~Young and Reckless~

Juan Vasques-Davis. He’s a cutie.

Congrats, Faye! I bet he’s gorgeous!

Noel smiled lightly at that. Noel couldn’t help but mirroned Marcy’s reaction and shook her head as well. “You’ll do some lifting… But it won’t be all around it.” He said. “I don’t think we ordered anything, have we?

Noel nodded at that as she answered him. “I have no doubs that if I had walked away you would handdle. So many people would come to help and you would work it out.” He said. “But for the moment if feels too good to hear you say you wouldn’t handdle without me.” He smiled lightly at that and then sighed, feeling more relieved. “Okay, then. So, everything right with you on that department.” He said and then sighed. “I changed too, you know? It’s the first time I talking about a vagina in a very… Biological way, and no second intentions.” He said and let himself smile again with that. He looked at her. “I’m gonna be your personal trainer… Maybe I’ll put some ballet exercices, so you won’t hate it that much.”

Noel raised his eyebrows. “You’re contradcting yourself. You told me today… On this talk, that you felt like you didn’t need me. That you thought you could do it all alone.” Noel sighed. “Clearly.” He looked at Marcy. Noel leaned back on the table. “So… We’ll schedule the psychologist for you. And we’ll go to a gynechologyst.” He sighed. “You were worried before if your lower parts were still working for other things. Have you got that checked?” He asked. “And I’m so taking you to the gym again. So you lose the weight you claim you got and get you body back.” He said.

Noel shook his head in denial. “It is selfish anyway.” he said. “Well, so let me tell you… I felt like you didn’t want me to be with you. That I was only there to do what you wanted, and then be dismissed.” He said. “I felt useless.” Noel sighed deeply. “And I don’t wanna feel like that anymore.” He said. Noel nodded at that. “If you think it’s gonna help you…” He said. “I’m up for trying.”

Noel looked at her. “Because I let you… I let you pushed me away and I changed because of it.” He said. Noel sighed. “What we are now is fine. I don’t think we should move further or backwards.” He said. Noel rolled his eyes. “That is kind of selfish, don’t you think? You know how you reacted, you don’t feel good about it… So… If you don’t feel good about it, don’t you think you should ask yourslef how I feel about it? Put yourself on my skin and wonder?” He said. “When you say go check it, what do you mean?”

Noel pouted impatient. “Then tell me. You don’t tell me how you feel anymore. Just come to me and tell me… Are you feeling guilty, unconfortable, undesirable, tired… Just tell me.” He said. Noel looked at Marcy. “I’m not trying to put all the guilty on you. Just the things that fits. It’s not all your fault we’re like this, the way we are.” He said. Noel sat back on the chair and let go of her hand. “You pushed me away, of course I started acting a little weird. I didn’t know what I could do, what would make you upset…” He said. “No, it’s not all that matters. The way you react to me being there for you, matters. For me.” He looked at her. “You’re only looking to your side, that you apreciatte it now, so it’s all fine. And I’ll just go along. If I just go along with it, we’re gonna stay just the way we are.” He said. Noel shook his head. “Yeah, you don’t believe me… And I don’t know how to make you believe it.” He looked down. “Why my word is not enough?” He looked back at her. “It used to be.”

Noel sighed as she asked him that. “Well, after the talk we had, I don’t see us moving to anythign else than what we are. Boyfriends with kids and living together.” He sighed again.

Noel shook his head. “You tend to do that a lot. I say something, and you try to soften it up. You soften it up doesn’t make me feel better about it. I would much apreciatte it if you admited it. With no ‘kind of’s’ or anything to lessen your guilty.” He said. Noel looked at her. “Then I’ll suggest you to think why you’re insecure and actually answer me what have I done to make you feel insecure to the point on giving me an out on the day our kids were born. Because ‘I don’t know how to explain it’ doesn’t work for me.” He said. “Does it? Because after the birth, I tried to tell you you’re attractive and tried to flirt, and you didn’t gave it much attention.” He said. “I’ll lend you one of the books I read, maybe you’ll believe if you read it there.” Noel said.

Noel sighed as he thought about it. “Yes, I remember, but you can ignore that. We were just playing with the babies and Faye was on labor… I was with baby on the head. I didn’t even think before asking you that.” He said.

“My guilt is there. It has been always there, because I realized much later what I was doing”, she gasped. “And I didn’t want us to end up like that”, she pouted. “You didn’t do anything”, she widened her eyes. “I didn’t...It was all me, okay?”, she pouted. “I thought I could do it all alone. That’s how I felt every little moment of it”, she pouted. “That I didn’t need you”, she looked down. “People have disappointed me in the past and I’m taking it out like that”, she gasped. “And you were getting a little weird and I-combined with hormones didn’t like that”, she blinked fast. She rolled her eyes. “What does that have to do with me being complete? You are here with me and that’s all that matters”, she made a pause. “As for that, I don’t remember you flirting with me, but even if you did....I just don’t feel attractive anymore. I don’t”, she shook her head. “So, I generally ignored it, because I didn’t believe you”, she gasped out a laugh. “Okay,then. Reading it is”, she nodded.

Noel looked at her. “And hear you say ‘kind of’ makes me feel like you’re ignoring what I’m telling you, again.” He said to her. Noel listened to her and then sighed. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were afraid of something? When did I gave you any reasons to believe I wouldn’t care about how you’re feeling? I mean… You told me that you felt like I wouldn’t care about what you were going throught, when all I’ve done since you got pregnant was to make you feel confortable. I bought us a house, so I could be with you and help you with everything you needed. I read all the pregnancy book you’ve given me and more. I tried to take care of your diet…” He looked at her. “You’re blaming all on the hormones, but the hormones just highten what you feel. And you felt like you couldn’t trust me to care and be there.” He shook his head, feeling a little lighter. “So you feel complete now that you have kids. Does that fullness include me?” He asked. “Yes, you did mention. But it’s normal for the woman to get more emotional on the first years of motherhood. You’ll come back. Just give it time.”

Noel raised his eyebrows. “I couldn’t see it when you told me about the abortion and we didn’t talked about kids on Mya’s wedding. We did talked about marriage.” He said. “If I recall correctly.” He said. Noel nodded at that. “Okay, we can use your fun for awhile.” He said. “If that’s what you want to sue it with.”

Marcy shook her head. “I don’t ignore it. I am telling you that I’m feeling too wrong about it”, she sighed. “Because...I’m freaking insecure okay? I don’t know how to explain it”, she widened her eyes.”On that part, I remember feeling too insecure”, she bit her lower lip. “But, I don’t really know why”, she blinked fast. “Of course there’s also you”, she smiled widely. “Because, you’re living this with me. It was a huge part of that you were there to support me, like someone didn’t, once upon a time. No matter how I reacted to it”, she looked down and chuckled sadly. “It’s funny how when something is given to you, you don’t appreciate it as much as you should have and you realize it later on”. Marcy stared at him and sighed heavily. “Fine, if you say so”.

Noel pouted. “You pushed me away. Saying ‘kind of’ won’t change what happened.” He said. Noel sighed. “To be perfectly honest I haven’t realized I was distant with you. I just got focused on speeding the course and the work. And being with the kids when I could.” He said. Noel thought a little. “Well, that kind of happens with non planned pregnancies. But I chose to be with you. I chose to be a father, you don’t need to be guilty about it, it was my decision.” He said looking at Marcy. “I didn’t… I mean… You told me a story of how your ex convinced you to have an abortion and that you regreatted deeply. That doesn’t imply that you want to have kids, for sure.” Noel shrugged. “What is the point of talkign about it now? We have kids. And it’s not like I can think and tell you I don’t want kids. We have them and it’s been two years. I wouldn’t have it any other way now.” He said. “We can only talk about future kids.” He said. Noel raised his eyebrows. “What is a shame money? What does it means?” He said. Noel listened to Marcy and pouted, paying attention. He sighed. “Okay… Fine. We can get a loan. And I’ll quit one of my part time jobs. And we can figure it out the rest.” He said and held Marcy’s hands, caressing it lightly.

Marcy pouted, as well. “Saying “kind of” makes lessen my situation of what I did in my head. And I know what I did”, she blinked. “And I can’t find the reason why I did it-it was probably because of what the hormones did to my body and my head and everything felt weird and uncomfortable”, she blinked fast. “And I told you all that, then”, she licked her lips, “And I pushed you probably because of that...to confirm my fear? I don’t know”, she shrugged. “Or...”, she looked down and played with her fingers. “Since I got pregnant, I felt like everything was changing. Because it definitely does...for everyone that has the baby. And....after I gave birth, as hormones started to subdue, I realized that I felt full. Like whatever happened made complete somehow and I started feeling bad, because the last time I felt like that, was before I got pregnant the last time”, she frowned. “And it was somehow...how I lost myself with it....and what I wanted...”, she sighed heavily. “And i’ve mentioned you some times before that I’m changing and I don’t like it...I was used to be more firm around people and less emotional and now...I feel like...everything is emotional and I want to cry at everything”, she made a pause, “which is probably something that mostly hormones  make you feel”, she chuckled. “I want old Marcy back”.

Noel started listening to her, but he had to say that when she mentioned it. “During the pregnancy I didn’t feel that much excluded. You barely let me take care of you and most things I suggested you… Just said no and did it your way. I felt excluded on the last few days of the pregnancy and on the birth day.” He said. “Marcy… I never thought of having kids. I just never pictured it and on the pregnancy scares I had with Care… I flipped out. Because I didn’t want kids and I didn’t love Caroline. And I was way too young.” He windened his eyes. “But being a dad wasn’t a dream of mine. But I coped. I’m and coping with it. I love our kids, and now, I can’t see my life without them. Seriously, but… We never talked about kids before. I didn’t even know what you thought of kids before we got into this. Noel looked down a little and listened to her. “Marcy… I don’t feel confortable leaning on our parents… I got a scholarship, so I never have to worry about paying for college, I worked part time to pay the gym and food in my house. Mom insisted in paying some of my bills since she had not payed college. But I never leaned on anybody.” He made a pause. “You never asked me for anything, I’m working and speeding my course because I didn’t want you to worry about nothing else than the kids and your master. And I’m finishing my course by the way. I speed it enough so I can graduate in the end of the year.” He smiled lightly at her. “So then, I’ll have only my work.”

Noel listened to her and nodded. “Okay. That’s fair. And how do you feel about it?” He asked. “I’m just tired, Marcy. I’ve been working double. And studying.” He said. “I just… I’m just tired, for most of the time.”

Noel raised his eyebrows and picked a table, holding a chair for Marcy. “Oh, yeah? What do you want to talk about, then?” He asked and sat on the otehr chair, looking at Marcy.

Noel smiled as Marcy said that. Noel raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I’m up for some new memories. What do you suggest, honey?” He asked and held her hands guiding her to the restaurant.