Ojala

“I don’t want people to matter to me too much. Sometimes it hurts too much to think about them. Ones you love who don’t love you, ones who hate you, ones who you think about but never get to be with. I like people but when I get too close, it fucks me up.”

“Her soul was beautiful, but nobody cared.”

“it scares me to think about how i’m only alive because i don’t want to hurt the people i love”

“I wear this sadness like a second skin.”

“I think too much. I feel too much. I hold on to the things that destroy me, and I can’t move on.”

“I’m tired of living unable to love anyone. I don’t have a single friend - not one. And, worst of all, I can’t even love myself. Why is that? Why can’t I love myself? It’s because I can’t love anyone else. A person learns how to love himself through the simple acts of loving and being loved by someone else. Do you understand what I am saying? A person who is incapable of loving another cannot properly love himself.”

I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others – The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad.

I just want to be someone, to mean something to anyone…

Okay is just a word I use so I won’t have to talk about what’s inside. Okay is a word that means I am going to keep my secrets.

Have you ever had to get through a day, smiling at people, talking, as if everything were normal and okay, while all the the time you felt like you were carrying a leaden weight of unhappiness inside you?