f l O a t i n g

Again I’m filled to the brim with tangential responsibilities and assimilated collateral

The trade-off’s a bad bargain—getting worse still

And we can barely grasp how we got here

I’m activated, I’m loading up

I want to study memory, linked memories, and how storytelling opens portals to our past

i wanted New Skin

so i traded myself whole for this bare feeling

twist the plot twist my arm pause the patriarchy

maybe somewhere along this pipeline i lost my sincerity

in spite of it all i will keep deepening

everything from here on out is unseen

Ocean, don’t be afraid.

The end of the road is so far ahead

it is already behind us.

Don’t worry. Your father is only your father

until one of you forgets. Like how the spine

won’t remember its wings

no matter how many times our knees

kiss the pavement. Ocean,

are you listening? The most beautiful part

of your body is wherever

your mother's shadow falls.

Here's the house with childhood

whittled down to a single red trip wire.

Don't worry. Just call it horizon

& you'll never reach it.

Here's today. Jump. I promise it's not

a lifeboat. Here's the man

whose arms are wide enough to gather

your leaving. & here the moment,

just after the lights go out, when you can still see

the faint torch between his legs.

How you use it again & again

to find your own hands.

You asked for a second chance

& are given a mouth to empty out of.

Don't be afraid, the gunfire

is only the sound of people

trying to live a little longer

& failing. Ocean. Ocean —

get up. The most beautiful part of your body

is where it's headed. & remember,

loneliness is still time spent

with the world. Here's

the room with everyone in it.

Your dead friends passing

through you like wind

through a wind chime. Here's a desk

with the gimp leg & a brick

to make it last. Yes, here's a room

so warm & blood-close,

I swear, you will wake —

& mistake these walls

at what point does the scatteredness converge?

at which stop will I feel I have finally arrived?

demons and saints walk the same wire

the higher we aim the further we fall

as they say

I awaken in the dark of the night

Only to find you mid-dream, mid-flight

F l o a t i n g

Half real, part effervescent

Transcending into yourself

Dissipation found its place in you

Part-wavy, part blues

Parting you

Technicolor hues flowing residue

Weaving in and out of time

I lie when people ask about us

Because they won’t understand

Or maybe speaking this holiness into existence seems a little too vain

I pray now for forgiveness and welcome the change

Roots deepen leaves forgotten, shedding sameness to engrain

Post numbness / new pain making way for more change

Old faith new mountains feeling one in the shame

My veins bleed thru as they erode my name

Far from our youth now

Adrift in the hinterlands

all rivers lead to the ocean

you don’t pick the path, the path picks you

hollowed out I start anew, and gently as I make way for new life along the jagged edges of my broken past

at some point there are no more turning points

the road becomes the river

there’s more but I lost them in my dreams

it feels like I’ve been given a new chance at life

what is this feeling

every day the sun sets

and I’m sorry it look so long to write back

you might not recognize me anymore

I barely recognize myself

but the things I remember

still haunt me

reminding me of the weightlessness

and the debt

we run away from

the hurt we try to forget

we’re better now because of it

we’ve thinned into air

scattered wisps of smoke

cotton candy baby blue

knotted throat

Rae Armantrout, tr. Mally Vũ

1

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giữa vẻ ngoài tự phát

và vẻ ngoài suy nghĩ nghiêm túc.

Bạn đã đổi làn đường

sau khi liếc nhìn

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Thật dễ chịu khi ngắm nhìn

những làn khói

từ một ống khói gần đó

biến mất

từng cái một.

2

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những đường gờ, gợn sóng

kéo dài vào bóng tối không?

Bạn thích một tia sáng nhấp nháy

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do dự,

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