◟ * 𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐓 .

{ ... }

“i know that we don’t know each other very well. of course, um, i visit the bakery when you’re there, but i only stop in when you’re there. i- i go just to see you, siwon, because. because i like you. not just as a friend, but as more than that. i know you’re going through a lot right now and it’s more than okay if you don’t feel the same, i don’t want you to feel like you have to say yes, but i’d really like to take you on a date when you’re able to leave the hospital.” his words are overflowing into each other as he tries to get it out without pausing, worried that if he stops to think about then he’ll cut himself off to think better about making things awkward with a friend. he glances at the boy and looks away just as quick before saying, “only if you want to, of course.”

“don’t say that. if you were my nurse, i’d probably get injured on purpose just to spend some time with you,” he laughs, but his cheerful expression quickly morphs into a grimace. right. his injuries are healing quite nicely, according to seojin, but the bruises that litter his body still hurt too much for him to move around a lot. “kidding,” he groans and manages to crack a slight smile, “once i get out of here, i don’t plan on coming back. not this year, at least. you never know what next year might have in store for me, but i’m hoping for less explosions.” both of them fall silent after that, and for the first time in a while, siwon doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence with endless rambling about useless facts his brain stored over the years.

all he wants to do is stare at the boy next to him and engrave every little detail into his brain so he never forgets it again. but that is silly because siwon doesn’t think he could forget his face, even if he tried. just friends, his brain reminds him, to which his heart stutters in protest—or maybe it’s the way kai says his name that makes his heart skip a beat. he doesn’t get much time to think about it because the mermaid is talking to him again, and his eyebrows knit together in worry when he refuses to look at him. the words that rapidly roll off kai’s tongue, however, make him think twice about opening his mouth and asking him if everything’s alright, and it takes his brain a moment to comprehend what he’s trying to tell him.

“you... like me?” he asks quietly. “you like me as more than a friend and you want to go on a date with me.” it sounds more like a statement this time, and siwon can’t help but chuckle. “wow, this better not be some cruel prank because i’ve had a crush on you ever since the first time you walked through the doors of the bakery.” the confession falls from his mouth with such ease that it takes him by surprise. his eyes search for kai’s, and the pixie carefully looks for any signs the other is just messing around with him, but doesn’t find any. of course he doesn’t; kai doesn’t seem like the type to play with someone’s feelings. “i don’t think i have to say this, but i— i would love to do go on a date with you when i get out of here.”

tw! mentions of death.

[ ... ]

thinking about the high probability of rejection makes his nerves rise up in his throat again. he doesn’t want to ruin their possible friendship by telling the boy he likes him, but what if he gets hurt again and kai loses his chance altogether or loses siwon altogether before he can say anything at all? no, he has to do this today. kai takes a deep breath to strengthen his resolve. “i am really glad to see you. i saw you while you were sleeping of course, but it was scarier to see you like that i think,” he says, his smile turning sad, “at least i know you were out of your coma then. i just didn’t realize how, um, important you are to me until i couldn’t see you anymore, you know?”

guilt settles deep in the pit of his stomach when kai answers his jokes with sincerity, the boy’s voice carrying a note of concern—for him, he silently notes. “i’m sorry,” is the quiet response that slips from his mouth. “i feel bad for worrying you. i didn’t mean to.” but that’s all he has been doing lately, hasn’t he? the artist didn’t purposely get caught in the blast, and he couldn’t have predicted what was going to happen that night. none of them could have. siwon knows he got lucky; if he had been standing a little bit more to the right, his injuries most likely would have been fatal, but that’s something he doesn’t want to dwell on for too long. while he has been blessed with the gift of immortality, death is something he has come to fear greatly since the passing of his parents.

“the note?” siwon asks, and his face lights up. “oh— yes! i did get your note. i have it right here.” he pulls out a piece of paper stuck in the back of his sketchbook, a fond smile spreading across his features as he reads the words written on it again. “i was sad when siyeon told me you stopped by while i was asleep,” he says, looking up at kai. and he shyly follows it up with, “i really wanted to see you. i missed having you around, so i’m glad you’re here.” chuckling softly, he puts down the sketchbook and the note next to him and carefully scoots over to make room on the bed. “you can sit down if you want to. i promise i don’t bite,” he tells kai, patting the mattress. truthfully, he just wants the other close to him, but even after a near death experience, he’s still too nervous to say it out loud.

a frown creases his brow when kai continues talking. siwon doesn’t dare to ask in what way he means it when he says he’s important, and his fear of rejection arises once again. “i know,” he answers softly, “you’re important to me too.” and it is in that moment he decides that if kai doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, he’d be content just being friends. “i’m sorry you had to see me like that though. i can’t imagine what that must have been like for you.” except he can—very vividly so, but that is a secret he keeps for another day. “i’ll try not to get injured again. no promises though.”

kindness is often found in places you least expect it.

amaranthine isn’t meant to become a home, but when they offer him comfort and safety in a time where he most needs it, he comes to the realization that this might be the place he has always longed for. it scares him as much as it excites him. his plan was never to stay, but to leave when he has enough money saved up to return to college or if he finds a job that is safer and pays about the same amount—whichever comes first.

being hospital bound gave him a lot of time to think—a lot more than he would’ve liked, and while he sometimes finds himself roaming the dark corners of his mind he hasn’t visited in years, he spends most of his time preoccupied by thoughts of people who have only been a part of his life for a couple of months. and yet they mean so much to him. it doesn’t fully hit him until he sets foot outside for the first time in weeks, accompanied by seojin.

well, not literally. with both his right arm and his left leg out of commission for the time being, he isn’t setting his feet anywhere. but that isn’t important right now. siwon looks up at the fallen angel and smiles. his first impression of the man doesn’t match his opinion of him now, and he can’t help but think how grateful he is to have met him, especially knowing how hard he fought to keep him alive. and not just him, but the others as well.

fuck. he owes seojin his life, doesn’t he?

siwon doesn’t mention it. instead he enthusiastically points out a bird in a tree and the clouds in the sky with the brightest smile he can muster, only to pout seconds later because he forgot to take his sketchbook outside with him. they talk about everything and nothing, and if seojin notices the tears in the corners of his eyes, he doesn’t mention it. and for that he is grateful as well.

“wait,” he speaks up, right as they’re about to go back inside again. “can we— god, this is gonna sound stupid.” siwon laughs, “but can we maybe take a picture together before you lock me in my room again?” a soft shade of red spreads across his cheeks, and his blush only grows when the medic agrees. 

“thank you,” he says softly, after taking the picture, “it’s just— it’s been such a nice day, all things considered. i don’t want to forget.”

he swallows the rest of the truth. that the hospital brings back memories he tucked away in the back of his mind when he was but a child is something he isn’t willing to share. not right now. and admitting he needs something tangible to ground him whenever he feels himself slipping again seems like an incredibly lame thing to admit. siwon quietly saves the selfie, and his lips stretch into a wide grin when he looks back up at the angel.

{ ... }

kai’s going to tell siwon that he likes him. he has to. after siwon went into a coma, he regretted not telling him and he wouldn’t waste more time on it. he just hopes he won’t ruin their slowly blossoming friendship by confessing to the boy. regardless, he straightens his shirt and knocks on the door before peaking his head in. “it’s me– um, it’s kai!” he says with a soft smile, taking a more confident step into the room.

being confined to a hospital bed isn’t how he imagined to spend the majority of the month of may, but life is unpredictable, and sometimes you have to make the best of what is thrown at you. siyeon jokingly tells him he has no excuse not to work on his portfolio now, but both of them quickly come to the realization that none of his work is likely to be presentable enough with his right hand out of commission for the time being. ever the optimist, siwon quips that maybe he’ll come out of this situation as ambidextrous, but when his sister leaves, his happy demeanour deflates like a balloon with a slow leak.

he misses sleeping in his own bed and waking up to the scent of freshly brewed coffee, he misses the friendly faces of the elderly couple at the bakery and the bell that chimes every time a customer enters the shop, and above all, he misses gazing up at the stars from rooftops of high buildings. there is something else he misses—or rather, someone else. his heart beats a little faster every time he thinks about him, and while he tries not to let his mind wander too often, it’s difficult not to think about the cute boy who comes into the bakery every once in a while when he doesn’t have much to distract himself with.

the artist is disappointed when he finds out kai came to visit him while he was asleep, and it only grows when he doesn’t come see him again. siwon gets his hopes up every time someone knocks on his door, only to be let down when he finds out it isn’t the person he wants to see. it’s stupid, he knows. if his memory serves him correctly, it’s midterm season, so of course his crush is too busy to visit him right now. 

that doesn’t stop him from pouting about it though.

“come in,” siwon calls out when he hears a knock on the door. he’s seated in bed, with a sketchbook in his lap and a pencil in his left hand, attempting to draw the flowers on the table next to him. his expectations to see kai are non existent at this point, and he’s surprised to find the very person he’s been hoping to see when he lifts his eyes from the paper to the door. “kai,” he says, voice growing softer, as it always does in the other’s presence. “i almost thought you had forgotten about me,” he jokes, followed by an embarrassed chuckle. “kidding. i’m— i’m really glad you came to see me. you didn’t have to.”

     took your advice and did the 𝒐𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒆,               just being young and 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐝.

date: may 24 - may 30. trigger warning: mentions of death.

luck has always been on his side, but when he’s told he is lucky to be alive and that he is expected to make a full recovery, siwon finds himself unable to agree. he should feel lucky he didn’t lose his life in the attack, but instead it is fear that wraps around his heart until he feels he can no longer breathe. the reality of the danger he put himself in by joining a gang finally sinks in, as does the realization he could’ve left his sister without both her parents and her brother. fear quickly turns into guilt, and he wonders if he should leave amaranthine when he gets out of the hospital, before something worse can happen to him.

something he can’t recover from.

not accepting!         ✂︎ —— get to know my muse ¸

🚼 - does your character have or want kids?

not likely. he’s only twenty years old right now, so that answer might change as he grows older. this also has a lot to do with the fact he currently has custody of his younger sister, and while he loves her very much, she’s a handful and he isn’t interested in raising any more children for the time being.

📰 - an obituary for your character was found in the local paper this morning. what did it say?

this isn’t mine, but siwon would write his own obituary and it’d be something along the lines of, ‘it pains me to admit it, but apparently, i have passed away. everyone told me it would happen one day but that's simply not something i wanted to hear, much less experience. once again i didn't get things my way! that's been the story of my life all my life.’

💍 - does your character wear any type of jewellery?

he mostly only wears earrings because he can’t afford to spend too much money.

not accepting!         ✂︎ —— get to know my muse ¸

🍰 - what is their favourite type of dessert or sweet?

he has difficulty choosing one dessert, so anything that has blueberries or peaches in it is somewhere at the top of his list. his favourite changes about every week or so—or whenever he discovers something new.

🌎 - if money were no object, where would they live and what would they do with their life? 

siwon doesn’t care where he lives, as long as he’s surrounded by the people he loves and gets to be an artist. he doesn’t feel particularly connected to one place and would love to travel around the world someday because he’s never left the country before.

😈 - what’s your character’s favourite cuss word?

probably shit, but he tries not to curse too often.

not accepting!         ✂︎ —— get to know my muse ¸

⌚ - is your character punctual or procrastinator?

surprisingly, siwon can be very punctual. despite being quite chaotic, he shows up to work in time every day and has never missed an upload on his web comic. however, he isn’t the best student and when he was still in school, he’d often procrastinate because he knew he wasn’t going to get it done anyway—that he could have gotten it done if he had asked for help is a story for another day. so it depends on what he’s doing, i’d say!

🎃 - what is your character’s favourite holiday?

halloween, hands down! siwon loves everything horror, even though he’s the biggest scaredy-cat, so this is the perfect holiday for him. side note: he’s in charge of decorations at the bakery during halloween season, and they let him design the menu too. 

⚠ - what has your character almost done that made someone talk them out of or convince them not to do it?

jump off a building. siwon does not have any suicidal tendencies, but he likes to push his boundaries when it comes to his abilities and often comes up with the stupidest ideas to do so. however, this person was unfamiliar with him and his ridiculous stunts, and he felt so guilty for making them worry that he decided not to go through with it that day.