Everyone moves on? Ouch, guys. And no, being a literal girlboss solves nothing!

22.Red Snow

21.Pooka

20. The Sacrifice Game - Like if The Blackcoat's Daughter got interrupted by a slightly more capable version of the satanist cult from the Babysitter.

Honestly the first half of this movie was mostly what I thought it was going to be. A bleak movie where a lot of nice people suffer and die at the hand of a gang of psychopaths. Though the students were way younger than I thought they were going in, which was alarming.

Then the turn happened a little over halfway through and this became a very different movie. Yeah, when a demon is cooped up in the same place for literal decades, I can see it not caring as to who's loyal and who's not. Good child actor, too. And this movie kinda more or less had the ending I was expecting (hoping?) the Blackcoat's Daughter would have. So maybe I have a bias. Found family ftw?

19.Dead End

18 Terrifier 3 oh, you might be surprised how low the most recent movie is on here. Let's be real; these movie's mostly exist to show off the bloody effects. At least at the start. I do appreciate David Allen Thornton even now giving Art the Clown little bits of depth where he can. I genuinely believed he was super excited to meet Santa Claus. Also, hey sometimes if you're going to be mean, it's best to go full steam ahead. And you're either with it or you're not.

At first, it would seem weird putting the Empire Strikes Back of this franchise at Christmas. (Or any franchise for that matter). But given that Christmas was always meant to be that last big light before the dark times come again; it actually proves super apt given when Sienna is at by the end. Even Art's not looking too good.

I wonder what holiday Terrifier 4 would be set on? Halloween's been done. Valentine's wouldn't have a lot there. St. Patrick's Day only a little bit better. Easter could be a bit fun. Fourth of July would be a LOT of fun. Thanksgiving wouldn't really work with pretty much the whole family gone. We'll see.

17.Black Friday (2021)

16.Silent Night (2012)

15.It's a Wonderful Knife

14.Wind Chill

13.Christmas Bloody Christmas

12.Santa's Slay

11.The Children

10.Rare Exports

9.A Christmas Horror Story

8.Day of the Beast

7.Deadly Games

6.Silent Night (2021)

5.Christmas Evil

4.Krampus

3.Scrooged

2.Black Christmas (1974)

1.Gremlins

I've been busy this past week or so. Though I was able to watch three more to qualify for this, and that's going to have to do until August. One of them is, of course, the recently released...

MaXXXine (*Spoilers*)

I guess it's debatable whether this counts as a Slasher now that I've seen it. But the way I see it, X is the closest in this trilogy to a proper slasher, Pearl is one of the American Psycho/Christmas Evil variation, and this one is a neo-noir/neo-giallo. All of subgenres very closely connected. So close enough in my book.

So the good news is, this movie didn't do what I feared it was going to do and make Maxine a killer. I said when I was talking about Pearl that it would've been derivative. What we got instead was more interesting in comparison, in that not only is her capacity for violence consistent from how this character was last time we saw her, but the moral failings she does seem to have offers a more nuanced message here.

Was it a bit obvious to anyone who's seen the first movie that her controlling preacher dad turned out to be the killer? A bit. I was thinking either him or Pearl and Howard had a secret love child coming for revenge. But for me, it was predictable to the extent that was actually still satisfying when it was revealed to be him.

He and his followers at the end of the movie representing the religious conservative insanity going crazy around this time, especially with their cries of Satanic Panic over the most innocuous things. Not to mention, them thinking Hollywood being a hotbed of all the "evil" things they've come to fear. Kinda gave me WNUF Halloween Special flashbacks. (Spoilers for that too, I guess).

But what I found interesting is that, if you're at least paying attention to this movie, the movie industry really isn't that much better. It's care for the human lives ruined and lost in the process is performative at best, and dismissive at worst. (Really, Elizabeth? You had to criticize Molly's acting talent mere days after she's dead? No, it's not canceled out by the moment of silence you just did). Capitalism, like religious fanaticism, treat the masses as just pawns to sway while offering the false idea being you can be special enough to deserve unending praise. It's just that one of them doesn't draw the line of trying to include those of less traditional gender and sexual roles, amongst other things.

Really, the dad's real grievance is that it did his job, using and keeping Maxine under control, better then he ever could. Sure, she's "free" now, even if she's hardened to work in an environment that teaches her not to care for anyone but herself. It's just more opaque that she still has a master to serve in the first place. All this pursuit of artistic expression we've seen in all three films, has left every character either dead or dead inside.

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Light side-note, this movie contains I think my favorite meta reference of any movie about making movies: the Universal backlot. Sure, they relatively empty here and they don't call out what movies and shows they're used for. But seeing places like the Courthouse Square and New York Street; it almost feels like stopping by your home town, in a good way. Bonus point for including the Psycho set as a sort of red herring foreshadowing. And speaking of which...

Psycho II (1983)

The original may be the grand...mother of the genre (I regret nothing), even if it's absent of a lot of the tropes we know and love. This not only has more of them, it also almost completely flips the script on who's actually psychotic and who isn't. Norman's character development here mirrors nicely with the original film, with in that one him being Mother is a reveal, and here it's the end of a character arc. ("It's like poetry. They rhyme."). Though the reveal of who the real killer was is a bit out of left-field with the motive, if it wasn't going to be Norman this time, there had to be some hell of a reason, I suppose.

High bar of comparing to the original aside, I can see why this might be a harder watch then the previous one. While that one is a descent into darkness in a way, this one starts as a false promise of the end of darkness, only through sabotage from multiple parties, to letting it come back in. Depressing and less fun. Seriously, was the doctor the only one really on Norman's side in this? This is especially hard hitting after Reagan closed a massive amount of the psychiatric hospitals just a few years before. Maybe that was the inspiration for this.

So yeah, this ended up being the good kind of sad, in a weird way. Also, maybe a little less transphobic??? I would have to think about it.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Yep, the original. This is the only movie on my list I've seen before. This year is it's 40th anniversary and plus there was a screening in town.

You would think this is yet another movie where it's hard to say new stuff about it. I could almost repeat everything I said in my Slasher post a year and a half or so ago. I'm not sure what I have here is new, but it's what I took away from it in this day and age. Ten years later, I'll probably have something else.

The scenes that got the biggest reaction in my screening were none of the scenes involving Freddy, which is crazy enough. But the scenes with Nancy fighting with her mother. I can chalk that up to being surprising to anyone who only knows this movie through pop culture osmosis, but I highly doubt that considering the amount of people there who were in costume. Maybe it's also because it hits a little close to home. The idea of an alcoholic parent, and one you either have to hide stuff from or try to get through to them. Sorry Mom, but protecting your kid from a killer one time doesn't cancel out the negligence you're doing now. Hell, the latter's more what you expect only the parent to do, so it's even less impressive. Again, this shows the consequence of cutting back on psychiatric help on an economic scale, and not just for Nancy, it seems.

It's such an uncomfortable sit 90% of the time everyone dismissing Nancy, whether through disbelief of the supernatural or toxic masculinity in Glen's case. Hot take here, but it's so bad that even Freddy being either his 1st or 2nd most scariest here (Compared to New Nightmare maybe), he's still almost comic relief, in a ghoulish sort of way. Sure, all his time with Tina stops being funny at all really fast. But he seems to really take his time with Nancy. Like this Freddy's not even interested in using his powers to come up with ironic setpiece deaths for his victims yet. He genuinely seems to like the chase. Like a homeless person similar to the one that terrified Wes Craven as a kid; he'd rather show off a trick to the kids...before he kills them.

Maybe, in a sick sort of way, that's why he really took off even with the younger crowd. "Oh look, an adult paying attention to me and actually creating something related to my interest! And bonus points, making sure I don't have to live in the 1980s anymore!" He was always kind of a goofball with infectious energy, wasn't he? Which makes it all the more bewildering there has not been a new movie these past 12 years. Hell, maybe these past 12 years were the actual consequences of no new Freddy movie, not what New Nightmare's about. Sure, Pennywise filled in the gap. But it just doesn't feel right that almost every other slasher villain made a comeback in the past 5 to 10 years, except him and Jason. At least with Jason, his spirit is kept alive with parodies and homages like the one that came out earlier this year. A New Nightmare wouldn't really have to break new ground. Just one that feels like it has the amount of effort and creatively of the previous movies would feel so good about now.

Tourist Trap (1979)

Well, this was easily the creepiest one so far.

Made right in the sweet spot where Hollywood wasn't finished making the first of their Halloween clones, so here was one last Texas Chainsaw Massacre spin. In fact, much like House on Sorority Row, this felt like a combination of multiple horror movies at the time (the killer being like a halfway point between Leatherface and Norman Bates, with Carrie's power for some reason and the motive of the Vincent Price's character from House of Wax.) Yet, this combination work better, for me at least, then in HoSR.

Why is that? I think that in addition to affecting the backstory, this mixture also affected what weapons the villain had at his disposal. He wasn't just another silent killer stalking out of sight, stabbing with the same weapon over and over. His aesthetic made him unique, especially among a lot of his contemporaries showing up around that time.

Speaking of, I have to ask; Why had Halloween Horror Nights not made a house based on this movie yet?! The opening kill alone justifies it. The corpses turned into wax dummies is tried-and-true nightmare fodder already. Especially with the dislocated jaws and the moving eyes (implying that not all of his victims died in the process right away!) 😱The end even showing he's gotten so good at both his waxwork and telekinesis, he can actually masquerade one of his creations as a living person. When did he do that?!

If there was a flaw I could point out, the 3rd act admittedly drags with him chasing multiple people around outside, re-using tricks even after we see them coming. ("Oh, it's just me, the brother again, who should've heard all the screaming already.") I think a big reason TCM pulled it off structurally is that, in it's second half, there was a long chase, sure. But then when the reveal happened that Leatherface wasn't alone, it didn't start again right away. We saw the family meet back up, have dinner, try to kill her, and then she ran again, this time in daylight and from two of them. There was a bit more of a rhythm to it.

So yeah, that was still a good time. Now to ruminate over whether the 2005 movie House of Wax that's actually more of a remake of this movie is worth looking into.

The Wind

I've seen this described as a Slasher movie on Wikipedia hence why I watched it for this. But it's more of a home invasion movie, if said home was a vacation home in a Greek village. Probably doesn't help that the killer looks a lot like Marv from Home Alone, at least to me.

Speaking of which, he's not scary in the classical sense but he is a desperate crazy stupid man, targeting a woman, so close enough. On one hand, I would give a point for avoiding making the killer a local or some other kind of foreigner, which could be xenophobic if not handled competently. But on the other hand, from what I see every other Greek character in the movie (Elias's wife who gets killed, the policeman who answers the phone, the bell ringer at the end) only have one scene and don't contribute much to the point almost easy to write out. That's not much better.

It certainly has strong atmosphere. Isolated, empty old town is a good hiding place for a killer. And if you can't afford a rain machine, having the wind blow so hard the window shutters are constantly banging works well too. The cat and mouse stuff is okay, I mean Sian's part is good, but I would've liked to see Phil either scheming or making realizations.

I'm back!

I've still been watching horror movies every week or so. In fact, I noticed that most of the ones on my watchlist have been slashers movies. So I sorta made a mini event out of it. I started a while ago actually so I'll catch you up on the three I've watched so far.

Intruder (1989)

Never let it be said grocery stores can't be interesting places. They certainty aren't the safest.

As good as the kills are in this, I have some reservations. First, the title's a red herring. The actual intruder, while a jerk, is hardly a killer. I guess this makes the true identity of the killer that much more unsettling, especially with it ended but still. Also, once the reveal happens, the climax goes on a bit long. Sure, the actor playing the killer has some fun moments. But either change the dynamic more or wrap it up guys!

But this is still pretty fun. Sam and Ted Raimi are in this longer then I expected actually. The filmmaking still has that grimy feel that actually reminds me more of slashers earlier in the decade. And like I said, the kills are creative and bloody as all hell. You have that, you can keep nearly anything afloat.

The House on Sorority Row

"I know what you did last Summer" who? I don't know her.

A murder cover up is definitely a nice change of pace for slasher movie set ups, compared to what was coming out at the time. Certainly feels likes it makes more sense to punish kids for then... drugs and pre-martial sex.

I still have a few problems. It's hard to keep track of all the girls. The killer's kind of a Frankenstein creation, not literally but in story elements. Backstory and name of Phantom of the Opera, killing while hiding in the attic like Black Christmas. Even Michael Myers' blue jumpsuit. It was almost disappointing compared to the idea the old crone went that crazy that. I would've preferred that he wore the jester outfit more then just in the climax. I don't care that it would've made hiding harder. Also, this movie ends too soon. Like it's literally missing a story beat where he gets back up after his eyes open.

Well, at least it still works as a metaphor for how college DOES NOT prepare you for the real world that well.

The Prowler

I'm not going to end up ranking these, but I will say this is my favorite so far. Maybe it's because it reminds me so much of the original My Bloody Valentine which I watch for the first time earlier this year and I really ended up enjoying. Though I feel like the only reason why this one's hasn't got a remake is that the mask..kinda sucks. I mean, the whole get up is great (A reminder that war trauma goes back farther then Vietnam), but the hood in this context just isn't scary like you want a slasher to be. Also, I'm kinda surprised that he's a bit of a farm boy given how much he uses that pitchfork. Even after the final scare, the movie ends rather awkwardly. Like on a weird shot.

But still, the set up is good enough for a 80 minute movie. Tom Savini is right to be proud of his work in this movie. Even the killer reveal, if a bit obvious, feels strangely satisfying. Because it's not a Harry Warden situation, where it's a copycat. It makes sense without insulting your intelligence and it doesn't drag for too long. It just feels complete.

Updated for some new movies I watched this year:

36.Alien Raiders

35.Anna & the Apocalypse

34.Better Watch Out

33.Good Tidings

32.The Wolf of Snow Hollow

31.Jack Frost

30.I Trapped the Devil And this is why you never do surprise visits. Either that or call ahead and touch base long beforehand. It was a bit interesting that the ambiguity of whether it was actually anything supernatural went out sooner then I expected. Then again, if the devil can't keep lying to you, messing with your head would be his plan B. Of course, that means this had to be 90% atmosphere. How much you want to bet he could've easily left the whole time; this was just more fun?

29.Slay Belles

28.P2 Actually a bit similar to Better Watch Out, and while that one looks better visually, I rank this one higher because I believed this villain felt a little more like a real person. Lately, villains that are both masterminds and immature man-children disinterest me, because I can't reconcile those two traits in my head these days. I have a easier time if it's one or the other. Plus, maybe the grungier surrounding felt more appropriate because a too whimsical approach to this "Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them" just rubs the wrong way.

That being said, yeah this location loses some of it's scare factor when it becomes monotonous and hard to navigate. I would've appreciate just a little more variety in the locations used I guess. The use of music is nice at least. Also appreciated how bloody the kills are.

27.The Advent Calendar While the gimmick itself seems to be the only link, I liked the idea of tying "Be careful what you wished for" horror stories to Christmas. Blame George Bailey.

That being said, there's an argument that the conceit of the main character is rather ableist. I can roll with it this time since her previous job and passion, dancing, heavily depended on having working legs, so it's easier to buy. For once, I'd like more disabled characters whose job and hobbies DON'T require it and so can visibly cope. It's getting frustrating.

I did love how open ended they left it. Sometimes, there being a choice at all is more important for a story then what the characters actually chose. Kinda don't want a sequel because of it.

26.Cronos To be honest, this would've actually ranked much higher if it used more iconography. Hell, it becomes New Years halfway through. I get why it's invoked though. It's interesting to go back to the start of Del Toro's career, with one of the most unique vampire movies I've ever seen.

In most body horror set ups like this, Gris would become the main threat, instead of remaining the victim pretty much throughout. I don't think he even kills anyone for their blood.

Vampires are at their most interesting, as a concept and as characters, when they're always in control of their choices, good and bad. Otherwise, why not pick zombies or werewolves?

It's pretty amazing that right out the gate, Del Toro took arguably the most popular monster type of all time, and likened it to a gentle grandparent. Great tone setter for his whole filmography, in hindsight.

25.All the Creatures were Stirring

24.Sint

23.The Lodge

22.Black Christmas (2019)

21.Body

20.Red Snow Yet another Vampire Christmas movie. This time, with a reality check that most of them would be arseholes. Not necessarily wild beasts. That would almost be an improvement.

The movie also keeps you guessing over what side Luke would fall to in the end. Given the way the actor plays it like even he doesn't seem to know is a good touch. And his feedback on the book's characters; snipes at the tropes or his own insecurity? You tell me.

Poor Olivia thought she was getting her own version of Twilight, and instead got Blade by way of Fargo. That sentence is utter nonsense without the context. I would say I want to see a show or movie like that, but I could probably get that fix by just catching up on What We Do in The Shadows. Not that this is anything like that though.

Remember, vampires aren't evil because they're not human at all. They're evil because they kept the worst parts of being human.

19.Pooka Went in thinking tis would be an update of Christmas Evil, but it's more like a Xmas-themed Angel Heart. An obvious commentary on how soul draining working heavily in consumerism can be, masking how bad and traumatized people can do mental gymnastics to avoid the hard truth about their mistakes. Literally, the worst possible Christmas I've seen that didn't have a typical killer. Of course, that twist ending reminds me of...

18.Dead End

17.Black Friday (2021) Also works as a Thanksgiving movie. Anyone's whose worked in a place that affected by Black Friday or Christmas shopping in general FEELS this movie in their bones. Even before the zombies show up. This is why I stay indoors or at work during these days. Sure, the titular day means less and less every year, but let's continue the trend.

16.Silent Night (2012)

15.It's a Wonderful Knife Remake a holiday classic, but make George Bailey a lesbian and Mr. Potter a low rent Trump (Oh god, is that saying a lot!) that gets so fed up that he goes on a killing spree dressed in what would happen if Ghostface bleached his entire costume? Sure, why not. Give the killer Santas a break. And you get to kill him twice.

Although, that third act superpower makes absolutely no sense. I get that it's meant to secure a few plot points together, but...just no. Seriously, where did it even come from? Also, even though how the love interest remembers it is making my head spin. Not how she remembers, but if she remembers both timelines. What problems would come if she only remembers one? And Joel McHale is way too good playing a prick then as a loving dad, I'm sorry. Community has ruined me for him.

Like the subtext of it all though. The messaging, I mean. Y'know given the fiasco going on lately behind the scenes with Scream VII, maybe I'll just pretend this is the real Scream VII. We'll see.

14.Wind Chill

13.Christmas Bloody Christmas

12.Santa's Slay

11.The Children

10.Rare Exports

9.A Christmas Horror Story

8.Day of the Beast Was this meant as a parody of every catholic horror movie released the past 30 years before it? It skewered them good! Pleas tell me the antichrist was fake in this and what we had was one of the insane yet friendliest rampages committed to film! It even has a Peter Vincent clone that keeps getting worse and worse things happening to him! I'd just preferred it was more visibly blasphemous.

7.Deadly Games

6.Silent Night (2021) Surprised? Maybe it's here because I over thought how the significance of the holiday tied in with the apocalypse in this movie. I'm sure if you went back far enough in history, hundreds or thousands of years ago, anytime winter rolled around seemed apocalyptic to people. Of course, mostly to the lower classes. And now with a hypothetical scenario that can feel as bad as those times must have felt, rather then actually tough it out or try to learn from, the government and the upper class jump to take the cowards way out. A little Poe, isn't it?

Cue one of the more depressing then maybe hopeful endings to one of these movies. (Depends to how you react to the very last shot and believe about the plot point concerning the homeless and immigrants)

5.Christmas Evil

4.Krampus

3.Scrooged

2.Black Christmas (1974)

Let me wrap this up.

Shaun of the Dead I feel like there's nothing left for me to add to this. Everyone and their mother have already analyzed every frame of this movie already. Edgar Wright's style of direction practically invites it, given how much it works to keep your attention.

Zombie movies do hit a bit different after these past few years, especially this one, given how the characters are so quick to think it'll all "blow over". Shaun at least tried to do things properly, even though he both overestimated what he thought counts as safe enough and was severely let down by certain members of his party (David moreso then Ed. Like, Ed actually came off a bit less of an ass this time watching). And now he and Liz live in a world that in a world trying hard to be post-infection while in denial of how much it's still in the shadow of it.

Yeah, this movie definitely holds up after Covid.

Cobweb *Spoilers* This movie started like a bit more down to earth People Under The Stairs, but it's third act veered straight into Malignant and Barbarian territory. I went in this one as cold as possible, but I still guess where it was sorta heading.

It's a bit interesting we're still getting the "deformed baby grows up to be horror villain" cliche. I'm at the point where I'm less confused over how A led to B (it was abandonment and growing up feral that did it this time), so much as when was the last time period where something like this was an actual concern? Early 20th century? I need the history of this trope now for some reason.

I guess the moral is, cycles of abuse make both the abuser and abused into horrible people. Sometimes, better flight then fight.

Bride of Frankenstein Gotta end with a classic. Also, another movie that's been analyzed to death. This one closer to the novel in some parts (Blind Hermit, Monster wanting a mate, learning to speak, then commit suicide at the end), but it's still very different. (Pretorious. He was worth it.). Hell it's practically a mirror image of the first movie; starting at the windmill with the final act being about making another monster. ("It's like poetry. It rhymes!")

Frankenstein's practically a supporting character in this now. He regressed in his character arc a bit then he was forced to retread his old ways until he can escaped. Seemed to be a way to excuse him after what he did in the first movie. I don't buy it. What happened to his father and Victor?

How long did the Creature even lived, if we assumed he died at the end of this? A week? A whole week and only one eight hour period was actually pleasant. Heartbreakingly so.

And of course, the ending plays like a what if scenario compared to how it played in the book. But I can buy it as something Mary Shelley would approve of. On one hand, maybe they shouldn't have put too much effort into the Bride as compared to her would-be groom. Give her some lessons, she could almost pass. It's a shame we never got one of the classic films do more with the Bride. Yeah, the loneliness is the point of the monster. But his characterization sorta went down as these films went on anyway. Hell, in the final movie, he was practically a diabolus ex machina. It's just sad that this character's lack of agency (except in one instinctual moment) is the only significant thing about her. That said, it's telling when the Creature realized he was kinda following in his father's footsteps (forcing his will on a being he was responsible for and getting backlash), he chose to end it all rather then double down. In a way, that makes him the most human of the Universal monsters. Though I might have to revisit the Wolf Man to confirm that.

Even so, these two films are still a good example of a lousy adaptation in detail, but not at all in spirit. They retain the point Shelley was trying to make; most men prefer seeking glory over responsibility, even though most times the latter follows the former. The masses really don't like what they don't understand, real or otherwise and most won't stop after they started.

Also, the importance of child support and safety nets.

Afflicted (2013) I'm guessing the reason they call it this is because "A Canadian Vampire in Paris" gave the wrong idea.

In all seriousness, the cruel ironic contrast between where Derek is in regards to death at the beginning and end of the movie; he'll be dead within about a year to never be able to die at all. *chef's kiss*. That being said, he put on quite a show during the events of the movie, I'll be a bit surprised if it's not taken as proof to the world vampires exist. The only logical place a sequel could go are the world governments opening a new vampire hunter department. Either that or Derek will have to move halfway across the globe.

The Man They Could Not Hang It's fun looking into an alternate universe where the Saw franchise started 65 years earlier. OK, I joke, but now I want to see it for real. Boris Karloff could sweet talk me into disemboweling myself!

I want to say this could all have been avoided if Dr. Savaard had a terminally ill person to be his volunteer instead but given how quickly everyone else seems to leap to conclusions as is, it probably wouldn't have made that much a difference after all. Then he's REALLY lose faith in humanity.

The revenge part itself was too short and had too small a body count. But I guess if you wanted a proper revenge slasher movie with this setup that had only one or two survivors, you would have to wait at least two decades before Hollywood would take a chance on that. Well, at least I get to see Karloff play both the resurrected monster And the scientist that created him at the same time.

Phenomena (1985) So the moral is I shouldn't be cruel to bugs because they can be my friends, but rat-faced boys and their families deserve death? Huh?!

Otherwise, it is a Dario Argento movie, though a little more star studded than usual. I think I've gotten use to the weird music choices for the exploration/escape sequences. Also, I don't know why it's always so satisfying when your serial killer villains die at the hands of animals. I guess it's because so many of them fancy themselves apex predators or such, that the universe literally proving that's not true as they're defeated is the icing on the cake.

So last Saturday was a full moon, so that meant...

WEREWOLF DOUBLE FEATURE!

Late Phases Werewolves already symbolize puberty in quite a few films, it's refreshing to see one symbolize something totally opposite.

While killing the dog upfront the way this movie did was hard to watch, I think it was necessary to make sure we at least understood Ambrose's side on this. He's not the most likable guy already, to the other characters included. But I feel that's what he wanted at this point in his life. And even though the werewolf itself wasn't in the movie much (Not that I blamed them, that design wasn't great), I think it ended up working to the movie's advantage. It actually becomes like a chess match, especially once the werewolf realizes Ambrose is on to him. Tom Noonan was a pretty obvious red herring all things considered, but I appreciate the actual wolf was the 2nd most religious character in the movie at least.

The climax stretches credibility when you see the normal man suplex a werewolf! Age isn't really an issue, since they're both old, but c'mon! What's the advantage otherwise?

Well, can't say I didn't get a good amount of gore I come to expect from werewolf movies. At least his son knew the truth by the end. Even if it lead to a quite goofy final shot.

Werewolves Within Werewolves seem to lend themselves more to whodunnits then vampires do for some reason. 'Cause if they're not the main character of a greek tragedy or in an urban fantasy setting, that's the kind of movie they show up in. I'm guessing it just makes the figurative killer within that more literal.

I do like that it's used to deconstruct that one archetype that's been constant in movies it seems the past 20 years, along with taking a shot at small towns and showing why most of the people who live there are the worst. Are there enough people left to even count it as a town at this point? If it doesn't, that's a lot of free real estate I guess. Last note, I liked which character got to land the killing shot on the werewolf. Revenge is a dish best served...without sandwiches. If you've seen it, you get it.

Child's Play 2 I saw the first one, along with Bride and Seed a long time ago. And I know I have even more to catch up on.

How is it that while this one seems to have a cleaner look then the first one, it feels a lot more darker? Lo and behold, adults actors not coming back for the sequel have serious consequences on the kid characters. This was practically setting up to be horror flick already without Chucky coming back.

Speaking of which, I like stupid he is in this. Not the concept, I mean the character's intelligence. He practically lucked (or fumbled, depending on your POV) into that disguise, and other than that, he makes just as many rational decisions as...well, an actual serial killer. I've talked before about how slashers tie into the true dangers of suburbia and the privileged. In this case, not only does Chucky have a better way to hide in plain sight then Michael but not as good as Freddy's, he also specifically taps into the bad that comes from people who live there buying into consumerism, with a product that even after it's "paid" for, continues to take and take and is never satisfied. Other that that, the real genius of Chucky's look is to show how he's constantly the most immature character in these films, even moreso then the actual kids. He's not much less mature as certain billionaire CEOs we hear about at least.

Maybe that's why, when Mancini had more control over this one then the first movie, he had the climax at the company factory. Even if he can't directly tie Chucky to the amoral corporation storywise, he could symbolically here. Even though I figured he would camouflage himself better then he actually did.

V/H/S 94 It's been a long time since I visited this franchise and I know I'm still two entries behind. I'll get to them, but in the meantime, I want to talk about how much I like this one.

Holy Hell the wraparounds have always been the weakest part of these movies (sans maybe Viral since I skipped that one) and this is no exception. I don't think i get it. So the female members of a SWAT team are part of a videodrome like cult and tonight they're sacrificing their squad? I mean, OK.

Storm Drain this cliche about reporters going into the lair of the killer is now starting to wear thin for me. Even if sewers weren't creepy (and these ones very much are before the cultists show up), why would you be this willing to wade through literal shit for a story?

That being said, the Ratma effect is awesome. I may not understand how acid puke equals god, but I'm willing to overlook that because these ARE cultists and they may be more we didn't see. The final scene makes all those flaws worth it. It's an all-timer.

The Empty Wake This story easily has the best build up. Funeral parlors are great settings already, but add onto that a storm, loneliness, boredom, and then add sudden paranoia about the body not being dead; whoo boy! And even if that doesn't work for you, the zombie is great. The whole last bit of this plays like one of those stealth horror games in the best way. As a bonus, the zombie doesn't play fair.

The Subject Certainly the most balls-to-the-wall modern update of Frankenstein you'll ever see. It's also probably the best action movie adaptation of it. Also appreciate that as monstrous this version of the mad doctor certainly is, it remembers also he was never the only monster from that setup. I'm starting to feel like we're over the police being the designated heroes in horror films. Good.

Terror Of course when right-wing redneck extremists gain access to a vampire, all they care about is how to use it to blow up or set something on fire. Kinda also like you don't get that it IS a vampire until about halfway through. Good on him for taking revenger, but the best part is they were so stupid about it, they didn't even get the chance to carry out their actual plan. And I though being seduced by them was the dumbest thing you could do.

The Craft: Legacy I chose to watch this one over the original because I heard this one was less anti-women with power. Turns out, I might've been better off with that one.

the characterizations of the other three was so weak, you might as well combine them into one character instead. I don't even know anything about their home lives. The reveal of the main character's mother I guess is big to fans of the original, but it doesn't seem to really add anything here.

As for Timmy, yes he was a jerk, but I'm not sure he deserved getting, as far as the coven knows, brainwashed. Did they even know what spell they casted on him? A Woke spell? How does that even work? Though given his coming out of the closet moment later, I could think they actually casted a bravery spell on him by mistake. And thanks to it, he finally gains the spine to throw the BS he's been taught and regurgitating all his life by the patriarchy out the window. You can certainly see potential in a subplot in how men are benefitted by feminism too, especially bi men. But instead, they cut it short by getting him killed by an asleep David Duchovny. I get the point of his villain, but it's the kind of character that needs either a down to earth approach or a campy performance, and this has neither. I gotta find better pro-witch movies.

Dark City (1998) When I felt like rewatching Body Snatchers, I knew I had to rewatch this one too. It may not be an actual horror movie, but it's visuals take inspirations from some of the earliest ones. An example being the Strangers looking like a race of nosferatu without the teeth. Though honestly, whether I knew what was going on or not, I would still kill to live in a city like this. Granted, I would appreciate there being a beach to escape to plus actual sunlight. The choice is part of the point, regardless which one I choose.

Getting back to my first sentence; In a spiritual sense, this is Invasion of the Body Snatchers in reverse. In fact, I feel that describes a lot of movies released in the late 90s. Pleasantville, Equilibrium, American Beauty, and of course, The Matrix. A world where a few pod people stop and think; "Wait, what's the point of all this? There does need to be more to life." A bit overly optimistic, especially when considering what world event comes later...and the monstrous acts we as a society did in reaction to it. Does changing the world matter if not a lot of people care enough to wake up?

Evil Dead Trap I watched this and the following movie in one day. It's amazing I never lost my lunch. Now I know what inspired Gabriel from Malignant. I don't know how they got away with making this movie back then, but I'm glad they did.

Terrifier 2 As long as you can really stomach the most brutal, bloody, and cruel kills imagined by mankind, this is a good addition to your yearly Halloween watch traditions. As long as you have the time, of course. And I didn't even like the first movie that much.

The Haunted Palace (1963) Remember last year, I said I wasn't going to watch any more Vincent Price movies? Turns out I lied, including to myself. I'm hitting the Poe films of his I haven't seen yet, starting with this one. Yes, it's not really Poe instead of Lovecraft but whatever. The titular palace certainly lives up to the title, and there are a shocking amount of faithful Lovecraft trademarks here (my favorite is the Necronomicon actually have "Necronomicon" printed on it's binding). But overall, I didn't care for it that much. I guess it's a pet peeve when I feel characters are slow to realize someone being possessed or bodyswapped. Also, kind of weird the revenge subplot just stopped halfway through. Everyone knew this was the most fun part of the movie so well, they made two better Vincent Price movies that were all about revenge after this.

The worst part is the ending. Where the servants go? I thought they were fighting Charles? Did they escape or dead? Also, if Curwen is back in control, shouldn't the revenge subplot continue? This ended too soon.

The Blob (1988) This was a mean movie the first time I watched it and it's still feels mean now. I don't know how they got away with making this in the late 80s though I can see why it bombed. I even appreciate the twist where it was a US weapon gone wrong more then I did before (Though did they have to make the human villain one of the only two black people in this movie?) This movie takes the then passable "teenage rebellion" of the original and ups the ante by saying "F the police! F the government! and F date rapists too while we're at it!"

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood I'm now believing the hype with Kane Hodder's Jason. Full-on zombie look aside, even him just standing there is chilling.

Otherwise though; Okay I knew going in the kills were neutered, but I didn't expect it to be at the point where I literally can't tell how a few of these people even died. Hard to think the MPAA were ever the good guys on this based on how unreasonably petty the cut demands were. If they were actual moral guardians, they might've taken such measures before filming had started. At least, keep the filmmakers from being set up to fail. Instead we're left with a repeat of Part 4 for the first two acts, and not as good.

Though, apart from the mixed messages of the abuser Dad being summoned back to save the day, the third act was easily the best. Practically a long montage of Jason getting the crap kicked out of him by telekinesis. It's a shame they didn't follow up on Tina or introduce another copy of any other Horror icon. She could've been the Mothra to his Godzilla. (not the shipping part!).

I think for the next Friday the 13th, I want to go back a few entries. One where they actually allowed some blood. Before Tommy Jarvis...

Hellraiser(2022) I only've seen the first two Hellraiser movies before this, so my standards might be a little too high. Granted, yes, the cenobites here look amazing. Jamie Clayton is a great Pinhead (or should we call them the Priest from here on out?). And it again feels right to have all this happen because a selfish rich man ruins makes all of this everyone else's problem.

But I don't know if this a tad generic setup was needed for this with the rest of our characters. The first movie was a play on Faust and the second was about an escape from hell, at first figuratively then literally. This setup feels more akin to every teen supernatural horror movie made in the last 20 years.

Yeah I get the addiction metaphor, and the point here being if you're too careless with it, you can ruin your friends and family's lives too. But it still feels neutered with the sexual tension when compared to I and II. And I already pretty much got the addiction metaphor from Evil Dead 2013.

The ending felt right at least. After a certain point, the smart move is to stop using the monkey's paw. And there sometimes is no way to fix things. I'm not sure we need to see Riley again, but I would like a less generic set up for the next one.

Deep Rising Honestly, if it weren't for the nasty way it eats people, this is a movie where you can easily root for the monster. It's like if the bad guys from a Die Hard ripoff got ambushed by something from Lovecraft. Everyone's either a rich prick, a terrorist, a mercenary, or a thief. Which ironically keeps this pretty light and fast. Also points for having a comic relief (Benny from the Mummy!) be whiny WITHOUT being annoying! Also, did we ever really find out what creature they were supposed to find in the unmade sequel? King Kong? Wouldn't have made sense from a marketing perspective.

The Exorcist III: Legion With rewatching the original still fresh in my mind, I can compare these two a bit more easily then I have in the past. This movie feels strangely smaller, probably because there's just one main plot, rather then the two from the original. I get why, although it just makes the Father Morning character stick out like a sore thumb even more. I'm half convinced he never shot any of his scenes with the other actors. Even the demon and Gemini killer are more creepy then terrifying compared to Regan. But I did like there was a bit more of a plan here then the original. Sure in both of them, it's about causing despair to everyone around, but at least this one is more complex then setting up a rematch with Merrin.

I get why Blatty might've been pissed the studio interfered to make this more of a tie-in to the original. Every artist likes doing something different then before. But, in a rare instance, I understand them and think they actually make this movie stronger. This was set in the Exorcist universe, so that's the brand you have to use. And I do prefer they tried what did get sorta worked last time someone in this city claimed to be possessed. It goes about as well, but it still worked in the end. Better then a cop just shooting, for all anyone can prove, a mentally ill patient.

So with the original creator writing this story, plus executive meddling that actually makes sense; of course this is still one of the greatest horror sequels ever made, even if it strangely feels more like an epilogue of the first film. I have no interest in the second movie or the prequel. Maybe I'll get to Believer one day. (I'm just more of a fan of the Halloween franchise). I have heard good things about the television show, so that might be my next step.

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) I saw the original film five years ago in this case, so my memory's bit fuzzy. Although I do remember that one wasn't really a story. This is a remake in a sense, everything from the original more or less happened in this movie too, but there's also an actual plot. It's pretty much Scream, especially with the meta angle, but still. In any other circumstance, I'd have a problem with a killer being inspired by a movie, but this is a movie depicting actual events that were sensationalized, in the same town, so we have a more sensible message then what we would've gotten otherwise. I even liked the killer reveal. They fooled me with the creeper love interest, only to reveal it was actually the cop AND the insecure first boyfriend. Sure, the finale was a pretty lame setup, but at least it wasn't too long. Sometimes, you just gotta leave a bad town.

Also, Hi Amos from the Expanse! Sorry you lost your head.

Dr. X (1932) This was kind of an interesting experiment compared to other horror movies at the time. Not just the coloring, but the plot structure. Told from the point of view from an outsider coming in looking for answers instead of the monster. Worked for the book version of Jekyll & Hyde. Also, it's a fun premise; one of many mad scientists is an actual murderer, so you send another mad scientist to catch him. Even the climax is like something out of a nightmare, in a good way.

But...yeah. Lee Tracy's reporter character is just annoying and pushy. Completely useless and obnoxious until conveniently at the end. Look, if you're going to call your movie Dr. X and he's not the villain, he should get a lot more screen time then this. I also don't feel they made the most of their mansion setting. I'm a sucker for old dark house movies, but I guess maybe my standards really are high. Well, now when I reaching for something when I'm alone, I might find myself randomly saying "Synthetic flesh!" for no reason. So I guess there's that.

The Strangers: Prey At Night The marketing for the originals scared me way too much to see it at the time. But I was a bit curious about hearing good things about this one. First act is very good at establishing dread, even a little bit before they reached the trailer park. But when it starts, it almost never stops until the night is over. The quest moments are few, but they make them count. Should've known Christina Hendricks, the only actor I recognized, was chosen to die first. Of course once she's gone, there goes your sense of security. One slight disadvantage about the setup is that this is no one's home turf. Sure, you never believe any place is safe, but it also feels like our villains act rather carelessly. I guess that's the point; this is when they got too cocky and so finally paid the price. Their demises were pretty cathartic, especially with the one homage to Christine near the end.

For this new trilogy they just announced, I wonder if it's going to be a whole new group of psychos or just a reimagining of the trio. I'm even curious to how it'll stack up to a certain other slasher trilogy we just gotten.

Mad Love (1935) I went in expecting what would basically be Eye from Body Bags 60 years earlier. Was pleasantly surprised to see that was a red herring and the real monster is something totally not relevant now; an incel! Though yeah, no wonder this was Peter Lorre's big break. You could not have picked a scarier character for him. Bonus points where the effects from the implant feel somewhat realistic, apart from their blood types conveniently matching apparently. Sure, the guy will never play piano as well ever again, but muscle memory gave him a new skill.

Well, my big takeaway from this; I need more Peter Lorre movies on my watchlist.

Possession (1981) I don't know what happened in this movie at all, and that's not a complaint. I came for two balls-to-the-wall scenery chewing performances, along with sex with Lovecraftian creatures, and I got it all.

As for everything else, I don't know where the creature came from, or what it's supposed to represent, in-universe or out. Though considering the bookends with Same Neil's employers here, and how one of them had pink socks like his unseen target described at the beginning... Maybe this all a situation similar to Possessor, where because he didn't want to come back, the creature was sent to replace him. After all, how do we know it's the only one? I guess what I'm saying it, this is about a quite literal destruction of the nuclear family. Getting rid of that might as well feel as earth shattering as actual nuclear destruction to the current generation. Though speaking of monster duplicates with possible plans of world domination...

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) I first watched this around 20 years ago, coming away scared of the idea pod people could ever come for me. Now I watch it, knowing on some level, I became one of them long ago.

Self-depreciating aside, the big thing I noticed this time around was "anvilicious" the theme was. the original movie was about communism, the 1990s version was supposedly about AIDS and the military, and the 2007 version was about the war on terror, all to varying degrees of quality, I hear. This one, I heard it's about the rise of the baby boomers and all the self-absorption that came with it, and we're still dealing with today. But I also saw a theme of city alienation, along with gentrification caused by conservatives. (That "maybe he's a republican" line also aged too well, especially with who became president just a few years later).

The famous ending scene of the movie, (moreso then all other scenes, so the surprise is ruined basically forever), can be a metaphor that if force doesn't make you assimilate, total hopelessness will do the trick.

I'm surprised there still hasn't been a fifth version at this point. I guess one of two main themes they can make it about (destruction of global culture via the melting pot of America) they touched on here, and, as demonstrated in a video by La'Ron Readus (https://youtu.be/9rJt6SeZfC0?si=kUC3A6gm9ysN8Q60), Get Out pretty much ending up tackling that already. Check his video and his channel out!

The other theme I can think of is climate change, but they even implied that here too. How much you want to bet their "dying world" died because of them? That they spent 100% of their energy surviving, they didn't stop and think about the actual big picture of the world they live on? The common perspective on logic vs emotion is that emotion is dumber, and more chaotic and hurtful then logic, but I liked to think of it as a gut instinct about the world around you that, even though you have no proof, can warrant analysis and investigation. That can at least help your psyche, and at most get a new angle on an issue you and everyone else takes for granted but can gain more. Logic is a tool, not the end.

Ending this by getting back to my opening joke metaphor, I'm hoping that it's more I'm nodding off and my duplicate is still a work in progress that can still be stopped. Part of the reason why I write, as well as just watch horror movies in general, is my effort to not become like them. It's helping a bit for now, but I think in the near future, I'll have to do more.

You Might Be The Killer (2018) This was kind of a funny idea. A slasher having a confidant to try and work out how he got to this point. Along with what I think was a subversion of a Final Girl. They kept expecting it from a supposed pure person, but is instead one that is a little too comfortable killing people, even takes to being the new killer more then the previous host. But yeah, they didn't do enough with this to justify feature-length. Honestly, a normal person brainwashed into a slasher, old family curses, the "hero" actually might being the real villain; the Fear Street Trilogy handled alot of the same stuff here, and frankly, better.

Spree aka the most Zoomer slasher ever. That's not an insult, either of zoomers or the movie. It's effectively in the same family as movies like Taxi Driver and American Psycho but with Tiktok lingo. That sound like a bad cut and paste job, but a good cut and paste job, like this one is, proves that really, all these new developments in technology and social connections have done nothing to solve societal problems that have been with us for generations. Scary and sad, but if it's true, it's true. This was uncomfortable in a good way for the most part, pretty impressive for a premise that could've been so in a bad way (besides all the secondhand embarrassment I felt with our villain protagonist). This movie's essentially about a spree shooter, so I don't think it's an accident he (mostly) doesn't use a gun. When he does, it's saved for near the end and a moment that's the final nail in the coffin for him being actually sympathetic.

Given that I'm talking about a movie about social media ON social media, I have to reflect a bit on it. I'm not looking for loads of followers. Sure, there was a time where I thought it was something amazing, when I joined Facebook for the first time. Until I realized that, even though I went to high school with all those my first few accepted friend requests, I had nothing of substance to talk about with them. So now, I'm either trying to find people with common interests, (especially in my area) or trying to express my honest thoughts on a subject I can engage in good faith about. Besides monetary reasons, I never understood being obsessed with having the most subscribers or views. I guess they're looking for fans rather then friends. Like I said with Pearl, it's a pursuit that is over before it's started if you can't find people who want to see it. When it comes down to it, I'd rather make connections with only a few people rather than a chat filled with gremlins. Showbiz is only worth it if you have something to show, not just something you think you want.

Hell House LLC II: The Abaddon Hotel The original was one of the most unsettling found footage films I have ever seen, with a fairly original set up and one of the creepiest clowns ever, mostly because it took the less is more approach. This one got rid of one of those; padding it out with so many people we supposed to believe are stupid enough to enter a haunted house with a confirmed body count! Even the scares felt less diverse; a lot of ghost woman with the same eye contacts.

Eh, to be fair, it's still unsettling, thanks to them using the same set. Sure, the last scene wasn't scary, but hey, it was near the end so they could get away with it, and Tully still pretty much won so...

The Sadness It's either Mayhem, but more larger scale and darker or the Crazies remake but bloodier and with a darker ending. I knew things wouldn't end well for the main couple just from how lovey-dovey the first few scenes were, but it was actually bleaker than I expected. I expected them either one of them to die or both to die and they'd all be real sad about it. I didn't expect one, if not both of them to get infected, and when they died, neither of them were giving a shit about the other. Yikes.

Also, I knew I was warned about the content going in, but I didn't have a reaction to it. I'm weird that way, I guess. I'm warned that this and Crimes of the Future were too intense, and I just shrug it off. But Malignant for some reason, gets me light-headed? Maybe it's more I can't stand hospitals, at least in movies.