We can never be free

After all the heartache

I am on my knees with my hands clasped

WARNING: Triggering content, NSFW content, religion/death/violence/sex/drugs/suicide mentioned. Lots of foul language 

Regular Quotes

I’d consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I’m what’s called a pessimist…

Oh, just a regular type dude… with a big ass dick.

People out here, it’s like they don’t even know the outside world exists. Might as well be living on the fucking Moon.

It’s all one ghetto man.

Stop saying shit like that. It’s unprofessional.

So what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it’s obviously my programming. And I lack the constitution for suicide.

Let’s make the car a place of silent reflection from now on.

Can I ask you something? You’re a Christian, yeah?

I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.

Can you get pills pretty easy?

Listen, when you’re at my house, I want you to chill the fuck out.

There’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but… I’m gonna have a drink.

Given how long its taken for me to reconcile my nature, I can’t figure I’d forgo it on your account.

Hmm. That sounds God-fucking-awful.

Isn’t that a beautiful way to go out, painlessly as a happy child?

Trouble with dying later is you’ve already grown up. The damage is done. It’s too late.

I can be hard to live with. I don’t mean to, but I can be… critical.

Sometimes I think I’m just not good for people, that it’s not good for them to be around me. 

Such holy bullshit from you. It’s a woman’s body, ain’t it? A woman’s choice.

Girls walk this Earth all the time screwin’ for free. Why is it you add business to the mix and boys like you can’t stand the thought? I’ll tell you. It’s cause suddenly you don’t own it the way you thought you did.

Is shitting on any moment of decency part of your job description?

Nothing man, sorry, forget it.

You got some self loathing to do this morning, that’s fine, but it ain’t worth losing your hands over.

What’s your deal?

I don’t have “a deal”.

You’re kinda strange, like you might be dangerous.

Of course I’m dangerous. I’m police. I can do terrible things to people with impunity.

Now what do you mean exactly… these visions you mentioned.

Shiiiiit, just what have you two heard about me?

What the hell good is cake if you can’t eat it?

You know, throughout history, I bet every old man probably said the same thing. And old men die, and the world keeps spinnin’.

What do you think the average IQ of this group is, huh?

Just observation and deduction. I see a propensity for obesity. Poverty. A yen for fairy tales.

I think it’s safe to say nobody here’s gonna be splitting the atom.

You see that. Your fucking attitude. 

 Not everybody wants to sit alone in an empty room beating off to murder manuals.

Yeah, well if the common good’s gotta make up fairy tales, then it’s not good for anybody.

Well, I don’t use ten dollar words as much as you, but for a guy who sees no point in existence, you sure fret about it an awful lot.

I mean, can you imagine if people didn’t believe, what things they’d get up to?

Exact same thing they do now. Just out in the open.

Bullshit. It’d be a fucking freak show of murder and debauchery and you know it.

If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother that person is a piece of shit; and I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.

Well, I guess your judgment is infallible, piece-of-shit-wise.

You figure it’s all a scam, huh? All them folks? They just wrong?

People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.

Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?

World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

But I think I’m all fucked up.

You don’t have to fall in love at first sight, you know.

Every time I think you’ve hit a ceiling, you, you keep raising the bar. You’re like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.

Fuuuck! Hell of a bedside manner you’ve got.

Ahh, you know, being stupid is different than going in sick, and this is a bar, not a fuckin’ bedside.

All the dick swagger you roll, you can’t spot crazy pussy?

So, enough with the self-improvement-penance-hand-wringing shit. Let’s go to work.

Oh God damn it, I am so done talking to you like a man.

What the fuck you think I want with you, huh?

I’m sorry. What are you suggesting, exactly?

I will skull-fuck you, you bitch!

This is none of my business… I don’t want to hear it.

Do you know the good years when you’re in them, or do you just wait for them until you get ass cancer?

What always happens between men and women? Reality.

Someone once told me time is a flat circle.

The newspapers are gonna be tough on you.

No, buddy, without me… there is no you.

Yeah. Fuck this. Fuck this world.

You know, people that give me advice, I reckon they’re talking to themselves.

A man’s game charges a man’s price. Take that away from this, if nothing else.

I’m the person least in the need of counseling in this entire fucking state.

Thought maybe we should talk.

If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself.

Hey, man, look. Why don’t you just get out of here, please? I don’t want to get arrested. Just - just get… before I do something to you.

I slept with someone… And you know him/her… You’re close.

Oh… Now, what-what are you saying?… What - what are you - what the fuck are you saying to me?

Life’s barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.

If you were drowning, I’d throw you a fuckin’ barbell.

Why would I ever help you?

Hey. You better get those jumper cables ready, the motherfucker is lying.

Get on out of here, you’re classin’ the place up.

My family’s been here a long, long time.

He ain’t gonna talk with you.

I got a car battery and two jumper cables argue different.

A man remembers his debts.

Fuck, I don’t like this place… Nothing grows in the right direction.

What happened in my head is not something that gets better.

Well you know what, I just got here; I was gonna leave, but then you woke up - Jesus, what’s your fuckin’ problem?

Not a care in the world.

I’m not supposed to be here.

Yeah… well, I’ll come back by tomorrow, buddy.

Don’t ever change, man.

Agh. Ah, fuck. Ah, he got me pretty good…

Do I strike you as a talker or a doer?

You’ll rip out your fucking stitches. Stop it.

This is the place.

Everybody’s got a choice, ____… Shit, I sure blamed you.

There you go… Everybody’s got a choice.

It’s hard to find something in a man who rejects people as much as you do, you know that?

Come die with me, little priest.

The DEEP SHIT™

I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution.

There can be a burden in authority, in vigilance, like a father’s burden.

I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction - one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal. 

This place is like somebody’s memory of a town, and the memory is fading.

I contemplate the moment in the garden; the idea of allowing your own crucifixion.

I don’t sleep, I just dream. 

You got kids? I think of the hubris it must take, to yank a sole out of nonexistence into this meat; a force of life into this thresher.

I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.

Yeah, back then, the visions, yeah most of the time I was convinced… Shit… I’d lost it. But there were other times… I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe.

I mean, it’s like somethin’s got your name on it, like a bullet or a nail in the road…

People… so goddamn frail they’d rather put a coin in the wishing well than buy dinner.

This… This is what I’m talking about. This is what I mean when I’m talkin’ about time, and death, and futility.

They welcomed it… not at first, but… right there in the last instant. It’s an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just… let go.

All your life–you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain–it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.

And like a lot of dreams, there’s a monster at the end of it.

You see, we all got what I call a life trap - a gene deep certainty that things will be different…

Nothing’s ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure - nothing is ever over.

I have seen the finale of thousands of lives, man. Young, old, each one so sure of their realness. You know that their sensory experience constituted a unique individual with purpose and meaning. So certain that they were more than biological puppet. The truth wills out, and everybody sees. Once the strings are cut, all fall down.

In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So Death created time to grow the things that it would kill.

And you are reborn, but into the same life that you’ve always been born into. I mean, how many times have we had this conversation? Well, who knows?

When you can’t remember your lives, you can’t change your lives, and that is the terrible and the secret fate of all life. You’re trapped by that nightmare you keep waking up into.

I can see your soul at the edges of your eyes. It’s corrosive, like acid. 

Sometimes… this feeling like life has slipped through your fingers… like the future is behind you, like it’s always been behind you.

There’s a shadow on you, son.

I saw you in my dream. You’re in Carcosa now with me… He sees you… You’ll do this again… Time is a flat circle.

There’s no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories.

All my life I wanted to be nearer to God. But the only nearness - silence.

Some people, no matter where they look, they see themselves.

You see, sometimes people… mistake a child as an answer for something, you know, like a way to change their story.

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments: everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that… You’re livin’ wrong.

WARNING: Triggering content, NSFW content, religion/death/violence/sex/drugs/suicide mentioned. Lots of foul language 

Regular Quotes

I’d consider myself a realist, alright? But in philosophical terms I’m what’s called a pessimist…

Oh, just a regular type dude… with a big ass dick.

People out here, it’s like they don’t even know the outside world exists. Might as well be living on the fucking Moon.

It’s all one ghetto man.

Stop saying shit like that. It’s unprofessional.

So what’s the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

I tell myself I bear witness, but the real answer is that it’s obviously my programming. And I lack the constitution for suicide.

Let’s make the car a place of silent reflection from now on.

Can I ask you something? You’re a Christian, yeah?

I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.

Can you get pills pretty easy?

Listen, when you’re at my house, I want you to chill the fuck out.

There’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but… I’m gonna have a drink.

Given how long its taken for me to reconcile my nature, I can’t figure I’d forgo it on your account.

Hmm. That sounds God-fucking-awful.

Isn’t that a beautiful way to go out, painlessly as a happy child?

Trouble with dying later is you’ve already grown up. The damage is done. It’s too late.

I can be hard to live with. I don’t mean to, but I can be… critical.

Sometimes I think I’m just not good for people, that it’s not good for them to be around me. 

Such holy bullshit from you. It’s a woman’s body, ain’t it? A woman’s choice.

Girls walk this Earth all the time screwin’ for free. Why is it you add business to the mix and boys like you can’t stand the thought? I’ll tell you. It’s cause suddenly you don’t own it the way you thought you did.

Is shitting on any moment of decency part of your job description?

Nothing man, sorry, forget it.

You got some self loathing to do this morning, that’s fine, but it ain’t worth losing your hands over.

What’s your deal?

I don’t have “a deal”.

You’re kinda strange, like you might be dangerous.

Of course I’m dangerous. I’m police. I can do terrible things to people with impunity.

Now what do you mean exactly… these visions you mentioned.

Shiiiiit, just what have you two heard about me?

What the hell good is cake if you can’t eat it?

You know, throughout history, I bet every old man probably said the same thing. And old men die, and the world keeps spinnin’.

What do you think the average IQ of this group is, huh?

Just observation and deduction. I see a propensity for obesity. Poverty. A yen for fairy tales.

I think it’s safe to say nobody here’s gonna be splitting the atom.

You see that. Your fucking attitude. 

 Not everybody wants to sit alone in an empty room beating off to murder manuals.

Yeah, well if the common good’s gotta make up fairy tales, then it’s not good for anybody.

Well, I don’t use ten dollar words as much as you, but for a guy who sees no point in existence, you sure fret about it an awful lot.

I mean, can you imagine if people didn’t believe, what things they’d get up to?

Exact same thing they do now. Just out in the open.

Bullshit. It’d be a fucking freak show of murder and debauchery and you know it.

If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward, then brother that person is a piece of shit; and I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible.

Well, I guess your judgment is infallible, piece-of-shit-wise.

You figure it’s all a scam, huh? All them folks? They just wrong?

People incapable of guilt usually do have a good time.

Do you wonder ever if you’re a bad man?

World needs bad men. We keep the other bad men from the door.

But I think I’m all fucked up.

You don’t have to fall in love at first sight, you know.

Every time I think you’ve hit a ceiling, you, you keep raising the bar. You’re like the Michael Jordan of being a son of a bitch.

Fuuuck! Hell of a bedside manner you’ve got.

Ahh, you know, being stupid is different than going in sick, and this is a bar, not a fuckin’ bedside.

All the dick swagger you roll, you can’t spot crazy pussy?

So, enough with the self-improvement-penance-hand-wringing shit. Let’s go to work.

Oh God damn it, I am so done talking to you like a man.

What the fuck you think I want with you, huh?

I’m sorry. What are you suggesting, exactly?

I will skull-fuck you, you bitch!

This is none of my business… I don’t want to hear it.

Do you know the good years when you’re in them, or do you just wait for them until you get ass cancer?

What always happens between men and women? Reality.

Someone once told me time is a flat circle.

The newspapers are gonna be tough on you.

No, buddy, without me… there is no you.

Yeah. Fuck this. Fuck this world.

You know, people that give me advice, I reckon they’re talking to themselves.

A man’s game charges a man’s price. Take that away from this, if nothing else.

I’m the person least in the need of counseling in this entire fucking state.

Thought maybe we should talk.

If you get the opportunity, you should kill yourself.

Hey, man, look. Why don’t you just get out of here, please? I don’t want to get arrested. Just - just get… before I do something to you.

I slept with someone… And you know him/her… You’re close.

Oh… Now, what-what are you saying?… What - what are you - what the fuck are you saying to me?

Life’s barely long enough to get good at one thing. So be careful what you get good at.

If you were drowning, I’d throw you a fuckin’ barbell.

Why would I ever help you?

Hey. You better get those jumper cables ready, the motherfucker is lying.

Get on out of here, you’re classin’ the place up.

My family’s been here a long, long time.

He ain’t gonna talk with you.

I got a car battery and two jumper cables argue different.

A man remembers his debts.

Fuck, I don’t like this place… Nothing grows in the right direction.

What happened in my head is not something that gets better.

Well you know what, I just got here; I was gonna leave, but then you woke up - Jesus, what’s your fuckin’ problem?

Not a care in the world.

I’m not supposed to be here.

Yeah… well, I’ll come back by tomorrow, buddy.

Don’t ever change, man.

Agh. Ah, fuck. Ah, he got me pretty good…

Do I strike you as a talker or a doer?

You’ll rip out your fucking stitches. Stop it.

This is the place.

Everybody’s got a choice, ____… Shit, I sure blamed you.

There you go… Everybody’s got a choice.

It’s hard to find something in a man who rejects people as much as you do, you know that?

Come die with me, little priest.

The DEEP SHIT™

I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution.

There can be a burden in authority, in vigilance, like a father’s burden.

I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing, walk hand in hand into extinction - one last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal. 

This place is like somebody’s memory of a town, and the memory is fading.

I contemplate the moment in the garden; the idea of allowing your own crucifixion.

I don’t sleep, I just dream. 

You got kids? I think of the hubris it must take, to yank a sole out of nonexistence into this meat; a force of life into this thresher.

I know who I am. And after all these years, there’s a victory in that.

Yeah, back then, the visions, yeah most of the time I was convinced… Shit… I’d lost it. But there were other times… I thought I was mainlining the secret truth of the universe.

I mean, it’s like somethin’s got your name on it, like a bullet or a nail in the road…

People… so goddamn frail they’d rather put a coin in the wishing well than buy dinner.

This… This is what I’m talking about. This is what I mean when I’m talkin’ about time, and death, and futility.

They welcomed it… not at first, but… right there in the last instant. It’s an unmistakable relief. See, cause they were afraid, and now they saw for the very first time how easy it was to just… let go.

All your life–you know, all your love, all your hate, all your memories, all your pain–it was all the same thing. It was all the same dream, a dream that you had inside a locked room, a dream about being a person.

And like a lot of dreams, there’s a monster at the end of it.

You see, we all got what I call a life trap - a gene deep certainty that things will be different…

Nothing’s ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure - nothing is ever over.

I have seen the finale of thousands of lives, man. Young, old, each one so sure of their realness. You know that their sensory experience constituted a unique individual with purpose and meaning. So certain that they were more than biological puppet. The truth wills out, and everybody sees. Once the strings are cut, all fall down.

In eternity, where there is no time, nothing can grow. Nothing can become. Nothing changes. So Death created time to grow the things that it would kill.

And you are reborn, but into the same life that you’ve always been born into. I mean, how many times have we had this conversation? Well, who knows?

When you can’t remember your lives, you can’t change your lives, and that is the terrible and the secret fate of all life. You’re trapped by that nightmare you keep waking up into.

I can see your soul at the edges of your eyes. It’s corrosive, like acid. 

Sometimes… this feeling like life has slipped through your fingers… like the future is behind you, like it’s always been behind you.

There’s a shadow on you, son.

I saw you in my dream. You’re in Carcosa now with me… He sees you… You’ll do this again… Time is a flat circle.

There’s no such thing as forgiveness. People just have short memories.

All my life I wanted to be nearer to God. But the only nearness - silence.

Some people, no matter where they look, they see themselves.

You see, sometimes people… mistake a child as an answer for something, you know, like a way to change their story.

Look, as sentient meat, however illusory our identities are, we craft those identities by making value judgments: everybody judges, all the time. Now, you got a problem with that… You’re livin’ wrong.

Hit or miss, I guess she took the kids, huh?

did that Sans will himself into existence just to diss me