I've Never Known A Day Of Peace

It really irks me when I see people saying how easy polyamory is and how toxic jealousy is and humble-bragging about how they never feel jealous, and they don't understand why jealous people even do non-monogamy because they don't seem "into" the idea of their partner(s) seeing other people. The truth is that experiencing jealousy does not disqualify you from practicing non-monogamy. If it did, I think there would only be perhaps a handful of truly non-monogamous people, maybe ever.

If you're non-monogamous and you experience jealousy sometimes, you are not only valid but you are perfectly normal.

This applies to anyone who feels jealous sometimes and it applies especially to people who say things like "Non-monogamy is so easy, I never feel jealous!" I promise you, it is bound to happen to you the longer you practice non-monogamy, and there's no need to beat yourself up for it when it does.

Jealousy is a normal human emotion that's evolutionarily designed to help us hold onto the people that we love. And, although for some people it's easier to rationalize away jealousy in non-monogamy, that doesn't mean that the emotion won't occasionally decide to sit with us anyways.

At its core, jealousy is a fear of loss. Some people experience a lot of jealousy in the beginning stages of a relationship, before they become sure and stable in that relationship. For others, jealousy can creep in later. In my personal experience, I've found that the closer I become to a partner, the more I come to cherish them, and the more I cherish them, the more likely I am to become anxious about losing them.

So why does everyone act like jealousy is a "bad" emotion? Well, it can cause us to act out in pretty negative ways - and that's where I think the conversation about jealousy should center. We can't always control our negative emotions, in fact I'd wager a guess that most of us rarely can. However, we can control our actions and behaviors. It would be so much more productive if we focused, as a community, on discussing how to manage and cope with jealousy in non-monogamous relationships so that we can avoid negative behaviors.

it's in the knowledge that to them, you are important enough that they continue to choose you even when they have chosen others as well. it's in the knowing that your love calls to them so strongly that they feel it even when they have the love of another.

she is free to love however and whoever her heart desires. i do not tie her down (well, not in that way lol). i do not limit her, i do not restrict her, i do not contain her. she can and does find love in others. but i am important enough to her that she is always going to come back to me. it's not just a hope, a maybe, it's woven into the very fabric of the relationship. i am not less significant because i am one of a few, i feel like i am actually more significant because of it. my love is so unique and valuable that she has to have it, even when she is getting so much love already. that feeling is so powerful to me.