I just found out something....
I dont know if I should laugh,cry, or destroy
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@maridza
I just found out something....
I dont know if I should laugh,cry, or destroy

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My heart is on another planet with this melody.
Coming back home, without sickness in my veins.
How we forget that this exact same moment will never be repeated ??
Maybe same environment but never the same person in you and in others?
Same conversation maybe but different inner state?
How did I forget how precious present moment is?

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Fallin in love with this phase of my life.
When nothing is perfect, where I have zero need for anything but my own true self - my own company.
My heart is still in fucking zilion pieces but I know that in a few years I will miss this moment right now.
Released all illusions and THERE WERE PLENTY .
2 decades of my life I was scared to be myself.
To fit in.
Where?
Still naive tbh.
Still learning a lot about life ,some ppl think im stupid ,I just know that I am more than happy to have an opportunity to be who I truly was supposed to be.
Before I thought I should be someone else..
In my own eyes,not even others.
I am deeply grateful that I'm getting to know (to remember) who I am TRULLY.
And it feels disorienting sometimes but I mastered it lately.
If there wasn't chaos I wouldn't know how to operate differently.
In one hand whole new life is starting - or coming for completion - and I'm happy about it.
On the other - I am dead..ly in pain.
Grief.
For so many things at once.
But still I'm trying to be grateful that I cam feel ..even the pain.
It's not the pain that pains.
It's something much deeper that for my life I didn't find a proper definition of that word.
But it's all good.
Much blessings in my life.
I'm just somewhere in between.
Trying to stay in center.
Praying I will.
I am pure conciousness.
Dissolving and changing places.
More inwardly ,like always - they never understood it.
Trying to figure out how to use internal wings for external usage.
After a long time, I can honestly say that I feel gratitude.

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Ily
And if I'm meant to be alone, please take away my desire to be loved.
k.b. // unknown

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“U isto vrijeme sam i tužan i sretan, i još se pitam kako je to moguće.”
- Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I've should've fucking let you know
Before you disappeared
How many things stood upon my soul
Like a heavy burden of a fifteen kilograms of empty breath
I've never knew how to exhale
Those demons in the way they stared,like we were the ones that were insane
Without being wrongfully understood
Don't hate me for the things I want to do
To them ,and say
How to observe your smile that in your eyes did not mach your life that lived in fucking paradise
It always made me think several minimum but now I only think twice
One, did they made us fucking insane
Second,did we for a second made a mistake that cost our whole life by believing in those empty hollows
Your pain was my void I've tried to fill with more emptier..
I fucking miss and I fucking crave..
I barely remember how to properly ,fucking ,I excuse for a languages but I dont know how to pray
Not at all
Not even trying you know
You were the only one that knew my truest self
My soul
It left the day you were gone
I should've protected you and I'm fucking mad for the things I did you wrong
This should be a suicide note
For the future you and me both planned and hoped
I miss you like a fucking fire miss the air
I want to be with with you up there
I really hope this will be an omen
I will soon rise up and see you there