mangotangerine's fun corner

Beyond the illustrations in When Boys Grow Up, I don’t have any illustrations or anything of any of the houses. :(

vox & alastor afterlife but instead of hell it's alastor's family's spiritual afterlife & before crossing the river to the spirit world they have to have a conversation with/live a few scenes of every person they have murdered (except for vox, it's only the ones he murdered for fun, not the work ones because fuck writing that many)

Sorry 😔

Yes, the Vox protocol was first created by Allie in high school of INM-verse (after Travis pushed him away, which Travis does not know about), and used again post-Valentino.

So by the time they needed it again in moonrise, it had been so long Allie genuinely didn’t think it’d be necessary.

The only really effective method for immediate suicide prevention (for someone who has a plan and intends to act on it) is to eliminate access to the methods they might use to accomplish it, so that’s the first step of the Vox protocol.

I’m sure the conversations with Vox after everyone arrived was trying to tell Vox how much he was loved, but Vox never doubted he was loved, never doubted he had value to those he cared for and who cared for him. He knew it would hurt people.

But he felt like he was drowning, and at a certain point he just couldn’t take it anymore.

The new Vox protocol, or what Alastor and Vox end up creating together, is a combination of therapy, exploring medications, and developing specific coping mechanisms and ways of recognizing coming danger before it gets to be too much.

Oh this would be interesting! There are a lot of different ways I could take this. My initial thought was time travel fix-it but Marcus is alive because of proximity to Peter, so if they kill Peter...

🤔 Or maybe adult WBGU V & Alastor and INM Vox & Alastor & then INM Vox & Alastor have to deal with the difficult emotions of who they could have been had things gone a little differently...

Awww hehehe thank you! I’m glad you like it so much!!

It’s taken a lot of practice and reading and writing to get to where I am in my writing journey, plus a thickening of my skin so I can handle the critique, and also I’ve been very deliberate with my practice and what specifically I try to accomplish in writing.

A few of the things I identified in my own writing (or that were pointed out to me) that I’ve worked on:

More immersive/sensory writing. Involving touch, scent, sound, taste, proprioception is just as important as vision, even more so sometimes.

Language economy and compression (i.e., saying more with fewer words). This also involves making sentences do more than one thing, like, if I’m going to describe a character, how do I make that say something about the character’s personality, can I add something plot-relevant, can I add something that helps set the tone/mood of the scene?

Reducing how many goddamn em-dashes I use. I got all “AI can’t take my em-dashes away from me!” and way over-corrected. 😭 My sister pointed it out and I couldn’t unsee it. So I’ve tried to cut back on those and only use them when they’re called for grammatically or when the impact is needed.

Symbolism and metaphorical language. If I mention a color, why? What does it mean? If I put in a metaphor, how can I make it character-specific? If I used a symbol or metaphor before, how can I use it again, transformed, so that it accumulates meaning? The latest chapter of WBGU (chapter 27) is dripping with this. The colors, the shapes, the dog barking, the specific sounds, the sensations, they all have meaning.

Marked syntax, i.e., nonstandard grammar in sentences. Avoiding the standard ‘be’ verb construction if I can help it. So instead of something like “There was a sound” or “there was a sofa,” finding out a way to reword the sentence to avoid that. Like maybe “a sound echoed through the space” or “in the corner sat the sofa.”

Trusting the reader and leaving room for elaboration/interpretation. Instead of writing “he was cold,” I’ll write the physiological symptoms/sensory experience. He shivered, the freezing wind cut through his light jacket, his skin turned to gooseflesh, he couldn’t feel his fingers, etc.

Additionally with trusting the reader, not making the inference. Not pointing out the thing I mentioned earlier so the reader can make the connection. Trusting the reader to catch it. Recent example in WBGU - in chapter 26, I mentioned the window wouldn’t open. In chapter 27, he lifts it “easily” - the contrasting word here was easily. The sentence as a whole was “He pulls, and it lifts easily, all the way up, up, up, until he can’t push it any higher” - that’s a layered reference to make it easier for the reader to make the inference, I’m spending a lot of time about how easily he pushes it up, which makes it stand out, which makes it more likely for the reader to make that inference, that something changed between when he couldn’t open the window and now.

These were all things I consciously noted that I wanted to get better at and worked at doing in revision. I’d go through the intuitive writing process, then in editing go back and tweak the sentences, and when you do that enough, you start to internalize those principles and they begin to show up in the intuitive writing process so you don’t spend as much time editing those specific things in. :)

Oooh, I hadn’t considered it, but I’ll put it on my list of potential future one-shots!

Just imagining them bickering like old men. 😭 Because they are old men.

Art is for chapter 16: homecoming by the wonderful @rillyrillo

Chapter 27: grey crowned crane Chapter Summary:

Maman Marie teaches Alastor who he is, initiating him into the family’s spiritual practice.

Fic Summary:

Nothing in life is certain, except death, taxes, and Alastor and Vox. Somehow, no matter what universe they’re in, the two manage to find each other. Alastor is nine years old when V and his fancy family move into the house at the end of his street. They’re not at all how Alastor expects. He’s never met anybody as cold and controlling as V’s parents, and he’s never met anyone he’s liked as much as he likes V. They quickly become friends after Alastor saves V from a cruel punishment in the Louisiana sun, and V finds himself welcomed into a family where nobody yells at each other, nobody gets hit for misbehaving, and where he can be free for the first time in his life. What kind of men can two boys become when found family and love disrupt the cycle of isolation that creates monsters? (A queer coming-of-age exploration of how connection, trauma, and environment shape who we become, told with grounded psychological realism. A litfic-style narrative following Alastor and Vox from childhood into adulthood as found family rewrites their trajectories. A companion piece to It’s Not Murder, imagining what might have happened if the two hadn’t grown up in isolation, but readable as standalone.)

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What do we have to look forward to with V and Alastor relationship getting older in the fic like would we see them prepare for college if they plan to go or talking them about how they’ll together or will we get V’s thoughts on how he’s planning to live home? :D I’m very curious ❤️❤️❤️

HellO!! I just posted an update to WBGU, what good timing. :) I’m glad you’re enjoying it!

I didn’t set out to write them as specifically something but I put a little bit of myself in all my characters, and I’m AuDHD, so they naturally got a bit of it. :)

I don’t state in INM proper anything, but in the poly fic Travis does say that Alastor is autistic.

Oooh fun question!

Vox would probably be like, “Awww cute,” like how you might if a little kid has a crush on you.

Short answer: Peter, Beatrix, Allie, and Vox (to some extent) actively concealed Vox’s abuse from her.

Vox’s abuse started 2 years before she was born, and he was just starting school when she was born, which is when Peter started taking Vox along with him on “business trips” when the abuse got bad enough people might notice.

Kids don’t really start developing episodic memory recall until around 3-4, so although Izzy would’ve felt that things were slightly off before then (different memory mechanisms than episodic memory), that her dad was weird around Vox/around them, before 3-4, she didn’t have any evidence, and her entire family worked to make sure she didn’t know.

They had a really big house, too, so it was easier to just sort of make sure she stayed in one area of the house when shit was going on.

If she ever questioned it, the answer was coordinated—she either got the same response strangers did, that Vox just fell down the stairs or something, or was discouraged from asking, and you’re very malleable as a child. She learned not to question or think too hard about how weird their dad was.

She says in chapter 43 that they were a little mean, which would be consistent with what she would have been able to pick up, when everything else is managed.

The quote:

“I mean, they were a little mean, sure,” Izzy says with a shrug. “But they weren’t that great to any of us. I don’t see why that’s like… reason enough to ban them from the wedding.”

And then, as an adult, Allie again continued to try to hide everything, and Peter didn’t see what he did as abuse, so he wouldn’t talk about it like that, and Beatrix never wanted to look at it in the face, to admit what was going on, which is why she made Allie do all the caretaking.

So overall, Izzy would have felt things were off, learned not to question too deeply, and had no direct evidence for anything. She just figured they were maybe a little meaner to Vox, & her way of explaining it to herself would’ve been something along the lines of Peter just having more expectations for his son than his daughters.

Just how terrifying is that man??

Terrifying haha. I think Izzy states at one point, early on to Catarina, how Vox doesn’t fully view people as human, which Vox also states in ch1 and ch50 (essentially), but Izzy’s explanation was that Vox sees people as either tulips in his garden, some of them being his very precious prized tulips, tulips in other peoples’ gardens, or weeds. If somebody is a weed in somebody else’s garden, he doesn’t quite care, but if one of those weeds tries to sneak its way into his garden, the remedy is removal.

And if he has to pluck the weed in somebody else’s garden, whatever, it’s a weed. Tulips in other peoples’ gardens he leaves alone because it’s not a hassle, but any tulip can become a weed.

Alastor’s family is Off-Limits Super Special Tulips, because they belong to his gardener husband, and they’re not his to remove. His own sisters are his Super Special Tulips, but tulips are tulips.

But! There are other gardeners (people he sees as humans with agency): Alastor & Travis, and near the end, probably Maman Marie. For all three, the underlying reasoning boils down to sort of the same thing: they see through his bullshit, they see all the different disparate parts of him, so they can’t be tulips, because tulips can’t comprehend their gardeners like that.

in Chapter 26 of INM when Alastor tells Vox that he’d kill his family for him, was he being literal? like in the impossible scenario where Vox actually asked, do you think Alastor would really do it?

I need to stealth edit that bit out 😭 Many of the older chapters have little things where I was like “idk how to figure out how to say this better let’s just post and hope this doesn’t bite me in the ass later.”

But no. I think if Vox asked and was serious Alastor would be like, “Uh, about that. How about no, and fuck you for asking?”

Travis arranged a hit on Valentino when he was in custody (Chapter 47) and the hit was carried out in Chapter 51 after Valentino was brought up in conversation & Vox had a bit of a panic attack.

I had initially had plans to do a lot more torturing and murdering in the story but the Kevin chapters took a lot out of me to write. I sort of imagine myself in the POV character’s mindset/place so I can write from within their uh, well, point of view, but they were so brutal and exhausting to write that I found it difficult to do much worse in the story.

I tried to make each new murder add something new/be something new and interesting, but at a certain point I felt like there wasn’t much more I could add that wasn’t just brutality for the sake of brutality, which, with the way I write, is really rough.

The original conception was for more torture for Valentino and also for Peter, but the murders started burning me out so I had to decide which ones would be onscreen and which ones weren’t as important.

I felt like it made sense that Vox wouldn’t want to face his abuser again even if for murder, and Alastor could see the value in just “removing the wolf” as it were, to use the language I did in Chapter 54.

As for how Vox and Valentino lasted for five years, Vox had, for his entire life, understood relationships to be cold, abusive, and violent. He meets Valentino, he’s 18, and Valentino treats him with love and warmth, validates his experiences, and then does what any abuser does—turns up the heat, tests boundaries.

And Vox, not having any sort of healthy basis for what love or relationships could look like, stayed, because Vox was conditioned at that point to expect from his relationships intensity, to tie his self worth to what that other person felt about him, because he had no basis for who he was or his value as a human being.

There’s also something to be said for conditioning as well, like, the intermittent reinforcement. If it was always negative, Vox would’ve associated negativity = Valentino, and he might not have had such a strong connection. But when the reinforcement is intermittent, if it’s sometimes bad, sometimes good, his brain can’t anticipate what might come next to, so you stick around hoping it’s the Good response.

Slot machines are sort of similar in that regard. It’s harder to break out of because it’s negative a lot of the times but sometimes it’s amazing, and chasing that sometimes becomes an addiction.

Like literally, physiologically, there is something that happens in your brain that makes it more difficult to leave. Logic has nothing to do with it. You can want to leave, but your body is literally working against your goal of leaving. It is equivalent to an addiction.