enjoy it

The Basics:

Name: Marianne Westwood Age: 54 Birthday/Starsign: August 9th/Leo Stagename/Nickname: Mari West Birth Place: Lockwood Springs, CO Occupation: Comedian, Author, TV Personality Time in Lockwood Springs: 1 month Sexual Orientation: Straight Positive traits: humorous, confident, nurturing Negative traits: biased, unpredictable, selfish

“She did? Aww,” Noelle shrugged her lips into a sentimental smile. “That girl is so ambitious. I am pretty sure Andre took care of the nursery when I was pregnant with Harvey, It was so long ago though.” Looking at all the tiny little outfits had her on the verge of calling one or both of her children. Apparently it was rude to put that kind of pressure on your children but Noelle had never been known to follow the rules of society behind closed doors. That was for politics, not family. “I could not have another child, my lord I tell you two were enough but I would love to play with a little baby again. Dress them up and spoil them. Ugh.” It was never going to happen she feared it already. Noelle laughed. “You are right about that. Can you imagine if she would have gone for one of those dreadful little deviants? You’d have to get a restraining order.”

;

“She is but between me and her father, she didn’t have a chance to be anything else.” Mari laughed to her friend, but she did feel sorry for Bella being raised with two strong personalities. It was no wonder why she had her crazy NYC days and wanted to disappear to Sweden when she was just eighteen. Sweden of all places, with no sun. “How is Andre doing? He seems a busy bee these days, but then again so do you. I hope you both still make time,” she winked quickly. “You’re not dust yet Noelle.” she added. Mari nodded as she put back some clothes, being pulled towards a little set of cute shoes that looked so tiny they could have been for a doll. “Urgh, I know. I’m looking forward to being the fun grandma. At least you got two kids, which means double the grandkids when it happens. I heard parents suggesting who to marry is making a comeback, because the dating pool is so awful. They might trust you to pick someone out for them?” Mari shrugged but she wasn’t sure if Noelle’s kids were that trusting. Bella certainly wouldn’t be. “Ha, well between the Eklunds or Southside I’m not sure what’s worse. Just because a turd has an amax doesn’t make it less of a turd.”

-

Bella didn’t want to tell her mother that it wasn’t click-bait, so she just smiled at Mari with a small and warm nod. However, she wasn’t able to keep her mouth completely shut and ended up laughing. “I liked that one, and that definitely counts as current affairs. Oh also, you said about when you visit London you always get greeted by a man who brushes his hair with a toffee apple. Everyone knew instantly you meant Boris Johnson.” she laughed loudly, even though she stopped being affected by the happenings in England a long time ago it still felt like home in a strange way. The word cankles made Bella straighten her legs, a look of shock. “Cankles!? Mum!” she gasped and then frowned. “Maybe us and my completely normal ankles could help me figure out when to do the whole maternity leave thing which confuses me being self-employed. Plus I have a few clients that I really want to see as close to pop-day as possible.” she said it all while still looking at her ankles. “I can’t believe you just fat-shamed my feet.” she chuckled, looking up at the mention of Zak. “He says he is? Who knows.” Bella shrugged, leaning into her mother’s hand slightly. “Hair and eyes but not the rest of my face? Or my feet?” she grinned at her.

; 

Mari laughed again about the toffee apple brush, throwing her head back so she could let the gregarious cackle free. “Oh yeah, that was a good one. Well, it’s true. He’s a bumbling toffee apple hair brusher.” she snickered and then sighed. Mari then tutted at Bella’s reaction, softly swatting her daughter’s arm. “Oh don’t be so touchy. Nothing wrong with a curvy ankle. They need more rep in the media though, they’re totally normal. You should see mine after a red-eye flight. I could be Mr. Blobby. Do you remember him? You loved that show as a kid.” Before they all uprooted to Colorado which she was thankful she had family that wanted to see her focus on herself. It was lucky, because not many people had that privilege. “Tell you what, bring your schedules up and we’ll work it out. But, I had an idea. I know you own this apartment but wouldn’t it be good to look at a few houses? Maybe Northside closer to me. It’ll be more room for you and the little one and you won’t have to worry about upsizing when they get bigger, and trust me they get big fast. Just look at you and your cankles that I have to deal with.” she laughed and nudged a shoulder into her daughter. Mari’s lips pursed about Zak, having plenty of opinions but she didn’t want to down step on his attempts of getting...better? Decent? “I hope it goes well for him, truly. He’s a dashing young man but I don’t think I could tolerate the tamper tantrums like you do.” she sighed. “Oh stop, you know what I meant.”

AMBROSIA, DOWNTOWN + MARI

“if i become a grandmother by sixty, i think i’ll be able to be happy.” daniela admits to her friend. they were unlikely friends, meeting after one of mari’s shows in new york city and the rest was history. she was great to text whenever life seemed chaotic because she’d always make daniela laugh. “evie i can see why it won’t happen but i’m confused why nobody wants to make roman a father. he’s sensible and works hard, and he’s wealthy and handsome. evie would be a catch if she learned how to be more agreeable. i don’t know where she gets it from.” daniela sighs and sips her coffee but tries to smile for the happy moment her friend is experiencing. “do you think you can convince isabella to do a gender reveal party? i can host it for her, she won’t have to lift a finger.”

;

Mari laughed and let her head tilt to the side as she smiled at Daniela. “I’m sure it’ll happen, but let’s face it, Evie and Roman are at the top of their careers. I doubt either of them are ready to give that up.” Mari comforted. “Not yet, anyways.” She knew how she felt now she had her career, and while she wouldn’t change being a mother for the world, she was grateful she didn’t become a left behind housewife. Nothing wrong with it but it wasn’t for her. Mari’s laugh snorted slightly, thinking Daniela was making a joke about her daughter’s apparently surprising personality but she stopped herself. “Personally, I think being a head strong woman in this day and age is an act of rebellion. Just means when she does find someone, you know they’ll be good for her.” Mari tried to dance around it as politely as she could. “Oh, well I appreciate the offer. But, Bella isn’t into all that. Whole nursery is pretty neutral, and she’s even waiting until the baby is here until she thinks of a name. Cute, right? I would’ve been so stressed but...she’s made up her mind.”

starter for: @naomi-temel​

;

“Oh my God.” Mari jumped herself awake to the sound of her friend’s snoring. The blanket was half way to being a noose, her shoes flung to the other side of the firepit that was now lowly burning in comparison to the warm comforting flames they all fell asleep to. The aftermath of wine bottles said everything she needed to know. “Omi.” she whispered, not wanting to disturb Marika who was drooling. “Omi.” she tried again a little louder. “Omi, wake up.” she leaned up on the patio couch, scooting towards the other women. “Did we have a threeway? I’ve not done one of those since...well. Vegas.” she talked to herself but clicked her fingers. “Omi wake up.”

-

“Oh! Lemme see.” Isabella gently lowered herself on the bed beside her mother, leaning a little to get a better look at the screen. Life felt more complete lately, with both parents at her side even if she had to ignore the few awkward silences at times. She chuckled and then listened closely as her mother read the article, her own eyes scanning over the words. She noticed how Mari stopped as soon as there was negativity and while she burst out laughing to her response, Bella shook her head and clicked back to the article. “No, see. Are her jokes getting tired as we are of hearing them? Absolutely not, Mari West managed to capture a new generation of audience members with her perfectly contextualized jokes about current affairs.” Bella grinned back to her mother, patting the woman on her back. “See, even if the diabetes comment was hilarious. You sure you don’t need new glasses?”

;

Mari fixed her glasses better to read what Bella continued from and she frowned with an oops expression for insulting the writer. She laughed it off though as she shrugged. “It’s his own fault for being click-baity.” Mari stated before closing out of the article again, this time more pleased than she was before. “I don’t know what current affairs he was talking about. There was a tiny segment of Trump not knowing what in-peaches means but that’s it.” not that it mattered because if people loved it then Mari knew she was doing something right. “Anyways, enough about me. What’s the plan for us and your cankles?” Mari asked her daughter affectionately, always excited about being able to spend some time bonding over the future arrival. “Any update on Grumpy Gills or is he still...therapy-ing?” Mari glanced over Bella’s face with a smile, not able to fight the urge to pinch her daughter’s cheek lovingly. “Urgh, if this baby has your eyes and hair it’s going to be a supermodel.”

There’s something very humbling about being sat beside not only your ex-wife but your ex-wife that has sold out shows entirely on the premise of how her life improved since your divorce. Sven occupies the seat beside her in a much smaller position than he usually would, keeping his eyes scanning a magazine as they wait for their daughter. Isabella had insisted she was fine going alone, but for some reason both Westwoods decided it meant they should tag along. “Ah…thanks.” Sven breaks his thoughts as the mint is shoved under his nose and he takes it, slowly hiding the breakout of minty freshness that hits his tastebuds. The smacking and loud breaths from Mari cause him to turn slightly, fighting back a laugh that he knows will become a coughing fit. “Don’t talk about cocaine in a Doctors office.” he mumbles, closing the magazine so he can chew the mint quickly. “Where did you get mints like this? Columbia?”

;

Mari snorted from trying to stop herself from laughing loudly, slapping Sven on the arm as if it was his fault. “I wasn’t talking about cocaine.” she said through the chewing and her eye twitched from the strong mint. Mari twirled the packet of mints in her hand and squinted to read the date, laughing again. “I’m pretty sure I got them in a gas station in Vegas, but they’ve been sat in the bottom of my purse for two years. Fermenting.” she explained, chuckling and looked around to see if anyone was watching them. Convinced the coast was clear, she took the magazine from Sven’s lap and ripped a page that she could use to discard the chewed up mint. “I don’t think anyone’s ever died of mint poisoning, we’ll be okay.” she added, composing herself as she held the wrapped up mint in the wrapped up paper. Her eyes scanned across the crumpled headline as she passed it over to Sven since she didn’t want to put it in the trash herself. “A lost dog treks 150 miles across Alaskan sea ice before he's reunited with his family. Aw, that’s sweet.” 

where: a clothing store

who: @marixwest​

​Baby shopping was one of Noelle’s soft spots. Something about all the pastels and miniature versions of everything pulled at her heart strings. “Does she know what color scheme she’s going for?” Noelle held up a yellow sleeper with little bees all over it. She had no idea if she was ever going to be a grandmother. Neither of her children seemed like they were heading in the direction of starting a family any time soon. Until they did, she was going to live vicariously through her friends and co-workers. Which is why when she heard Mari was back in town and destined to be a grandmother, she insisted they go shopping. That and she wanted to hear everything. “This is adorable. Ugh, I’m so jealous. I know Bella’s situation with the father isn’t ideal, but it’s so exciting that you get to be a grandmother.”

;

“Well, Bella is like a little hippie at heart so it’s mostly the pale yellows. She designed the nursery herself, didn’t let me or Sven anywhere near it.” Mari said chuckling while flicking through the rail of rompers and adorable tiny clothes. She was excited to be a grandmother and being back in stores obsessing over how cute everything was reminded her of when she was expecting Isabella. Mari cooed at the yellow sleeper, nodding to her friend with a smile. “God, it’s crazy that our own kids were small enough to fit in one of those, right? I love baby shopping all over again but I’m also glad my eggs have shriveled up.” she laughed because nothing would be more stressful than being a mother in her 50s. “I can’t keep up with her and Zak, but I’m glad she was smart enough to babytrap an Eklund and not someone from Southside.”

location: the hospital waiting room

;

Some divorced couples had to work out how to co-parent but the Westwoods skipped that entirely and had to discover how to co-grandparent. Mari was actually excited, knowing the strange happenings of navigating it would be great for new material. If she would even need any, as she still thought about retiring completely. Or maybe she’d do a Cher, keep saying she was retiring and then returning like the second coming of Jesus. But for now, she promised to attend every scan or check up for Isabella even if meant sitting beside Sven. She didn’t hate him, she just stopped loving him a long time ago. The awkward silence was annoying her, so she waved her hand around in her purse and offered him a mint. “Extra strong.” she muttered before popping one in her own mouth. She didn’t mean that he needed one, but if he thought that then she didn’t care. However, the wave of overwhelming mint soon took over and she had to breathe through her mouth at the same time as chewing. “Really, gets the back of your throat doesn’t it? Like the good old days.”

location: bella’s apartment

;

“Here, look. A London newspaper has picked up on my special.” Mari quickly slid on her glasses, trying to tap through multiple tabs to find the right one. She muttered under her breath for a moment, sighing. “I have to be careful not to bring up the magic mike pictures I was just zooming in on.” she gave Bella a quick look and grin before finding the article and she cleared her throat. “As always, Mari West stunned and shocked viewers in her new late night special. Her running gag about feeling sexier since her divorce to multi-millionaire...blah blah blah Sven Westwood.” she quickly sped through. “Are her jokes getting as tired as we are of hearing them? Oh, well. Fuck you. Who even wrote this? Steven MacDonald. Imagine being named after the leading cause of diabetes. Don’t like you, that can go away.” she huffed, clicking off the page.