A.K.A … Hard to Get: ‘Playing’ vs ‘Being’  - 

Hey guy’s, to come back from my unplanned break, I’ve collaborated wit Sugar Daters (a sugar baby/ sugar daddy/ sugar mommy - dating website) to bring you insight on what you’re probably doing that’s stopping your POTs from turining into SD’s and love interests from turning into partners.

Click here to sign up to the Sugar Daters dating website! You better be paying attention :)

  “Men are competitive beings. It’s in their intrinsic nature to desire that which others want.”

Remember when you had your first ever POT or crush. You were filled with a deep sense of urgency to make the arrangement/relationship happen. Perhaps you found yourself saying “he’s amazing, I better not mess this up” or maybe you’re in the following situation: you are constantly chasing the men in your life. You’re tired of being the one who always initiates conversation and you hope, that for once, a man will just take the initiative to chase you first!

These are the kinds of problems girls share with me on a daily basis. Now the natural ‘dating guru’ (heck, even best friend) response is to say ‘you should play hard to get’… but there’s always something deeply unsettling when I hear advice like this. If they actually take the time to ask these girls more about their dating life they will find some very unsettling truths. In this scenario, I often ask girls “are you going on any other dates this month”? “No” they respond. “Okay” I say, “how many new guys have you spoken to this week”? There’s something in the air now, “none really” they typically respond”. Ensue a sigh on my end “so how many guys, old or new, are you communicating with in any romantic form at the moment” … silence. That’s enough for me to know that the answer is frighteningly close to 0.

So you are probably wondering, what does the number of guys she’s talking to, have to do with whether or not a man will chase her in the pursuit of an arrangement/relationship? 

Well men are competitive beings. It’s in their intrinsic nature to desire that which others want. If you have many men who are interested in you, then you do not have the time nor the desire, to over-invest in any one man, and that is one of the things that makes you hard to get.

Now I hear you say “So what’s wrong in playing hard to get”?

 Make no mistake, a man can easily tell the difference between a woman that is actually hard to get, vs, the woman who just plays hard to get! When it comes down to it, he’d much rather pursue the woman that is hard to get, because, not only is she sought after by many, but her actually making the effort to spend time with him is a compliment to his worth as a man! The woman who is actually free and desperate but pretends to be occupied just doesn’t have the same effect.

Knowing this, you can now begin to understand why so many women are strung along in their dating life. You yourself, or someone close to you is deeply attracted to someone and makes the conscious effort to invest their time and other precious resources in them (this includes the pussy), yet no matter how much they invest, the other party keeps stringing them along for weeks, months, even years, without any investment in return!

Why do so many people struggle with being hard to get? 

It’s a mixture of ‘rarity’ mind-set, a lack of recognised ‘value’ and a lack of recognised ‘challenge’. This combination is extremely toxic to your love life. Even when there is a buffet of great men before you, you fail to see them. You have tricked your brain into focusing on the one person in front of you, believing there is nothing better to be had (rarity mind-set). Due to this, those impulsive, adventurous and flirtatious encounters you once had with the men around you, stops. No longer do you put yourself out there on the market, yet no one has invested enough to take you off the market…essentially you’ve lost you’re market ‘value’ and the challenge … what challenge?

I know, I know, it’s not like you do this intentionally. But you’re so focused on there being only one great guy that you fall into this ferocious cycle of pouring all your investment into one person, ignoring the others around you, making it seem like that one person is the only one prospect left on earth! You stop creating opportunities for you to go out and meet new people, leaving you more and more desperate to make sure everything works out perfectly with this ‘one’ great guy/girl. So now, by the time you’ve gotten fed up with the mediocre investment or things haven’t worked out, you’re back to square 1. Except this time, things are more dangerous! You’re bad experience has made you wonder if there even any great guys left in this universe. Maybe at some point you get lucky and by chance, and a good guy falls into your lap, but now the stakes are higher! “This might be my last chance” your brain screams, leaving you compelled to cling tighter than you ever have before, and the cycle begins again. 

Scary isn’t it!

That’s why it’s of the up-most importance to work on being hard to get, rather than just faking it. By doing this, not only do you avoid the scary example above, but any lucky person, interested in you, is completely aware that they aren’t the only one that has taken an interest in you and that you won’t necessarily be available whenever they are available. Neither will you be able to change your commitments just to fit their schedule … not unless they’ve earned that privilege. This is what fundamentally determine your perceived value.

What actually goes on in the mind of a guy if you aren’t hard to get though? 

Well. Honestly, he realises that giving you a little hope of a relationship/arrangement, every now and then is enough to keep you coming back. And get this, men in particular at experts in knowing just how much ‘hope’ is the bare minimum they need to string you along.

Here’s an example of how a guy could perceive different women who have varying levels of perceived challenge.

This may be painful to read!

Woman A: “I guess I can drop her a DM and a couple of texts every week to keep her as a backup, I think she must be getting a couple of DMs from other guys”.

Woman B: “Man, this chick was so game when I met her, I just gotta give her some attention once a month and she’s near gone mine”!

Woman C: “Yo, I’ll deal with this one when I can be arsed. This girl has no self-worth, she comes running every time I look her way. *smug grin*, if it weren’t so easy, it’d almost be cute. I just need to give her the smallest inkling I’m into her and she’s hoping I’ll make her mine … yeaaahh right”!

Goddess: “Damn! I’ve met my equal. Shit, this woman’s is electrifying. She’s right up here on my level, heck she’s might even be too good for me! I better level up, God knows every other guy will”.

This may be painful to read, particularly if you know you are A, B or C, just keep in mind that while the person you are interested in, may not explicitly rationalise this way, this is how they’ve been conditioned and hard wired to think about how ‘hard to get’ someone is.

The good news is, the moment someone realises that you aren’t just ‘playing’ hard to get, but that you actually embody it, is the same moment they realise that you are their equal. And at this point, they have to have you.

Now you can see that it’s vital to be ‘hard to get’, but get this … challenge doesn’t just manifest itself in how many men want you, but how selective you are in choosing those men. Hold up though, you can’t be selective if you don’t have an array of options in the first place, so make sure you take active steps to have multiple interests in your life. Here’s an extra bit of knowledge, you love life isn’t the only thing that makes you hard to get, it’s every aspect in your life. Having a great life that is filled with important hobbies, work or education, friends and family and a hopeful future adds to your perceived value too. When someone see’s all these elements, they cannot help but want to be part of your great life too.

Now go out there and enjoy the buffet of men and women that are out there. Have fun with it and I suggest heading over to SUGAR DATERS to practice all that you’ve learnt. And don’t be surprised when it’s not long before someone on the website is showing interest in having a meaningful arrangement with you too, and willing to invest in it too!

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A Selk’nam couple with their baby, on a ship en route to be exhibited in Europe as “wildmen”. The Selk’nam people are an indigenous tribe in the Patagonian region of Southern Argentina and Chile. Both appear to have slight damage on their ankles from cruel, probably iron, restraints.

LIKE… THEY ARE NO MORE. THE DESCENDENTS OF THIS COUPLE DO NOT EXIST.

AN ENTIRE LANGUAGE. AN ENTIRE CUISINE. AN ENTIRE WAY OF LIFE. WIPED AWAY.

YA’LL WANT SOME FUCKING WHITE HISTORY MONTH? HERE IS SOME GOD DAMN WHITE HISTORY FOR YOU TO PUT NEXT TO ALL THOSE SHINNY IMAGES OF THESE WHITE MEN WHO “DISCOVERED THE WORLD”.

The less I have to pay for in my life the happier I shall be. The happier that I am, will equate to me being the life of the party when I am with you. My happiness will lead to your happiness. It’s a beautiful circle, truly.

So please, stop being cheap.

Especially if you can afford to assist with my bills, AND spoil me. You need to understand the two are linked. I would rather have my bills paid first before my interests arises in that diamond bracelet. Because once my bills are paid, my stress is down, and I will happily take a smaller diamond bracelet.

If you’re in the chapter of life that can’t afford an expensive girlfriend, then don’t attempt it. Everyone ends up miserable, so live your life and let us live ours. We too have bills to pay, debts to demolish, and families to care for. Your time, as well as my time is tremendously valuable.

Remember to use your BIG head when entering the wonderful world of the sugar bowl. Not your dick.

To say that poor time keeping can hurt your dating game is an understatement!

But… some of us are more prone to tardiness than others and while its acceptable to be a little late (fashionable at times), it can be perceived as bad mannered, unattractive and inconsiderate to be very late. Yikes!

Generally, being very late is reserved for African social gatherings and your sugar daddy’s funeral (after all, you must check with the executor to make sure he compensated you generously in the will before turning up) ;) but even those have their cut off points. So how do you handle the situations where you just can’t help running a little … or a lotta late?

On Time : Woah there, slow your horses. You are on time? Well done, now linger in your car/ car park a bit longer. Let him anticipate your arrival. I’m sure you can find something to occupy your time for the next 3-5 minutes. Another coat of lipstick perhaps. A little powder on the nose, and a brief look in the mirror. Why wait I hear you ask? You want to make sure he is seated and comfortable as you strut your stuff to grace him your presence.

Less than 10mins late: No need to apologise lady, you’ve arrived. He should be grateful you even showed up. Enjoy your date, he will!

15-35 mins late: Quickly pacify any annoyance on his part with a warm smile, sparkling eye contact and follow with a flirty compliment. Casually dismiss your lateness with something trivial and out of your control. For example, “ _ _ _ _ _ _  I’m so glad to see you. Wow! *pause* that tie/shirt/toupee looks amazing on you! Gosh, the traffic/ parking/ delayed trains are such a nuisance aren’t they”?

  40 mins – 1 hr late: Hint at a day of stress and drama as you apologise … but don’t go into too much detail. Then quickly distract your date with engaging conversation. Such as “ _ _ _ _ _ I’m so terribly sorry I’m late, you don’t want to begin to imagine the day I’ve had. I’m just happy I’m here! Can you believe the district/ circle/ jubilee line was suspended?! But enough about me, _ _ _ _ what have you been getting up to today”? etc.

  Over an hour: GIIIRRLLLL, this is the time to slay like you have never slayed before. If your date is even still waiting for you, it’s time for an awe inspiring entrance. Work a sexy strut right over to that man, pout your lips, serious eye contact in your arsenal and embrace him in a long(ish) hug. Now that you have hopefully surprised and allured your dashing date, he’ll have his guard down for a brief moment. Like a leopard capturing it’s prey, use a sweet or sultry voice (the choice is yours) to say the following. “ _ _ _ _, I’m sorry I’m just arriving. I don’t even want to dampen the mood by trying to explain what happened. But I’ll bribe you with an ice cream the next time we meet so you can forgive me. I nearly didn’t even make it though, but I knew how disappointed you would be if I cancelled so I just had to try my hardest to get here for you” … ensue adorable *today has been so hard for me* puppy dog pout.

And that’s how to handle being late in style!

Tips

Notice how in all instances , you do not dwell too much on being late. It’s better to just get on with enjoying each other’s company that to have an apology session about lateness. You’ve arrived now make the wait worth his while.

Always try your best to inform your date before they leave for the venue, if you are going to be late. They will appreciate it.

Xxxx

Epipens – self-injection sticks carried by people with deadly allergies, which have to be replaced twice a year – were developed by NASA at taxpayer expense, were patented by a government scientist who receives no royalties, require no marketing, and have gone from as little as $60 each to up to $606 in a few short years (during which time the company has switched to selling them exclusively in two-packs).

Mylan, who makes Epipens, and Pfizer, who markets them in the USA, have raised the prices monotonically since the middle of the last decade. Now, they’re so expensive that many public ambulance services have stopped packing them, parents are sending their kids out with expired Epipens, and many are opting for the much-less-effective strategy of carrying a syringe full of epinephrine, and hoping they’ll be able to inject themselves if they go into anaphylactic shock (one doctor who advises this compares having an Epipen to driving a Cadillac, something that not everyone can do. Other people drive to Canada, where Epipens are $94 for non-Canadians who pay a premium because they don’t have insurance-backed prescriptions.

Mylan and Pfizer have no explanation for their pricing, apart from saying that it “reflect[s] the multiple, important product features and the value the product provides.”

Personally I don’t ask for gifts on the first date. My strategy aims at building subtle long lasting relationships where it feels less of a transaction. But when it comes to a date like tonight, a young entitled salt, I’m not going to leave without something for my wasted time. Our conversation went something like this:

Him: Maybe if I was like 50 or something I would need to pay girls allowances, but I’m young, successful and good-looking. I’m just on the site because I get bored easily and want excitement. I don’t need to pay a girl to go out with me.

Me: (fuming with rage inside) *smiles politely*

Him: What are your expectations on these dates?

Me: Oh I don’t know. I don’t really hold you to the high expectations I have for others because I knew you were so young. I wasn’t even sure you were going to give me the basic courtesy gas money. I just thought you were interesting. I decided to give you a shot. :)

Him: Oh my god gas money? Of course I’m giving you gas money. *conversation continues naturally*

He eventually gave me more than enough money for gas. It wasn’t gas money though, it was him trying to live up to my unsaid (and therefore high in his mind without me seeming like a ‘gold-digger’) standards I hold older men to. All of a sudden he felt threatened by the men he was just bashing a moment ago. 

Don’t ever accept a check/cheque. Especially not if he’s giving you a massive check/cheque in a foreign currency and wants you to give him some of the money back. It’s a common scam and 6 weeks later you will have the entire amount that the check/cheque was for taken from your account.

Carry a counterfeit detector pen in your purse at all times. Check your cash. 

Amazon gifts can be cancelled, don’t do anything until you have the gift delivered.

Amazon vouchers can be refunded. Spend it as soon as you get it.

Paypal are not adult friendly. If you must use it, set up a business account with a business name. When money is paid into it, transfer it straight to your main account and withdraw the funds. Do not let cash sit there.

If he’s bringing you an expensive gift (Loubs, Chanel purse etc) familiarise yourself with the brand, learn to spot fakes.

For those of you who think there’s no way Trump could get into power:

My country just voted to leave the European union. An idiotic decision which is already seeing the currency fall and a country divided by fear, lies and racism.

For the first time ever, I am ashamed of my country. I am so tired of old, angry, white people deciding my future. I already didnt have much of one! I already was sure I was never going to own a house. I am already sure that I was never going to have a lifelong career or a golden pension or anything like that. I’m already aware that things are worse and the more I type, the angrier I become.

I cannot believe we let the Brexiters win. The Brexiters who literally evoked NAZI PROPAGANDA in their campaign. I cannot belive what we’ve done. I am physically ill.

I am ill, I am tired, and I am moving. Fuck this shit. I’m out. Let this country burn with its ignorance. I’m done.

There could be up to 1 million Polish nationals living in the UK thanks to the EU economic migration laws (the official numbers are somewhere near 600,000 - but real numbers might be much higher). A lot of them are considering moving back to mainland Europe now. Just that would strike a serious blow to the British economy.

A lot of people have no clue why Europe is currently in a state of uproar and the only word people seem to be saying is “Brexit” so here’s a not-so-quick and easy-breezy explanation on the past 24 hours of CHAOS that has ensued:

The European Union (EU): an organisation of European countries that follows similar laws, allows for freedom of movement/labour, easy travelling (@people who planned on doing Eurotrips, not sure if you can count the UK in that anymore!) and trade with each other. The EU is important because before it was formed, the European continent was ravaged by 2 world wars, and a division because of the Cold War. This organisation has provided all the stability we’ve seen in the past 40-odd years.

So what the heck is a “Brexit”? Basically, the UK has just voted to leave the EU. 52/48 majority. Now this doesn’t seem like a TERRIBLE thing, but there are some serious political and economic consequences.

Economic implications:

- The British pound crashed from 1.5 to 1.3 in 6 hours, the lowest value in 30 years, which in turn affected the US dollar which affects all other global currencies. I wish I was joking but I’m not: South Africa, Poland, Norway, Mexico. Hungary, Australia, Switzerland all saw their currencies plummet. Countries that don’t rely on exports as their means of production cannot have a devalued currency. IT’s not good. The Japanese Yen which has been strengthening reached an all-time high which is terrible because Japan is trying to reverse its deflationary state. The Bank of Japan is now out of options and Japan literally STOPPED TRADING IN BRITISH STOCKS/INVESTMENTS.

- A devalued GBP means that the Bank of England is going to have to hike interest rates to prevent inflation (domestic prices going up even further) whicH WILL CAUSE A RECESSION. SOUND FAMILIAR ANYONE? YEAH. FINANCIAL CRISES.

- The UK leaving the EU means its market has gone down a LOT in size making them a less attractive destination for trade partners/investors. They’re going to have to draw up new trade agreements with basically the whole world since all their trade was previously tied to the EU. This will be tricky because countries liked having a market with a population of ~500 million compared to the UK’s size of ~50 million.

- GDP will go down. Retirement income will go down. The British economy is in a state of panic. The global economy is basically, fucked. For now at least.

The thing is, given the precarious nature of the economy right now with markets out of control and stagnant growth practically everywhere, it was a really really bad time to have this referendum - a lot of countries have been banking on a “Bremain” before making their next move when it comes to monetary/fiscal policy. The IMF has predicted that 2016/2017 will see the worst years for growth, but we might see upward growth trends from 2018 onwards.

So how does it still get worse?

- Scotland showed an overwhelming majority of votes to remain in the EU. It’s likely that they’re going to call for a referendum (again) to leave the UK.

- Northern Ireland also wanted to stay in the EU.

- Wales voted Leave but with a slim majority. 

- David Cameron has just announced that he will be resigning in 3 months which means that extreme conservatives who managed to sway the vote in favour of Leave could come to power. That’s right. We’ll be stuck to suffer with the likes of Farage and Johnson. 

- Brexit triggered a lot of nationalist/extreme right-wing movements in the rest of Europe. Some leaders already calling for “Frexit” (France), “Itexit” (Italy) and..”Nexit” (Netherlands)? We may see more in the next few days.. A disintegration of Europe is risky business because Europe has not been able to remain stable until the EU was formed. This could give way for an assertive Russia too, who is, as most countries would be, looking to gain more power over weak/vulnerable European states. This will trigger US skepticism and we all know how that goes. 

SO HOW DID THE GOVERNMENT LET THIS HAPPEN?

Basically David Cameron came up with the idea for the referendum because he was desperate to gain support from anti-EU parties like UKIP during the general elections last year. Except now he’s resigning. So. 

During the campaign, Michael Gove, Boris Johnson (conservatives) and Nigel Farage (UKIP) stressed on immigration laws if the UK leaves the EU because immigration/refugees have been a big problem for the UK as its reducing jobs being given to UK locals/residents and they think the UK is becoming “overcrowded” so the Leave campaign was like WE WILL TIGHTEN OUR BORDERS! YEAH! Except now they’ve displaced millions of UK citizens living/working in the rest of the EU. Let’s see how they figure that one out.

Additionally, they talked about the economic benefits because if the UK were to leave, they would be able to allot the money that goes to the EU to other things like the NHS (national healthcare) etc. The Leave campaign went on about how the UK spends 350 million pounds a week on the EU but actually it spends less than half of that, so really, their campaign was built on scaremongering and lies. EDIT: Farage has announced the 350mil will NOT be spent on the NHS.

EDIT: People have mentioned the fact that unstable EU economies were relying on capital inflow the “Big 3″ (UK, France, Germany). This is true and this was being used as an argument - however, leaving is a Pyrrhic Victory! the UK will most likely have to spend MORE rebuilding its independent economy. However, once markets stabilise, we will see.

Article 50, aka the means of exiting will be triggered in 3 months when the new Prime Minister is announced (most likely one of the extreme conservatives who are riding high on their “Independence Day” fuckery which is even more proof of xenophobic, colonialist bullshit) after which the UK will have 2 years to complete its official withdrawal so hopefully that will provide short-term stability.

But the world is in a dark place right now and everything is terrible. 

Especially in vanilla situations when you’re introducing the idea very softly and slowly. I often wonder if I serviced them and made it out to be amazing and act like i think its amazing and i’m so into it so they like me a lot more and want to buy me things and then when they don’t or don’t give enough they fight for my attention

This is the result.

All of the hate. All of the anger. All of the rhetoric coming from them has an impact. It builds and it builds and eventually all it takes is one person to snap, and the consequences are tragic.

Jo Cox is murdered doing her job. A husband loses his wife, and two children lose their mother.

The Sun. The Daily Mail. The Daily Express. UKIP. The BNP. Britain First.

THIS IS THE BRITAIN YOU MADE.

THIS IS THE CULTURE YOU CREATE WHEN YOU PREACH HATE.

there’s already a post going around about this, but i want to remind people that he needs our help. his father is in danger and his family has had to go to great lengths to be able to cover the costs of his medical care, which already total up to over $10,000. 

there is a gofundme page made by somebody on his behalf since he isn’t a US citizen and couldn’t make one himself (all the funds are being sent directly to his paypal). if you’d rather donate to james directly his paypal is  [email protected]