AMERICAN BOY.

The Pitbull of Brits...okay, may need you to explain that one to me, but I will accept it if you say I should take pride in it. Which maybe I shouldn't just blindly put my faith in what someone says but you know, why not. Shit, where were you when I needed a hype man? Hilarious, somehow say something I'm not supposed to and get cancelled? Probably. I'm a Brit my humor is vastly different than Americans. Teach me all the ways. Of all the things. I even offer payment.

So basically, everyone loves Pitbull and he's a worldwide sensation, and people find him attractive. He's got nothing but swag — which is basically you but in Brit form. He's also inspirational and people find you to be that too. I say you take it and run with it, okay? Even if what I just said sounds insane. I've been here the whole time, hermano. We just haven't crossed paths. These days everyone is getting cancelled and for dumb reasons. I'm Dominican and Cuban...my humor is also different from Americans and I don't give any fucks if I hurt Kyle's feelings. Offering payment? Now this is what I'm talking about. I'm in.

I'm a worldwide sensation? Think you've got me confused with the other Brit that wears the Spiderman suit, my dude. Nah they've never wanted me to host, probably for good reason. Need to learn a bit of Spanish? Alright I'll learn some Spanish to keep it interesting, you keep teaching me all the ways that I'm supposed to be Gen Z too?

Nah nah, he's mega famous, sure. But you're like the Pitbull of the Brits and I think you should take pride in that! Also, you're Batman for gods sake! You're cool as hell. Well ain't that some shit — I think you'd be a hilarious host. Hell yeah, dude. I'm going to teach you all the things. You're going to be fluent before you know it. You want me to teach you the Gen Z ways too?? Okay pues, I can add that to the lesson.

¡porque haces imposible no reírse en tu cara! they have, but miguel is under the age of ten. though i'd love to see if you could well up the tears and sing remember me. i don't think that i am, but okay. it is! you literally just say the first thing that pops in your head. we found a venue actually in brisbane, so down under! playing his...son? that's an interesting choice. its up to you! eres un idiota!

Neta, eres mala. I don't know if I want to be your friend anymore. I might have to reconsider this friendship. Yes genius, I know he's under the age of ten. Of course I can well up tears and sing 'Remember Me'. Well alrighty then. Yeah, I know that I do and it's a problem...I just can't help myself. If I don't say the first thing that pops up in my mind then I might die. In Brisbane? Guwow, it's going to be a cool wedding then. What do you mean by that?! Well yes yes, introduce me to someone. Just full on insults! Aren't you tired of it?

hold on, you think disney would want you as miguel? i know you are a short king, but i think you aged out! i am okay not being you, very much okay with it! i was! theater was the start and then shifted to tv, then movies and here we are. obviously you are getting an invite! hope you don't mind destination weddings! you're in the new shrek? i had no idea! playing one of his kids? si! them! so...priscilla is your only option? i might be willing to.

Okay wow, why are you laughing in my face about this right now?? I was about to say they've casted 20 yr olds to play teens...but then remembered that Miguel is literally a child. Damn. Hmm, alright fine. You're missing out though, just saying. Ahh okay, that's good to know. The more you know (insert the rainbow image). That's what I thought, ayyy! Where are you two getting married? I sure am and mhm I'm playing his son. Well I mean, I'd Rosalía but you know. Wepa, let me do a little happy dance.

please, just do that and i'm recording it and posting it everywhere. i know you won't care, but i think the world would love it. yes! jealous of what? you do and i have been in it since i was a kid. maybe i'll just invite her to my wedding and bypass you! i knew that you were, i've seen the comedy special. i know you have and the world is just happy to see youj doing things outside of snl. i know it was! no, no...i mean, yes he worked with alexa. the person i'm talking about did a guest spot, and she did have something go viral because of her dialogue. should i?

You can record me if you want. I don't mind it and if you post it all over the place? Then maybe Disney will call me and play the live action Miguel from 'Coco'. You'd be doing me a favor. Jealous...of well not being me. Wait, I didn't know that you were. Bypass me?? Whatever, as long as you invite me to the wedding too. You watched it?? Good, I'm glad. It's been so fun doing things outside of SNL. Did you see I was also in the new Shrek?? OHHHH. You're talking about Rosalía and Priscilla?? Both are mamacitas. Rosalía and I are friends though...she probably sees me as an annoying brother. I think you should, yeah.

¡acabas de ilamarme loco! i think that you are full of it and you are overconfident. i have plenty, believe me! otherwise i wouldn't be where i am with my career. i think that it would be an amazing friendship! i have this feeling you were, either that or a mother's nightmare! i have seen some videos floating around. i did see you on good morning america, i was half asleep, and feeding my bebe, but still. see! you had me about to lose my mind. i wasn't kidding though! the last season of his show did have a badass latina woman! but fine, if you think i'm being petty, i'll keep my mouth shut from now on.

Sí, te llamé loca. Next time I see you in person I'm gong to sing 'Un Poco Loco' and dedicate it to you. So I hope you prepare for that. Full of it and overconfident? Pfft, you're just jealous. You're right, you have to have confidence to make it in this industry. Yeah, I don't know about that. How about I never introduce the two of you. I can't even lie about not being a nightmare for my mother. As a kid who always got in trouble and not because I was a bad, but because I wouldn't ever shut up. I've been everywhere the last couple of days. The world can't escape me. Oh man, this morning was a riot. I had everyone cracking up this morning. I was about to say who...but then I remembered he worked with Alexa Demie. But that's only one baddie. So, you're not going to hook me up with one of your amigas??

¡mentiroso! i think that i might be, but i think you are full of it! i think if i ended up talking to your sister, she'd become my best friend. that would probably not be good for you. i bet you were the devil! they can't because if they did? grounds for me snapping off! so in demand, being a host for the espys! plus you are doing press now, aren't you? i wasn't sure! so you keep in touch with him and not me? what is this nonsense? i don't, but i still can assume that is your type! uh...no? maybe ask your new best friend if he does!

¡No soy un mentiroso! How dare you call me such a thing! Que loca eres. I'm not full of it...this is what they call confidence, amiga. You should try it! Yeah, I can see the two of you becoming best friends and then I'd end up rolling my gorgeous brown eyes at the both of you. WHAT?! You think I was the devil?? Ayyy. I don't want you snapping off at me, you can save that for your hombresito. You're keeping up with Marcello?! I love it. But yes, I'm doing press for my film that comes out on Friday. From time to time, si. I'm not texting him every day or every week, so calm down. I'm still holding out for mi mamacita. Wowwww, you're going going to be like that?

who lied to you? i feel like i need you to tell me who this person was, so i can ask them what's wrong. if you tell me it was your mom, i still will talk to her. thank you! it's the perfect excuse. snl, tour and world cup madness? i guess that's okay as far as excuses go. since when di you two talk? less creepy now! are you telling me you don't think you'll end up with an angry latina woman? i thought that was your type.

Who lied to me?! Nadien, Isabela! Dios mio, you're calling mi mami a liar?? As a matter of fact it was her who told me I was the most angelica person. Just don't ask my sister, okey? Because she's going to say I'm the devil or something crazy like that. No one can really say anything when a woman says they were busy giving life. Mhm, I've been such a busy man and in such demand! The world can't enough of Marcello. Uh...since he hosted SNL last. Which let me tell you, we've stayed in contact since. Take a look around, Isa — do you see me with an angry Latina beauty?! Because I don't. But I do think I'm going to marry one...it's 100% my type. Do you have any amigas you can hook me up with??

Well, I'm in New Jersey at the moment, I was here for the world cup so I could swing by for sure. Kids are with their mom, the dog is at camp. I'm a free agent. It's called I Want Your Sex, I'm in a cop duo with Margaret Cho - Detective Zem and Detective Zola - she's so funny. The movie is about a guy who gets hired as an assistant for a provocative artist and he ends up becoming her sexual muse. Olivia Wilde and Cooper Hoffman are leading. It's fun. I have a couple of other movies lined up for release later in the year too so I'm just enjoying the break before the press starts again. I am the new host of Fear Factor, it's not coming back, it's been back. They brought it back in January, we're filming season two. Oh, man, I always need funny dudes in movies , they make me look so much cooler than I am. There might be a non-stunt-related Jackass movie at some point in the future, it's a personal dream of mine. So if the stars align, I'd love to get you involved.

Let's do lunch tomorrow then! I've got it free in the mix of the promoting my new film with Kevin Hart. But your dog goes to camp?? How come I didn't know that was a thing...dogs are out here living the best lives. Heey, that sounds like it's going to be one hell of a film and I can't wait to see more about it. Is there a trailer out yet? Because if so, then I clearly need to watch it. So, essentially you're going to be a busy man come to the end of the year? Oh shit, I didn't know that it's been back. I haven't seen an episode since Joe Rogan hosted it and that feels like...forever ago. I love surrounding myself around people who are also hilarious because they just get my weird ass humor and never get offended. Really? Well, put my name down! I'm manifesting with my crystals tonight that the stars will align for us.

why can't we blame you? it has been months and you know i was bringing life into the world, filming two movies at once! what's your excuse? ¿no? ¡nunca lo habría imaginado! that just sounds creepy. i am going to worry, querido. if you don't love it, you are used to it!

Because I'm literally the most angelica person to ever exist. I would never do something that would require blame on me. But fine, I'll give you a break since you did have a baby and were working. My excuse?? I was busy with wrapping up SNL, tour and the world cup madness. Your fiancee told me about it! That's how I found out. Less creepy now? Sure, I'll be use to it but that's about it!

excuse you? excuse me! it's been how long since we talked? porque simplemente me encanta torturarte! how did you find out? because i'm just curious! i bet that you will, marcello! te encanta.

E'squeeze me?! It's not all my fault, Isa! It's been months now and I don't know how we've gone this long! No me gusta, eh. ¡Oh, lo sabía! Oh oh, I have my ways of finding out things. So, don't worry about it, sweetheart! It's quite cute that you're certain of that.