Marie is writing...

"You know, we can stay friends even if we're not together anymore," Kate states, lying next to you.

"Absolutely. We're not teens, we're mature. I'm okay with being friends," you confirm, trying to sound convincing.

You smile at Kate then, you take the cover off your naked body to grab your clothes on the floor.

"So," you start, putting on your T-shirt, your back to Kate, as if you were too ashamed to be topless in front of her, "I guess what happened was just…"

"A goodbye?" Kate finishes, not sure of herself. "If we can call it like that."

"Yes, you're right, 'cause friends don't sleep together."

"No, they don't."

You finish getting dressed, put your bag on your shoulder. You throw a glance at Kate one last time who has the sheet around her body. Despite your best efforts, the situation is awkward. None of you dare to look into each other's eyes. You clear your throat then claim:

"I should go. Good luck for University."

Kate gives you a pinched smile while you leave her apartment. The second you walk out of the door, embarrassment leaves your body and pain replaces it. You have teary eyes as you run down the stairs. You need to get as far away from this building you know too well as fast as you can.

You had to break up with Kate because of University. You're not in the same one, they actually are on the opposite side of the country. After being together for two years in High School, you decided to try a long distance relationship for a semester but you reluctantly had to accept it wasn't working. You couldn't visit each other because of your schedules and even though you could call, it wasn't the same. When you found each other during the Christmas holiday, you first acted as if this distance didn't change anything between you two until today. Your relationship deteriorated, it's a fact, so you came to see Kate to talk about it. You agreed on breaking up. A lot of tears were shed as soon as those words had been exchanged, therefore, you hugged. One thing led to another, your lips touched, your hands started to travel on the body of the other and in no time at all, your clothes were on the floor, Kate's body on top of you as your back hit the bed.

Sleeping together after being separated for two second was a… shitty decision, yes, that was the right word. You regretted it the second you came back on Earth, hence the awkward conversation on staying friends when you just had explored each other's body as if it was a second nature.

Once you get home, you ignore your parents and run to your room. You throw yourself on your bed when your phone rings, a message from Kate appearing. You read it without opening it.

Message from Kate, 10:16 P.M.:

You know I'll always reply. That's what friends do, they have each other's back❤️

Her text was supposed to be comforting but it was the opposite. It's the proof you didn't hallucinate the last few hours. You really are friends again after being a couple for almost three years.

Your eyes can't look away from the emoji. She probably didn't even realize she added it. Force of habit. And yet, it twists the knife.

You don't have the strength to answer. You put the phone on your mattress, lie on your back and stare at the ceiling. You need less than five minutes for your tears to keep you company.

You're miserable the following days. You spend your days in bed, listening to sad songs, crying your eyes out. Even your best friend Iris who's known you since you were four has no clue on how to comfort you. The moment you told her about the break-up, she didn't say anything, though you noticed that by the look on her face, she isn't convinced by the whole "staying friends" situation, you decide to not focus on this. You can't cut off Kate out of your life, especially because you still love each other and nothing bad happened. You know it's going to take time to go back to being platonic, it's just a bad time, you'll make it through.

You'll manage to be friends with Kate.

You don't have a choice.

You can't lose her as friend, too.

So, you have to learn to ignore the pain in your chest and your need to kiss her every time you see her.

Thankfully, being at University helps you. Thanks to the distance, you're not afraid to give in when seeing her idiotic smile as she does something stupid yet clever or when you smell her vanilla perfume you love so much — you even bought it so you could put the scent on your pillow before your split.

At the beginning, you don't send a lot of texts. Only a few to check on each other, but no endless conversation like you still used to three weeks ago.

The pain even eases, you sob less and less. You manage to just be friends with her. The first couple of days were complicated, nevertheless, you're on the right track now.

Two months after your separation, you even start talking again. It stays friendly which reassures you. You might have lost your girlfriend, but not your friend. You even send her some posts on social media, some memes and a lot of funny dogs videos. Kate always replies with joy, sending you posts she knows you'll like. For a while, you genuinely believe it can work out.

Then, one night, you send her a meme about being the driver friend. You got your driver's license before Kate and sure, in New York, the car isn't that useful, yet the day you needed to go to a concert in another State because you had missed the New York dates, Kate was overjoyed that you had it. However, the meme doesn't stop here. There's a joke about paying your driver friend in kind. You sent it without thinking too much and until Kate's answer, you hadn't thought about the fact that the innuendo could ruin all your effort. Kate replies, flirting: 'I hate having debts, next time I see you, I'd like to pay it 😏' You need a minute before saying something back. You go along with her, telling yourself it's okay for friends to falsely flirt sometimes, it doesn't have to mean anything. Yet, the more the texts go by, the more it means something. You spend the night flirting and you'd lie if you said the messages didn't have an effect on your body. You should regret it but you can't. For a second, you forget you are broken up, for a second, everything is like it used to.

The next day, you don't mention this slip. You pretend like nothing happened. It's better, it's easier like this.

And it doesn't happen again. Except maybe two or three messages here and there, nonetheless, nothing like last time. No need to make big deal out of it! It's okay to have some problems with going from a love relationship to a non-romantic dynamic so it's okay if you flirt every once in a while. You're still only friends. Right?

That's what you tell yourself to reassure you every time and as long as you're not around Kate, you can believe that lie.

During the summer holiday, you can finally see each other. You invite her around yours for the weekend, your parents being away to get some time together. You try not to make a fuss about this weekend. You just have a friend coming over. Nothing more. Sure, you exactly know how her lips taste, the feelings of her body against yours, the way her whispers in your ears always have some effect on you, that doesn't mean anything, though.

However, despite yourself, you make sure everything is perfect. A part of you that shouldn't exist anymore hopes for something to happen. Anytime you try to be rational, you remember the texts you've exchanged and you know it's not just a hallucination you've created on your own.

When Kate arrives, you act like a friend would. You let her in, tell her to put her bag in your room, to get in pajamas if she wants to while you make some popcorn and get the TV ready.

Every summer, you watch Mamma Mia! Every time you watch it, you say you'll go to Greece the following year. It never happens. Something always comes up. At this point, it's become an inside joke.

Once Kate is in the living room with you, you go to sit on the couch. She changed her outfit, she's put on a sport short and a large T-shirt and her hair is in a loose ponytail. Her clothes are basic and you shouldn't think it but you find her beautiful.

Kate sits next to you. The distance between you two is marked by the bowl of popcorn and it's not a big one, your knee is only a few inches away from hers, though it's more than you're used to. Maybe nothing will happen. It's better this way, you're just friends! Nothing else. Without looking at her, you press play while Kate takes a handful of popcorn.

You watch the movie while singing — out of tune — the songs. Once Lay All Your Love On Me starts, in other words, your favorite moments, you focus on the TV, not wanting to miss anything. You dive your hand in the bowl and as you take some popcorn, your little finger accidently locks with Kate's. You drop the food and take your hand out which is still holding Kate's. You look away from the screen and set your eyes on Kate who does the same. Amanda Seyfried's character starts to sing as she crawls on the sand while your fingers are still tied and you look deeply into each other's eyes. Kate leans over, the movement is so small you wonder if you dreamed it. You slowly get closer while leaving a distance. Kate brings her lips closer to yours and stops when they're brushing. You look up to Kate and see in her eyes she wants this as much as you do. Without thinking any longer, you press your lips on hers. Kate melts in the kiss in an instant. She sets the bowl aside to bring you closer to her. You put your hands on her neck, deepening the kiss. Sick of not feeling her body against yours, you straddle her legs as Kate's hands travels from your hips to your back. You kiss, your tongues meetings as the movie keeps going. As soon as you hear Kate moaning against your mouth, your rational side — which was already not too present — completely disappears and your hands get under her shirt. Kate's T-shirt is thrown on the floor, you admire her breast in her sport's bra before kissing her again. Kate holds your body as she stands up from the couch without struggling too much and brings you to your room.

That night was probably a mistake. Alright, it was a mistake. But it was just one time. It doesn't mean anything. You don't even talk about it as it doesn't mean anything. It was just a moment of madness between two exes. Nothing more.

Furthermore, you see each other again later and nothing happens. Just two or three kisses, nothing else!

You quickly understand it's better to see Kate in a public space or with other people as to avoid any temptations and sure, during the first day of vacations, you failed, yet by the end of it, you manage through it. You have to admit the fact you both went on holidays at the same time might have helped but you stay focused on the positive side.

Even by texts you don't flirt anymore. You act friendly again. Maybe you just needed to let go of the remainder of yours feelings one last time before moving on? At least, that's what you like to tell yourself. The fact is, in the beginning of the new university year, you don't get into your old habits again.

During the winter holiday, you don't commit any mistakes as well. You're proud of yourself. You're finally moving on!

Or that's what you think until the New Year's party one of your mutual High School friend throws.

With alcohol and the atmosphere, you're scared to lose control so you stay glue to your friend Iris at first who has been the voice of reason — that's actually why you haven't told her about last summer, no need for her to tell you what you already know.

The minute you arrive at the party, you're determined. You're even going to follow Iris' advice and have an one-night stand. However, the second Kate walks through the door, a white shirt buttoned up to the beginning of her chest, your breath is cut short for a moment. Iris notices it right away and calls you to order. You look away from your ex and follow your best friend to the bar.

For the majority of the night, you don't fold. You gaze at Kate from afar, but you don't talk to her. You don't know if you could resist her, she's so stunning tonight.

You finish your drink and inform Iris you'll put some lipstick back. She nods while she keeps dancing with her old classmates. You walk to the bathroom and enjoy for a second not being pressed to someone else. You take out your lipstick from your skirt pocket and get closer to the mirror to put it. When you finish correcting your makeup, Kate appears in the room.

"Hey!" she greets you as you try to act natural.

"Hi. I'm almost done."

"No need, I just want to wash my hand. Someone spilled their drink on me. Thankfully, my clothes were spared, not my hands, though," Kate explains.

Kate stands next to you and washes her hands while you clean the excess of makeup with your finger.

"We haven't had the time to talk tonight," she resumes, drying her hands.

"I mean, there's a lot of people here! I can't believe Josh has everyone's phone number."

"It's almost terrifying," Kate adds, laughing as you put the cap back on your lipstick and then put it in your pocket. "The color looks good on you."

"Thank you," you reply, avoiding her gaze and ready to leave.

"Oh, wait," Kate holds you back, getting closer to you.

"What? Did I mess it up already?" you question, quickly taking a look in the mirror.

"No, it's just, you have an eyelash on your cheek."

Indeed, you notice it after taking a closer look at your reflection. You try to remove it and fail. Kate slowly raises her hand to your face and take the eyelash out as you stare at her.

"You should make a wish," she suggests.

"Do you really believe those superstitions?"

"Can't hurt."

You fondly smile, close your eyes and make your wish: 'Let everything get better between me and Kate.' Then you blow on Kate's finger where your eyelash is. Looking up, you see how close your faces are. You keep staring at each other without breathing.

"We shouldn't," you whisper.

"No, we shouldn't."

"We're on the right track to being just friends."

"Friends, yes," she confirms, taking a step forward.

"That's the mature decision to make."

"Agree. We should stop," Kate says, shaking her head.

"Yes, let's stop."

You keep staring at each other and you notice how your eyes travel from your lips to your gaze. You resist for another few seconds before Kate mutters 'fuck it' and kisses you.

You kiss her back right away. Your hands get lost in her brown locks while hers are on your hips. You move Kate to the door you close before pressing her against it. You keep kissing, totally desperate. Kate's lips leaves yours with great regret and go to your neck. You move your head back, giving her more space as you unbutton her shirt. Kate's right hand goes lower and as it's about to go under your skirt, your best friend's voice comes behind the door.

"Y/N, you there? You've been applying your lipstick for ten whole minutes now."

Just like a rude shock, you suddenly step away from Kate, your breath is jerky.

"Yeah, I'm coming," you exclaim, trying to control your voice.

At your sentence, Kate smirks to which you throw her a glare.

"Wait a few minutes before leaving, please," you whisper before making sure your outfit is presentable.

Kate's smile disappears in an instant. Sadly, she nods and steps aside to let you go as she buttons her shirt.

"I'm here!" you tell Iris.

"Finally, I thought… wait!" she states, beaming. "You were making out with someone!"

"What? No!" you lie, panicked.

"Your lipstick is all smudged and I guess you weren't drinking in the bathroom, so?"

"You're right," you finally admit.

"Good! You're finally forgetting Kate!" Iris says, joyful and you pay no heed to it.

"Oh, it's our song, come!" you inform, changing the subject.

Realizing you're right, Iris doesn't waste a second and follow you to the dancefloor. Once you're there, Kate leaves the bathroom, an uncomfortable feeling in her stomach. As soon as she arrives to the dancefloor, she understands you voluntarily turn your back on her the moment you see her. Therefore, she decides to leave the party, holding back her tears.

You haven't talked since New Years. What is there to say anyway? As usual, you won't talk about it, take your distance and then, when you'll see each other again, you'll give in. You feel like you're listening to an old record when you think about your relationship.

You don't know what to do. All you know is, you feel good when you're with Kate and you're not once you're brought back to reality. You're tired of this feeling, you're tired of believing you've moved on when you're still on square one.

Distraught, you stay inside your room, listening to sad songs. It's as if you just broke up for the first time all over again. Though, Iris knows you too well and it doesn't take long for her to understand something's wrong. She doesn't say anything at first, giving you some time and allowing you to come to her if you need, but once she understands the situation isn't evolving, she decides to take matter into her own hands and comes to see you, ready to use the gentle yet firm method.

"So, tell me what's going on, it can't keep on going like that," she announces, coming into your room.

"Don't wanna talk about it."

"And yet, you will because I'm freaking out so tell me!"

"It's Kate," you say without going into details.

"What about her? I thought you had moved one, you even kissed someone… wait, don't tell me it was Kate. Y/N!" Iris reprimands you as if she were your mom.

"I know, alright! No need to give me the talk."

"Apparently, I do because it seems like you don't get the problem!"

"I do, trust me."

"As long as it was only just a kiss," she says, though the moment she looks at you, she rolls her eyes. "Are you kidding me? Come on, spill everything now!"

As if you were a child being told off, you fidget with your fingers and avoid looking at her as you explain everything: the flirty texts, the times you slept together, the kisses. As soon as you're done, you expect your best friend to yell at you to make you see reason, yet she stays silent. You don't know if it's better.

"Tell me something! I'm completely lost."

"What do you want me to say? I told you it was a bad idea. Lovers to friends never works," Iris states with a soft voice.

"But why? We were friends before getting together! So why couldn't it be like before?" you sigh, lost.

"It's different and you know it."

"It's not fair," you resume, tearing up. "If we broke up, it was only because of Uni, not because we cheated or we were toxic."

"Not yet," she contradicts, making you frown.

"What do you mean?"

"You said it yourself, you feel like crap every time. If you keep trying to stay friends when you still can't do it a year after, your relationship might get worse. You're hurting each other more by trying to stay friends than by severing all contacts. I'm not saying this situation is easy, but in any case, you're suffering, so might as well suffer once and for all rather than leaving the cut bleeding and letting it get worse every single time, don't you think?" Iris explains and your stomach is knots.

"I don't want to lose her," you admit, looking down.

"I know but if you keep it like this, there might be no turning back. You have to stop."

Iris takes you in her arms and you let her. You don't cry. You haven't had any more tears to cry for a long time now, although your heart is still bleeding. Iris is right, you have to keep your distance with Kate. You've always known that, you just didn't want to face the truth. You sigh, already exhausted by your next heartbreak.

You need a couple of days to muster up your courage. You've thought about what you're going to tell Kate, what you should and shouldn't do to stand on your ground. Despite all the mental preparation, you're afraid you might give in, nevertheless, it can't wait any longer.

You go to Kate's place, a pit in your gut. The moment she opens the door, she has a big smile on her face until you say the dreadful words:

"We should talk."

"Come in," she says, stepping aside. "Everything alright?"

"I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do the friends thing because I feel like there's always gonna be this part of me that wants more."

At your sentence, Kate's eyebrows knit together, afraid of where this conversation might go.

"What do you mean?"

"I think we should stop being friends."

"In other words, you don't want to talk to me anymore?" she asks, trying not to sound hurt.

"We just need to take our distance to move on."

"Alright, we still need some time to adjust ourselves but we can stay friends."

"Yeah, because we're so good at that," you sarcastically reply. "We flirt, we kiss, we have sex. We're stopping ourselves from getting better, Kate."

"Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me?"

"Because in some way, I am," you tell her, gazing at her. "I'm not saying this because I hate you or because I never want to talk to you again, you're my first love, you'll always be important to me, but look at me and tell me you're not hurt by this whole thing."

"We just slipped a couple of times, that's all," she tries to rationalize.

"It's already too many times. And I'm not blaming you, I'm also at fault. A part of me is always waiting for the moment we'll slip because I know that, at least, for a moment, when your skin is on my skin, nothing exists around us. It's just me and you and our love. Though, the fact is, this bubble we close ourselves in always explodes. We're not together anymore, Kate, and yet, it doesn't look like it. I don't want to make it weird but I feel like there's still something here and I'm really struggling to turn it off and I can only do it if we're apart. I need to move on, to get better. We're hurting each other. Every time we kiss, it feels good at first and then, the reality sets back in and I feel like shit because I remember we're not a couple even if we keep acting like we are. I can't even go on a date with someone. I got asked out and I said no because I felt like I was cheating on you. It's been a year, I shouldn't feel like this anymore. I hate this situation as much as you do, trust me, I've cried so many times 'cause it hurts too much, we need to stop before we end up resenting each other," you confess, looking her in her eyes as she stays silent. "Kate, say something, please."

"I felt the same when someone flirted with me a while ago. I always feel like I'm still with you. And I know it's not fair but when I asked you to stay friends, it was to keep a part of you," she admits, looking down.

"That's why I accepted so I can't be mad at you."

"You're right about everything and I hate it. God, I hate it!" Kate sighs, tearful eyes. "It shouldn't have ended this way between us or just at all. I swear I really tried to forget about you, to stay just a friend to you but every time I see a notification from you or you're close to me, all my efforts are thrown out the window. I'm sorry I've been hurting you since our break-up."

"I've been hurting you, too, so we're even," you reassure her with a sad smile.

"You're right, we should stop," she accepts, barely holding back a sob. "Although, I'd like to deny it, we need to take our distance and for real this time. No more communication. As long as we're moving on."

You nod, glad and devastated by this conversation. You gaze at her one last time and you're ready to turn around.

"I should go now."

"Y/N!" she holds you back and for a second, you're scared you might not resist her. "Just know it's the same for me. You're my first love, I'll never forget you."

"Goodbye Kate," you say, too afraid to say another sentence that might cross the line.

Kate doesn't add anything else, so she watches you go, throat closing up as she holds back her tears. Once you close the door, she lets them run, sobbing about not having you in her life anymore while you press your head against the door and cry for the same reason. Maybe this was the better things to do, it doesn't mean it's not painful. At least, this time is the last time you suffer this much.

For the first time in a week, your headache isn't from alcohol but from tears. You cried yourself to sleep. Needless to say you're not handling your break-up with Scott very well.

You were together for two years before he decided he wanted to live his life fully before settling down with someone. In other words, he dumped you as if you were a dead weigh. Anger was the first emotion you felt, now, it's sadness.

With difficulty, you take your phone and see it's only 10:00 A.M.. At least, Scott chose the right moment, you're on holiday so you can deal with your break-up however you want. Actually, you had originally asked for two weeks off, you two had planned to go on a holiday but that's just a small detail.

You open Instagram and scroll through your feed. You only do this to waste time, you don't care an influence is renovating her kitchen or that a friend from High School is engaged or even that your cousin just bought his first house. You just keep on scrolling. Again, and again, and again. You keep checking the latest news by watching the stories from your following. You go through every story, uninterested.

Though, the thirtieth catches your attention, it's your ex's — yes, you're still following him, you haven't had the strength to block him — and you see him living his best life in Mexico. You should have been there with him. He shared some pictures from touristic sites, yet the story that catches your attention is one he reposted from his friend who went on the trip instead of you. It's a video of Scott dancing very close to a pretty woman and although the video cuts before, you easily guess he kissed her. Who would have thought living before settling down actually meant meeting other women?

Technically, you shouldn't be mad. You've also shrugged off the pain in the arms of some men, but just because he decided to leave you, otherwise, you would have never called your ex hookups or met other people whereas Scott really wanted to sleep with other women without any guilt. At least, you can't say he isn't faithful…

Violently, you take the pillow next to you, put it on your head and scream. You hate him. But you still love him. You hate this situation.

With difficulty, you get out of bed and go to the furniture in your dining room where the alcoholic drinks are. You take the first bottle you find: vodka. Today, happy hour starts earlier for you as you open the bottle and drink directly from the neck.

Slumping on your couch, bottle in hand, you think you're pathetic. You never would have thought a man would put you in such state. You never were the kind of person who opened up enough to have lasting relationships. Scott was one of the rare times you did. He had all the qualities of someone stable and he was for two years. You even thought he was going to propose. He really took you for an idiot. You don't know if you'll ever be able to open up for someone new.

You'll end your life alone.

This thought breaks your heart as you take another sip.

Just to make the situation even more pitiful, you send Scott a text. A simple 'I miss you' which you had to rewrite several times, you couldn't see the letters and you'll regret it once the alcohol will be out of your body.

You spend your day feeling sorry for yourself, staring at the pictures of you and your ex while listening to break up songs and drinking.

A perfectly healthy coping mechanism.

The moment the sun starts going down in the sky, you get ready. You've had enough of drinking vodka a few hours ago, the effects are starting to wear off, at least the effect that gives you strength to ring anyone.

Once you're ready, you take your car and drive to the Hard Deck. Alcohol and driving don't go well together, you know it, nevertheless, it's the closest bar and it's twenty minutes away so it'll be even longer to go by foot.

Upon arriving at the bar, you sweep the room with your eyes, searching for someone to spend the night with. Maybe the guy at the end of the room who is currently playing dart. Sure, you don't see his face, but you have a good look on his butt and you like it. You walk to the counter and asks Penny for a beer.

"I thought you were in Mexico with Scott," she says, confused.

"We broke up. I mean, he dumped me. That's more like it. I was expecting a ring on my finger and he just brought me to tears," you inform with a smile to hide your pain and drinking.

"What a dickhead! Wait, don't tell me you drove here," Penny exclaims after taking a good look at you.

"How did you want me to come?"

"Did you drink a lot before coming here?"

"If you really want to know, I stopped drinking about two hours ago so don't worry, I can drive."

"You don't look like it."

You shrug, not knowing what to tell Penny. You take a big sip of your beer and keep looking around you. The guy playing dare just turned around and no, not your type. You have to find someone else.

"You know it's not good to drink your heartbreak away," Penny resumes with a empathetic look which annoys you.

"That's my problem. You should be happy, thanks to Scott, I'll give you a lot of money. Besides, I'm not drinking my heartbreak away, I'm just drinking to call someone."

"Has it worked until now?"

"You have no idea," you state, proud, yet Penny doesn't seem to impress. "Go on, I know you're dying to lecture me."

"You're a grown woman, I'm not going to teach you anything."

Someone calls her, she leaves you while you finish your beer in peace. You're about to take out your phone when someone sits next to you. You turn your head toward the person and you like what you see. This guy is definitely your type. You give him a charming smirk and he leans towards you.

"Hey, I'm Josh."

"Hi, care paying me a drink?"

Josh grins at you then turns to Penny to order two whiskies.

Just in ten minutes you understand Josh is only interested in himself. He hasn't asked you a single question and he has talked about his achievement at great length. You pretend to listen to him, nodding your head and dropping 'wow, impressive' every once in a while. He hasn't notice anything, too happy to have an ego boost.

Thirty minutes of conversation with him and you can't take it anymore. You're not going to sleep with him tonight, you're desperate but you want to have a good time and if he already can't notice you're simulating during a discussion, what would it be like in bed? You have to find someone better!

At one point, you take your phone out of your pocket and pretend to receive a call. You claim it's urgent and you'll be back as soon as you're finished before leaving with your third drink of the evening. You stumble as you stand up from the stool and struggle to walk to the exit, bringing your phone to your ear and beginning a fake conversation.

Outside, the fresh air hits you and it feels good. You lean next to the bar entrance and drink. You look up and sigh. You're officially drunk enough to phone anyone.

You take your cell and go to your contacts. You scroll through the names and call John, an one-night stand you met six years ago. You saw each other several times, you had a good feeling about him. You wait for him to answer but get the voicemail. You hang up and search for another number. This time, you try Larry, your cousin's friend who has always had a crush on you. The second he answers, you smile, however, as soon as you hear a feminine voice, you frown. Oops, you forgot he got married a year ago. You just say you've typed the wrong number and quickly hang up. You try to call Ben, a childhood friend and you're directly transferred to the voicemail. You're appalled to realized he just ignored you. He was always the one ringing you. It even created some tension between you and Scott. He thought you were cheating on him but you swore nothing happened and that Ben just didn't get the hint. Annoyed, you keep searching in your contacts then you find Rooster. Your fingers linger over the contact, not daring to call him.

You met Rooster before getting with Scott. You had hit off with Bradley pretty well, but you panicked and pushed him away. You've always regretted it. That's why you've never dared to delete his number. After a few seconds and emptying your drink, you contact him. He's probably not going to answer or he's probably on deployment so it's not a risky call. There are three tones before Bradley picks up.

"Bye, it's me, it's been so long! Hows you been? What's up?" you ask, mixing up your words.

"I'm alright and you? I wasn't expecting hearing from you, I'm a bit surprised," Bradley states with a small laugh.

"Oh, just trying different numbers, didn't think you'd pick up! So, am surprised, too. Are you in town? I mean, in California, not there, no matter where that is," you resume, accompanying your words with gestures as if he could see you.

"Yes, I'm here. Are you alright? You seem drunk," he asks with a worried tone.

"Oh, just a bit tipsy, nothing too much. I might have double vision but that is irrelevant right now," you assure him before changing the subject right away. "Anyway, I've nothing to do tonight and if you don't have nothing to do as well, should we hooks up?" you question, before thinking back about your sentence and rushing to correct it: "Huh, I hook up! We hook up!"

"What about your boyfriend?"

"Oh, he's too busy making out with some women in Mexico to celebrate our break-up."

"How many drinks have you had?" Bradley questions, definitely worried now.

"I didn't count them. So, you want to? I can come at your place, unless you wanna come at mine."

"You're not driving while drunk!" Bradley retorts, firmly.

"I managed to drive to the Hard Deck just fine, can do it again."

"No!" he quickly says. "Do not leave the bar! Wait for me inside, stay close to Penny and don't drink anything else, except water." Bradley orders and you nod before remembering he can't see you.

"Okay. Penny doesn't wanna give me any more drinks anyway," you add with a sad tone.

"Good. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Can't wait."

You beam like a teenager about to have her first date when you hang up. You listen to Bradley and go back inside. You put your empty glass on the counter and sit on the stool. Penny looks at you with worry and you try to not appear too drunk.

You press your head against your hand and impatiently wait for Bradley, a glass of water half empty in front of you. You check your phone and find you've missed some calls from the other men, you don't care, though. You're about to spend the night with Bradley, you don't care about anything else.

As soon as Rooster appears, you jump from your seat and wrap your arms around his neck, screaming his name. He holds you just before you lose your balance, greets you before telling you to wait while he talks to Penny. He informs her he's bringing you home, but he's leaving his car on the parking lot and he'll pick it up with Jake tomorrow. She nods, tells him to take care of you and not to hesitate to ring her if needed. Bradley smiles then goes back to you and guides you to the exit.

You stay close to him, a flirty smirk on your face, as for Bradley, he's just focused on bringing you to your car. He opens the passenger side door and sits you down. As he fastens your seatbelt, leaning towards you, you take this proximity for a sign and try to bring him closer to you and kiss him, Bradley makes sure there's a distance between you as he gives you a friendly smile. He closes the door and sits on the driver side as you hand him the car keys.

Upon arriving at your place, Bradley keeps supporting you until you walk through the door. He never thought he'd be there again. Almost nothing has changed, except a piece of furniture or two and some pictures on the wall of you and your boyfriend whose name he forgot. You put your arms around his neck again and bring him closer to you.

"Do you me still love?" you question before repeating the sentence in your head to understand what's wrong with it. "Wait. Still do you love me? You know what I mean. 'Cause I still do. I shouldn't have let you go," you admit with a grieved face.

You try to lean to kiss him, Bradley turns his head before your lips can touch his. He's startled by your words, yet he has to keep his attention on you. You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. He just have to put you to bed and makes sure you don't throw up all night then you two can go back to being strangers again.

"You're wasted. We're not going to do anything. It's best for you to go to sleep," he informs you and you pout.

"You knew how to have fun before."

"Come on, let's get you in your pajama," Rooster tells you pointing to your bathroom.

You stare at Bradley for a minute, trying to determine if he's serious or not. Once you see he's not changing his mind, you sigh in frustration and stumble to your bathroom then your bedroom while Bradley searches for a bucket, a glass of water and some medicine.

Once you're ready for bed, Bradley accompanies you to your bedroom to make sure you're settled down. He puts the glass of water with the pill on your nightstand, the bucket next to your bed and he's about to leave when you grab his hand to hold him back.

"Don't go, please. I shouldn't have let you go the first time so stay."

You're begging him with a weak voice and the look on your face is so miserable it breaks his heart. You look like a child who is scared to be abandoned by her parents. He comes back to you and sits on your bed while keeping your hand in his. Bradley softly smiles, how you've missed that smile! then he replies:

"I'm not leaving, I promise."

At his sentence, your body relaxes, reassured he's staying with you. You finally let yourself close your eyes. Bradley waits for a few minutes until he's sure you're sound asleep before walking to the easy chair in the corner of the room.

Once he's sitting down, he sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He didn't think his night would end up this way and he most certainly didn't think he'd discover you had feelings for him or rather that you have always had them. He was always certain you didn't. Then again, that's what you had affirmed.

When you were sleeping together, Bradley had come to see you and confessed his feelings to you and said he wanted more. He was full of hope, you seemed to be as interested as he was. However, you told him it wasn't the case and if he really had feelings for you, then you should stop seeing each other before he gets his hopes too high. Bradley didn't show anything , he just nodded as he left your place with his broken heart. Nevertheless, what hurt him most was the lack of responses from you when he tried reaching out with no ulterior motive.

Bradley grabs a blanket on the basket next to the chair, takes out his shoes and search for a comfortable position. Though, he doesn't fall asleep right away, he stares at the ceiling as he keeps thinking back about what you said. He doesn't understand anything anymore. He ignores if you meant it or not. Furthermore, you'll more likely forget about what you said the following morning or if you do remember it, you won't want to talk about it. Bradley sighs, shifts position and tries to fall asleep.

The following morning, you groan as you wake up with an awful headache. You try to fall asleep again but the pain is unbearable. You rub your eyes and yawn loudly. Looking at your nightstand, you see the glass and the medicine. You take it without thinking. However, once you're done drinking, you wonder when you brought this glass or even how you came home from the Hard Deck. You don't remember driving home.

You jump from your bed and immediately regret your action. You get out of your room and smell freshly baked cookies. You're more and more confused as you slowly walk to your kitchen where you find Bradley taking a batch of cookies out of the oven and putting another one.

"Oh, hi! You're finally awake. How is the hangover?" Bradley asks as your eyebrows knit together.

"Could be better, could be worse. What are you doing?"

"I thought you'd be hungry once you'd wake up and I remember you love cookies so I made some."

"Thank you, but I meant…," you start without finishing your sentence, too embarrassed.

"What am I doing here, at your place? You phoned me last night when you were drunk. Before you ask, nothing happened. I was worried so I picked you up.

"I really need to stop alcohol," you sigh as you sit on one of your kitchens chairs.

"Cookies?"

You nod your head as an answer. Bradley puts two cookies on a plate before putting it in front of you.

"Please, tell me I didn't make a fool of myself yesterday," you beg him after taking a first bite.

"No, it was okay."

"I know you're lying but for my own good, I'll accept your answer."

"So, why did you drink so much? It doesn't seem like you."

"Nothing important, I got dumped. I wasted two years of my life living with a guy who didn't see any future with me and I think I'll end my life alone. A pittance," you explain, nonchalantly.

"That guy is a dick, however, that doesn't mean no one is made for you," he affirms as he sits in front of you.

"Not so sure. I don't have the best relationship history."

"We should create a club," Rooster jokes and you wince.

"I apologize, Bradley. Not only for calling you yesterday but also for the way it ended between us. You didn't deserve to be ghosted."

"No need, water under the bridge."

"No, I insist. You were more than kind with me. You had zero reason to take care of me and you still did without thinking twice about it. After everything I did to you, I don't deserve your kindness, however you deserve an explanation," you start before taking a deep breath. "The day you told me you had feelings, I panicked. When we first met, we agreed on being casual and then it evolved. I thought it was only me so the day you said it was the case for you, too… I got scared. After all, everything was going well because it wasn't anything serious and you were here, but what if you met someone better when you'd be on deployment? What if you weren't as honest as I thought? What if it was too good to be true? What if you were my worst heartbreak? I know it doesn't make any sense but before you, I had only had one real relationship and I got cheated on. I knew that if I were with you, you could be either my best relationship or my worst break-up and I was too afraid to find out which one it would be. Pushing you away is my biggest regret," you confess, avoiding his gaze.

"Why didn't you ever reach out again, then?" he asks, looking you straight in the eyes.

"I was ashamed. You probably hated me so it was of no use."

"What about your ex? If I remember correctly, you met him shortly after me."

You can hear how hurt Bradley is because of this story. Although he doesn't seem mad at you, he's still in pain. You don't know what to do with yourself. You think for a few seconds about what you're going to say, making sure you find the right words.

"I knew I messed up what could be a beautiful relationship with you, I was scared to finish my life alone and I loved Scott, not as much as you, however, with him, I could stay in control of the relationship," you explain, trying not to tear up. "I mean, that's what I thought. I can't really be mad at him for dumping me, now that I think back about it, I wasn't entirely honest. It was doomed from the very beginning. The fact is, being alone, again, made me realize I missed the one and above all, I'm not made to be with someone, I can't seem to manage my relationships," you say with a weak tone as you quickly wipe a tear that fell. "I'm not saying all of this so you can pity me or to guilt trip you, I just want to explain what was happening in my head."

"I know, don't worry and I appreciate your explanation. It feels good to finally have the answers."

Bradley doesn't want to make you feel bad, you know it, nonetheless, you also know you made him suffer so much so you can't help but feel shameful.

"It's the least I could do after what you did for me yesterday."

Bradley stands up from his chair, takes the cookies out of the oven before looking at you.

"I should go and let you rest," Bradley suddenly announces. "Jake will pick me up soon. I had to leave my car at the Hard Deck to bring you home."

"Sorry," you exclaim, embarrassed. "If I can do anything for you, tell me, I owe you one."

Bradley gives you a pinched smile and walks to the exit and you follow him. Yet, before opening the door, he turns to you. You look at him, frowning.

"Did you mean it? What you said yesterday."

The second the question leaves his lips, he regrets it. He shouldn't have asked you. Not only because you probably don't remember your confession of the night before due to the alcohol you drank but especially, because no matter the truth, he's almost certain you'll be too ashamed to stand by it.

"Yesterday, you told me you still loved me," he specifies and you don't look surprised.

"I know, I remember. It's one of the few memories I have."

"So?" Bradley questions, as you stay silent he adds, "I just want to know, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"Yes, I meant it," you admit, gazing at him. "I told you, you're my biggest regret. I was never able to forget you. What about you? I remember you didn't answer my question. I just want to know."

"I came to take care of you when I didn't have to, so what do you think? I've never stopped loving you."

At his reply, you don't know if your heart breaks at the idea of having lost the rare gem or if it beats faster at the idea of maybe having the chance to fix your relationship with Bradley.

"Even despite everything I did?"

"You're hard to forget."

"And what about now? I let you slip through my fingers once, I'm not letting it happen again," you state, taking a step forward.

"I think you should recover from your hangover and your break-up first," Rooster starts with a small smile, "then we should have an open-hearted conversation to know what we should do. Though, you need to focus on yourself first. If we have to find each other again, I need to be sure this time you won't run away the second you get scared, that you're emotionally available. What do you think?"

Your heart warms as you realize he wants to do things correctly with you but above all, he's ready to give you a second chance. Never has a man ever tried to understand you this much before. After all, you never gave them the chance to do it. Bradley is the only who can see through your walls and he knows exactly what to do to reassure you. This time, you won't mess up your chance. You're going to listen to what Bradley told you.

"I think you're too nice for your own good, Bradley. I promise you I won't make the same mistake."

You gaze at each other, smiling. It's not the beginning of anything between you and Bradley yet, but at least, you lay down the foundation for a future one.

The sound of horn takes you out of your bubble. Jake is here and he must be impatient. You would love to hug Bradley to thank him for everything, nevertheless, he's right. You have to work on yourself first and then you'll find your way back. Besides, it'll make the reunion even sweeter. Bradley gives you one last smile then leaves your place.

Yelena spoke first, quiet, among the sounds of sirens as people were carted to hospitals by authorities. "Would you like to come back to my place?" She offers, her hair falling in her eyes as she speaks. "I don't think either of us should be alone right now."

Your heart clenches at the thought of it, at the relief that you don't have to be by yourself tonight. "Yeah, I would. Thank you."

Yelena's hand brushes against yours as you continue down the street, dodging piles of rubble on the path in front of you. The city is a mess, once again. And somehow, you saved it. But not without consequences. Your legs hurt, and your head throbs violently, only enhanced by the noises around you. And when you get back to Yelena's place, a sort of peace falls over you. It's quieter here, and it's the silence your body has been begging for since you found out about Valentina's plans.

You shut the door behind you, and Yelena instructs you to lock it as she stumbles into the apartment, limping in a similar manner to you.

She wanders to the bathroom, leaving the door open for you to follow her if you wish, as she searches under the sink. She pulls out a first aid kit, one that looks simple enough, until she opens it. You can see inside, piles of high grade medical equipment, as well as the standard necessities of a household kit.

"You want me to clean that?" Yelena gestures to your forehead, and you touch the skin there, realizing now that there is quite a large gash above your eyebrow. It's wet, and when you pull your fingers back you notice the blood painting them.

"Oh, um, yeah." you mumble, feeling slightly dizzy now that you know about the injury.

Yelena nods toward the edge of the bathtub, "sit."

You do as you're told and hobble over, perching yourself on the side of the tub. Yelena wastes no time, stepping between your legs and pressing a flannel to the cut on your forehead with doctor-like efficiency.

"Are you okay?" she asks, after the silence has settled to an uncomfortable level. You try to nod, but she's got one hand firmly holding your chin, and the other disinfecting the cut on your forehead. You wince at the sting of the alcohol wipe, and try to pull away, but her hold on your face keeps you in place. "Sorry, I'm not trying to hurt you."

"I know." your voice comes out as a croak, and you guess your vocal chords are checking out just like the rest of your body. You decide upon smiling at her instead, a soft upturn of your lips.

Yelena processes it for a moment, before she smiles back. Her thumb runs tenderly over the underside of your jaw, and the sweet affection is enough to numb the pain.

Soon enough she has the cut bandaged and stitched up, stepping back to check her work.

"Your turn." you say before she can leave the room, standing and waiting for her to take your place on the edge of the bathtub.

"I'm okay." she mumbles, but you can see the cuts and scrapes all over her face.

"Sit down, Yelena."

She stares you down for a minute, searching your eyes for the sincerity and genuine care that deep down she knows you hold for her. It's written all over your face, she doesn't have to claw her way to it, so she sits down, and let's you take a look at her.

Despite having been in the middle of one of the biggest fights of her life, her injuries aren't all that bad. She's got a few bruises, and some cuts and scrapes along her face, but it's not terrible, which you're grateful for.

You wipe the dirt away from her face with a wet cloth, careful over the cuts on her cheeks, and you find that she almost leans into the touch.

"Are you okay?" You ask her the same question she offered to you a few minutes before, almost whispering in the close proximity. You don't want to overstep, but after everything you'd been through today, was that really possible?

Yelena's eyes meet the floor for one second, then two. When she looks back up at you there's a hint of a smile on her lips. Not one of joy, but of calm and content. "Yeah," her eyes scan over you softly, "I wasn't, but now I think, maybe I am."

A gentle chuckle bubbles from her chest, and she lifts one hand up and places it over the one you have placed on her cheek. The feeling of her hand over yours is intimate, and soothing. You close your eyes, just for a moment, and take a deep breath.

It's been a long day, and in the darkness behind your eyelids you can hear Yelena breathe in too. Slow and heavy. But you both exhale at the same time, two bodies in one space. Not—in any way—alone.

-

GENERAL TAGLIST: @heliads @candywh0r3 @caplanreadss @hiya-itsamber @s00buwu

MARVEL GENERAL: @mellowladyangel @5kyyy @avyannadawn

For the first time in a week, your headache isn't from alcohol but from tears. You cried yourself to sleep. Needless to say you're not handling your break-up with Scott very well.

You were together for two years before he decided he wanted to live his life fully before settling down with someone. In other words, he dumped you as if you were a dead weigh. Anger was the first emotion you felt, now, it's sadness.

With difficulty, you take your phone and see it's only 10:00 A.M.. At least, Scott chose the right moment, you're on holiday so you can deal with your break-up however you want. Actually, you had originally asked for two weeks off, you two had planned to go on a holiday but that's just a small detail.

You open Instagram and scroll through your feed. You only do this to waste time, you don't care an influence is renovating her kitchen or that a friend from High School is engaged or even that your cousin just bought his first house. You just keep on scrolling. Again, and again, and again. You keep checking the latest news by watching the stories from your following. You go through every story, uninterested.

Though, the thirtieth catches your attention, it's your ex's — yes, you're still following him, you haven't had the strength to block him — and you see him living his best life in Mexico. You should have been there with him. He shared some pictures from touristic sites, yet the story that catches your attention is one he reposted from his friend who went on the trip instead of you. It's a video of Scott dancing very close to a pretty woman and although the video cuts before, you easily guess he kissed her. Who would have thought living before settling down actually meant meeting other women?

Technically, you shouldn't be mad. You've also shrugged off the pain in the arms of some men, but just because he decided to leave you, otherwise, you would have never called your ex hookups or met other people whereas Scott really wanted to sleep with other women without any guilt. At least, you can't say he isn't faithful…

Violently, you take the pillow next to you, put it on your head and scream. You hate him. But you still love him. You hate this situation.

With difficulty, you get out of bed and go to the furniture in your dining room where the alcoholic drinks are. You take the first bottle you find: vodka. Today, happy hour starts earlier for you as you open the bottle and drink directly from the neck.

Slumping on your couch, bottle in hand, you think you're pathetic. You never would have thought a man would put you in such state. You never were the kind of person who opened up enough to have lasting relationships. Scott was one of the rare times you did. He had all the qualities of someone stable and he was for two years. You even thought he was going to propose. He really took you for an idiot. You don't know if you'll ever be able to open up for someone new.

You'll end your life alone.

This thought breaks your heart as you take another sip.

Just to make the situation even more pitiful, you send Scott a text. A simple 'I miss you' which you had to rewrite several times, you couldn't see the letters and you'll regret it once the alcohol will be out of your body.

You spend your day feeling sorry for yourself, staring at the pictures of you and your ex while listening to break up songs and drinking.

A perfectly healthy coping mechanism.

The moment the sun starts going down in the sky, you get ready. You've had enough of drinking vodka a few hours ago, the effects are starting to wear off, at least the effect that gives you strength to ring anyone.

Once you're ready, you take your car and drive to the Hard Deck. Alcohol and driving don't go well together, you know it, nevertheless, it's the closest bar and it's twenty minutes away so it'll be even longer to go by foot.

Upon arriving at the bar, you sweep the room with your eyes, searching for someone to spend the night with. Maybe the guy at the end of the room who is currently playing dart. Sure, you don't see his face, but you have a good look on his butt and you like it. You walk to the counter and asks Penny for a beer.

"I thought you were in Mexico with Scott," she says, confused.

"We broke up. I mean, he dumped me. That's more like it. I was expecting a ring on my finger and he just brought me to tears," you inform with a smile to hide your pain and drinking.

"What a dickhead! Wait, don't tell me you drove here," Penny exclaims after taking a good look at you.

"How did you want me to come?"

"Did you drink a lot before coming here?"

"If you really want to know, I stopped drinking about two hours ago so don't worry, I can drive."

"You don't look like it."

You shrug, not knowing what to tell Penny. You take a big sip of your beer and keep looking around you. The guy playing dare just turned around and no, not your type. You have to find someone else.

"You know it's not good to drink your heartbreak away," Penny resumes with a empathetic look which annoys you.

"That's my problem. You should be happy, thanks to Scott, I'll give you a lot of money. Besides, I'm not drinking my heartbreak away, I'm just drinking to call someone."

"Has it worked until now?"

"You have no idea," you state, proud, yet Penny doesn't seem to impress. "Go on, I know you're dying to lecture me."

"You're a grown woman, I'm not going to teach you anything."

Someone calls her, she leaves you while you finish your beer in peace. You're about to take out your phone when someone sits next to you. You turn your head toward the person and you like what you see. This guy is definitely your type. You give him a charming smirk and he leans towards you.

"Hey, I'm Josh."

"Hi, care paying me a drink?"

Josh grins at you then turns to Penny to order two whiskies.

Just in ten minutes you understand Josh is only interested in himself. He hasn't asked you a single question and he has talked about his achievement at great length. You pretend to listen to him, nodding your head and dropping 'wow, impressive' every once in a while. He hasn't notice anything, too happy to have an ego boost.

Thirty minutes of conversation with him and you can't take it anymore. You're not going to sleep with him tonight, you're desperate but you want to have a good time and if he already can't notice you're simulating during a discussion, what would it be like in bed? You have to find someone better!

At one point, you take your phone out of your pocket and pretend to receive a call. You claim it's urgent and you'll be back as soon as you're finished before leaving with your third drink of the evening. You stumble as you stand up from the stool and struggle to walk to the exit, bringing your phone to your ear and beginning a fake conversation.

Outside, the fresh air hits you and it feels good. You lean next to the bar entrance and drink. You look up and sigh. You're officially drunk enough to phone anyone.

You take your cell and go to your contacts. You scroll through the names and call John, an one-night stand you met six years ago. You saw each other several times, you had a good feeling about him. You wait for him to answer but get the voicemail. You hang up and search for another number. This time, you try Larry, your cousin's friend who has always had a crush on you. The second he answers, you smile, however, as soon as you hear a feminine voice, you frown. Oops, you forgot he got married a year ago. You just say you've typed the wrong number and quickly hang up. You try to call Ben, a childhood friend and you're directly transferred to the voicemail. You're appalled to realized he just ignored you. He was always the one ringing you. It even created some tension between you and Scott. He thought you were cheating on him but you swore nothing happened and that Ben just didn't get the hint. Annoyed, you keep searching in your contacts then you find Rooster. Your fingers linger over the contact, not daring to call him.

You met Rooster before getting with Scott. You had hit off with Bradley pretty well, but you panicked and pushed him away. You've always regretted it. That's why you've never dared to delete his number. After a few seconds and emptying your drink, you contact him. He's probably not going to answer or he's probably on deployment so it's not a risky call. There are three tones before Bradley picks up.

"Bye, it's me, it's been so long! Hows you been? What's up?" you ask, mixing up your words.

"I'm alright and you? I wasn't expecting hearing from you, I'm a bit surprised," Bradley states with a small laugh.

"Oh, just trying different numbers, didn't think you'd pick up! So, am surprised, too. Are you in town? I mean, in California, not there, no matter where that is," you resume, accompanying your words with gestures as if he could see you.

"Yes, I'm here. Are you alright? You seem drunk," he asks with a worried tone.

"Oh, just a bit tipsy, nothing too much. I might have double vision but that is irrelevant right now," you assure him before changing the subject right away. "Anyway, I've nothing to do tonight and if you don't have nothing to do as well, should we hooks up?" you question, before thinking back about your sentence and rushing to correct it: "Huh, I hook up! We hook up!"

"What about your boyfriend?"

"Oh, he's too busy making out with some women in Mexico to celebrate our break-up."

"How many drinks have you had?" Bradley questions, definitely worried now.

"I didn't count them. So, you want to? I can come at your place, unless you wanna come at mine."

"You're not driving while drunk!" Bradley retorts, firmly.

"I managed to drive to the Hard Deck just fine, can do it again."

"No!" he quickly says. "Do not leave the bar! Wait for me inside, stay close to Penny and don't drink anything else, except water." Bradley orders and you nod before remembering he can't see you.

"Okay. Penny doesn't wanna give me any more drinks anyway," you add with a sad tone.

"Good. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Can't wait."

You beam like a teenager about to have her first date when you hang up. You listen to Bradley and go back inside. You put your empty glass on the counter and sit on the stool. Penny looks at you with worry and you try to not appear too drunk.

You press your head against your hand and impatiently wait for Bradley, a glass of water half empty in front of you. You check your phone and find you've missed some calls from the other men, you don't care, though. You're about to spend the night with Bradley, you don't care about anything else.

As soon as Rooster appears, you jump from your seat and wrap your arms around his neck, screaming his name. He holds you just before you lose your balance, greets you before telling you to wait while he talks to Penny. He informs her he's bringing you home, but he's leaving his car on the parking lot and he'll pick it up with Jake tomorrow. She nods, tells him to take care of you and not to hesitate to ring her if needed. Bradley smiles then goes back to you and guides you to the exit.

You stay close to him, a flirty smirk on your face, as for Bradley, he's just focused on bringing you to your car. He opens the passenger side door and sits you down. As he fastens your seatbelt, leaning towards you, you take this proximity for a sign and try to bring him closer to you and kiss him, Bradley makes sure there's a distance between you as he gives you a friendly smile. He closes the door and sits on the driver side as you hand him the car keys.

Upon arriving at your place, Bradley keeps supporting you until you walk through the door. He never thought he'd be there again. Almost nothing has changed, except a piece of furniture or two and some pictures on the wall of you and your boyfriend whose name he forgot. You put your arms around his neck again and bring him closer to you.

"Do you me still love?" you question before repeating the sentence in your head to understand what's wrong with it. "Wait. Still do you love me? You know what I mean. 'Cause I still do. I shouldn't have let you go," you admit with a grieved face.

You try to lean to kiss him, Bradley turns his head before your lips can touch his. He's startled by your words, yet he has to keep his attention on you. You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. He just have to put you to bed and makes sure you don't throw up all night then you two can go back to being strangers again.

"You're wasted. We're not going to do anything. It's best for you to go to sleep," he informs you and you pout.

"You knew how to have fun before."

"Come on, let's get you in your pajama," Rooster tells you pointing to your bathroom.

You stare at Bradley for a minute, trying to determine if he's serious or not. Once you see he's not changing his mind, you sigh in frustration and stumble to your bathroom then your bedroom while Bradley searches for a bucket, a glass of water and some medicine.

Once you're ready for bed, Bradley accompanies you to your bedroom to make sure you're settled down. He puts the glass of water with the pill on your nightstand, the bucket next to your bed and he's about to leave when you grab his hand to hold him back.

"Don't go, please. I shouldn't have let you go the first time so stay."

You're begging him with a weak voice and the look on your face is so miserable it breaks his heart. You look like a child who is scared to be abandoned by her parents. He comes back to you and sits on your bed while keeping your hand in his. Bradley softly smiles, how you've missed that smile! then he replies:

"I'm not leaving, I promise."

At his sentence, your body relaxes, reassured he's staying with you. You finally let yourself close your eyes. Bradley waits for a few minutes until he's sure you're sound asleep before walking to the easy chair in the corner of the room.

Once he's sitting down, he sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He didn't think his night would end up this way and he most certainly didn't think he'd discover you had feelings for him or rather that you have always had them. He was always certain you didn't. Then again, that's what you had affirmed.

When you were sleeping together, Bradley had come to see you and confessed his feelings to you and said he wanted more. He was full of hope, you seemed to be as interested as he was. However, you told him it wasn't the case and if he really had feelings for you, then you should stop seeing each other before he gets his hopes too high. Bradley didn't show anything , he just nodded as he left your place with his broken heart. Nevertheless, what hurt him most was the lack of responses from you when he tried reaching out with no ulterior motive.

Bradley grabs a blanket on the basket next to the chair, takes out his shoes and search for a comfortable position. Though, he doesn't fall asleep right away, he stares at the ceiling as he keeps thinking back about what you said. He doesn't understand anything anymore. He ignores if you meant it or not. Furthermore, you'll more likely forget about what you said the following morning or if you do remember it, you won't want to talk about it. Bradley sighs, shifts position and tries to fall asleep.

The following morning, you groan as you wake up with an awful headache. You try to fall asleep again but the pain is unbearable. You rub your eyes and yawn loudly. Looking at your nightstand, you see the glass and the medicine. You take it without thinking. However, once you're done drinking, you wonder when you brought this glass or even how you came home from the Hard Deck. You don't remember driving home.

You jump from your bed and immediately regret your action. You get out of your room and smell freshly baked cookies. You're more and more confused as you slowly walk to your kitchen where you find Bradley taking a batch of cookies out of the oven and putting another one.

"Oh, hi! You're finally awake. How is the hangover?" Bradley asks as your eyebrows knit together.

"Could be better, could be worse. What are you doing?"

"I thought you'd be hungry once you'd wake up and I remember you love cookies so I made some."

"Thank you, but I meant…," you start without finishing your sentence, too embarrassed.

"What am I doing here, at your place? You phoned me last night when you were drunk. Before you ask, nothing happened. I was worried so I picked you up.

"I really need to stop alcohol," you sigh as you sit on one of your kitchens chairs.

"Cookies?"

You nod your head as an answer. Bradley puts two cookies on a plate before putting it in front of you.

"Please, tell me I didn't make a fool of myself yesterday," you beg him after taking a first bite.

"No, it was okay."

"I know you're lying but for my own good, I'll accept your answer."

"So, why did you drink so much? It doesn't seem like you."

"Nothing important, I got dumped. I wasted two years of my life living with a guy who didn't see any future with me and I think I'll end my life alone. A pittance," you explain, nonchalantly.

"That guy is a dick, however, that doesn't mean no one is made for you," he affirms as he sits in front of you.

"Not so sure. I don't have the best relationship history."

"We should create a club," Rooster jokes and you wince.

"I apologize, Bradley. Not only for calling you yesterday but also for the way it ended between us. You didn't deserve to be ghosted."

"No need, water under the bridge."

"No, I insist. You were more than kind with me. You had zero reason to take care of me and you still did without thinking twice about it. After everything I did to you, I don't deserve your kindness, however you deserve an explanation," you start before taking a deep breath. "The day you told me you had feelings, I panicked. When we first met, we agreed on being casual and then it evolved. I thought it was only me so the day you said it was the case for you, too… I got scared. After all, everything was going well because it wasn't anything serious and you were here, but what if you met someone better when you'd be on deployment? What if you weren't as honest as I thought? What if it was too good to be true? What if you were my worst heartbreak? I know it doesn't make any sense but before you, I had only had one real relationship and I got cheated on. I knew that if I were with you, you could be either my best relationship or my worst break-up and I was too afraid to find out which one it would be. Pushing you away is my biggest regret," you confess, avoiding his gaze.

"Why didn't you ever reach out again, then?" he asks, looking you straight in the eyes.

"I was ashamed. You probably hated me so it was of no use."

"What about your ex? If I remember correctly, you met him shortly after me."

You can hear how hurt Bradley is because of this story. Although he doesn't seem mad at you, he's still in pain. You don't know what to do with yourself. You think for a few seconds about what you're going to say, making sure you find the right words.

"I knew I messed up what could be a beautiful relationship with you, I was scared to finish my life alone and I loved Scott, not as much as you, however, with him, I could stay in control of the relationship," you explain, trying not to tear up. "I mean, that's what I thought. I can't really be mad at him for dumping me, now that I think back about it, I wasn't entirely honest. It was doomed from the very beginning. The fact is, being alone, again, made me realize I missed the one and above all, I'm not made to be with someone, I can't seem to manage my relationships," you say with a weak tone as you quickly wipe a tear that fell. "I'm not saying all of this so you can pity me or to guilt trip you, I just want to explain what was happening in my head."

"I know, don't worry and I appreciate your explanation. It feels good to finally have the answers."

Bradley doesn't want to make you feel bad, you know it, nonetheless, you also know you made him suffer so much so you can't help but feel shameful.

"It's the least I could do after what you did for me yesterday."

Bradley stands up from his chair, takes the cookies out of the oven before looking at you.

"I should go and let you rest," Bradley suddenly announces. "Jake will pick me up soon. I had to leave my car at the Hard Deck to bring you home."

"Sorry," you exclaim, embarrassed. "If I can do anything for you, tell me, I owe you one."

Bradley gives you a pinched smile and walks to the exit and you follow him. Yet, before opening the door, he turns to you. You look at him, frowning.

"Did you mean it? What you said yesterday."

The second the question leaves his lips, he regrets it. He shouldn't have asked you. Not only because you probably don't remember your confession of the night before due to the alcohol you drank but especially, because no matter the truth, he's almost certain you'll be too ashamed to stand by it.

"Yesterday, you told me you still loved me," he specifies and you don't look surprised.

"I know, I remember. It's one of the few memories I have."

"So?" Bradley questions, as you stay silent he adds, "I just want to know, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"Yes, I meant it," you admit, gazing at him. "I told you, you're my biggest regret. I was never able to forget you. What about you? I remember you didn't answer my question. I just want to know."

"I came to take care of you when I didn't have to, so what do you think? I've never stopped loving you."

At his reply, you don't know if your heart breaks at the idea of having lost the rare gem or if it beats faster at the idea of maybe having the chance to fix your relationship with Bradley.

"Even despite everything I did?"

"You're hard to forget."

"And what about now? I let you slip through my fingers once, I'm not letting it happen again," you state, taking a step forward.

"I think you should recover from your hangover and your break-up first," Rooster starts with a small smile, "then we should have an open-hearted conversation to know what we should do. Though, you need to focus on yourself first. If we have to find each other again, I need to be sure this time you won't run away the second you get scared, that you're emotionally available. What do you think?"

Your heart warms as you realize he wants to do things correctly with you but above all, he's ready to give you a second chance. Never has a man ever tried to understand you this much before. After all, you never gave them the chance to do it. Bradley is the only who can see through your walls and he knows exactly what to do to reassure you. This time, you won't mess up your chance. You're going to listen to what Bradley told you.

"I think you're too nice for your own good, Bradley. I promise you I won't make the same mistake."

You gaze at each other, smiling. It's not the beginning of anything between you and Bradley yet, but at least, you lay down the foundation for a future one.

The sound of horn takes you out of your bubble. Jake is here and he must be impatient. You would love to hug Bradley to thank him for everything, nevertheless, he's right. You have to work on yourself first and then you'll find your way back. Besides, it'll make the reunion even sweeter. Bradley gives you one last smile then leaves your place.

For the first time in a week, your headache isn't from alcohol but from tears. You cried yourself to sleep. Needless to say you're not handling your break-up with Scott very well.

You were together for two years before he decided he wanted to live his life fully before settling down with someone. In other words, he dumped you as if you were a dead weigh. Anger was the first emotion you felt, now, it's sadness.

With difficulty, you take your phone and see it's only 10:00 A.M.. At least, Scott chose the right moment, you're on holiday so you can deal with your break-up however you want. Actually, you had originally asked for two weeks off, you two had planned to go on a holiday but that's just a small detail.

You open Instagram and scroll through your feed. You only do this to waste time, you don't care an influence is renovating her kitchen or that a friend from High School is engaged or even that your cousin just bought his first house. You just keep on scrolling. Again, and again, and again. You keep checking the latest news by watching the stories from your following. You go through every story, uninterested.

Though, the thirtieth catches your attention, it's your ex's — yes, you're still following him, you haven't had the strength to block him — and you see him living his best life in Mexico. You should have been there with him. He shared some pictures from touristic sites, yet the story that catches your attention is one he reposted from his friend who went on the trip instead of you. It's a video of Scott dancing very close to a pretty woman and although the video cuts before, you easily guess he kissed her. Who would have thought living before settling down actually meant meeting other women?

Technically, you shouldn't be mad. You've also shrugged off the pain in the arms of some men, but just because he decided to leave you, otherwise, you would have never called your ex hookups or met other people whereas Scott really wanted to sleep with other women without any guilt. At least, you can't say he isn't faithful…

Violently, you take the pillow next to you, put it on your head and scream. You hate him. But you still love him. You hate this situation.

With difficulty, you get out of bed and go to the furniture in your dining room where the alcoholic drinks are. You take the first bottle you find: vodka. Today, happy hour starts earlier for you as you open the bottle and drink directly from the neck.

Slumping on your couch, bottle in hand, you think you're pathetic. You never would have thought a man would put you in such state. You never were the kind of person who opened up enough to have lasting relationships. Scott was one of the rare times you did. He had all the qualities of someone stable and he was for two years. You even thought he was going to propose. He really took you for an idiot. You don't know if you'll ever be able to open up for someone new.

You'll end your life alone.

This thought breaks your heart as you take another sip.

Just to make the situation even more pitiful, you send Scott a text. A simple 'I miss you' which you had to rewrite several times, you couldn't see the letters and you'll regret it once the alcohol will be out of your body.

You spend your day feeling sorry for yourself, staring at the pictures of you and your ex while listening to break up songs and drinking.

A perfectly healthy coping mechanism.

The moment the sun starts going down in the sky, you get ready. You've had enough of drinking vodka a few hours ago, the effects are starting to wear off, at least the effect that gives you strength to ring anyone.

Once you're ready, you take your car and drive to the Hard Deck. Alcohol and driving don't go well together, you know it, nevertheless, it's the closest bar and it's twenty minutes away so it'll be even longer to go by foot.

Upon arriving at the bar, you sweep the room with your eyes, searching for someone to spend the night with. Maybe the guy at the end of the room who is currently playing dart. Sure, you don't see his face, but you have a good look on his butt and you like it. You walk to the counter and asks Penny for a beer.

"I thought you were in Mexico with Scott," she says, confused.

"We broke up. I mean, he dumped me. That's more like it. I was expecting a ring on my finger and he just brought me to tears," you inform with a smile to hide your pain and drinking.

"What a dickhead! Wait, don't tell me you drove here," Penny exclaims after taking a good look at you.

"How did you want me to come?"

"Did you drink a lot before coming here?"

"If you really want to know, I stopped drinking about two hours ago so don't worry, I can drive."

"You don't look like it."

You shrug, not knowing what to tell Penny. You take a big sip of your beer and keep looking around you. The guy playing dare just turned around and no, not your type. You have to find someone else.

"You know it's not good to drink your heartbreak away," Penny resumes with a empathetic look which annoys you.

"That's my problem. You should be happy, thanks to Scott, I'll give you a lot of money. Besides, I'm not drinking my heartbreak away, I'm just drinking to call someone."

"Has it worked until now?"

"You have no idea," you state, proud, yet Penny doesn't seem to impress. "Go on, I know you're dying to lecture me."

"You're a grown woman, I'm not going to teach you anything."

Someone calls her, she leaves you while you finish your beer in peace. You're about to take out your phone when someone sits next to you. You turn your head toward the person and you like what you see. This guy is definitely your type. You give him a charming smirk and he leans towards you.

"Hey, I'm Josh."

"Hi, care paying me a drink?"

Josh grins at you then turns to Penny to order two whiskies.

Just in ten minutes you understand Josh is only interested in himself. He hasn't asked you a single question and he has talked about his achievement at great length. You pretend to listen to him, nodding your head and dropping 'wow, impressive' every once in a while. He hasn't notice anything, too happy to have an ego boost.

Thirty minutes of conversation with him and you can't take it anymore. You're not going to sleep with him tonight, you're desperate but you want to have a good time and if he already can't notice you're simulating during a discussion, what would it be like in bed? You have to find someone better!

At one point, you take your phone out of your pocket and pretend to receive a call. You claim it's urgent and you'll be back as soon as you're finished before leaving with your third drink of the evening. You stumble as you stand up from the stool and struggle to walk to the exit, bringing your phone to your ear and beginning a fake conversation.

Outside, the fresh air hits you and it feels good. You lean next to the bar entrance and drink. You look up and sigh. You're officially drunk enough to phone anyone.

You take your cell and go to your contacts. You scroll through the names and call John, an one-night stand you met six years ago. You saw each other several times, you had a good feeling about him. You wait for him to answer but get the voicemail. You hang up and search for another number. This time, you try Larry, your cousin's friend who has always had a crush on you. The second he answers, you smile, however, as soon as you hear a feminine voice, you frown. Oops, you forgot he got married a year ago. You just say you've typed the wrong number and quickly hang up. You try to call Ben, a childhood friend and you're directly transferred to the voicemail. You're appalled to realized he just ignored you. He was always the one ringing you. It even created some tension between you and Scott. He thought you were cheating on him but you swore nothing happened and that Ben just didn't get the hint. Annoyed, you keep searching in your contacts then you find Rooster. Your fingers linger over the contact, not daring to call him.

You met Rooster before getting with Scott. You had hit off with Bradley pretty well, but you panicked and pushed him away. You've always regretted it. That's why you've never dared to delete his number. After a few seconds and emptying your drink, you contact him. He's probably not going to answer or he's probably on deployment so it's not a risky call. There are three tones before Bradley picks up.

"Bye, it's me, it's been so long! Hows you been? What's up?" you ask, mixing up your words.

"I'm alright and you? I wasn't expecting hearing from you, I'm a bit surprised," Bradley states with a small laugh.

"Oh, just trying different numbers, didn't think you'd pick up! So, am surprised, too. Are you in town? I mean, in California, not there, no matter where that is," you resume, accompanying your words with gestures as if he could see you.

"Yes, I'm here. Are you alright? You seem drunk," he asks with a worried tone.

"Oh, just a bit tipsy, nothing too much. I might have double vision but that is irrelevant right now," you assure him before changing the subject right away. "Anyway, I've nothing to do tonight and if you don't have nothing to do as well, should we hooks up?" you question, before thinking back about your sentence and rushing to correct it: "Huh, I hook up! We hook up!"

"What about your boyfriend?"

"Oh, he's too busy making out with some women in Mexico to celebrate our break-up."

"How many drinks have you had?" Bradley questions, definitely worried now.

"I didn't count them. So, you want to? I can come at your place, unless you wanna come at mine."

"You're not driving while drunk!" Bradley retorts, firmly.

"I managed to drive to the Hard Deck just fine, can do it again."

"No!" he quickly says. "Do not leave the bar! Wait for me inside, stay close to Penny and don't drink anything else, except water." Bradley orders and you nod before remembering he can't see you.

"Okay. Penny doesn't wanna give me any more drinks anyway," you add with a sad tone.

"Good. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Can't wait."

You beam like a teenager about to have her first date when you hang up. You listen to Bradley and go back inside. You put your empty glass on the counter and sit on the stool. Penny looks at you with worry and you try to not appear too drunk.

You press your head against your hand and impatiently wait for Bradley, a glass of water half empty in front of you. You check your phone and find you've missed some calls from the other men, you don't care, though. You're about to spend the night with Bradley, you don't care about anything else.

As soon as Rooster appears, you jump from your seat and wrap your arms around his neck, screaming his name. He holds you just before you lose your balance, greets you before telling you to wait while he talks to Penny. He informs her he's bringing you home, but he's leaving his car on the parking lot and he'll pick it up with Jake tomorrow. She nods, tells him to take care of you and not to hesitate to ring her if needed. Bradley smiles then goes back to you and guides you to the exit.

You stay close to him, a flirty smirk on your face, as for Bradley, he's just focused on bringing you to your car. He opens the passenger side door and sits you down. As he fastens your seatbelt, leaning towards you, you take this proximity for a sign and try to bring him closer to you and kiss him, Bradley makes sure there's a distance between you as he gives you a friendly smile. He closes the door and sits on the driver side as you hand him the car keys.

Upon arriving at your place, Bradley keeps supporting you until you walk through the door. He never thought he'd be there again. Almost nothing has changed, except a piece of furniture or two and some pictures on the wall of you and your boyfriend whose name he forgot. You put your arms around his neck again and bring him closer to you.

"Do you me still love?" you question before repeating the sentence in your head to understand what's wrong with it. "Wait. Still do you love me? You know what I mean. 'Cause I still do. I shouldn't have let you go," you admit with a grieved face.

You try to lean to kiss him, Bradley turns his head before your lips can touch his. He's startled by your words, yet he has to keep his attention on you. You're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. He just have to put you to bed and makes sure you don't throw up all night then you two can go back to being strangers again.

"You're wasted. We're not going to do anything. It's best for you to go to sleep," he informs you and you pout.

"You knew how to have fun before."

"Come on, let's get you in your pajama," Rooster tells you pointing to your bathroom.

You stare at Bradley for a minute, trying to determine if he's serious or not. Once you see he's not changing his mind, you sigh in frustration and stumble to your bathroom then your bedroom while Bradley searches for a bucket, a glass of water and some medicine.

Once you're ready for bed, Bradley accompanies you to your bedroom to make sure you're settled down. He puts the glass of water with the pill on your nightstand, the bucket next to your bed and he's about to leave when you grab his hand to hold him back.

"Don't go, please. I shouldn't have let you go the first time so stay."

You're begging him with a weak voice and the look on your face is so miserable it breaks his heart. You look like a child who is scared to be abandoned by her parents. He comes back to you and sits on your bed while keeping your hand in his. Bradley softly smiles, how you've missed that smile! then he replies:

"I'm not leaving, I promise."

At his sentence, your body relaxes, reassured he's staying with you. You finally let yourself close your eyes. Bradley waits for a few minutes until he's sure you're sound asleep before walking to the easy chair in the corner of the room.

Once he's sitting down, he sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He didn't think his night would end up this way and he most certainly didn't think he'd discover you had feelings for him or rather that you have always had them. He was always certain you didn't. Then again, that's what you had affirmed.

When you were sleeping together, Bradley had come to see you and confessed his feelings to you and said he wanted more. He was full of hope, you seemed to be as interested as he was. However, you told him it wasn't the case and if he really had feelings for you, then you should stop seeing each other before he gets his hopes too high. Bradley didn't show anything , he just nodded as he left your place with his broken heart. Nevertheless, what hurt him most was the lack of responses from you when he tried reaching out with no ulterior motive.

Bradley grabs a blanket on the basket next to the chair, takes out his shoes and search for a comfortable position. Though, he doesn't fall asleep right away, he stares at the ceiling as he keeps thinking back about what you said. He doesn't understand anything anymore. He ignores if you meant it or not. Furthermore, you'll more likely forget about what you said the following morning or if you do remember it, you won't want to talk about it. Bradley sighs, shifts position and tries to fall asleep.

The following morning, you groan as you wake up with an awful headache. You try to fall asleep again but the pain is unbearable. You rub your eyes and yawn loudly. Looking at your nightstand, you see the glass and the medicine. You take it without thinking. However, once you're done drinking, you wonder when you brought this glass or even how you came home from the Hard Deck. You don't remember driving home.

You jump from your bed and immediately regret your action. You get out of your room and smell freshly baked cookies. You're more and more confused as you slowly walk to your kitchen where you find Bradley taking a batch of cookies out of the oven and putting another one.

"Oh, hi! You're finally awake. How is the hangover?" Bradley asks as your eyebrows knit together.

"Could be better, could be worse. What are you doing?"

"I thought you'd be hungry once you'd wake up and I remember you love cookies so I made some."

"Thank you, but I meant…," you start without finishing your sentence, too embarrassed.

"What am I doing here, at your place? You phoned me last night when you were drunk. Before you ask, nothing happened. I was worried so I picked you up.

"I really need to stop alcohol," you sigh as you sit on one of your kitchens chairs.

"Cookies?"

You nod your head as an answer. Bradley puts two cookies on a plate before putting it in front of you.

"Please, tell me I didn't make a fool of myself yesterday," you beg him after taking a first bite.

"No, it was okay."

"I know you're lying but for my own good, I'll accept your answer."

"So, why did you drink so much? It doesn't seem like you."

"Nothing important, I got dumped. I wasted two years of my life living with a guy who didn't see any future with me and I think I'll end my life alone. A pittance," you explain, nonchalantly.

"That guy is a dick, however, that doesn't mean no one is made for you," he affirms as he sits in front of you.

"Not so sure. I don't have the best relationship history."

"We should create a club," Rooster jokes and you wince.

"I apologize, Bradley. Not only for calling you yesterday but also for the way it ended between us. You didn't deserve to be ghosted."

"No need, water under the bridge."

"No, I insist. You were more than kind with me. You had zero reason to take care of me and you still did without thinking twice about it. After everything I did to you, I don't deserve your kindness, however you deserve an explanation," you start before taking a deep breath. "The day you told me you had feelings, I panicked. When we first met, we agreed on being casual and then it evolved. I thought it was only me so the day you said it was the case for you, too… I got scared. After all, everything was going well because it wasn't anything serious and you were here, but what if you met someone better when you'd be on deployment? What if you weren't as honest as I thought? What if it was too good to be true? What if you were my worst heartbreak? I know it doesn't make any sense but before you, I had only had one real relationship and I got cheated on. I knew that if I were with you, you could be either my best relationship or my worst break-up and I was too afraid to find out which one it would be. Pushing you away is my biggest regret," you confess, avoiding his gaze.

"Why didn't you ever reach out again, then?" he asks, looking you straight in the eyes.

"I was ashamed. You probably hated me so it was of no use."

"What about your ex? If I remember correctly, you met him shortly after me."

You can hear how hurt Bradley is because of this story. Although he doesn't seem mad at you, he's still in pain. You don't know what to do with yourself. You think for a few seconds about what you're going to say, making sure you find the right words.

"I knew I messed up what could be a beautiful relationship with you, I was scared to finish my life alone and I loved Scott, not as much as you, however, with him, I could stay in control of the relationship," you explain, trying not to tear up. "I mean, that's what I thought. I can't really be mad at him for dumping me, now that I think back about it, I wasn't entirely honest. It was doomed from the very beginning. The fact is, being alone, again, made me realize I missed the one and above all, I'm not made to be with someone, I can't seem to manage my relationships," you say with a weak tone as you quickly wipe a tear that fell. "I'm not saying all of this so you can pity me or to guilt trip you, I just want to explain what was happening in my head."

"I know, don't worry and I appreciate your explanation. It feels good to finally have the answers."

Bradley doesn't want to make you feel bad, you know it, nonetheless, you also know you made him suffer so much so you can't help but feel shameful.

"It's the least I could do after what you did for me yesterday."

Bradley stands up from his chair, takes the cookies out of the oven before looking at you.

"I should go and let you rest," Bradley suddenly announces. "Jake will pick me up soon. I had to leave my car at the Hard Deck to bring you home."

"Sorry," you exclaim, embarrassed. "If I can do anything for you, tell me, I owe you one."

Bradley gives you a pinched smile and walks to the exit and you follow him. Yet, before opening the door, he turns to you. You look at him, frowning.

"Did you mean it? What you said yesterday."

The second the question leaves his lips, he regrets it. He shouldn't have asked you. Not only because you probably don't remember your confession of the night before due to the alcohol you drank but especially, because no matter the truth, he's almost certain you'll be too ashamed to stand by it.

"Yesterday, you told me you still loved me," he specifies and you don't look surprised.

"I know, I remember. It's one of the few memories I have."

"So?" Bradley questions, as you stay silent he adds, "I just want to know, it doesn't have to mean anything."

"Yes, I meant it," you admit, gazing at him. "I told you, you're my biggest regret. I was never able to forget you. What about you? I remember you didn't answer my question. I just want to know."

"I came to take care of you when I didn't have to, so what do you think? I've never stopped loving you."

At his reply, you don't know if your heart breaks at the idea of having lost the rare gem or if it beats faster at the idea of maybe having the chance to fix your relationship with Bradley.

"Even despite everything I did?"

"You're hard to forget."

"And what about now? I let you slip through my fingers once, I'm not letting it happen again," you state, taking a step forward.

"I think you should recover from your hangover and your break-up first," Rooster starts with a small smile, "then we should have an open-hearted conversation to know what we should do. Though, you need to focus on yourself first. If we have to find each other again, I need to be sure this time you won't run away the second you get scared, that you're emotionally available. What do you think?"

Your heart warms as you realize he wants to do things correctly with you but above all, he's ready to give you a second chance. Never has a man ever tried to understand you this much before. After all, you never gave them the chance to do it. Bradley is the only who can see through your walls and he knows exactly what to do to reassure you. This time, you won't mess up your chance. You're going to listen to what Bradley told you.

"I think you're too nice for your own good, Bradley. I promise you I won't make the same mistake."

You gaze at each other, smiling. It's not the beginning of anything between you and Bradley yet, but at least, you lay down the foundation for a future one.

The sound of horn takes you out of your bubble. Jake is here and he must be impatient. You would love to hug Bradley to thank him for everything, nevertheless, he's right. You have to work on yourself first and then you'll find your way back. Besides, it'll make the reunion even sweeter. Bradley gives you one last smile then leaves your place.

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

On stage with JJ, Penelope, Tara and Emily, the melody of the song Eternal Flame begins. You share your mic with Emily — there are only four mics. As a consequence, you're standing side to side with her while you sing the lyrics displayed on the screen in front of you. You laugh when there are some high notes, butchering the music. The men of the team are encouraging you, a drink in their hands.

At one point, your eyes go to the woman next to you and you realize how close you two are. Her face is only a few inches away from yours. Without meaning to do it, you look at her lips, you quickly gaze somewhere else while you sing the wrong words, disoriented by this proximity. Your hand around the mic shakes so Emily's comes to stabilize it. Her fingers on yours make you lose your composure, but you don't let anything show.

Normally, you manage your feelings pretty well. You have had them ever since you met Emily, you've never dared to say anything at first, then so many traumatic events happened and it just was never the right time to tell her and finally, Emily got promoted, becoming your boss and thus making the situation even more delicate. Therefore, you stay quiet while you're dying to have Emily close to you, to feel her arms around your body, her fingers intertwined with yours, her lips on yours.

You quickly snap out of your thoughts and keep your focus on the screen in front of you. You can't let this damn karaoke with a romantic song ruin all your efforts to not show anything!

Once the song ends, you breath normally again. You leave the stage and Emily rushes outside after taking something from her jacket. You grab your barely touched beer back and decide to follow her — although you shouldn't.

The fresh air of the night hits you with force as you find Emily not too far from the entrance, her back on the brick wall, a cigarette between her fingers while smoke leaves her mouth. You walk to her, the raven-haired woman turns her head to you before you can say a word.

"Why did you leave so quickly?" you ask and she shows you her cigarette before putting it in her mouth.

"I needed a smoke."

"There's something else."

"You know me too well, it'll be my downfall," Emily sighs.

At her sentence, you shrug and look up with an innocent look on your face, then you take a sip from your beer.

"It's nothing, I just needed some air," she assures you.

"Mind if I join?"

"Be my guest."

At her words, you come to stand next to her, putting your back on the wall as well.

"Thank God we don't have a music career," you joke.

"Speak for yourself, Miss-I-forget-the-lyrics! I was extraordinary."

"You did sing pretty well."

"I have more than one string on my bow. Why did you struggle with the words so much? The song wasn't fast."

"Oh, huh, I'm probably just a bit tired."

Emily gives you a look, knowing well you're not telling the truth.

"I was distracted, it's nothing."

"By what?" Emily questions, smoking.

'Your lips,' you wish you could say, though you don't. You only do a pinched smile while Emily looks deeply into your eyes to try and find the answer. Your heart beats faster in your chest at this renewed proximity. You should look away, you have to keep your distance, yet, you're like hypnotized.

"Would it be weird if I kissed you right now?" she whispers as if she was sharing her biggest secret.

"Honestly? Yes. Do I care? No."

You bring your faces closer but you don't break the distance yet. You keep looking at each other while your lips are brushing. Emily closes her eyes first and you follow her as you delicately press your lips on hers. The kiss is slow and full of passion and tastes like cigarettes and cheap beer, you surprisingly don't mind. You keep kissing while your free hand goes to her cheek and hers makes its way to your waist to deepen the kiss.

A few seconds later, you break it, keeping your eyes closed, wanting to preserve the feeling of your lips together.

You kissed Emily.

You kissed each other.

You can't believe it.

What did you just do?!

You don't have time to think about it, Penelope's voice snap you out of your moment. You both jump, creating a distance between your body and try to act natural.

"Y/N, come quickly, it's our turn!" your colleague exclaims, taking your hand.

"Again?"

"I signed us up for Girl Just Wanna Have Fun, hurry. Unless Emily wants to join us?" Penelope asks as she looks at her.

"No, I haven't finished my cigarette."

Penelope doesn't need anything more to drag you inside the bar, leaving behind you Emily, your boss you just shared a kiss with.

You can't stop thinking about it and during the whole night as you lay in bed. Emily left while you were still on stage so you couldn't talk about it and it didn't help to decrease your anxiety. Does she regret it? Does she hate you? Why did you have to follow her outside?

Your sleep isn't restorative. You get out of the bed before your alarm goes off, your eyes dry. While you get ready, you think about how you have to act with Emily, what you should tell her to make the situation better.

When you arrive at the BAU, Emily is already in her office so you sit at your desk and get back to the work you haven't finished the day before.

An hour later, Emily calls you in her office, your stomach twists, fearing the conversation. You stand up and think about what you had originally planned to tell her. After closing the door, you walk to Emily's desk and before she can open her mouth, you quickly start talking.

"It's about the kiss, isn't? It was a mistake. I apologize, I put you in a tricky situation. You're my boss, I shouldn't have done it. We can just forget it ever happened, it's better. Let's not talk about it again. No need to make a big fuss over it, it was just a kiss, nothing else. It didn't mean anything. Besides, it'll save you from all the paperwork."

As son as you're done talking, you breathe normally again and nervously wait for her reply that takes a few seconds to come.

"You're right. Let's not talk about it anymore."

Although Emily agrees with you and you should be happy this story is behind you, your heart breaks at her words. Your moment was just that, a moment. A moment where you made a mistake which is now in the past. You wish it was different, but it'd be too complicated.

You nod and have a neutral expression on your face, not wanting to show her you're aching.

"Did you want to talk about something else?" you asks, she shakes her head.

"No, you may leave."

"Okay, thank you for your understanding."

Emily gives you a pinched smile then you leave her office and hold back the tears that want to come out.

As agreed, you act like nothing happened. You work, you laugh sometimes, yet only like two friend who never kisses would.

Thank to your new case, you have the perfect excuse to put this under the rug. For now, no one seems to have noticed the weird tension between you and Emily which reassures you.

You're about to arrest the UnSub at his place after almost a week of investigation.

Gun in hands, you're ready for every scenario. Emily knocks at the door but there's no response. She tries again when, suddenly, you see the UnSub running away from afar. You're all going after him, calling him again. Panicked at the idea of getting arrested, he takes out his weapon and tries to shoot you all. You take cover just on time before running again.

You're about to arrest him when he shoots you and without having the time to hide, he hits you in the shoulder. You fall on the ground, holding your injury and groaning in pain. Luke ends up arresting him while Emily comes to you. You try to reassure her, yet, you can clearly see the worry on her face. Emily puts pressure on your wound as Tara calls the medics. You guarantee your colleagues who then take care of the criminal once they're sure Emily's got you.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why didn't you take cover?" Emily scolds you.

"He took me aback. I thought I had him."

"Well, he certainly got you," she retorts and you roll your eyes. "Do you know how dangerous this was?"

"Like everything in our job. Why are you mad at me as if I had disobeyed you? I was trying to arrest the Unsub like you and the rest of the team were," you say, angry.

"And he could have killed you if he had shot a few inches closer to your heart! Do you have any idea how scared I was when I saw you falling?"

"We're at risk of getting shot at on every case, you know this as much as I do."

You're both getting frustrated by the reaction of the other. You don't understand why Emily is so mad and she doesn't understand why you seem so relax about the situation.

"Except you would have died thinking our kiss didn't mean anything for me and I would have hated myself until I die," Emily finally admits.

You stay silent at first, opening and closing your mouth, not knowing what to say, not knowing if she really said those words or if you lost more blood than you thought and started hallucinating things.

"What?"

"I know we agreed on not talking about it but I want to do it," she resumes. "It meant something to me. I liked our kissed. I… I like you! And I have for a long time. I think I don't remember a time you didn't have an effect on me. I was a coward to accept what you told me without trying to talk about it."

"I've liked you, too, for quite some time."

"Then why did you try to act like what we shared was nothing?"

"I was scared you didn't feel the same. I panicked," you confess.

"We're too idiots," Emily says, letting go of a small laugh and you do the same.

"Oh, we are! But at least, everything is settled now. Ready to do all the necessary paperwork for this change in our relationship?" you question with a smile.

"It's worth it," she affirms. "Besides, I was so scared to lose you before I could tell you how I felt so a little bit of paperwork is nothing."

An empathic smile on your face, you get closer to Emily to kiss her, though you quickly step back, whining in pain, you moved your shoulder.

"Sorry!" she apologizes, making sure she's still putting enough pressure.

"No, it's me, I moved. It hurts like hell! I hope they'll be here soon," you say, an expression of pain on your face.

"They better!" Emily states before marking a pause: "I want to kiss you without hurting you."

"I can handle the pain for this."

You get closer to Emily's lips again but she takes a step back to stop you.

"Let's wait for the medics first," Emily laughs as you pout.

Criminal Minds Masterlist

Bucky comes into the living room, unable to resist ruffling your hair on his way past. You’re sat on one end of the couch, Sam on the other, both of you watching a movie. Sam smiles at Bucky as they exchange a meaningful glance. You’re sitting with them in the living room? This is a big step for you.

Sam and Bucky had adopted you five months ago and they couldn’t be happier. Both of them had talked about adopting for a while and when they’d been approved they’d gone along to an adoption event – it made both of them uncomfortable, as if they were ‘window shopping’ for a child but the social worker had assured them these type of events had been successful in the past.

Kids had swarmed them the moment they’d walked through the door – all of them recognised Sam immediately and weren’t going to pass up an opportunity to get adopted by Captain America himself. Sam had smiled and interacted patiently with everybody whilst Bucky stood to one side, watching him. Eventually his gaze swept across the room before landing on you.

You were tucked up in a quiet corner by yourself, your head in a book. It was immediately clear you were the eldest kid in the room and you’d given up hope of being adopted. The social worker had noticed Bucky looking at you and smiled “It’s her last event. Not fair to keep putting her through this. Most people don’t want to adopt teenagers sadly.”

“Where does she live? She got foster carers?”

“Group home. When she’s eighteen she’ll be phased out.”

Bucky had swallowed hard, his gaze returning to you. Looking at the way your shoulders were hunched over, how you refused to look up from your book – what was the point? No one had ever spoken to you before. You’d resigned yourself to remaining in the system until you were aged out. Bucky took a step towards you and the social worker had smiled “Just a heads up, Y/N doesn’t talk. Never heard her speak the whole time I’ve known her.”

That hadn’t deterred Bucky and he’d crossed the room to sit next to you “Hey.”

At first you hadn’t registered someone was talking to you so you’d kept your eyes on your book before Bucky had cleared his throat and repeated himself. You looked up, your wide, weary eyes meeting his. He smiled at you “Nice to meet you. I’m Bucky. Y/N, right?”

You’d blinked at him and Bucky had looked towards your book “Whatcha reading?”

After a moment’s hesitation you’d slowly held up the book cover and Bucky smiled “Can’t say I’ve read that one. Is it good?” You’d nodded, still looking somewhat amazed yet hesitant that someone had bothered to talk to you “Do you like reading?” You nodded again “Me too. My favourite’s ‘The Hobbit’. Have you read that one?”

He’d carried on chatting easily to you until eventually Sam had joined him, sitting on your other side. Sam had spoken quietly to you as well and although they hadn’t managed to coax any words out of you you’d seemed relatively responsive to them albeit weary and nervous. Both of them recognised that fearful, exhausted look in your eyes and they hadn’t even had to discuss it. You were their kid. They’d applied to adopt you before the event had even finished.

They’d found out you’d been removed from your mothers care when you were ten years old due mostly to neglect. You’d gone straight into a group home and had attended adoption events regularly but you were already mostly considered too old for most prospective adopters. They wanted babies or young children, a ten year old was too old never mind a few years later when you became a mute fourteen year old. It had taken a lot of paperwork and patience but eventually they’d officially adopted you.

Sam and Bucky think it’s mostly going okay. You still haven’t spoken a word and they’re both learning you won’t ask for the things that you need so they’re very careful to keep an eye on you. Already they’re getting to tell the signs of when you’re stressed or hungry or upset. The only thing they’re struggling with is whether you’re actually happy that they adopted you.

They had hoped that with time you would open up to them but you don’t seem to be there yet. You spend most of your time in your room, either watching a film on your TV or reading a book. They spend time with you but you shy away from all physical contact. If they have friends around you get even more stressed and anxious. Both of them have begun to worry that you don’t like them. So finding you in the living room watching a movie with Sam was a really good sign. Even if you’re silent and sitting as far away from them as possible – it’s a start.

Bucky sits down next to Sam, pressing a kiss to his cheek as he settles down to watch the movie too. Neither of them says anything, not wanting to make you feel self-conscious. You all watch in silence until the credits roll. Sam turns to speak to you when you immediately stand and leave, heading back to your bedroom. Bucky smiles and squeezes Sam’s shoulder “Well it’s a start.”

“Slowly but surely.” Sam says “I hope so anyway. Just wish we knew if she was actually happy here.”

“She nods whenever we ask her.” Bucky says, trying to sound more certain than he feels “She’ll open up, I’m sure. We just need to give her time.”

That night you have a nightmare – it’s not a rare occurrence, you have them most nights but this one is worse than usual. Memories of when you lived with your Mom, memories you did your absolute best to block out played through your mind like a movie every single night. Tonight had been a particularly bad memory and you shoot awake, panting heavily.

You hug your knees to your chest, your eyes filling with tears as you flick on your bedside lamp. The dark has always scared you. There had been one particularly bad night as a child when your Mom had left you at home by yourself and the power had gone off. The apartment had been pitch black and you’d been too scared to move. It had been hours before your Mom had arrived home, finding you cowering in the corner like a frightened animal.

Sam and Bucky had never left you home alone. One night they’d both been invited to a gala but they hadn’t been able to find anyone to sit with you so Bucky had agreed to let Sam go whilst he stayed at home with you. Joaquin had attended with Sam and beforehand he’d teased them “She can be left on her own y’know, she is nearly fifteen.”

Bucky had smiled “Probably but we’re not still gonna risk it.”

Sam nodded “Yeah, that’s our girl. If anything happened we’d never forgive ourselves.”

You’d never told them you didn’t like being left home alone. Maybe they just knew. Maybe they didn’t. Either way you suddenly feel a rush of love for them both. Truthfully you’d been a little intimidated by them when they’d first adopted you. Being adopted by Captain America and the Winter Soldier is a strange situation to find yourself in and you’d worried behind closed doors they’d stop being so kind. They haven’t – they’re still kind and endlessly patient with you, accepting that you don’t like talking and just taking each day as it comes.

They’re both affectionate even though you tend to shy away from physical contact. They’ve both tried to hug you over the past couple of months – you’ve shrunk away each time but you’re glad neither of them has stopped trying. They haven’t given up on you the way that other people quickly had.

Suddenly all you want is your Dads’. You want that hug you’ve been denying for so long. The nightmare is still fresh in your mind and you’re scared. Without thinking about it you climb out of bed and rush across the hallway to your Dads’ bedroom.

Both of them are fast asleep, Sam curled up on his side whilst Bucky is sprawled out across the bed. You hesitate only for a second before burrowing under the duvet and squirming your way up, lying in between them. Sam is the first to stir awake, his eyes blinking sleepily as he searches for the sign of disturbance. He’s surprised to find you’ve crawled into their bed but his expression immediately softens “Hey kid… Everything okay?”

He notices the tears on your cheeks and he wraps an arm around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head “Bad dream?”

You nod. They always know what the problem is.

Sam smiles, still surprised you’ve sought them out and you’re not rejecting their comfort but also thrilled “Ah they can be pesky. You wanna stay in here with me and Dad?”

You nod again and Sam presses another kiss to the top of your head. Bucky stirs, rubbing his eyes “What’s going on?”

“Y/N’s joining us for a little sleepover. She had a nightmare.”

Bucky looks towards you, his own expression softening as he reaches over to wipe a tear from your cheek, his voice thick with sleep “Good girl, coming to find us when you’re upset. You want cuddles?”

Without hesitation you nod and Bucky wraps an arm around your other side, sandwiching you between both your Dads’. It’s the first cuddle you’ve ever had with them and you find yourself instantly relaxing between them, the nightmare slowly fading from your memory. Bucky kisses your forehead and Sam murmurs “You’re safe here with us baby, go back to sleep.”

You close your eyes, feeling truly safe and secure for the first time in years. Under your Mom’s care you’d never felt safe. For the first time ever you finally feel like you can relax. Nothing will hurt you here.

The first notes of the song It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas starts playing in your apartment, instantly bringing a festive atmosphere. A smile on your face, you begin searching in the numerous boxes and bags to get your holiday decorations.

First, you put some figurines on some furniture and then, you hang tinsels everywhere. You want to hang the last luminous tinsel at the top of your living-room entrance so you take a chair and stand on it. You manage to tape one side when the main door opens on Sam, sweating from his run.

"Wow, has Santa Claus' workshop taken over your living-room or what?" he exclaims with a laugh.

"It's almost Christmas!" you scream as an answer.

"Almost?" Sam repeats, frowning and joining you. "Thanksgiving was three days ago!"

"And I'm already late. Usually, I start decorating the next day."

This year, you couldn't decorate as early as you wanted to as you celebrated Thanksgiving at Delacroix, with Sam's family, and you only came back to Washington last night and you were too tired to search for the Christmas decorations and Sam was also too tired to go to his apartment so he slept at your place. As a consequence, this morning, shortly after Sam left for his run, you went to grab everything in your attic.

"Don't you think you may be a little dramatic?" your boyfriend asks, a teasing expression on his face.

"Not at all, I just take Christmas very seriously. Anyway, come help me hang this tinsel."

Sam rolls his eyes, pretending to be annoyed then he takes another chair and the other end of the garland before going on the opposite side to you. Once the fairy lights is hung on top of the entrance, you light it plus the other ones and in one second, your living-room is filled with several colors, bringing a huge smile on your face.

"Happy?" Sam inquires, lovingly looking at you.

"Yes. Now," you resume, clapping your hands together, "go take a shower, I need to buy a tree! Do you also need one?"

"No."

"Oh, you have a fake one?"

"No."

"I don't understand," you state and Sam laughs, noticing your confused expression.

"I don't own a Christmas tree. I never decorate my apartment as I celebrate Christmas in my childhood home."

"Samuel Thomas Wilson, you better be joking."

"No, I'm serious."

At his reply, you dramatically sigh before rubbing your temples.

"Thank God I came into your life. We'll buy my tree and another one for you and then we will decorate your apartment."

"I didn't know dating you meant I had to live in Hallmark Christmas movie at the end of the year."

"And yet, it was in the contract."

"I knew I should've read the small print," he jokes while you shove him in the direction of the bathroom.

"Go in the shower, we have a lot of things to do."

"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" he asks with a flirty smile and putting his hands on your hips while yours go to his muscular shoulders.

"Normally, I'd say yes, but if we take too long, all the beautiful trees will be gone."

"They'll still be there, come with me."

To make you fold, Sam kisses your lips before going to the corners of them, your left cheek and then he goes down your neck until he reaches your sensitive spot. You try to resist as best as you can, yet his lips on your body unsettle you. You put your hand on his cheeks so he looks at you. You delicately kiss before saying:

"Alright, but if there are no more beautiful trees, you'll sleep on the couch."

"It's a risk I'm willing to take."

Sam kisses you again and you melt in the kiss. You bring him closer to you and puts your arms under his T-shirt. You keep kissing while you walk to your bathroom.

As soon as the Christmas tree is bought, you go back to your apartment — Sam decided he wanted a fake one, he doesn't want to buy a new one every year, no matter the arguments you gave him. You put the tree next to your living-room window. You play your Christmas playlist again and you hear Sam whispering 'I think I'm actually dating Mariah Carey,' which you reply by calling him a Grinch. Then, you start decorating the tree, it's actually more accurate to say you order Sam to respect the way you want decorate it as you correct him several times when he put two bulbs of the same colors close to one another.

Once the tree is almost ready, you start putting tinsels on it, first the luminous ones and while doing it, you tell Sam every gift you've already bought:

"I just need to buy one more but I'm going to the shop tomorrow and then, I'm done!"

"What about mine? You said nothing about my present," Sam questions.

"It depends, did you buy me one?"

"To be honest, I haven't bought anyone anything yet. I don't even know what I want to gift people."

"Sam, you have to buy everything now!" you reprimand him. "If you buy online, there's a risk you won't get it on time and if you go shopping, you'll have less choices because everyone will have already bought everything. You have to hurry! Especially if you want unique gifts, it takes time. By the way, you better buy me a beautiful present. You know, I'm like the star on the tree, you better treat me like it," you joke as you point at the top of the tree.

"Really? Besides, who told you I was gonna buy one for you?" Sam asks, smiling as you take the last luminous tinsel with small Santa Clauses on it.

"Oh, in that case, I'll keep yours then. What a shame! You wanted it so bad," you announce, with a fake disappointed face. "And also, if you don't wanna buy me presents, I know somebody who will," you add, looking him right in the eyes. "Believe it or not, a lot of people would kill to be you. You're easily replaceable."

Sam holds back his laughter as he hears your last sentence. It's not a rare occurrence that you tease each other that way. Sam goes along with you, pretending to be curious.

"Oh, really? And who is that person, then?"

"You might know him," you reply, trying to be serious. "He's a little bit older, well he's actually super old and he's not from here, he's from a city that is cold, but that doesn't mean he's not hot! And he knows everything, he even knows when I'm sleeping and he knows when I'm not. I actually haven't seen him in a while, he's probably just busy working," you finish as you plug the tinsels and musics starts playing from one of them.

"You really think Bucky The Grumpy is going to buy you a present? You're hopeful!" Sam chuckles while you frown.

"What? Why would you think I was talking about Bucky?"

"The guy is old, he's more than a hundred years old. Technically he lived in Russia and we're not gonna lie, he's good-looking. He can know everything you do because he's an ex-spy and he's currently busy working, considering he's campaigning to be a congressman."

After listening to Sam's thinking, you realize it actually makes sense. You look at each other, stunned, then you burst out laughing.

"I was actually describing Santa Claus, but now I can't unsee the similarities between Bucky and Santa and I don't know what to do with it."

"We should tell him, I'm sure it'd make him less grumpy," he says before taking your hand in his. "More seriously, though, I hope you know I'll obviously gift you something and it'll be beautiful. To be honest, I have some ideas of what I wanna get you and I'll take care of it very soon. I'm sure you'll love it."

"Oh, I like that better. In that case, I can tell you I can't wait to give you yours, I know you're gonna love it, I should get it during the week. I can't wait to celebrate our first Christmas together and also, I hope you know you're not replaceable, Sam Wilson," you affirm, getting closer to him. "I want you by my side during Christmas and all year round. I love you."

"I love you, too, and I want you by my side all the time as well."

You kiss Sam and he deepens the kiss by putting his hands on your hips while yours make their way to his cheeks. You kiss for a few seconds, the kiss becoming more and more passionate. Sam's hands slowly get under your T-shirt and you suddenly break the kiss, frustrating Sam but also you.

"Come on, we have to finish decorating, and then we have to do your apartment and I'll stay the night."

You finish your sentence with a wink and you peck his lips before grabbing golden tinsels from a box. Sam doesn't waste a minute and takes one from your hands, impatient to reach the last part of the program. However, he has to admit he likes the part where you decorate an apartment together. He's been thinking about it for quite some time now and today, his thought is confirmed: he wants to live with you.

A week has passed since the day you transformed your home into Santa's workshop, like Sam stated, and you can't help but be mesmerized at your decorations. Christmas is your favorite time of the year and this year will be special, you can feel it.

Your workday is done and you quickly go home. After putting on warmer and more comfortable clothes, you go to your dining room to make your students' tests. You're an English High School teacher, it's almost time for exams.

You've just finish one of them an hour later when you phone rings, informing you Sam wants to video call you. You leave your work behind and answer your boyfriend. Sam doesn't react right away, focused on whatever he's doing, it looks like he's going through his closet.

"Hey," you greet, catching his attention, "I thought you'd be in your office."

"I was. I had to quickly go back home because I got a mission," Sam announces with a pinched smile.

"Oh…," you say with a weak tone. "How long is it going to last?"

"I have no idea. I don't know if I'll be home for Christmas. I'm sorry," he apologizes and you can see the guilt on his face.

"It's okay, as long as you come back safe and sound, it's all that matters."

"I promise you I'll do everything to come back before the twenty-fifth. I'll be quick."

"I'd love for you to be there, however take your time. I don't want you to rush things and botch your mission and get hurt. Having you in one piece, no matter when, is more important," you affirm with a firm tone.

"I'm really sorry, I know how excited you were for our first Christmas together."

"It's not your fault," you reassure him before adding, "Have you told your sister or do you need me to call her to cancel?"

Just like for Thanksgiving, you're going to, or rather were going to, celebrate Christmas at Delacroix. You planned on staying several days so Sam could spend as much time as possible with his family and so you could meet everyone. Nevertheless, now that you're not sure Sam might be there, you feel awkward at the idea of going alone. Sure, all his loved ones, though you haven't met them all, welcomed you with opens arms, yet for you, there's a real difference between going to Sam's family when he's there and when he isn't.

"I called her and she told me you were still very much welcome, even if I wasn't there."

"Are you sure?" you ask, quickly bitting your nail. "I mean, we've seen each other before and I adore Sarah, you know it, but are you sure it won't bother her I'm coming alone? I don't want to intrude in your family when you're gone."

"I'm sure and everyone will be welcoming, they'll make you feel at home, I know it. Even AJ and Cass asked me when you'd be back the second they heard Sarah was on the phone with me. Go, that way, if I can come back on time, I'll meet you there," Sam assures you and you're convinced.

"Very well, then. I can't wait to see them all again and meet the rest of your family!"

"So do they. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"You don't have to. I knew what I was getting myself into when I started dating the Captain America and I don't regret it, you're worth it," you smile.

"You even more."

"When are you leaving?" you question, looking at the time on your phone.

"In an hour. I have twenty minutes left to pack and then, I have to pick up Joaquín.

"I would have loved to see you one last time, but it's okay," you state, trying to hide your sadness. "Be careful and send me a text if you can."

"Promise."

"I love you, Sam."

"I love you, too".

Sam gives you one last smile and you do the same then he hangs up. Eyes still fixed on your screen, your smile disappears as your heart starts tightening in your chest. You hate when he has a last minute mission and you can't see each other before he leaves. Just for that reason alone, you wish you could live together so you could be with him as much as possible.

Your moroseness contrasts with your festive decorations around you. Every time Sam is on a mission, no matter the duration, your stress is rising while you nervously wait his return. It's always more complicated to see the good sides of life when Sam isn't there. You hope your trip to Louisiana will bring you some joy.

Once the school vacation has officially started, you take the first plane to Sam's hometown the next day, Sarah and her kids come to greet you. Being surrounded by Sam's loved ones helps you feeling better, even if your anxiety is still high. You haven't heard from your boyfriend since his video call. It's not the first time he can't contact you on a mission, it doesn't mean it helps you to calm down your nerves.

As soon as you're at the Wilsons' house, AJ and Cass drag you to show you their Christmas tree, you congratulate them while they have big smiles on their face. Behind you, Sarah lightly laughs, seeing the children are so happy to see you that they can't stop talking and you sometimes struggle to follow everything they say. To think that you considered yourself too energetic when you speak about something you like! they prove to you, someone can be worse than you, but you love them even more for it, you gladly give them all your attention.

On Christmas Eve, after Cass and AJ went to sleep, Sarah and you are sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in your hands as she explains everything you are going to do while you're in Delacroix, on top of telling you who will be there during the Christmas dinner. Although, you're tense about going without Sam, you're excited to meet everyone. They seem friendly.

"I wish Sam was here," Sarah confesses, looking down at her half-empty glass.

"Me, too."

"Have you heard from him?"

"No, I haven't. I hate when he can't contact anyone when he's away."

"You know, I've never told you, but I'm so happy Sam has you in his life," she starts as she looks up to you. "he's blossoming with you, I can feel it. Besides, it reassures me that you live in D.C., in that manner, I know he has someone who he loves with him. You have a good influence on his life."

"He also has good influence on mine," you add. "I never thought I'd find someone as affectionate, strong and brave as him one day. He's so different from all the people I've dated and it's a good thing," you explain, a tender expression on your face. "I dated a lot of assholes, I had even started to believe I had a type and I was doomed to be with one of them for the rest of my life and then, Sam ran into my life, literally. I remember the way we hit each other as I was walking and he was running, we were too distracted. I fell so hard I had a bruise for a week, but it was worth it. He loves me like I've never been loved before, he's sweet and he makes me laugh, I'm so happy to have him in my life. I hope I'll never loose him, I don't think I could ever get over him."

"Sam isn't planning on leaving you, I can tell you that. I know my brother and he's totally smitten by you. I had never seen him like this. I'm so glad you're with him, I like you a lot," Sarah states and you put a hand on you heart as you tear up.

"That means a lot, Sarah. I like you so much, too. You've welcomed me with opened arms and that's important for me."

"I think we might have drank too much wine," she jokes as she's getting emotional, too.

"Probably, but it feels good to be honest."

"True. We should go to sleep, AJ is going to wake us up early tomorrow 'cause he'll be overexcited by the Christmas dinner," Sarah informs, chuckling.

"I can't blame him."

Despite your anxiety, the dinner with the Wilson family in Sarah and Sam's house is more than perfect. There's a convivial atmosphere and just like Sam promised, they make you feel at home, which warms your heart.

You don't have a big family and the few people that are a part of it aren't close to one another. You all actually acted a little bit like a family during Christmas time. That's why it's your favorite time of the year, it was the only time you felt like you belonged to a family. Now that you're an adult, they've stopped pretending you're close during the year-end celebrations. You've tried for several years to keep the Christmas traditions alive, nevertheless as no one is making an effort as you do, you've decided to stop. You actually took that decision the year before meeting Sam — you should've taken it earlier, but you had hope things would change —, as a consequence, last year, instead of having a hypocritical Christmas hidden behind fake smiles, you had a genuine but lonely and full of tears one.

He introduced you to his family during summer and you felt accepted right away; however, you were still in that mindset of being afraid your relationship with Sam wouldn't last, it seemed to good to be true so you tried not to get too attached. Now that you know it's real, you can't wait to meet his whole family and to experience the Christmas magic again. Though, this time, you don't have to force it, it naturally comes to you thanks to AJ' and Cass' joy, Sarah's compassion and all the other people who are part of the Wilson family, whether by blood or not. For the first time in your life, you experience a Christmas full of delight and love. Nevertheless, you can't deny a part of you is sad you can't share this moment with Sam, yet, in some way, he's here. When you look at everyone present in the room, you can see him in each and every one of them.

As soon as the last guest is gone, a bit after two in the morning, AJ and Cass try to negotiate to open their gifts under the Christmas tree. Sarah simply orders them to put the ones they received at midnight away instead of being impatient for the rest of them. Unhappy, they listen to their mother and then they go to bed. You help Sarah clean everything and once you're done, you tell each other goodnight and you go to sleep.

Around nine in the morning, AJ comes to wake you up, excited to open his presents — Sarah lectures him, notwithstanding, you promise her you don't mind. You get out of bed without wasting another second and he takes your arm to bring you to the tree.

AJ and Cass are sitting on the floor and handing the gifts out while you and Sarah are sitting on the couch.

Once you all have your presents, you open them. You're glad to see you hit the nail on the head with the ones you got for the boys, but also Sarah's. AJ and Cass open the one Sam bought them as well — before leaving, Sam quickly sent you a text to ask you to grab all of them at his place, though you both agreed you'll only open each other's when he'll be back.

As soon as every present is opened and the floor is covered in wrapping papers, you and Sarah collect most of them and go to the kitchen to throw them away and bring another trash bag to put the remaining papers in. While you do this, you quickly talk about what you think of this Christmas when you hear the kids calling both of you and telling you you forgot one gift.

"Weird, we opened them all," Sarah says, confused while she searches for the trash bags in the closet.

"Mom, come! Quick!" AJ insists.

"Coming," Sarah screams as she fails to take the bag, getting annoyed.

"Don't worry, I'll handle it," you tell her, taking over.

Sarah leaves you as you take a new bag and open it before going to the living-room where you hear Sarah screaming in joy. Frowning, you enter the room and finds Sarah in Sam's arms. You drop the bag and bring your hand to your mouth, surprised by his presence.

Once Sarah breaks the hug, you run to Sam and take him in your arms. Sam holds you tight against him as you inhale his scent from his neck that you missed so much. In spite of yourself, tears run down your cheeks, too happy. Sam whispers 'I missed you' in your ear, to which you reply 'me, too.' A few seconds later, you break the hug and keep looking at each other with a big smile before he turns to his family.

"You all didn't seriously think I'd let you celebrate Christmas without me!"

"It's so cool that you're here, Uncle Sam!" Cass states, enthusiastic.

"I have to show you what I got," AJ adds with the same tone.

"I got a new baseball bat! Soon, I'll be better than you."

"You don't say! Come show me, then," Sam defies, putting his hand on his oldest nephew's shoulder.

"I'm gonna get it," he announces, running out of the room, his brother hot on his heels.

"Cass, wait for me!"

"Did you mission go well? Not too hurt?" Sarah asks, worried.

"A few scratches here and there, but I'll live."

Before you can speak, the boys are back in the room and take their uncle's hand and drag him outside to play. With Sarah, you put your coat on before following them.

You spend the whole day together and this Christmas just became even better, which you didn't think was possible. You didn't think he'd come home on time, you're so happy you were wrong. Sam shows you every day that no matter his priorities, even including saving the world, he will find a way to put his loved ones at the top of his priorities.

Once everyone has gone to sleep, you and Sam are in his childhood room and you're about to exchange your presents. With excitement, you give your boyfrienda bag with Santa Clauses on it and he does the same, except the bag has snowmen on it. Sam opens his present after you told him to go first and finds the 50 years edition vinyl of Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On, Sam couldn't find it. He looks at the back cover of the album then he quickly rips out the plastic to find the red vinyl.

"You weren't kidding when you said it was something I wanted! It's beautiful, thanks," he smiles

"I told you you were gonna like it."

"Your turn."

You don't wait any longer and open the bag, discovering two presents. You unwrap the first one and it's a box with a bracelet in it, there's a single pearl on a thick string. It's simple, yet beautiful.

"I asked Shuri to make it," Sam begins as he puts the jewel on your wrist. "It's a variant of the Kimoyo pearls. It's not as complete as the ones Wakandans use, but it'll allow you to communicate with me, I got one, too," he specifies, showing his. "Like this, we'll be able to talk when I'm away and calling is too risky and if you are in danger, you can tell me. Shuri did an exceptional work."

Knowing Sam managed to find a solution to stay in touch warms your heart. You're especially grateful to Shuri for accepting to create such a personal present.

"It's stunning, I love it!" you exclaim. "I need to thank her in person."

Sam promises you to make sure you show your gratitude to Black Panther when you grab the last gift. It's smaller than the first one. You untie the red ribbon and open the box. Inside, there are two key chains with doves. Right away, you think about the ones from Home Alone 2: Lost In New York.

"I know in the movie it's a symbol of friendship, but it's technically a symbol of love, too," Sam starts before adding with a humorous tone, "and I thought, as you love Christmas a reasonable amount, it'd be nice to make a reference to a Christmas movie you like so much so I got you the doves. And I also know in the movie, it's a Christmas decoration for the tree, but it was important for me it was a key chain," he adds as you take them out of the box. "With these doves, I want to show you how much I love you and to let you know I'll always be there for you and more importantly, with these key chains, one for you and one for me, I thought we could put the keys to our future home together," you boyfriend says, catching you off guard. "We haven't really talked about it and we've only been dating for eleven months, I'd love to move forward, though. I'd love to come home, thinking that's where you are, too. If you don't feel ready yet, it's okay! The day you'll be, you'll just have to take them and we'll start looking for a place. This gift is not a way to force you to move in together whatsoever, it's just a promise: I want to stay with you and I see a future with you."

You stay quiet for a moment, your eyes looking down at the key chains at first; you then look up to Sam, happy tears in your eyes as you feel so loved and also understood. For the first time in your life, you're with someone who is on the same wavelength as you.

"Sam, it's beautiful and I want to live with you. I've been thinking about it for quite some time, too, and I didn't know how to tell you. It's the perfect present, I mean both of them are, I think they're better than mine," you laugh.

After saying your sentence, you hug him and passionately kiss him. Sam kisses you back without wasting a moment, happy you both want the same things.

"You know," you resume after breaking the kiss, "I'm very serious during that time of the year and especially when it's about presents and I joked by saying you better bought me some, however no matter if you had got me anything or not, I would have been happy. First, because you came home for the twenty-fifth, but also because as long as you're with me, I'm happy," you confess, looking deeply in his eyes. "You're the best present I could've ever got, Sam Wilson."

"And you're mine," he affirms with a lovingly gaze.

Marvel Masterlist

Your arms are holding a box filled with your personal belongings while there is a bag on both of your shoulders; all of this weight is starting to be heavy, you don’t pay attention to it, though. You stare at your reflection in the mirror of the elevator very closely. Today is your first day at the BAU and you have to make a good impression.

You struggle to smooth your blouse and then, you check your make up. Your inspection stops when you hear a ding and the elevator doors opening. A woman with black hair and bangs comes in and stands next to you. You stay silent at first, quickly admiring her beauty while she greets you and presses the button of a floor, you don’t notice she is going to the same one as you. You stop staring at her, not wanting to embarrass her. Discreetly, you keep checking your reflection while the bag on your left shoulder slowly falls. You try to move as a way to keep it in place but it just quickens its fall and it finds its way on the crook on your arm. You sigh loudly, accepting your fate.

“I’ll help you,” the woman says with sympathy, putting your bag back on your shoulder.

“Thank you,” you smile.

You look away, however the woman keeps her eyes on you. She admires every inch of your skin, on top of your beauty, she sees your nervousness. She also perceives your annoyance as soon as you realize your necklace is not sitting correctly on your neck, the clasp is in front of it, instead of behind your neck. Full of hope, you try to hold your box on one hand, yet the second you feel it titling, you quickly bring back your hand in its initial place to stabilize it. Noticing your distress, the woman catches your attention.

“May I?” she asks, pointing at your neck.

“Yes, please.”

You gaze at her fingers getting closer to you and delicately, she turns your chain. You hold back your breath until the clasp is in its rightful place. Gazing up, you notice how close her face is to yours, her eyes looking deeply in yours. You can make out her floral perfume, making her even prettier. You clear your throat, trying not to show the effect she has on you before talking.

“Thank you very much, you’re a lifesaver!”

“Don’t mention it. You seem stressed,” she remarks without a trace of judgment.

“It’s my first day and I want to make sure I’m perfect.”

“You are,” she genuinely affirms. “Don’t worry, I’m sure everything will be alright.”

“We’ll see.”

The ding can be heard again, indicating you’ve reached the correct floor. You sigh in relief, happy to get rid of all of this weight from your body. The woman lets you walk out first and you thank her. You’re about to walk through the glass doors, but turn around to the woman to ask her a question.

“Could you show me where Agent Hotchner’s office is, please?”

“Sure. Wait,” she adds, understanding who you are, “you’re the new profiler?”

“That’s me, yeah,” you confirm with joy while your right shoulder is hurting you.

“I’m Emily Prentiss, nice to meet you. Come with me,” she tells you, taking the box from your hands which you’re grateful for. “You’ll see, the team is nice, there’s a good atmosphere. You’ll fit right in, I’m sure. You can put your stuff on my desk in the meantime, you’ll feel lighter.”

Once you’re rid of your bags and your box, you keep following Emily until you read on a door with a plaque with the inscription ‘A. Hotchner’ on it. Automatically, you smooth your blouse.

“Your outfit is perfect, don’t worry,” Emily repeats, hoping to ease your nerves.

“I hope, I spent a whole hour to find the right one,” you explain, laughing nervously. “I want to be taken seriously.”

“And you will. Hotch might look stern but he isn’t,” she informs you. “See you later, Y/N. I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

Emily gives a crooked smile and leaves you at the door. You knock and wait for Hotch to allow you in. From her desk, Emily gazes at you and she can’t help but be excited to work with you and discover who you truly are. She hopes that once you’re more at ease, you’ll pay more attention to her flirty looks.

Mics in hands, JJ and Penelope are singing … Baby One More Time by Britney Spears while the lyrics are rolling on the screen in front of them and also on the ones on both sides of the makeshift stage. You stare at them performing and chuckle, the alcohol they drank clearly influencing their singing skills. You shout encouragement and Penelope points at you with a big smile while she sings, or rather screams, “when I’m not with you, I lose you my mind.” A bartender comes to your table and sets a sex on the beach in front of you, interrupting your entertainment.

“I didn’t order anything,” you state, frowning. 

“Someone is offering you a drink.”

“Who?” you sigh, expecting he’ll be showing a random man who only wants to hit on you.

“Her,” he replies, pointing at Emily who is sitting in one of the barstools. 

“Oh,” you say, surprised yet reassured, “very well, thank you.”

You jokingly roll your eyes while Emily gets closer to you, a cocky expression on her face. She sits next to you and leans at the same time, you're mixing your drink with your straw.

“For a second, I thought it was one of those lame guys who wanted to flirt with me,” you laugh.

“It’s only me,” she affirms with eyes full of innuendos which go over your head.

“You know you don’t have to offer me a drink, right? I can pay for a round.”

“I just wanted to do it,” Emily admits, hoping you’ll understand her flirty attitude.

“Anyway, you didn’t have to do it like that,” you insist, taking a sip of your drink.

“It was worth it, the smile that was on your face when you understood it was from me was pretty.”

“You know,” you start, not paying attention to her compliment, “I’m glad I agreed on coming tonight when you asked me.”

“I’m glad you agreed, too, after all these months of asking,” she says before adding with a tone that’s supposed to be light, “and also that you told JJ and Penelope about it, clearly they need to relax as well.”

In truth, Emily thought this night out would be a one-on-one moment, nevertheless she wasn’t explicit enough apparently when she asked you out for a drink. As soon as you accepted, you turned to your two colleagues and asked them if they were also coming to which they said ‘yes’ in a heartbeat. Penelope is always willing to hang after work and JJ needs a break from cases and her personal life.

“Actually, you might need it more than the rest of us,” Emily adds, “You work too much and coming from me, it says a lot! You’re a real workaholic.”

“I know, I’m working on it, ironically,” you joke, realizing your improvised pun. “Anyway, you’ve all helped me to let go more often. I’m so happy I got into this team, particularly with you,” you specify, making Emily’s heart miss a beat, “you’re a really good friend.”

Upon hearing those words leaving your mouth, Emily feels her soul leaving her body. She had hoped the drink and the way she’s leaning toward you would make you understand she is flirting with you, but it seems like you still haven’t figured it out.

At first, she thought you weren’t being reactive to her flirty comments because you were in a professional context, that’s why she bet everything on tonight the minute you finally said yes to her, and yet, it wasn’t enough.

“That, I am!” she states, hiding her pain with a pinched smile. “You like what I ordered you?” Emily asks as she sees you drinking again.

“I love it, you made the right choice.”

Emily is about to add something when Penelope interrupts your moment by joining you.

“Stop looking at each other with puppy-dog eyes and come with us!”

Without giving you the time to protest, Penelope takes your hands and forces you to leave your chairs. She drags you both to the stage where JJ has already found the song you’re about to sing. The bar employee gives you the last mic, you have to share it with Emily, while the first note of Dancing Queen by Abba begins.

You need some time before humming the lyrics, as for JJ and Penelope they are focusing on every single word. Emily takes your hand and forces you to look at her while singing, the mic between your faces. Your eyes gazing deeply in hers, you find the courage to sing more loudly, Emily encouraging you by making you dance.

Emily makes the most of this improvised karaoke to get closer to you, however as every time she makes advances, it goes over your head. Regardless, Emily won’t give up yet, she needs to be more direct, that’s all. One day, you’ll finally notice she wants to be more than just a ‘really good friend.’

You violently drop your pen on your desk and shake your hand as a way to ease the pain. You sigh and throw your head back. You wish you could rub your eyes who are stinging but your make up stops you from doing it so you just massage your temples. You can’t see the end of this paperwork. It really is the part of the job you hate the most! You’ve been focused on this file for so long you can’t even read yourself anymore. You have to correct several mistakes and you struggle to find the right way to form your sentences. You need at least ten seconds to figure out how to write it. 

Bringing your head back again, you see Emily at her desk, yawning, instinctively you do the same.

“It’s almost been three years since I've been here and I’ll never get used to it. This paperwork will kill me,” you complain.

“Tell me about it! I only want to jump in my bed and snuggle with Sergio.”

“Same.”

“We should stop for tonight, it’s getting late,” Emily states, glancing at her watch.

“If I don’t finish it now, I won’t be able to do it later,” you reply as she begins to put her stuff away.

“If you want to give a file full of mistakes, be my guest, but I’m telling you, we should stop.”

You mentally weigh the pros and the cons while Emily stands up from her chair, you glance one last time at the sheet in front of you then close the file.

“You’re right.”

“I’m always right. This is what we’ll do,” Emily continues walking to your desk. “We go home and we rest like we deserve and tomorrow night, you come to my place to eat. Promise, I’ll order food.”

“Yes, that’s better, I wouldn’t want to die,” you joke, putting your belongings in your bag. “Although,” you resume after thinking, “that’d prevent me from finishing this file and you’ll be charged with murder and so you wouldn’t have to do paperwork anymore. On second thought, you should cook, it’d solve all of our problems.”

“I’d like it if I could avoid your death, especially if I’m the cause of it,” Emily retorts, laughing. “I wouldn’t be able to do this without you,” she adds, looking deeply in your eyes.

“You managed just fine before me,” you say, avoiding her eyes, overwhelmed by your proximity.

“Yeah, but it’s different now. Anyway, you come to my place tomorrow night and like this, our brains will be rested and we will be able to work on the file correctly.”

“Works for me,” you smile.

The following day, you go to Emily’s apartment, a bottle of red wine in hand. As soon as she opens the door, you find her beautifully dressed. She is wearing a black loose-fitting shirt and pants, her hair is curled — though you like all of her hairstyles, this one is your favorite — and her make up is natural nevertheless it still makes her face even more breathtaking. You forget how to respire for a second, not expecting to find an Emily this stunning. 

“You…” you start, clearing your throat, “you’re beautiful.”

“So are you.”

“You’re kidding, right? I put on the first pieces of clothing I found.”

“I still stand by what I said,” she insists before stepping aside. “Come in. I ordered Chinese food, it should be here anytime now.”

“Perfect. I've brought this,” you say, giving her the bottle.

“You didn’t have to! I’m gonna open it. Go sit on the couch.”

Emily walks in her kitchen to grab a corkscrew. She opens the bottle and pours two glasses before going to find you in the living-room, a big smile on her face, thinking about the night you’re about to spend together. Though, her smile vanishes the second she sees the file from yesterday on the coffee table.

“Do you want to work before or after eating ? I only have a few things left to write,” you inform her.

“Oh, huh… I’m almost done, too.”

“We’ll do that after eating, then.”

“Works for me,” Emily states, pretending to not be disappointed. 

You thank Emily when she hands you the glass of wine. You take a sip and so does she. Emily is disconcerted. She thought you understood she simply wanted to eat with you, one-on-one. She hadn’t planned to work while you were there. Clearly, she should have been more direct.

Fortunately, during the meal, you don’t talk about work, though the file watches you eat from the coffee table. Emily enjoys learning a bit more about you and the few times you return the questions, she avoids the subject. You quickly understand she does not like to talk about her life before the BAU so you don’t insist.

While you’re eating noodles, you struggle to bring a portion to your mouth, lightly staining your face. Emily chuckles as she watches you moving your head to swallow the rebellious noodles.

“I have it all over my face, don’t I?”

“A bit,” she replies, mocking you nicely. “Wait,” Emily adds before taking a napkin.

She gets closer to you, her knee touching yours. Her left hand delicately grabs your chin to make sure you don’t move while her right hand approaches the corner of your mouth. After Emily wiped everything, she does not back off. You gaze at each other, time standing still, and slowly, your faces get closer. Her lips are only a few inches away from yours when your phone rings, indicating a new text. Instinctively, you back off and grab your phone on the coffee table. Emily, as for her, is cursing whoever dared to interrupt your moment. Sure, you didn’t understand this was more than a random dinner between two colleagues, but she managed to sort it out; until a few seconds ago. 

Upon opening your texts, you discover it’s from Penelope. She sent you a picture of a saucer she crocheted with a message.

Message from Penelope to you, 9:50 P.M.:

[1 picture]

Look at this beauty I just finished! I’m gonna crochet one for you, too!! Xx ❤️

“Look at what Penelope made,” you tell her, showing her the picture.

“Very cute. It’s going to go perfectly with her cups,” Emily exclaims, trying to seem interested.

“It will!” you reply, writing back to Penelope. “Anyway, we should work now,” you resume, grabbing the file, “it’s almost ten.”

“You’re right, I’m gonna go grab mine.”

With an awkward expression on her face, Emily stands up from the couch and goes to search for her work which is on the kitchen table. This moment definitely did not go as planned. Emily is getting desperate. She doesn't know how to flirt with you. Either, you don’t see her making moves or you’re too polite to turn her down. Yet, she’s sure you have a special bond, however maybe it’s only from her side…

The following months, Emily preferred to flirt less with you, undoubtedly, it’s not working so she has to understand what it means. Therefore, she keeps talking to you, but she stops implying things you’ll never catch.

During one of the rare afternoons you have free, you ask Emily to go drink a coffee and go to a park which she accepted with joy. For once, you’re the one who is making plans! That is how you find yourselves sitting on a bench under a tree with a take-away cup in your hands. As usual, Emily hangs on your every word, half of her body turned toward you. Without realizing, you both started talking about your past relationships.

“My ex didn’t understand why I was working so hard,” you explain to her. “It was one of the main reasons why we used to argue. I mean, I’m not going to pretend I’m all innocent. I know I should have done better and found the right balance between my work life and my personal one, but she didn’t even try to understand me.”

“Now, it’s easier to find this balance, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is, mostly thanks to you!”

“Which is ironic considering I’m like you,” Emily giggles.

“Seems like we needed to meet so we could understand how to do it. Anyway, it wasn’t the only thing,” you resume, sighing. “We broke up because we were together out of habit, not out of love. We stopped going on dates, gifting each other random things. There wasn’t only one problem.”

“You deserve better, someone who will give you the attention you need, who understands you,” Emily affirms with a determined expression on her face. “You know, I would never do what she did. If I was lucky enough to be your girlfriend, I wouldn’t let you slip through my fingers, especially that way.”

Following her sentence,  you stay silent, your brain going a thousand miles an hour. The way Emily is turned toward you, what she just said… ‘Is she flirting with me?’ you wonder. You open and close your mouth several times, not knowing what to say. You feel like you’re reading too much between the lines. Emily cannot be flirting with you. It’s impossible. Surely you misunderstood the situation.

“This sounds like you’re flirting with me.”

“I have been trying to do that for three years now.” she replies with a mocking smile.

“What do you mean three years?” you ask, frowning.

“From the moment I met you in the elevator, I tried flirting with you, you were too nervous to notice, though.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nope!” Emily confirms, emphasizing the last syllable. “But I’m glad you finally noticed.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t see anything until today!” you complain, putting your head in your hands. “How many times did I miss it?”

“Oh, I stopped counting!” she laughs while you sink in the bench. “I even thought you were being oblivious on purpose, however considering your current reaction, you really are just oblivious. The most recent moment was four months ago.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I invited you over so we could see each other outside of work and get closer and not to work,” Emily informs and your eyes are wide open.

“And I brought the file! I want to slap myself! Why didn’t you say anything? I’m so embarrassed, you have no idea! At least, I understand better why you were all dressed up that night,” you specify after having an epiphany. “Don’t get me wrong, you’re always beautiful but that night! God, I was struggling to act normally, in particular when we were close before Pen texted me. I wanted to kiss you so much at that moment.”

“Me too,” Emily announces, tenderly gazing at you.

“And I ruined everything…”

“Don’t feel bad, I could have been more direct,” she reassures you, putting her hand on your shoulder.

“Oh, no, all of this is my fault! I’m supposed to be a profiler and I didn’t notice you were hitting on me for three years… Fortunately, I’m better with UnSubs. For my defense, I’m not used to people flirting with me,” you inform, avoiding her eyes.

“I got that. You’re embarrassed, it’s cute,” Emily states with a smile you find adorable.

“It’s not cute, I’m stupid!” you correct, rolling your eyes. “Especially because I’ve been attracted to you since we first met, too,” you add, looking deeply in her eyes.

“I’m happy to know it wasn’t only me. Does that mean you want to go eat together sometime?” Emily asks before adding with a humorous tone, “it’s a date, by the way, in case you hadn’t understood.”

“Ha ha. Very funny,” you retort, deadpan.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it,” she laughs. “So what do you say?”

“I’d love to go on a date with you,” you say, taking her hand in yours. “Promise, this time I won’t bring work.”

“Glad we’re on the same page.”

Emily squeezes your hand and brings you closer to her. She wants to kiss you so bad, more than usual, except she doesn’t move. You probably want to wait until your first date. Besides, you finally noticed she was flirting with you, she can’t push her luck and ask to get even closer. Though, for the first time, you perfectly guess what she thinks and decide to lean toward her and finally press your lips on hers, breaking three years of romantic tension.

Criminal Minds Masterlist