Sleepaholic fanfic author

When the horn was blown, the clash of steel against steel was immediate. Sanemi attacked first– fast and relentless. The raw strength alone behind his blows was meant to overwhelm and break through Giyuu’s guard. And instead of meeting the blows head on, Giyuu deflected and redirected, his footwork precise, waiting for any openings to strike. Their fighting styles clashed, much like their kingdoms did. It was defense over offense, yet the best defense was merciless offense.

The crowd roared at every heavy blow given, they favored raw aggression. Everytime their Crown Prince forced your brother to give ground, they would cheer. Unease settled in the pit of your stomach as your fingers tightened around the silk of your robes– what would be called cruelty in your homeland, here, it’s called strength and it was shouted and celebrated.

Giyuu was driven back step by step closer to the stone wall, his defense held barely from his draining stamina. Sparks flew from where their blades met, sweat streaked down their temples from the exertion and smeared the slight blood– from Giyuu’s brow and the shallow cuts along their arms where their swords nicked the skin. 

Then Sanemi kicked him back brutally– once, twice– that Giyuu’s chest plates dented and knocked the air out of his lungs, the sound of his armor scraping the stone made you wince. Your mother’s hand flew to her mouth.

Your brother's grip around his sword faltered and it slipped from his grasp, clattering on the ground. Sanemi seized the opening with no hesitation and pressed his blade against Giyuu’s throat, making a thin trickle of blood spill. The arena erupted in cheers.

“Yield.” Sanemi commanded with an edge of triumph and fury.

Giyuu’s jaw tightened as his eyes glared with cold fury at his opponent that bested him and humiliated him. His mouth moved but his words were lost beneath the soldiers' cheers of victory. Whatever your brother replied, it made the Crown Prince of wind’s expression shift. 

The sword dropped from Sanemi’s hand, before he yanked roughly your brother’s hair and swung his fist hard with Giyuu's face. Your heart sunk in your chest.

They grappled with their armors clanging and their fists striking flesh sickeningly– blood splattered on the stone. Giyuu retaliated with his fists, his rage breaking through his usual composure as he struggled against Sanemi’s weight and strength. The Wind prince had the upper hand from pinning down the Water prince by his throat, strangling his throat– Giyuu’s face flushed a deep red from the lack of air.

This was no longer a spar to test skills. 

It was a violent brawl.

And the crowd roared with excitement while panic shook both the Wind and Water monarchs. The Water king and queen, along with the Wind queen, rose abruptly from their seats with alarm cracking through their royal restraint. 

“ENOUGH.” King Kyogo’s voice boomed thunderously across the arena, silencing the crowd at once with his authority.

The guards surged forward to pry the Princes off each other, it took eight men to drag Sanemi back as he strained against their grip. Giyuu was hauled upright by the other guards but he swatted their hands away, refusing further assistance. Both Princes were bruised, battered and humiliated in front of their courts.

The Wind king stood and addressed the two heirs– who now bowed in deference to him.

“Is this the example you wish to set for your people ? If you bleed over insults in front of them, they will bleed over less.”

He fixed his first born.

“You have won the spar, you have shown your strength. But a general who cannot leash his temper buries his own men.”

Then his eyes flicked to Giyuu. 

“And you, Water Prince, you were disarmed and defeated fairly. And yet, you chose provocations when silence would have preserved your dignity.”

“This marriage is meant to bind our kingdoms. It is for survival. The flame kingdom watches both our borders and sharpens their blades. If you two cannot stand in the same space without spilling blood, then do not insult me by pretending you will stand together when war comes.”

Only then the two princes rose from their bow and limped off the arena escorted by guards. Soon after they joined the marble balcony, each silently taking their family’s side. Giyuu slumped on the chair next to you, his bruised skin and hair were slicked with sweat, blood ran down his nose and his throat still bore a deep red handprint that was slowly turning purplish.

You fetched your handkerchief and pressed it to Giyuu’s bleeding nose to stem it. “Brother…how could you suffer such brutality at the hands of a savage ?”  Your voice was hushed with deep concern and contempt.

He heard it. 

The word made a vein bulge on his forehead. Sanemi didn’t turn his head, he didn’t react outwardly. He kept his eyes forward as his hands curled into fists at his sides. He nearly snapped at you but he held his tongue and exhaled through his nose. He could still feel Giyuu’s insult ringing in his ears.

“A Prince should know restraint, but I suppose a dog only knows how to bite and bark.” 

That coastal bastard spat on his honor in front of his soldiers– Battering him had soothed the insult briefly.

He could still feel his father’s intense eyes on the back of his head, waiting for any further offense. Kyogo had not raised him to bark back at foreign royalty, he had raised him to endure and hold his rage within him until it could be used when needed.

Savage.

It did not help that he had despised you the moment his father had spoken the words betrothal and alliance.

At dusk, the feast began without you. You had offered your excuses with a low bow of your head– the fatigue of the travel, the thinner mountain air– the Wind king studied you for a long moment before granting you his permission.

The palace corridors were quieter and dimmer away from the banquet hall. The candle scones lined the stone walls, their flame trembling from the soft breeze slipping through the passageways. You stepped onto one of the outer balconies that overlooked villages clinging to the mountainside. You could see smoke from fire hearths, scattered torches flickering across the distance. 

The sharp wind currents traveled freely through the valleys, making you shudder. Your sheer dark blue veil fluttered and lifted from your shoulders as it brushed against your cheeks.

This would be your view. There were no rolling tides, no salty air or open blue horizon.

Only stretching green hills and cliffs. You could already feel the homesickness settling in your chest.

“I was told the feast was in your honor.” His voice– low and strained with displeasure– came from behind you by the arched doorway. You didn't even hear him approach and stiffened before turning to him.

He had shed his armor for a court attire, he looked less menacing but still as intimidating. He wore a tailored slate-blue doublet with a high collar, it was embroidered with intricate patterns- almost shimmering in the candlelight. Dark metal clasps ran down the center to fasten it. White sleeves extended beneath the vests, and a short black mantle rested over one shoulder clasped with a silver brooch by his collarbone. A purple bruise has already bloomed on his jaw.

You dipped into a shallow curtsy and he bowed in return just enough to be proper. The formalities felt stiff and strained between you.

“The journey was long,” you said calmly. “I required air.”

“The mountains tend to remind the visitors where they hail from. ” he said with clear implication. “especially those accustomed to the coast.”

He stepped forward onto the balcony until he stood beside you at the edge, though he kept a deliberate distance and fixed the villages below as the wind ruffled his hair and mantle.

“Your concern for your brother was…fervent," he said with no subtle sarcasm.

“Is that mockery, your Highness?” your brow furrowed slightly, starting to feel irritation, but you still kept your gaze forwards. 

“I would not dare,” He replied flatly before pausing for a bit. “Though I was intrigued by your choice of words.”

You finally glanced at him. “And what words would those be?”

“Savage.”

The howling wind whistled between the stone pillars. You felt the color drain your face for a moment. He had heard you. 

“I witnessed you strike him after he had already been disarmed and defeated." you said quietly. “Concern seemed appropriate.”

“He insulted me,” Sanemi said at last, with a stern tone. “In my father’s arena and before my soldiers"

“And would that justify strangling and battering my brother before both our courts?”

“He questioned my honor.”

Your expression didn't change. “Then your honor must be very easily shaken.”

His head snapped towards you. “ You speak boldly for someone who barely knows the man she is provoking– or how little patience he has for it.” 

The wind pushed the hem of your veil against his arm , and he instinctively reached out to shove the fabric aside irritatedly. The balcony’s torchlight didn’t reveal much, your features remained blurred beneath the sheer layer and denied him the read on your expression–- or as fully as the veil allowed. Any hint of resentment or dread, anything beyond your unsettling formal composure– which grated on him.

“Tell me, Princess,” his voice lowering slightly. “have you always obeyed orders so readily ? You follow your father’s will without question.” 

“I follow orders that ensure my people’s safety and survival.”

“And in this…farce,” he continued. “ Was your own safety considered?”

“My safety,” you replied steadily. “will be my husband’s responsibility.”

his eyes narrowed at you.

“A husband who cannot protect his own wife is dishonored,” you continued. “Surely the Wind kingdom would not tolerate such weakness. Or are you suggesting, Your highness, that you would be the one to cause me harm?” you added with your voice unwavering. Another gust of wind snapped your veil against his chest before falling back.

“Do not,” he growled, strained with anger. “put that in my mouth.”

“I was merely asking a question.”

“You are implying an accusation.”

“If the thought angers you, then perhap–”

He stepped closer abruptly and it was unmistakably threatening. He stood near enough before your face that you could feel the warmth of his breath through the veil.

“I do not harm what is under my protection,” he said through gritted teeth. “Not my soldiers. not my people. And certainly not the bride this damned alliance had saddled me with.”

“You speak of dishonor,” he went on with his temper surfacing openly. “Yet you assume I would endanger what keeps our Kingdoms safe from wars and bloodshed.”

“...You have given me little reason to doubt it.”

“Do you always judge so quickly or only when it comes to those you favor ?” He said coldly. “You saw one moment of me and deemed me as some uncivilized barbarian.”

“And yet, Crown Prince,” you replied quietly. “You have done nothing to prove otherwise.”

That was the final straw. He fixed you with a death glare, a vein pulsing at his temple. For a second he looked like he was on the verge of shouting at you but instead he exhaled sharply through his nose.

“You shall see soon enough,” he muttered irritatedly while turning away. His boots stomped the ground as he strode back to the archway. Before he disappeared into the corridor, he threw one glance over his shoulder.

“Gaze your fill, Princess. These lands will be your only view henceforth.” 

The Water court had been given guest chambers within the eastern wing of the Wind palace. From the windows, one could see the vast magnificent gardens— a floral paradise with running fountains and carved marble statues, often covered with mist in the early hours. 

The Wind King was determined to show proper hospitality to his guests before the union of their Kingdoms. Hunts were arranged in the forests that stretched down the mountain's foothills. From your own chamber windows you could sometimes see them assembling in the lower courtyard at dawn with your father and brother among them. 

The Wind knights moved with efficiency with their spears and bows slung across their backs. Their horses stamped against the cobblestone with their breath steaming in the chilly morning air.

And among them there was always one figure who stood out.

His white hair stirred in the wind.

Your betrothed mounted swiftly his steed, his sword resting at his hip. He spoke briefly with his father at his left before the hunting party rode out.

You mainly stayed in your guest chamber. The servants of the palace had opened the windows that first morning– thinking perhaps you would appreciate the fresh mountain air, you had thanked them gently before asking for the windows to be closed. 

It was colder than what you were accustomed to. 

Invitations were delivered daily and each time you declined politely with a reasonable excuse. 

The first invitation arrived the third day before midday, a maid bowed deeply while presenting a folded parchment. It was from Her Majesty the Queen of Wind given the wax seal. 

The queen invited you for a walk in the inner gardens and wished to show you its blooms. It was written with genuine warmth as if the queen hoped the walk might help you feel less like a stranger in the palace. 

“Please convey my sincere gratitude to Her Majesty for her kindness.” You said gracefully to the maid as you folded the paper.

“ However, I fear the sudden change from the coast to the mountain air has left me somewhat lightheaded.  I do not wish to present myself before the Queen as I'm recovering. ” 

The maid bowed and withdrew quietly.

The second invitation came from the princesses Sumi and Teiko, the younger sisters of the Wind heir. The two girls appeared at the doors themselves, whispering excitedly before the guards announced them. Both peered curiously at you when the doors opened, taking in your unveiled face within the privacy of your chambers.

“There are falcon nests along the lower cliffs,” Sumi started eagerly.

“And the falcons soar back at sunset,” Teiko added.

“Brother says they’re not dangerous if we stay back.”

“We thought you might like to join us to observe them in the western tower.” Teiko said.

You listened patiently and smiled at the two earnest children. You could see the genuine hope in their eyes and curiosity too– no doubt, about the woman who would become their older sister very soon.

“You both are very thoughtful to invite me,” You said gently, lowering your gaze slightly. The disappointment began to show on the young princesses' faces before you even finished speaking.

“Unfortunately I have been occupied with the preparations of the ceremony and have been learning the customs of the Wind court. I fear I would only slow your adventure.”

The girls glanced at each other, Teiko’s shoulders sagged. “Oh.”

Sumi recovered quickly, trying to sound polite. “Perhaps another time then.”

The girls bowed before leaving. Through the closed doors you could faintly hear the younger one protesting in the corridors while the elder shushed her.

The third invitation was from the King himself. 

Late afternoon during the second week a servant arrived bearing the message that His Majesty the King Kyogo would be pleased if you joined the royal hunt the following morning.

It was a rare courtesy, the King did not extend such invitations lightly.

“Please tell His Majesty that I am very deeply honored by the invitation,” you started calmly.

“However, I must confess that I have a faint heart and I have never grown accustomed to the sight of blood during hunts. I fear my presence would only be a burden upon the riders.”

Even the servant hesitated, his face paled a bit, clearly uncomfortable with delivering a refusal to the king. He attempted to persuade you to accept but it was futile.

Through those two weeks, the palace’s staff noticed the Water Princess rarely left her chambers. The servants entered and exited quietly with trays of tea and half-touched meals, the guards stationed outside your doors caught only occasional glimpses of you. Even the ladies attending you began exchanging glances.

You only appeared where absence would be unexcused.

The feasts were unavoidable. To refuse attendance at the evening banquets would be an insult to King Kyogo and Queen Shizu. 

So each night the great hall of the palace was filled with music, nobles gathered in their finest attires, wine flowed freely while servants carried platters of roasted meats of all kinds– even the roasted deers and mountain goats they hunted– across the long tables beneath the chandeliers.

The Water monarchs sat beside the Wind monarchs at the high table. 

Your father spoke with the Wind King– discussions of trade routes with the fellow Stone Kingdom, of naval protection along the coasts, of the growing tension and threat from the south where the Flame Kingdom expanded its borders.

The queens spoke softly, exchanging polite conversations and compliments with practiced smiles. Giyuu kept mostly to himself and quietly ate his meal, while the six younger princes and princesses of the Wind conversed among themselves.

You sat at your designated chair– beside him, at his right. He rarely spoke during these feasts, he listened when addressed and answered his father or the captains of his army seated further down the table. 

He didn’t even bother sparing a glance at you, he was already irritated enough without acknowledging your presence. And when the meal ended, he excused himself immediately. 

Every night, without fail.

For those two weeks Sanemi had avoided you just as deliberately. The training yards, the military councils meetings and strategizing, the outer towers. He avoided the eastern wing like the plague.

If he learned you were invited at some courtly outing arranged by his mother, he found reasons to be elsewhere. If his younger sisters spoke about visiting your chambers again, he redirected them towards the falcons or invited them to watch his training drills and sparring matches– or anything to keep them busy. 

It was better to leave you in your quiet corner. Better than listening to endless whispers about your forthcoming marriage. Because his patience had worn dangerously thin, his temper ready to explode– especially after that conversation at the balcony.

The court and servants murmured quietly among themselves– of course no one was foolish enough to dare gossip within the earshot of the volatile Crown Prince. They would face serious consequences. Some said you are delicate— that perhaps the sea raised fragile people. Others suggested you were shy and intimidated by the Prince’s reputation. 

But Sanemi knew better, it wasn’t timidity. It was excuses. It was measured distance– and it was irritating as hell. 

It was already the day before the wedding, the days had begun to blur in the short time you lived in your chambers. The scent of soothing herbs and coal burning in the small bronze braziers around the room spread through the air, the chirping of the birds filled the silence.

You sat beside the windows with a book resting in your hands, its pages describing the flora and trees that grew across the lands of the Wind kingdom. Although their names were unfamiliar to you, the hand-drawn illustrations captivated you enough that you found yourself studying them longer than the text beside them.

There was bustle in the corridors beyond your doors, many footsteps and murmuring voices, along with the occasional grunts of strains from carrying something heavy. 

Before you could rise, the guards outside announced the arrival. “Her Majesty, the Queen of the Wind Kingdom.”

You stood at once as the doors opened. The Queen entered first, graceful and ethereal in her pale green robes of the finest silk with silver leaves embroiderings. Her expression softened when she saw you, her gaze lingered for a brief moment to take in your unveiled face.

Behind her came several servants bearing lacquered chests and velvet trays, they filed into the chambers carefully. 

“I see that you were reading,” The Queen said gently, seeing the closed leather book still in your hand. “I hope we did not disturb you.” 

“It is no disturbance, Your Majesty,” You replied as you lowered yourself into a respectful curtsy. “Your presence honors these chambers.”

Shizu smiled at the formality. 

“I thought it proper to visit you before tomorrow,” she said while gesturing to the servants to begin placing the heavy chests around the room. “A bride should not face such a day feeling alone in a foreign court.”

At her nod, the servants opened the lids. Inside were robes of silk and brocard– rich fabrics embroidered with breathtaking patterns and stones that shimmered in the morning light. 

Another chest with velvet lining held jewels– ranging from bracelets and necklaces to delicate emerald coronets. And most important of all, the ceremonial crown for tomorrow. 

One servant stepped forward last with a tray, presenting the small jewel casket. The Queen herself took it and offered it to you. 

“This was crafted for you,” She said softly. Inside rested a ring of white gold with a large and deep green emerald at its center, the band had small engravings of wind motifs.

It was your wedding ring. Tradition– both in the Wind and Water Kingdoms– dictated that it should have been given to you by the groom himself. 

“My son was meant to present this to you,” she added with her calm yet apologetic tone– and faintly weary. “However…Sanemi has never possessed much patience for ceremonies.”

You handed your book to a nearby servant to hold before you reached for the ring to study it closely for a moment, then returned it to its box. “It is beautiful, Your Majesty.”

“I am pleased it finds favor with you, my dear.” she replied with a smile that crinkled the corners of her eyes. 

“You have taken an interest in our lands?” Shizu asked, glancing at the title of the flora book.

“I thought it wise,” you answered. “If I am to live here, I should acquaint myself with it.”

“Then you must not limit yourself to the small collection of these guest chambers. The palace libraries will be opened to you. All of them.”

“You are most generous,” You said quietly with a bow of gratitude.

Shizu dismissed the servants with a graceful gesture, leaving only the two of you among the scattered gifts. The Queen looked you over thoughtfully for a moment before smiling.

“You are remarkably calm,” she said at last. “Most young brides would be frightened.”

You lowered your eyes slightly. “I do not believe fear would change the outcome, Your Majesty.”

A faint laugh of sympathy escaped her lips. “No, I suppose it would not.”

She then moved closer to you with her voice softening.

“My son can be…a difficult man.” She started. “His temper has always run ahead of his judgment– even as a child.”

She paused searching for the right words. “But for all his faults, he is not cruel. And he has never failed those entrusted to his care. Time has a way of softening what pride first rejects.”

The memory of him viciously battering your brother in the arena flashed briefly in your mind, but you kept a composed expression.

“I will remember your advice, Your Majesty.”

Shizu gently took one of your hands in both of her soft ones, her touch warm and comforting. “I hope that you will find something here worth calling home. And if the palace becomes too silent or too large for you…you are always welcome to seek me out, dear one.”

With that, the Queen of the Wind took her leave.

The night had settled over the Wind Palace. You could  still hear the sounds of the evening feast being carried through the corridors– the faint music and toasts of the nobles. You had excused yourself as soon as you finished your meal and the Queen of Wind granted you permission. Giyuu glanced at you from his plate.

Now in your chambers, the servants had long since finished arranging the lavish gifts. The robes rested carefully folded across the carved chests while the jewels glittered softly beneath the lamplight.

You had returned to your book but your eyes had stopped following the words long ago, your thoughts drifted to the ceremony. By tomorrow's morning you would become a man’s wife before witnesses, and with it would come duties not only to him but to his kingdom as well– alongside the duties you carry for your homeland. At only nineteen years of age, you would take him as a husband and he would take you as a wife by oath and obligation not by lo–

A knock at your doors broke the silence and the guards opened them without question, your older brother stepped inside. He paused beyond the threshold with his eyes sweeping slowly across the room, taking in the chests, robes, jewels– they lingered on the emerald crown resting upon the small marble table.

Without a word, he crossed the room and sat quietly at the edge of the bed beside you.

“You have been well received,” he said after a while. His expression was stoic as usual, but his voice carried an unreadable undertone beneath its calm.

“They are generous hosts.” you replied.

“That they are.” he nodded before the silence stretched between you two.

He rested his forearms on his knees as his blue eyes fixed again the ceremonial crown, gathering his thoughts.

“Surely, you must know that you will still remain a Princess of the Water Kingdom,” he said eventually, his eyes finally meeting yours. “Even if tomorrow you wear emerald instead of sapphire.”

You felt your chest tightening at his words but you didn’t interrupt him.

“When Tsutako left,” he continued quietly. “the palace felt…emptier. Father said it was the price of peace, but peace does not make absence easier.”

He paused while your fingers tightened slightly around your sleeves. “It will be the same with you…” he said, for a moment his composure nearly slipped.

“I will think of you very often.” he added and your throat tightened. 

“Brother–” you started shakily but he shook his head gently.

“You do not need to pretend before me.” He withdrew something carefully wrapped in a handkerchief from his doublet hidden pocket.

“Your wedding gift.” he said, holding it out to you.

You unfolded the cloth slowly with trembling fingers. Inside was a delicate silver hairpin shaped like a curling wave, and at its center sat a light blue sapphire that reminded you of the sea at dawn.

“I had the royal jewelers craft it before we departed.” he said. “The coast stones are rare in these mountains, I thought it best that one remained with you.”

Before you could stop yourself you leaned in and wrapped your arms around him, your eyes watered and your breath hitched as you buried your face against his attire’s fabric– hiding it from his gaze. Giyuu stiffened slightly at first given he had never been comfortable with open displays of affection, but his hand rested gently against your shoulder.

“I will write to you as often as I can, worry not.” you said as you finally released him. your eyes still stung but you took in a breath to keep composure.

“Rest well tonight,” he said quietly as he stood to leave. “Tommorow will be…tiring, Crown Princess of the Wind.”

You let out a choked scoff at your new title. but at the door Giyuu paused briefly.

“And if he ever causes you harm,” your composed brother added, yet the quiet threat was unmistakable. “Send word.”

I did a little exploration of this headcanon in Compass and it comes up again in Wind and Moon. But short answer: absolutely. 200%. Multiple things influence him with respect to intimacy, the largest and most obvious of which is his father and how Sanemi witnessed Kyogo’s treatment of Shizu (his mother). Sanemi canonically isn’t blind to how others perceive him — brutal, cruel, rough. He’s acutely aware of it and actively encourages it in a desperate attempt to keep his loved ones far away and safe. So of course, that’s going to come back and bite him in the ass the first time he even considers getting intimate with someone because fuck, they know what he is. How could you possibly want him knowing he’s exactly the monster you must think he is, the same one his father was? In that regard, he probably thinks you’re stupid or have zero sense of self preservation, in which case, he’s going to protect you from yourself. And that means he resists.

Naturally, he can’t do that forever because at the end of the day, he is a lonely boy with so, so much capacity for love. So his apprehension to intimacy shifts course — it becomes about shielding you from being tainted by him. He’s dark, fucked up, too traumatized for anyone to genuinely want the cowardice and weakness beneath his hardass exterior, and if you touch him and let him touch you, you’ll only expose yourself to it. It doesn’t matter that your fingers on his cheek make him feel whole, chase away all memories of the scars marring his skin until he forgets they’re there all together. It doesn’t matter how badly he wants to explore the soft planes of your body with his hands or mouth, map out every inch of you until he knows you like the back of his hand. It’s dangerous because he’s dangerous, and you’re good. He doesn’t deserve you and you’re supposed to be smart enough to know that.

I think, when he’s finally worn down though and unable to hold back any longer, he’s still very in his own head. He’s extremely delicate in how he handles you and constantly checks in — when he kisses you, when he tentatively begins undressing you and hesitates when undressing himself, when he’s got you spread out on the bed while he sits between your thighs, nothing separating you except a few inches of space and his one last hesitation. He’s asking you if it’s really what you want, throwing you every out he has just in case you make the smart decision and back out. But, you don’t, and Sanemi is helpless when it comes to you, so he obeys your soft commanding please, and gives himself up to you.

During the deed? Sanemi’s very cautious. Don’t get me wrong, he feels fucking incredible and it takes an enormous amount of self restraint he’s not sure he has to not bust the second he’s fully seated inside you. It’s his singular focus on you that keeps him from doing so, and he’s so attuned to how your eyebrows scrunch with the slight discomfort of having him fully in you that he can’t really give a fuck about how amazing he feels. He feels only slight anxiety, knotting in his stomach, and fear hardening in his throat because he knew it, you regret it, this isn’t what you want and above all, he’s hurting you —